


Memories From Before

by MsYukari



Series: Memories From Before [1]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Ballroom Dancing, Blood Drinking, Childhood Memories, Classical Music, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Fluff, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff, Human/Vampire Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by True Blood, Lesbian Vampires, Making Love, Mixed vampire mythology, Music, POV Alternating, Romance, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Sensuality, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Smut, Tenderness, True Blood References, Vampire Bites, Vampires, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, emotional smut, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-10-03 01:41:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 162,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10232861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsYukari/pseuds/MsYukari
Summary: Joan has spent a long time planning revenge. She has kept her feelings of love, anger, and grief tightly locked away in her heart. She doesn't think she can feel again. What happens when a certain Deputy begins to unravel all that control?Some AU with a little bit of a slow burn. Set during S2 and S3. I'm ignoring the events of S4.(P.S. - I suck at summaries so please bear with me.)





	1. Chapter 1

Joan walked swiftly to her car, feeling the sun hit her face, squinting as it bothered her eyes. Her first day was at Wentworth today. She was brought in to fix the prison, to correct. She made sure to kick her tires before she left, and slipped sunglasses on so to shield her eyes. It was going to be a productive day.

As she arrived at Wentworth, she took in the instant smells of the prison, her lips twitching only slightly at the different variations of those smells, between the officers and the prisoners. Maybe today wouldn't be so easy, but she would make sure to get through it without incident as the greater good called to her. She was here for a purpose. To correct the errors of this prison, and to make one man pay for destroying whatever happiness she had felt, so many years ago. Joan closed her eyes briefly, remembering Jianna and Shayne. Flashes of smiles and soft laughter, tears, and Shayne who would cry and then gurgle softly as she held him and stroked his hair as he slept. Nurturing never came naturally to her, but with them it was different, and she was forever changed after what happened. Will Jackson would pay for what he did; she would make sure of that. 

As the Governor made her speech to those in her office, she watched as they listened intently. Some looking nervous and slightly irritated. There would be none of that if they were to succeed as an effective team in fixing Wentworth. Will Jackson looked like he hadn't aged much since all those years ago. If her plan was to work, she was going to have to keep her enemies as close as possible. She bit the inside of her tongue as she looked at her Deputy, Vera Bennett. Vera was a petite little thing of a woman, with wide bright eyes. She was the most nervous looking of the group. Vera swallowed and Joan watched her neck muscles as she did so, feeling her own body start to hum with energy, her fingers twitching. She had to bite her tongue feeling that urge start to come out. What was it about Vera that was different from the others? Was it her nervous, shy disposition? Certainly it couldn't be because Joan detected a faint different scent from Vera compared to the others. Joan almost wanted to smile as Vera rushed out the door after her speech. She would attend to her later.

Joan walked down the corridors of Wentworth, her ears picking up every breath, every step and gasp. She could smell sweat mixed with blood in the air, her sense of smell stronger than normal. It was at times intoxicating as well as something that made her stomach turn, depending on the person. Some were not worthy. In fact too often others were not worthy of her insatiable thirst. She had spent a few years learning how to control some of it. But when she felt that thirst, she wanted to hurt, she wanted to correct, she wanted both. She wanted those to hurt but also feel some pleasure in her actions. Because Joan could make it pleasurable, yes she could. Joan also got a sexual and almost spiritual feeling when she allowed herself to give into it, especially with some of the women she had used over the years. Some women were nothing more than a necessity, and others she had developed some kind of feelings for, some kind of connection. But it was never the same as Jianna. 

As Joan was nearing the end of the corridor, her enhanced hearing picked up the conversation that Fletcher was having with her Deputy. What was this? A statue he was giving to Vera? How completely mundane. She smiled a little, her lips turning up on one side as she walked in.

“That's where you've been hiding. I need you in Medical.” Fletcher furrowed his brown at the interruption. Oh, this man was going to be a problem. But fortunately, Joan knew how to deal with men like him.

Vera looked at her and took in a breath replying, “Yes, Governor.” She quickly walked next to Joan. As Joan stood closer to Vera, she glanced at her at the corner of her eyes, her nostrils flaring as she took her in, detecting faint jasmine and citrus, and underneath that a small hint of musk. It was sweet and delicate, yet full bodied. She could feel her jaw tense, her teeth scraping against her lips, and bit down on her bottom lip hard to control how she felt. Vera had no idea of the effect she was having on Joan. 

“Ms. Bennett, I understand you have been passed over for promotion quite a few times. That must be frustrating with someone who has... such potential. I'd like to mentor you. I'm a firm believer in succession planning.”

Vera looked surprised and smiled at Joan. Oh, that smile was so angelic looking, so sweet. “I'd really appreciate that. Thank you, Governor.” Joan grinned and nodded her head. This was going to be interesting with Vera Bennett.

“Governor, I wanted to also mention that I'm going to need more time off. My mum is coming back home from the hospital and I'm going to need time with her. I promise I won't let personal issues interfere with work, and I can make it up by taking extra shifts.” Vera bit her lip, appearing uncomfortable and looking up at the new Governor hoping she'd understand.

Joan realized that this was a lot for Vera to be able to ask her. She sensed Vera's nervousness coming off of her like waves. She raised her hand to reassure her. “Relax Vera, I understand. Go home and take care of your mum.”

Vera smiled shyly and nodded, “Thank you, Governor. My mum, well, she just has a difficult personality.” 

Joan lifted her eyebrows a bit and barely gave the hint of a smile as she listened to Vera, suddenly very interested in what Vera was talking about. “I see, Vera... well please take as much time as you need.” Joan smiled warmly. 

“Thank you, Governor. Again I really appreciate this. I promise I won't let you down.” Vera looked so pleased and earnest right now, Joan couldn't help but smile again at her. 

“Oh, I'm sure you won't, Ms. Bennett. I'm a very good judge of character, and something about you tells me we're going to work very well together. You stick with me, and we'll achieve great things together.” And perhaps more than that... Be careful Joan, you are here for one reason. Do not become distracted by some waif of a woman, no matter how interesting or enticing she is... Emotions lead to mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the first time writing for this fandom, and I've only written one other story in another fandom. However, this is my first time submitting fanfiction online so hopefully some will enjoy this story. Feel free to follow/message me on twitter as @MsYukari_85 or on tumblr as msyukari. :)


	2. Chapter 2

As Joan drove home, she thought about Vera. She was so eager to please, almost innocent. How did someone like Vera get into corrections? It was beyond Joan that someone that nervous and meek could be working in a place like a prison. Joan often observed in the days during her time at Wentworth that Vera was rather sensitive and compassionate. Qualities that Joan didn't exactly respect, at least not with people who needed correcting. 

Joan hadn't felt much compassion towards others in a very long time, and even then she struggled with those feelings as she believed they left her weak; believing others would take advantage of that weakness. She felt a little different when she met Jianna, no matter how hard she tried to keep her distance. And the little baby. She felt awkward holding him, but something inside her felt lighter as she did and she grew to love him and Jianna in a way she hadn't believed possible. That fierce love was her undoing. Sometimes she watched Shayne grow up from a distance, but she couldn't allow herself to go near him. She wasn't stable enough for him and she could not take care of him in the state she was in at the time. It broke her heart knowing she couldn't see him anymore. He looked so much like his mother. 

The time after Jianna died was such a blur for her. She was enraged and filled with such pain that she'd thought it would tear her apart. Her father had warned her about this. But how could she have not loved Jianna and Shayne? It was the happiest she had felt in almost her entire life. It was sometime after that that she had changed.

Joan shook her head and gripped the steering wheel, only allowing such thoughts a fleeting moment in her brain. It would not do well to grieve the past. It was over and done with, and she had much more important things to do now. 

As she parked her car into the driveway, she was already starting to feel tension in her body. Joan needed to eat. She dropped her keys in the bowl near the door and walked past it toward the fridge, opening it to see it relatively empty. Joan frowned and sighed... well tonight she wasn't staying home for dinner. She needed something... fresh. 

Joan had changed out of her uniform, dressed in dark pants and a long sleeved dark green sweater, her hair softly flowing around her shoulders, feeling the stress of the days events roll off her as she strolled outside in the nearby neighborhood. At night her vision and hearing was even more enhanced. She gracefully walked in the darkness, searching around her. She passed some people walking at night, walking together, walking a dog, and she could not quite bring herself to choose... until she came across a young man harassing a woman near a park.

“Let go of me! I said I didn't want to go home with you. You're drunk!”

“Come on baby, give me something,” he laughed groping her body. She was young, couldn't be more than early to mid 20s. Joan lurked in the darkness watching and felt her lips twitch watching the scene. Men like him were disgusting. She could detect the alcohol coming out of his pores. 

She stepped out of the shadows, “I think the young lady made herself perfectly clear,” her voice calm and cold as she stood watching them.

The young man looked at her, his eyes glazed over. “Piss off! The girl and I are just having some fun, aren't we?” He gripped the girl's arm harder. Joan watched as the girl winced from the pain. 

Joan's lip twitched more and she just barely moved forward, taking out her leather gloves from her pocket and slowly pulling them on. “I suggest you step away from her, NOW.” Her eyes glinting and barely contained her rage, feeling her control almost start to slip, moving a little closer to where they stood. 

The young man let go of the girl and walked towards Joan, his gait a bit off from being intoxicated. Joan looked at the young girl and back at him as he made his way over. She smirked as the girl quickly left, jogging in the distance.

He got right in Joan's face, the same height as she looked into his eyes. She lifted her eyebrows in mock fear. Oh, he was a brave one. She could feel his breath, the stench of the alcohol and who knew what else. Her mouth twitched again. 

“Listen you fuckin' bitch, I didn't ask you if--” 

Joan lifted her gloved hand so fast, it was almost a blur, and wrapped it around his throat, her fangs coming out and clicking into place. His eyes widened in shock and terror, looking almost like her goldfish. Joan squeezed his throat hard and lifting him as she ran so fast that it was like a streak of color in the air, moving into the shadows. He was dazed as he was slammed against the ground. He shook his head, groaning. Joan stared down at him, her dark hair slightly obscuring her face, the silver strands the only thing standing out in the moonlight. 

She bared her fangs and growled, “You should have followed my suggestion,” and tilting his head to the side, she sank her fangs into his neck, biting hard as she broke the skin, sucking his blood as he screamed in pain and struggled against her. She covered his mouth with her hand and pressed her body against his, trapping him underneath her. His struggles were useless. She sucked harder as she started to drain more of his blood, feeling his body weaken. Joan moaned as she hadn't fed in a while, as she had been trying to only drink blood from a hospital on some nights. Her life made it so she could not afford to hunt all the time, but she suddenly felt a perverse pleasure in being able to go out and find her prey. 

Joan didn't like tasting men like this, but she needed to feed and she could not help but feel that he was the right target. She bit harder into his skin as she felt his heartbeat slowing, his body becoming lax. She lifted her head, blood covered her mouth as she looked at his dead body. It wasn't often that she killed others lately, but this time it needed to be done. Men like him didn't deserve to be alive. She wiped her mouth with a handkerchief in her pocket, cleaning her face and hands and putting on some hand sanitizer. She knew it was irrational, and couldn't become diseased, but out of habit she still used it. She smirked as she looked down at him and left his body there, turning around and sped away in the darkness.

Joan ran as far as she could, feeling a certain sense of freedom of doing this at night, as she couldn't easily do this during the day. She felt more energized after she fed, a bit euphoric in some ways. She kept running until finally she realized she was in another area far enough away from her house. She looked at the street signs trying to discern exactly where she was, slowing down and walking normally. It was then that she realized that she was actually in Vera Bennett's neighborhood. Curious, Joan walked down the sidewalk as she glanced at Vera's house, seeing that the lights were on. She slowly moved in the shadows and thought about knocking on the door. She could hear an older woman yelling Vera's name and Vera's soft voice responding. That must be her mother, Joan thought.

Joan lifted an elegant brow. Would Vera invite her in? She had an opportunity here to get closer to her Deputy. She needed to gain her trust, and she also wanted to get closer to Vera for reasons she couldn't quite admit to. She glanced at her watch seeing it wasn't too late. Her hair was being annoying so she stopped to tie it into a low and loose ponytail. Being extremely careful so she wasn't seen, she took off quickly to the nearest grocery store. Once she had the items she needed, she raced back in the darkness, avoiding the cars and streetlights, and slowed down to a walk, gracefully done as if she hadn't been running in the first place, not even winded. She slowly walked up to Vera's house and rang the door bell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this is where I make this a little AU lol. I'm going to try and follow parts of the show to mix in with this, as well as alter some things or add new things for my own narrative. I hope people like this as it's something I love to read about and it's been fun to write so far. If you're unsure about it or uncomfortable about a vampire fic being written for Joan, I ask that you please give it a chance as you read more chapters and see what you think. I'm still trying to keep this as close to Wentworth as possible despite making Joan a vampire.
> 
> Here is something to keep note of with her being a vampire though: I'm mixing my mythology with vampire lore from things I've read and seen, as well as doing my own research. I'm heavily influenced by True Blood's mythology of how they do their vampires so that has been my basis for this with Joan. However, I will not use all of their mythology, or I will tweak it to fit my story. And nothing against fans of Twilight, but this will not be like Twilight. No sparkly Joan, although that would be somewhat hilarious, but no lol.


	3. Chapter 3

"VERAAAAAA!"

Vera was just about to lose her patience. She had been listening to her mother's agonizing and pitiful cries for the last couple hours. Vera watched as her mother restlessly moved around on the bed, her facial features twisting in pain. As much as her mother insulted and belittled her, she knew that she was very sick and in pain.

"Mum, I can't give you anymore right now. I've already talked to palliative care. I'm sorry." Vera had a lot of conflicting emotions. She truly was sorry that she couldn't give her any more medicine. Despite everything her mother had said and done to her over the years, she was still her mother. No one wanted to watch someone be in that much pain.

"You're useless! You could never do anything right!" Her mother almost spit the words in her face, looking at her with such contempt.

Vera closed her eyes and sighed, counting to 10. She didn't know how much more she could take this. This was when it was the most difficult for her, and she sometimes wished her mother would peacefully die over night. It's not that she wanted her mother to die per say, but there would be a certain relief in her passing. She felt horrible for even considering such a thing.

"Vera, please, I need--"

"Okay Mum, I can't give you anything stronger for another two hours." Vera watched her mom groan, shaking her head. "I can perhaps give you an Oxycontin to relieve some of it?" Her mother sighed and nodded her head, wincing in pain.

Vera grabbed the medication and slipped it into her mouth, and gently lifted her mother's head as she brought a glass of water to her lips. Her mother jerked her head, struggling as water started to spill out of her mouth. "Mum! You have to swallow it! Oh, Mum, come on." Vera sighed and took pity on her, gently wiping her mouth and chin as she heard the door bell ring. Who could that be? "I'll be right back, Mum."

Vera tried to wipe away the curly wisps of her hair as she quickly walked down the hallway, opening the door. Her eyes widened at seeing Joan Ferguson, of all people, standing on her doorstep. The tall woman was dressed in casual clothes with her hair in a relaxed ponytail, the light showing the shine of her jet black hair, and the silver strands giving her a distinguished and sophisticated look. Vera noticed how the jade green of her sweater complimented her complexion. With the green top and the dark trousers, it made Joan appear softer even with her intimidating height. Joan smiled warmly at her, lifting what looked like a bag of food.

"I know you have your hands full, so I just came to bring you some food."

Vera melted, surprised at the kind gesture from the very serious and composed woman that she was used to at work.

"Oh, oh thank you. You didn't have to do that. I'm, um, just in the middle of something. Would you like to come in?" Vera couldn't just let her stand out there after she brought her something to eat.

Joan smiled more, and this time it reached her eyes, crinkling at the corners. Vera realized it transformed her whole face, making her look even softer and more beautiful.

"VERAAAAAA!"

Joan looked into Vera's eyes and then back towards the hallway. Vera winced in embarrassment. "I need to get back. I'm sorry. Please come in!" She walked quickly, half running back to her mother. Rita's eyes were bright as stared at her daughter. Vera felt exasperated as she realized her mum was not in any real distress. "Mum, you're fine."

Vera's mother turned her head towards the door, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Who's that?"

Vera's eyes widened and she turned around as Joan was standing just outside the bedroom. Vera bit her lip, reminded of when she was a child, so embarrassed to have anyone come over for fear of what her mother would say to them. Vera relaxed a little as Joan gave her a small smile and slowly walked into the room, her eyes softening as she watched Vera speak to her mother.

"Mum, um, this is my boss, Governor Ferguson."

Joan's demeanor was so different now than at work. She stepped forward, clasping her wrist in her hand in front of her. As she spoke her voice was softer, polite, and filled with warmth. "Hello. I'm very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Bennett. Vera has told me so much about you."

Her mother stared at Joan, squinting her eyes more in confusion and suspicion. Vera felt a little fluttering of anxiety at seeing her mother's expression. "Um, Ms. Ferguson's kindly brought us some dinner."

Rita scoffed. "Hope it's better than that muck she's been feeding me."

Joan's smile faltered a bit, lifting her head as she glanced at Vera, lowering her eyebrows. Vera felt her heart beating faster. Her mother couldn't let her go by without an acerbic remark. "We've had to puree her food. She's had difficulty swallowing."

"Pfft. I've had difficulty swallowing the muck she's been giving me." Vera couldn't believe this was happening right now as Joan Ferguson was in her home. Her boss that she thought was attractive but intimidating, who looked tall and elegant, her features softened by her loose ponytail. She exuded a serene level of calm, a gracefulness to her despite her often stern demeanor. Vera wished she had these traits. The confidence and professionalism that Joan displayed while at Wentworth were things that Vera very much wanted to emulate. Vera was surprised as Joan slowly approached her mother and sat on the side of the bed, taking her hand into hers.

Joan smiled at Rita, but it did not reach her eyes. She gently cradled her mother's hand, leaning forward a little into her personal space. "I'm sure Vera is doing her very best, Rita," she said softly.

Rita raised her eyebrows, getting a look on her face that Vera knew all too well. It was right before she said something that would hit right below the belt. Vera tensed as if waiting for an attack, and held her breath.

"She tries, but she can't cut it. It's the story of her life." Her mother's lips curled up as she continued, "She's like this at work too, I bet?" Vera gritted her teeth, turning her head and letting out a slow breath. She would say anything to belittle her, getting some sick pleasure out of it. And worst of all, she said it to the new Governor, whose approval right now meant so much to Vera.

Joan's lips turned up only a little, a small smile forming but without mirth. Her eyes tightening a fraction before she learned forward closer to Rita and whispered a few words to her. Vera looked away and missed the look of shock Rita had on her face as Joan was whispering softly to her. Vera rolled her eyes having enough of this, looking back and seeing Joan who was whispering to her mother. She furrowed her brow. That's curious. "Mum, I think that's enough for now, don't you?"

Joan turned towards Vera and smiled gently, slowly standing up as she let go of Rita's hand. Her mother looked scared and delirious as she turned toward her daughter. "Vera, I need something for the pain!" Rita's tone had shifted to a strained and almost pitiful sound.

Vera glanced at her mum and then Joan, seeing a somewhat tense expression on the Governor's face. Vera sighed inwardly. Her mother could make anyone feel that way.

Joan glanced a her. "Look, why don't you do what you need to do, and I'll go and heat this up for you two?"

Vera exhausted already by the night, didn't want to feel like an extra burden. It was so kind of the Governor to do this for her. "Oh, no, no, no. Please I don't want to be any trouble."

Joan shook her head and lifted the food, placing her hand on Vera's forearm. "No trouble at all. Just point me in the direction of the kitchen."

Vera almost jumped at the touch, feeling a warm vibration on her arm from where Joan's hand rested. What was that? She glanced up at Joan who winked and smiled encouragingly. Did Joan Ferguson just wink at me? It really had been a long day. Still, I think she did wink. This woman became more of an enigma as time went on. Vera smiled and motioned in which direction for Joan to go, shaking her head as she turned around and helped give her mom her pain medication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed that. ;) This scene will be just as important in this story as it is in the show. I have some chapters written, but I won't always update this frequently. I'd like to update at least once or twice a week depending on my schedule.


	4. Chapter 4

Vera relaxed as she finished the last bite of her dinner. "Thank you, Governor. That was wonderful."

Joan smiled, slowly drinking some wine, and set the glass down. Vera noticed that Joan hadn't even drank half of it. Maybe the Governor wasn't into wine? She felt a little bit tipsy herself.

"You're welcome, Vera. I'm glad you liked it, and please call me Joan."

"Gov--I mean, Joan. Are you sure you don't want more wine?" Vera could feel her body relaxing from the alcohol, a certain giddiness coming out as she sat with Joan, who was still very much a mystery to her.

Joan shook her head. "I do have to drive tonight. Plus on some nights, I do prefer something stronger like vodka. Something tells me you wouldn't have any would you?" Vera giggled and shook her head.

"Oh, I think you've indulged yourself a little tonight, Vera." Joan leaned over and placed her hand under her chin, staring at her Deputy with amusement.

"Oh, yes! I guess I have!" Vera's cheeks had a lovely rosy hue to them, and she smiled easier, the tension from earlier leaving her body. Vera could feel the alcohol giving her some liquid courage. "Joan, would you like to relax on the couch with me?"

Joan grinned a little wickedly and stood up from the table. "Let me help you up," Joan said as she offered her hand to Vera. Vera blinked for a few seconds and then slipped her hand into hers as Joan gently pulled her up from her chair. Vera jerked her hand a little as she felt that vibration again, this time feeling her skin tingle.

Joan looked down at their joined hands as she felt Vera's hand jerk a bit in hers. "What's wrong, Vera?"

Vera shook her head, suddenly shy. "Maybe I'm just imagining things, but when you touched my hand... I felt this odd vibration. Didn't you?" Vera thought she saw a flicker of something in Joan's eyes, but whatever it was, she wasn't sure for it went away as quickly as it came. Maybe she was more drunk than she thought.

"Hmm I didn't feel that." Joan looked intensely at her, almost cautious, thinking for a minute before she decided what she was going to say next. Then she smiled, looking into Vera's eyes, almost through them, as if she was staring right into Vera's soul. "But some people... some people believe that what you just described is the energy of the person you're with. But again, that's just myth, similar to horoscopes. I usually take such things with a grain of salt. What about you, Vera?"

Vera felt like Joan's eyes suddenly looked darker, if that were possible, almost as if they were burning into hers. She swallowed, feeling a strange nervous excitement.

“I guess anything is possible,” Vera said quietly. Joan's eyes were so dark and intense, Vera felt a sudden urge to look away. She looked down at their joined hands, realizing how soft and cool Joan's hand felt against her warm skin. Joan squeezed gently and released her hand, moving back to sit on the couch. Vera felt the loss of her touch keenly, and moved across from Joan on the couch, keeping a considerable distance.

Joan lifted an elegant brow, moving her arm across the back of the couch and leaning closer towards Vera. “Don't be nervous Vera, I don't bite.” Vera blushed, feeling it starting from her ears. Why did she blush so easily? Vera tried to tell herself to stop blushing so much, but instead it just made her blush even more as she felt the heat burning her ears and cheeks.

Joan's eyes were slowly appraising her from head to toe, lingering on some areas of her body, as if she was scanning her. Vera couldn't explain it, but the way in which she looked at Vera made her a little apprehensive, and it felt like she had butterflies in her stomach. If Joan noticed how she was making Vera feel, she couldn't tell because her face looked rather impassive. This was when Vera had the hardest time trying to figure the Governor out. Joan went from being warm, friendly, and dare she say it, almost flirtatious. And other times Joan is cold, calm, and intimidating. She was a complete mystery to Vera. It was this hot and cold side to Joan that she felt this odd pull to her, almost magnetic, and she couldn't explain why. It scared her and excited her at the same time. It was unnerving. Joan was picking off the lint from the couch, smiling a little as she looked at Vera.

“Now Vera, you must tell me about yourself. What made you go into corrections?” Joan asked softly, suddenly breaking the tense and awkward silence. Vera felt a sudden relief with this question. Any more silence and she wasn't sure how she was going to react with Joan.

“Um, well, I suppose I've always had an interest in it. It being a branch of law enforcement. I wanted to make a difference,” Vera sipped her wine, setting it down on the table in front of them. “What about you, Gov--uh, Joan?”

Joan looked down at the couch cushion, not responding right away. Vera almost thought maybe Joan hadn't heard her. Joan picked at a loose thread on the couch, then met Vera's eyes. Vera thought Joan almost looked like she had a challenge in her eyes as she responded.

“Some of the same reasons. I went into corrections because I wanted to...” Joan paused for a few seconds and smiled, “...make a difference.”

Vera felt like the Governor was going to say something else, almost as if she decided last minute to match Vera's answer. Vera looked down and smiled sheepishly, nodding her head. Why did she suddenly feel like a shy school girl around her?

Vera's eyes widened as she watched Joan slide closer to her, more into her personal space. “Don't be so nervous, Vera. I'm just trying to get to know you. This is how we build trust. And I couldn't help but notice that you seemed rather uncomfortable around Mr. Fletcher while at work. Is there something going on I should know about?”

Vera grabbed her wine glass and took a longer sip. “No, nothing has been going on, Joan. We... we dated a few times. But it didn't work out,” Vera said softly, looking down and away, thinking of only a few weeks ago of that horrible and embarrassing night with Fletch. She looked down as she suddenly felt Joan's hand on her knee, feeling that vibration again and she fought the urge to squirm underneath it. She couldn't be imagining that.

Joan gently stroked her knee, looking intently at her. “Vera, are you afraid of him?”

“What?! No... I'm not afraid of him. It was just...”

“You can tell me, Vera,” Joan's voice was low and soft, almost caressing. She was suddenly sitting closer to Vera now, but Vera didn't feel nervous by it. She felt safe and comforted, like she could tell the Governor anything right now.

“Well, Fletch and I--He, you know, I'm not very experienced, and it was very awkward and embarrassing.” Joan nodded slowly, listening as Vera continued speaking, explaining how that first encounter went. Joan's nostrils flared, and she squeezed her knee gently, the vibration from her touch relaxing Vera. “Then a few days later, we had another date... and that was nice, until... well I found his journal.”

“His journal?” Joan smiled. “You were snooping?” Joan's eyes danced with curious amusement.

Vera smiled for the first time since talking about this, starting to snort in laughter. “No! Yes! Yes, I was. Anyway... Fletcher's journal. There was some stuff... about him and a previous Governor. Meg Jackson.”

Joan's eyebrows lifted. “Well, that's interesting.” She leaned back and brought her finger to her lip, thinking.

“Please... can we keep this between us?” Vera suddenly realized the information she just gave to the Governor. This was something Fletch didn't want anyone to know. Why did she even say that?

“Vera, don't worry. This is strictly between us, okay?” Joan smiled and stood up. “It's getting late. Why don't I make us some tea before I leave?”

Vera smiled shyly and set her head back against the couch. “Thank you, Joan. That would be lovely. I appreciate it.”

 

* * *

 

Joan took a few minutes to make the tea for her and Vera. Joan didn't really need to drink much of anything, or have to eat even. It tasted different to her now, not bad exactly. Joan just didn't have a need to eat or drink other fluids in the same way humans did. Still, she had to keep up appearances. A part of her felt relaxed from drinking tea purely for nostalgia. She smiled as she stirred the tea in their cups after she added milk and sugar. What Vera had revealed to Joan was useful information. She was fuming after what Vera told her about how Fletcher treated her. Joan found how vulnerable Vera was to be a weakness, and she despised weaknesses in others, especially when they openly made themselves a target. Yet, she couldn't help but feel a bit protective. This was something she didn't like acknowledging. The last time she felt protective towards someone, they died. The vibration that Vera felt from her, she only heard about happening a few times between vampires and humans. She wasn't ready to accept what it truly meant. Because if she did accept it, she was in big trouble.

She frowned and shook her head, taking the tea into the living room. She set it down and found Vera curled up on the couch sound asleep. Joan's eyes softened, and she moved slowly as she took off Vera's slippers, and gently laid Vera's feet down. She stood up and went in search of a blanket, finding one on a chair and she gently laid it over Vera's body. As she tucked the blanket in closer around Vera's shoulders, she looked at Vera's face. The stress of the day and night was gone. Her face was relaxed and free of lines making her look even younger in sleep. It had been a long time since she watched over someone sleep like this. A long time since she had done it when it didn't involve stalking her prey.

Joan couldn't help but lean down and smell Vera's hair, closing her eyes at the soft and sweet scent enveloping her. It was something she hadn't done in years, and she couldn't help but take advantage of this moment with her Deputy. She felt Vera's hair against her lips, not even daring to kiss the soft skin of Vera's neck. That would be going too far, Joan. That much she was not ready for. It was enough she was even doing this. She didn't think she'd experience this closeness again while Vera was awake.

Vera sighed softly and turned her face towards her, her hair falling in front of her eyes. Joan felt her heart beat a little faster and she gently lifted her hand and smoothed Vera's hair back, stroking it and feeling the softness against her fingertips. What was happening to her? She didn't do this with humans. Vera was different though. Vera brought something out in her, almost a tenderness. Definitely there was an attraction to Vera, and this attraction worried her, especially having known that Vera felt it too. It unsettled Joan, yet she found it hard to keep herself away from Vera. She had her motivations to get closer to her Deputy, to make sure she had her loyalty, but beyond that... she didn't want to think about what that meant. She sighed softly, deep in thought as she continued to gently stroke Vera's hair and stood up. She grabbed a note and wrote:

 **_Thank you for letting me bring you dinner tonight. I enjoyed it._ **  
**_I'll see you tomorrow at work, bright and early._**  
**\-- _JF_**

Joan left it on the table and picked up some of the mess that was in the living room and kitchen quietly so as not to wake Vera. She was just about to leave, until she decided she needed to do something first. Joan slowly and quietly walked down the hall, and into Rita's bedroom. The woman was asleep. Joan stood watching her from the door, the look on her face serious and angry. She slowly moved into the room as she stood over Rita's bed, cocking her head to the side as she watched Rita sleep for a few minutes. What a pathetic, miserable woman. Almost as if sensing she was being watched, Rita slowly opened her eyes.

“Vera?” She rasped. Seeing Joan her eyes widened and she gasped.

Joan knelt down and slipped her finger over Rita's lips. “Shh, shh, shh. Rita, we're going to continue our conversation from earlier, and I don't want you to say a word,” Joan said in a soft, deadly calm and cold voice. “Do you think you can do that, Rita?” Rita nodded fervently, her eyes fearful.

Joan smiled dangerously, her dark eyes gleaming. “Good. I'm glad we understand each other. Now Rita, I didn't like what I heard tonight. In fact, I was rather disgusted by it. I do not tolerate such behavior, especially towards my staff, and I shall say towards a friend. If you so much as look at her wrong, or say anything like you did tonight while in my presence, I will make you regret it. And I promise you, I will be here more often.” Joan made a low growl, opening her mouth and allowed her fangs to click out. Rita was almost going to scream, but Joan clamped her hand around her mouth. “Not a word, Rita. Remember?” She spoke low and menacingly. “Now, I don't normally kill people so sick and defenseless such as yourself, but I'd be willing to make an exception. Perhaps... I don't even have to do it myself.”

Rita stared at her in shock, whimpering. “Do not tempt me, Mrs. Bennett. Do I make myself clear?” Rita nodded quickly, trembling.

Joan smiled and her fangs retracted back. “Good. I'm glad we had this conversation. Goodnight, Rita.” Joan walked out of the bedroom and glanced at Vera one more time before she left, quietly opening the front door and shutting it gently.


	5. Chapter 5

Vera arrived a half hour early before her shift and parked her car outside the prison and gathered her things. As she was walking up to the front gate, she saw Joan standing by it waiting for her. Joan was dressed in her uniform, with a stylish black coat and scarf as black sunglasses covered her eyes. The silver strands against her dark hair gleaming a bit in the light. How did she know I'd be here at this time? Vera blushed as she walked over and nodded her head at Joan.

Joan grinned, looking down at her. “Good morning, Vera. I trust you slept well?” Vera thought she heard almost a playful tone in the Governor's voice. Vera felt her face burning even in the cool air as she remembered waking up in the morning on the couch with a blanket over her. She knew the Governor had done that for her and even cleaned up after her. When she saw the note she had smiled, but remembering how the night ended, Vera had put her face in her hands feeling embarrassed. Vera couldn't believe the first night Joan had been at her house that she had gotten drunk and fallen asleep. She scanned her card, hesitating as she stared at Joan, not sure who should go first.

Joan lifted her eyebrow, removed her sunglasses, and squinted at Vera against the sunlight as she held out her hand towards the gate. “After you," she replied softly. 

Vera smiled shyly and nodded her head, walking in front of the Governor. It didn't take long for Joan to be at her side, her longer strides making it that Vera felt like she had to speed walk just to keep up. Joan kept a steady pace as she strutted through the halls of Wentworth. 

“Vera, as soon as you've completed some of your rounds, I want you to meet me outside in the work yard to talk about the garden project. There is something we need to take care of.” Joan looked down at her pointedly as she went into her office. 

“Yes, Governor. I'll meet you there as soon as possible.” 

Vera was supposed to be doing her rounds with Fletch today. As she met him in the officer's room, she noticed he was a bit more irritable than usual. “Good morning, Fletch.” She lowered her eyebrows and frowned a bit as he just stared at her, drinking his coffee. 

“Is something wrong?” Vera asked. He set his coffee down and continued to stare at her and rolled his eyes.

Fletcher stood up and crossed his arms. “Vera, what's wrong is that all I've been doing lately is cleaning the damn wet cells, and doing the special spend. I swear the Governor has it in for me.” 

Vera sighed. “Oh, I'm sure that's not true, Fletch. Come on, let's do our rounds.” As she and Fletch were conducting their rounds, he continued speaking to her about the Governor.

As she listened to Fletch talk, she nodded at Bea as they walked by. Bea had become increasingly withdrawn and restless lately. Feeling restless was not uncommon at the prison, but it had felt especially more so with some of the women. There had been tension brewing between Bea and Franky. Vera thought a lot of it had to do with Bea grieving the loss of her daughter, but she felt there was also something more going on. She decided to continue to keep a close eye on it.  


Fletcher looked behind him and lowered his head, leaning down closer to her and spoke quietly. “There's something off about Ferguson, Vera. I don't know what it is, but I feel like she has eyes in the back of her head or something.” 

Vera chuckled. “Oh, come on Fletch. I think you're being paranoid.” Will Jackson passed by them and Fletcher gave him a dirty look. Vera stared back behind them a little confused. She looked up at Fletch and saw his jaw line working as he was grinding his teeth. “What was that about, Fletch?”  


Fletcher sighed and rolled his eyes. “He submitted a report to Ferguson about my lack of 'professionalism' on the job. Ever since then she's been on my arse. Anyway, as I said before about the Governor, I often get the feeling that I'm being watched.”

Vera rolled her eyes and laughed. “Well, we do have cameras in the prison Fletch. If you feel like you're being watched, that's probably why.” As much as she found this amusing, she was starting to get annoyed by it. She knew he had a problem with women in positions of authority, but she didn't think it would go this far.

Fletcher shook his head. “No, Vera. There's something different. Whatever it is, I'm going to figure it out. The Governor--speak of the devil,” he muttered under his breath.

Just then, Joan rounded the corner and stopped in front of them. “Ah there's my Deputy. Hello, Mr. Fletcher. Ms. Bennett, if you're finished, I need to see you in the garden.” Joan stared at Fletcher and saw a mess on the floor. “Mr. Fletcher, since you've been doing such a _fine_ job cleaning up the wet cells lately, I think that mopping that up would be the perfect job for you right now.” Joan's lips twitched in amusement. As she and the Governor walked away, Vera tried not to laugh at the incredulous look on Fletch's face.

Vera and Joan walked along the fence and stood on the outside of the work yard watching the women. Vera stole a quick glance up at Joan who was looking out at the garden; her dark eyes intently surveying the area. They had been standing outside for a while, almost an hour. Vera was beginning to wonder what the point of it was, other than some form of intimidation on Joan's part. This side of the Governor she didn't exactly understand. There was something almost personal with how she dealt with some of the women, yet she could also be the most professional and efficient that Vera had seen at Wentworth.

Vera noticed that Doreen and Franky were huddled closely together and talking near part of the garden patch. The other prisoners were doing various other work outside. Joan looked at Vera from the corner of her eye. “I suspect we have some contraband coming in through this. And I believe that Doyle and Anderson are both in charge of it. However, it's more likely that Doyle is the one orchestrating it.” Vera frowned and nodded as she looked up at Joan.

“I believe this will also be a way that they will try and bring in drugs,” Joan said, her lips twitching in irritation. 

Vera nodded as she saw Franky and Doreen keep looking back at them. “Should I order a cell toss, Governor?”

Joan crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “No, not yet. Let them sweat a bit as we stand out here. In fact, I think we should both go and have a chat with Doyle and Anderson. Watch and observe, Ms. Bennett.” Joan turned and strolled into the yard relaxed and confident in her walk, and Vera moved as fast as her little legs could follow. 

“Doreen. Franky,” Joan smiled at them as she stood in front of them. “How's our little garden project coming along?” 

Doreen smiled nervously and Franky slid her arm around her shoulders, smiling widely. “It's coming along great. Did ya miss us, Gov'na? You must have been gettin' bored staring over there. Fancy a little girl on girl fun, eh?” Franky winked. Doreen smiled tightly and bumped Franky in her side. 

“Ha.” Joan said that in such a dry tone that Vera bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Joan moved and sat her hip against the garden box. She reached inside her pocket and pulled out some non latex light blue gloves, and slid her fingers inside them, pulling the ends and letting it snap loudly against her skin. She sifted her hand through the soil and looked down at it, slowly and methodically moving her fingers through it. She lingered on a white rose petal before she leaned towards Franky, closer to her face and lowered her voice. 

“You know, Franky, you would do well to use some of that charm of yours with working on your parole. I'd hate to see anything or _anyone_ get in the way of that.” Joan gave a smug, lopsided grin and stood up, looking up at the sky as she spread her arms a bit. “It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't you continue to do something _productive_ , hmm?” Joan smirked as Franky forced a smile, but her eyes were hard and she glared as Vera and Joan walked back inside. 

As soon as they were inside the walls of the prison, Joan took off the gloves and threw them into the trash, and quickly applied some hand sanitizer. She touched her forehead and sighed. Vera looked up at Joan and thought she looked tired, almost paler than usual, and her eyes were weary. “Governor, are you okay?” 

“Yes, yes, I'm fine. Sometimes the sun bothers me. It can be too... bright. I'm prone to...” Joan paused and tapped her forehead a couple times before she replied, “migraines... the light can set them off if I'm not careful. I'll be in my office. Contact me if you need me,” Joan curtly replied as she started to walk away. 

Vera felt disappointed at the abrupt dismissal, but then Joan spun on her heel and let out a sigh. She motioned for Vera to come closer. Vera thought the Governor looked a little uncomfortable. Joan's expression, especially in her eyes, had a cautious and clouded look to them, her lips a flat line. Joan bit her bottom lip, appearing to be deciding something as she stared at Vera for almost a full minute. Vera tried not to squirm under the gaze of those dark eyes. Finally Joan let out a soft breath as she spoke. 

“Vera. Dinner. Tonight. My house. 7:00. Bring a bottle of, uh, something nice. Red. Shiraz. That'd be good. I have vodka,” Joan said all of this in a halting way, almost biting out each word.

Vera lifted her eyebrow in surprise. “Uh... well... the nurse will only be there until 7:00.” Was this a date? Don't be stupid. It's not a date, she thought. Vera had to take care of her mother tonight. It would be wrong to leave her after the nurse left. 

Joan smirked and tilted her head. “Vera, Vera, Vera... tell her that you won't be home until later. She'll appreciate the overtime.”

Vera opened her mouth, gaping at her. “But... but I can't possibly d-do that. It's too last minute. I'd h-have to--”

Joan shook her head slowly. “I won't take no for an answer, Vera. It's admirable what you're doing for your mother. But you must remember to also make time for yourself. Do you understand?” 

Vera looked down at the floor feeling a little bit chastised, fidgeting a bit with her hands. “Um, okay. Yes... uh... okay. Right.” Vera suddenly felt soft and cool fingers under her chin gently lifting her head up. 

Joan's eyes still had a slightly wearied look, but held some warmth as she stared into Vera's wide blue eyes. “I'll see you tonight, Vera. Remember, something nice. Don't disappoint me.” Joan smiled and slid her hand down Vera's shoulder, picking off a piece of lint. There was that vibration again. What the hell _was_ that?!

“Yes, Governor,” Vera whispered and she shivered a bit as Joan walked away. Vera touched her chin where Joan's fingers had been. Her touch leaving an odd chill on her skin, and left her wishing Joan would touch her again. Tonight was going to be... well, Vera wasn't sure how tonight was going to go with the Governor, but she was eagerly anticipating it.


	6. Chapter 6

Joan sat in her office watching the CCTV. She clicked through the cameras as she watched some of the prisoners out in the work yard. She knew Franky was planning on bringing in drugs again. It was only a matter of time. It frustrated her to no end that she could not easily correct this. Get rid of the supply; no drugs in the prison. But how to do it? Those orange pills that she stole from Vera's pill box would come in handy if she decided on her plan to use Simmo against Franky. She covered her eyes with her hand, sighing. To make such a decision--but could she take such a risk just to get Doyle? She could hear her father's voice in her head. 

“ _You have the instinct and the desire. What you lack is the ability to follow through. The time to strike is when he is on his knees. A lesser opponent will rise up if you give him the slightest opportunity. You must be ruthless.”_

Joan shook her head. She was tired. She had spent too long in the sun and now she was paying for it. She felt her body becoming fatigued as more time went on. Joan knew she needed to rest and feed to replenish herself. She especially needed to do this before Vera came over tonight. If she didn't... she was worried about such an outcome. It was rare that she couldn't control her thirst as she had built up some stamina on how long she could go without drinking blood. However, when she was stressed and fatigued, then there was a real possibility she could harm Vera, even if she didn't mean to intentionally. Why she cared about that she wasn't sure. She found Vera enticing, but she did something today that she hadn't expected and she had fought within herself to do so. Inviting Vera over for dinner to her house, her domain. She hardly ever did that with anyone. It was her sanctuary. It was only out of some silly social obligation if she did invite others over. Usually in the past when it involved work. Joan chose to ignore such trivial things whenever possible. 

There was also a small part of her that was tempted to let go with Vera in that way. But Vera wouldn't understand and it would not be wise to expose herself. That much she learned in fencing. Never expose yourself to your enemy. Was Vera her enemy? She frowned as she considered this. Her father had taught her that anyone she came across was a potential enemy. If Vera found out about her being a vampire, she wasn't sure what she'd do. She didn't want to think about the alternative that she had to do in the past. She needed to keep Vera close to her, to keep her loyal to her. 

Her identity was a well kept secret. Something she had hidden for many years from others. It would expose her kind and she didn't trust Vera to not be afraid of her. There were some humans within the vampire world that offered their services, if one wanted to call it that, so vampires could feed. Joan had indulged in that quite a few times since she became a vampire, but she grew tired of it. Some of the women she knew expected more, and they were nothing more than a tool to her, even if she did enjoy how she made some of them feel. Joan always made sure to remind them of what they were to her. A tool, a service, a willing mind and body. Vampires had to be careful how many people they killed and left for dead. Many others just became a missing person. There were quite a few vampires she had met that were rather careless and reckless. Joan had been just as reckless in the first couple of years after she changed. She didn't know how much strength or speed she had, how much blood she could drain before death, or even when to stop. It was a new challenge for her, but she had approached her prey like she had with fencing. 

She had trouble understanding what it meant to be human before she was changed, so it was often even harder for her to understand what it was like now. However, Joan did remember some of what it felt to be human, and she was nothing if not observant and had learned many things about them over the years. Weak, selfish, broken, and very few she ran into that showed kindness. She had seen the darkness in human behavior, as she herself felt that darkness. She understood that above anything else. Her heart had hardened after Jianna's death. Joan was so much more than what she was before. She was calm, detached, in control, and powerful. It was one of the reasons why she let herself become a vampire when it was offered to her. 

Joan clicked over on the CCTV searching for Vera on the cameras. Vera was walking through the hall near Medical. Joan considered her options. She was molding Vera into the officer she knew she could be, and by getting closer to Vera she would guarantee her loyalty so that anything Joan did, Vera would support her. But surely there were other ways to do that than inviting her Deputy over for dinner? 

Joan remembered the night before when Vera had fallen asleep on the couch, and there was a longing within her that she wasn't familiar with. She had closed off her emotions years ago. It made her uncomfortable, yet she couldn't stop whatever pull she had towards Vera. She hadn't wanted to kiss anyone since Jianna. She felt protective after witnessing how Vera's mother treated her, as well as hearing about Fletcher, and she experienced a softness that she hadn't felt in a very long time. This is what compelled her to go into Rita's bedroom. She smiled as she remembered the horrified look on Rita Bennett's face. One thing was for sure, that woman didn't have much time left. 

Joan thought back again to when Vera felt a vibration from her. She tried to push it to the back of her mind, but it nagged at her, picking away at her and reminding her what it meant. It was something very hard to ignore. She had no way to control it, and that frustrated her. Joan didn't know exactly all it entailed, but she knew it was extremely important. It was considered a gift among her kind if a vampire experienced this, but Joan didn't feel that way. She was afraid such a thing would make her weak. Emotions lead to mistakes. She could hear her father's voice and that of her Maker, the one who made her a vampire. Both conflicting voices and viewpoints but still strong influences. 

Her Maker had tried to teach her that emotions could be a positive experience. He was very old and had seen a lot in his lifetime, and was so different than her father. At first she rejected almost everything he tried to teach her, especially when it came to her personal feelings. He had helped her in the first few years, and she grew to respect him, and was grateful to him, but she had to go her own path. Her Maker understood her hate and anger against Will Jackson, but he didn't support her plans for revenge. Joan had cared about her Maker, and she thought about him from time to time. Wasn't that something that she should be allowed to feel? Shouldn't she be allowed to feel something for Vera? Every time she did, she fought with herself. She couldn't undo years of learned behavior, but she heard her Maker's voice stronger in this, and she decided to listen to it. 

Joan looked at the clock and and quickly started packing her things. If she was to time this right, she would have to leave now. She marched through the prison, nodding at Miles and Fletcher as she walked out the door to her car. She slipped on her sunglasses. At this rate they wouldn't do much good with how she was feeling. The damn sun was beginning to zap her energy. She still needed to run by the store to pick up what she needed to cook for them tonight. Joan stepped on the gas pedal peeling out of the parking lot.

Joan had barely made it home before she was about to collapse. Shopping through the store put a strain on her. She ran over and grabbed a pint of blood in a pack, her fangs coming out as she tore into it, drinking deeply. She closed her eyes. It didn't taste the same as when she sank her fangs into someone's skin, but it would do for now. She went through two until she felt somewhat better. Joan wiped her mouth and hands, washing them and cleaning the mess it had left on her floor in her hurry to get to it. She walked over to her bed and set an alarm. Joan needed to rest an hour at the most. Normally she woke up without an alarm, but she didn't trust how exhausted she felt. 

An hour later, Joan sat up feeling more like herself. She looked at the time and smiled. She woke up right before her alarm was to go off. Joan decided she needed to change into more suitable attire for the evening. She searched for her necklace and earrings. Nothing too overdone, but just a nice feminine touch to soften her features. She brushed through her hair slowly. Each part of her hair brushed over a couple times until it was softly framing her face, her black and silver strands shining. Satisfied with her outfit and how she looked, she walked into her kitchen. Joan brought out the steak and began to cook it to a medium rare setting. She didn't eat steak anymore, but when she had to in these situations, it was medium rare. Red meat was better for her system to digest. 

She turned to the cutting board and her hands moved fast, her faster reflexes coming into play as she cut the vegetables precisely. She smiled. Oh, the advantages to being a vampire. She sped over and set the table making sure everything was perfect. Joan knew the house was clean, but she had to check to make sure it was completely spotless, so she ran around the house picking up whatever dust or piece of lint she could find. Joan decided after sweeping the floor and wiping the counters three times that she was done with that task. She ran back to her kitchen to put dinner onto the table. Joan felt there was something more that was needed, but she wasn't sure. She tapped her forehead thinking. 

“What to do? What to do? What to do?” she muttered to herself. Her eyes widened as she ran outside to her backyard, slowing down to a sudden halt. Her neighbors were around her after all. Joan walked up to a flower garden she had set up, various different types of flowers in the soil. She carefully moved around the thorns on the stems, and smiled as she picked one of each different color rose: red, dark red, coral, white, pink, and one that was yellow with red tips. The colors were a beautiful combination, and had different meanings. Satisfied with what she chose, she walked into her kitchen and set them in a vase with water at the center of the table. Joan looked at the roses, inhaling their fragrance and gently touched the petals, looking for a specific one. It couldn't be just any rose. She grabbed the single yellow rose with red tips and held it carefully in her hand so the thorns didn't prick her skin.

Her doorbell rang and she walked over in black slacks and a black semi sheer blouse, opening the door and looking at Vera on the doorstep. She held out the yellow and red tipped rose. “Hello Vera," she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm sorry I didn't get to the date right away... well sort of. Sorry, not sorry. :P
> 
> If anyone has watched True Blood, this is the idea for where the Maker came from. It's a strong bond that they can have in the show. I borrowed some of that for this. 
> 
> Also some notes on the meaning of the color of the roses: Red means the usual- Love, Beauty, Courage and Respect, Romantic Love, Congratulations, etc. Dark red- Unconscious beauty. White- Purity, Innocence, Silence, Secrecy, Reverence, Humility, Youthfulness, "I am worthy of you." Pink- Appreciation, Grace, Perfect Happiness, Admiration, Gentleness. Coral- Desire, enthusiasm, happiness. And the rose with the yellow and red tip- Friendship and/or falling in love.


	7. Chapter 7

Vera sat in her car outside Joan's house, nervously checking over her hair and makeup. She had done light natural makeup, her hair in soft waves and curls around her shoulders. She tilted her head to the side as she looked in her compact mirror, her small silver earrings shining against the street light. Vera frowned at the faint, soft lines around her eyes and mouth. She didn't even know why she was getting so nervous. Joan had only asked her over to dinner... well, rather demanded it. Vera smiled remembering how tight lipped Joan had looked. She tilted her wrist and brought it up to her face, inhaling her perfume. She had dabbed a little to her pulse points. Vera didn't get to wear perfume very often. Her mother always had shamed her for wearing anything like makeup or perfume, as if she wasn't deserving of such things. A look of stubborn determination crossed her face as she lifted her eyebrow, and shut her compact. Well, tonight she was going to do whatever the hell she wanted, her mother be damned. 

She grabbed the bottle of wine and opened the door of her car and stepped out onto the street. Walking to Joan's door, she sighed and looked down at her black jeans, and her black jacket which covered a dark blue v-neck blouse. She hoped she looked nice. Vera squared her shoulders and slowly lifted her hand and pressed the doorbell.  


Vera could hear clacking footsteps near the door as it opened and there stood Joan Ferguson, with her thick hair softly framing her face and shoulders, the silver strands peppering the black. She was wearing form fitting black slacks and a black semi sheer blouse that hugged her hips a little. A necklace with a jade green stone was around her neck and the stone rested in the middle of her breasts, where you could see a hint of cleavage through the sheer part of the blouse. Vera felt her mouth go dry at the beauty of this woman. She wasn't used to seeing her like this, even at the last time Joan was at her house. Joan smiled at her and handed her a beautiful yellow rose that had red tips at the top of the petals; the mixture between the lush red and soft yellow made it look almost like a sunset. Vera didn't know what to say. No one had ever done something like this before.

“Hello, Vera.” Joan smiled, her voice soft and low, wrapping around Vera like velvet. 

Vera gently took the rose and beamed at Joan; her eyes crinkling at the corners. The first real smile she's had all day. She brought it up to her nose, smelling the sweet floral scent. “Thank you, Joan. It's beautiful.”

Joan dipped her head, her eyes softly and warmly gazing at Vera, with a small and pleased smile on her face. “Please come in, Vera.” Joan stepped aside and opened the door a bit wider as Vera came in, looking around the house.

It was clean, almost too clean. If Vera didn't know any better she would have thought that no one lived here. There was no clutter whatsoever. Everything appeared in the right place. A few drawings and paintings decorated the walls. It was a modern looking house, but lacked very little personality. The only aspect of it that felt like Joan was how efficient everything appeared to be, from the table near the door where she had her slippers aligned neatly, the bobby pins neatly straightened, to the keys in the bowl. There was an area that looked like a small living room with a TV, and a few books in a bookcase with several CDs and a small stereo system. Well, at least Joan Ferguson watched television. But CDs? Who still kept CDs these days? Thinking of Joan relaxing and watching TV or listening to music was a bit foreign to her, but it made her seem definitely more human. Vera smiled slowly.

“May I take your coat, Vera?” Joan asked politely. Vera nodded and as she started to take off her jacket, she felt gentle but firm hands moving across her shoulders, helping her move her arms out of her jacket. Vera blushed, feeling her breath catch slightly at Joan's touch, disappointed when Joan took her jacket and hung it in a closet. Joan turned around and smiled, reaching her hand out when she saw the bottle of wine that Vera held.

“Pinot!” Joan exclaimed. Her mouth opened and she almost started to smile and then looked back at the dinner table, her mouth still open slightly, looking a little bewildered for some reason.

“Um, you mentioned wanting red so I hope Pinot Noir is okay. I don't really like Shiraz.” Vera smiled nervously. She couldn't quite place Joan's facial expression. Joan didn't exactly look irritated but the way she had looked at the dinner table, as if there was something that was amiss. She tilted her head looking down at Vera, and her lips twitched more into a smile. 

“It's a lovely wine, Vera. Thank you for choosing this. Please come sit at the table. I have dinner all ready.” Joan pulled out a chair for her and Vera swallowed, not used to this polite and friendly behavior from Joan. Even at Wentworth Joan exuded a strong presence that was demanding and calm at the same time, rarely raising her voice. Many times Vera didn't know what to make of Joan, especially now. She glanced at the flowers on the table. Smiling as she noticed the various colors and she looked down at the rose Joan had given her. 

“Where did you get those, Joan? They're beautiful, and again thank you for the one you gave me. No one—no one has given me flowers before,” she said quietly. She sat down at the table as Joan stood next to her chair, and rested her hand against Vera's back. Vera could feel the ever slight vibration through her palm, touching the upper part of her back. It wasn't as strong as before, but she could still feel it. 

“I picked them from a flower garden I have. I'll have to show you sometime.” She slowly lifted her hand and brought out two wine glasses, and poured one for the both of them. She moved to sit across from Vera. 

“Eat. Please,” Joan said as she cut into her steak. Each cut was done perfectly. Vera bit her lip and grinned as she started to eat. A slightly awkward silence stretched between them for a few minutes as they both ate, with only a few questions from Joan in between asking about work, and how the meal tasted.

Joan took a sip of her wine and set the glass down a little forcefully. “Mr. Fletcher—he didn't bring you flowers when you two were together?” Joan asked abruptly, looking at Vera seriously with intense, dark brown eyes.

Vera's eyes widened, taken aback by the sudden question. “Well, no. We only had a few dates. It's okay though. He didn't need to bring me any, and well, it didn't work out anyway,” she said, making a little shrug of her shoulders. Joan had a tight lipped expression as she stared at her and then looked down at her plate. She looked up at Vera again, and this time she gently took the rose she had given Vera, and held it in front of her. 

“Mr. Fletcher,” she said, spitting out his name, “should have treated you better. If he could not even do something as simple as bringing a lovely young woman flowers, then he didn't deserve your time.” As Joan said this, she slowly traced each thorn with her finger and stared at her. Vera's mouth dropped open a little. Did she just say “lovely young woman”?

“I'm sorry. I just think that if someone cares about the other person, especially when dating, they should take the time to do—to do something nice for them,” Joan said all of this in a rush, averting her eyes as she took another sip of her wine.

Vera watched this reaction curiously. She didn't realize that Joan felt that strongly. She gently took the rose out of Joan's hand, making Joan glance up at her. She set down the rose and slowly moved her hand across the table to rest over Joan's, feeling her soft and cool hand under hers. “Thank you for doing something nice for me. I love that you gave me a rose, and the flowers on the table.” 

Joan was staring down at their hands, biting her lip. Vera gently stroked her hand with her thumb and Joan looked into her eyes. She stared at Vera almost fearfully, swallowing. Vera realized that this was the first time she had ever initiated any kind of physical touch with Joan, unsure if it was welcomed, trying to read Joan's expression. She started to pull her hand back when suddenly Joan grasped her hand, squeezing Vera's hand and fingers gently. 

“Vera,” her voice soft and husky, “you know that I've wanted to be more than just a mentor to you. I value our relationship. Let me explain why. I enjoy working with you, and I feel that sense of professional satisfaction is reciprocated. I believe we've developed a certain... rapport based on mutual respect and understanding, that transcends our difference in status, hmm? I'm not one to make friends easi--” Vera felt like she couldn't breathe as Joan stroked her hand and lifted her other hand to pause and brush her finger under her nose, struggling with what she was wanting to say as she continued. “But I do still feel that we share a common philosophy in corrections. I don't feel that we're that dissimilar in a lot of ways.” 

Joan paused and looked at Vera, grinding her jaw, looking down at their joined hands. She sighed and looked into Vera's eyes, a vulnerable look on her face. “What I'm trying to say is... I care about you, Vera. I would like for us to be more than just... work colleagues. I'd like—I'd like to get to know you better, and see more of you outside of work. That is—that is if you'd also want that as well,” she finished quietly, letting out a soft slightly shaky breath. Vera thought this was the most vulnerable and insecure she had seen Joan. She was never like this at work. 

Joan's eyes darted a bit between Vera's eyes and the table. Vera squeezed her hand, and dipped her head to meet Joan's eyes. “I'd like that,” she whispered, smiling softly.

“Good.” Joan gave a small smile and looked down at their hands, rubbing her thumb across Vera's knuckles. She let go of Vera's hand gently as she stood up and starting to take their plates, walking over to the sink. 

Vera stood up and took a few steps towards Joan, and carried their glasses over to the sink as well. Joan was starting to vigorously clean the plates. Vera smirked and lifted her eyebrow. “Do you need help, Joan?”

Joan scoffed and gave a little side grin, her eyes meeting Vera's as she turned her head towards her. “No, Vera. You are my guest. I do not need help. Make yourself comfortable in the living room. I'll be there shortly.” 

Vera bit the side of her cheek. Even in Joan's home she could be demanding. “Yes, Governor.” Vera smiled as Joan stopped washing a plate for a few seconds, lifting her eyebrow and rolling her eyes. Vera could see that Joan was trying not to smile as she shooed Vera away. 

Vera giggled softly and walked into Joan's living room. The TV stand was perfectly set at the end of the room right in the center, and a large bookcase was on another wall. She walked over and looked at what Joan had. Several books on corrections, law enforcement and criminal behavior. She noticed that Joan seemed to have an eye for classic literature. She saw several novels by Charles Dickens, Alexandre Dumas, Edgar Allen Poe, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, and Arthur Conan Doyle. Vera grinned. Who knew that Joan Ferguson was a fan of Sherlock Holmes? 

“See anything you like?” 

Vera jumped, turning to see Joan standing against the wall. She smiled slyly and walked over to Vera.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.” She handed Vera another glass of wine and sat down on the couch, patting the spot next to her.

Vera felt her heart start to beat a little faster as she slowly sat onto the couch, looking into Joan's eyes and drinking a sip of wine. Joan's eyes held amusement as she watched Vera, her hand moving under her cheek and resting her elbow against the back of the couch. 

“Did you see any favorite authors of yours in my collection, Vera?” Joan gestured towards the bookcase.

Vera felt a little embarrassed as she had only read a few classics. “Um, well, I have read _Oliver Twist_ and _A Christmas Carol_ by Charles Dickens. Other than that, I haven't read any other books that you have. But I am surprised that the formidable Joan Ferguson is a Sherlock Holmes fan,” Vera said smiling.

“Oh, there are quite a few things you don't know about me, Vera.” Joan smiled and leaned forward, closer to Vera, her legs touching hers. Vera gulped, her hands trembling slightly as her nerves started to get the best of her. She needed to calm down. Why was so she nervous? It was just Joan. Yeah, just Joan. Beautiful, tall, sexy, and intimidating Joan, who was looking at her a bit like the cat that ate the canary. 

“Um, d-do you have a favorite b-book?” Vera asked, cursing herself for starting to stutter a little.

Joan arched a dark eyebrow and glanced at the bookcase. “I have quite a few that I've enjoyed over the years. Some I grew up reading, and others I've read in later years.” Joan paused and took a sip of her wine. Vera waited as Joan turned towards her. “I quite enjoyed _The Count of Monte Cristo_ by Alexandre Dumas,” she said softly, looking down at her lap and back at Vera.

“That's about revenge, right?” Vera remembered that a movie was made in the early 2000's about it, but she hadn't taken the time to see it.

“Yes, essentially a good portion of it is about revenge. However, there is so much more to it than that. There always is a... reason for the actions of such a person. The main character, Edmond Dantes, spent years planning his revenge against those who betrayed him. He concealed who he was in order to do it, and had several aliases throughout the novel. It's an excellent story. You should try reading it sometime. Although I'd recommend not reading the abridged version. Reading the full novel will give you more appreciation for how everyone is connected.” Joan winked at her and stood up, walking over to her small stereo. “Would you like to listen to some music?”

Vera blinked, and watched Joan as she browsed through her collection.

“I haven't seen this many CDs in a while,” she teased, relaxing a little more as Joan turned to her and smiled.

“I prefer to sometimes still have a physical copy. Too many things are digital these days. Although I do have some music on my phone. Let's see. I have mainly opera and classical.” 

Vera smiled and walked over to see. “I don't really listen to opera or classical. You pick one.”

Joan opened her mouth in mock shock. “Vera! You must broaden your horizons more. Well, opera is an acquired taste I'd say. I'm used to it as it was something my fa--”

Joan stopped abruptly mid sentence, and Vera was unsure why. “It was what?” Vera asked softly, reaching over to caress Joan's arm. 

Joan stiffened a little under her touch, and then slowly relaxed, looking into Vera's eyes. “Opera was something my father listened to. He's—he's since passed, many years ago. It's still—it's still a difficult subject for me to discuss.”

Vera kept her hand slowly caressing Joan's arm. “I understand. We don't have to talk about that. How about we listen to classical?”

Joan's face had a distant look, her eyes looking a bit haunted. “Thank you, Vera. Classical we can do.” She smiled suddenly. “I have Bach, Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart, Satie, Faure, Bizet, Debussy, Lizst, just to name a few. And I also have some more modern classical composers in the last 20 years or so that are quite beautiful to listen to.”

Vera was startled at the abrupt change in Joan's demeanor. One minute she seemed lost, almost sad, and now smiling and enthusiastic as she listed off a long list of composers that Vera was only somewhat familiar with. 

“Hmm, I wouldn't know what to choose. So many. How about—how about something more modern?”

Joan smiled. “I think I have something you'll enjoy. But it is on my phone. Luckily I can just connect my phone to the stereo so you can best hear every note. Phone speakers are quite lacking in comparison.” She pulled out her phone and tapped at the screen, scrolling through it and Vera saw a small grin form on Joan's face as she turned and hooked up the phone to her speaker. She took Vera by the hand and lead her slowly back to the couch, holding her hand in between hers. Vera felt a soft vibration that was gently pulsing against her palm as she listened to the soft piano tones, a slow tinkle of notes almost like a babbling brook, as she closed her eyes listening. 

“It's beautiful, Joan. What is it called?” Vera whispered, feeling Joan caressing her hand and palm. 

“It's called Ambre by Nils Frahm. I felt a piano composer would be more... you. I'm glad you like it.” 

Vera nodded as she listened to it, relaxing further as she squeezed Joan's hand. When the song ended, she opened them to see Joan looking at her very intently. Time seeming to stop for a few seconds, before another song started playing. This one had even softer piano tones. Joan stood up and gently pulled Vera up, and brought her close to her body, looking down at her and smiling gently. Joan slowly brought up their hands and interlaced their fingers, as she swayed Vera back and forth in a slow and gentle dance. 

Vera felt like she was going to die from heart failure, as Joan pulled her closer, her cheek pressed against Joan's chest. She could now smell more of Joan's perfume, enveloping her senses. Joan gently guiding them slowly to the soft tones of the music, her other hand pressed firmly against the middle of Vera's back as she held Vera against her. Vera wrapped her other arm around Joan's waist. She could feel Joan's heart beating steadily, and she closed her eyes, relaxing as they swayed to the music.

She held her breath as she felt Joan's lips caress her hair as the music slowly came to a stop. She squeezed Joan as she looked up into her eyes. Joan's expression was soft and open. 

“Thank you for the dance,” Vera whispered, her lips and body trembling slightly. She could feel that vibration, like a hum through her body being this close to Joan.  


Joan smiled warmly and nodded her head, as she reached up and stroked Vera's hair, her hand gently coming to rest between her neck and shoulder. “It was my pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the date. I hope you enjoyed that. The chapter is longer than I have written before, but I felt it was deserving of a longer length. And yes I redid the dinner date from 3x8. It's not in the same timeline as season 3 but to make a nod to that dinner, and also make that dinner end nicer than it originally did. Hope you agree. :)
> 
> The Count of Monte Cristo is also one of my favorite books and I've always felt there are many similarities to it with Joan's quest for revenge, so I felt she'd also like this book. ;)
> 
> The music I chose for this are also two of my favorites. If you'd like to have a listen here are the links:
> 
> Ambre by Nils Frahm can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkbf1-cVUuY
> 
> And the one that played while they were dancing was Claire De Lune by Debussy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG-vmVrHOGE


	8. Chapter 8

Joan sat at her desk and sifted through paperwork. She was irritated. She had given Vera a simple assignment. Find a way to pin Franky Doyle for the garden contraband. Joan knew that she had pushed Vera hard. She believed Vera needed to step up and prove herself, but Vera had instead thought she found evidence that Fletcher was smuggling in contraband from Walford. While Joan was exasperated that Vera still couldn't manage to pin it on Doyle, she was impressed by Vera's initiative and how she stood up to her in her office. If only Fletcher actually had been smuggling in drugs; now that would have been very interesting indeed.

Joan sighed, and covered her mouth with her hand. It had been a week since that night at her house, when they had danced in the living room. She had felt such tenderness and longing in that moment, as her lips had kissed her hair. Vera had felt so soft and slight against her larger frame. Joan closed her eyes remembering the smell of her hair and perfume, and Vera's head on her chest, her soft breasts against her. When Vera had looked up at her, her blue eyes soft and bright, it had taken everything within her power not to kiss Vera in that moment. She hadn't kissed anyone since Jianna and it was something she wanted but felt apprehensive about.

Joan was unsure if she could entirely control herself with Vera if she did. When Joan had rested her hand on Vera's soft shoulder and neck, she wanted to drag her lips across her skin and kiss her throat. If she had, she wasn't sure if she could keep herself from biting Vera's soft delicate skin and drinking from her. This could not happen though. She could not let Vera know she was a vampire. The consequences of such knowledge were too great, and Vera would be horrified at such a revelation. She was not afraid Vera would tell anyone, as who would believe her, but there was still a concern even at that.

Joan thought again about what had happened with Fletcher. She had called Vera and coldly told her the details of what they had found, ending the call with telling Vera she was disappointed. She expected so much more at work. This was different than her private life. The two were completely separate. She could not give Vera preferential treatment just because she had feelings for her. It had pained her to have to be so harsh with Vera, but she could not accept anything less at her prison.

Joan tapped her pen against her hand and looked at the CCTV. She knew Vera was in Medical. Apparently she had slipped and fallen in the hallway near the dining room. Joan knew she needed to go down there and see how she was doing. She was concerned about her. Vera had been increasingly distracted lately. Joan knew she was stressed from taking care of her mother and working such long hours. The job was definitely important to her as it showed in her work ethic. She shook her head and stood up, straightening her uniform and walked out of her office.

She marched through the halls, her face and eyes hard as she made her way to Medical. What she was about to do would crush Vera, but it needed to be done for the greater good. Vera could not continue as she was and still survive at this prison.

Joan quietly stepped into Medical, turning her head to see Vera sitting on a medical bed, as Nurse Atkins was speaking to her. Joan slowly stepped forward.

“How is she, Nurse Atkins?”

“Well she has a sprained wrist, but with enough ice it should bring the swelling down. I don't think she should continue her shift though.”

Joan nodded and looked down at Vera. She was staring blankly at the wall, her hair loosened with one half of it falling to the side, and Joan could smell something strongly emanating from her. Was that vinegar?

“Vera,” she spoke softly. Joan narrowed her eyes after she didn't receive a response. This would not do. She leaned forward closer to Vera's face.

“Vera!” She spoke loudly and startled, Vera looked up at her, her eyes wet and wide. Joan felt her heart constrict. Vera was hurt and she wanted to comfort her, but she knew this was not what would help her in this moment.

As Joan stood closer to her, she sniffed. “What's that smell?”

Vera looked down, ashamed. “It's vinegar,” she whispered.

Joan felt an urge to touch Vera. No, do not do this Joan. You need to be strong. You're doing this for the greater good, for Vera's benefit. If she had to make difficult decisions, so be it. She had already done so the other night when she had to do away with Simone Slater.

“Oh, Vera," Joan said softly as she straightened her uniform and sat down next to her. “Vera, Vera, Vera...” The woman looked exhausted.

“The prisoners...” Vera let out a shaky breath, looking lost and dejected.

“There's no point looking to the prisoners for blame. What do you expect from them? They smell weakness, and of course they're going to attack. It's as instinctive as breathing. I think it might be best if you took some time off.” Vera's eyes were staring at the floor. Joan was sorry she had to do this, but everything she did was for the greater good, and that included Vera.

“You're too distracted. Your mother's illness, it's taken away your focus. Ms. Miles can assume your responsibilities.” Joan bit the side of her cheek as she was about to say this. She knew this would be the final blow that was needed to keep Vera on track.

“I guess I was wrong about you. You're just not up to it, are you?” Vera looked into her eyes, and Joan could see wetness around the whites. Vera was very close to tears. She knew Vera was hurt, and Joan wanted desperately to stop and hold her, but she could not.

“Go home, Vera. Take care of your mother.” Vera's eyes widened just a fraction, and she blinked and swallowed. Joan hoped Vera understood the double meaning behind her words. If Vera was brave enough to do so. If she was not, then Joan would gladly annihilate the woman herself.

 

* * *

 

Hours later, Joan had returned home. It had been a long day, and after the events of it she felt a need to hunt. She had gone far away from where she lived, and observed a man physically abusing his wife. He had left his home, and she followed him to a more secluded area. She had attacked him and dragged him into the dark. She was too fast for him to even know what happened and as he screamed, she had bit viciously into his skin. The only thing that kept her from killing him was that she didn't think he deserved to have it that easy, but it didn't mean she didn't want to. Joan had leaned in closely to his ear, and whispered to him in vivid detail that if he ever hurt his wife again, she would find him and rip his heart out.

Joan crossed her legs on her couch as she started to unwind from the day. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes, smiling softly as she relaxed and listened to the deep tones of the cello from Bach's Cello Suite No. 1, Prelude in G Major.

She opened her eyes as she heard a ping from her phone. Frowning, she unlocked her screen and saw that it was a text from Vera.

**_Joan are you awake?_ **

Joan furrowed her eyebrow. It was 10:30pm. Could Vera have done what she hoped? She quickly sent back a reply.

**_Yes, I'm awake. What's wrong?_ **

**_Can you please come over to the house?_ **

**_Did something happen Vera?_ **

Vera didn't reply for a few minutes, and Joan was starting to worry a little bit. Had she pushed her too far? Then another ping.

**_Yes... I need you_ **

Joan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she read that last text. She got up from her couch and walked to the bowl near the door, grabbing her jacket, car keys and purse, slipping on her shoes, and brushed her hair as she rushed out the door and into her car.

**_I'll be there shortly._ **

Joan knocked on Vera's door. She waited a couple minutes and didn't get a response. She sighed. Well, seeing as she had been invited in to Vera's home before, she opened the door and stepped inside. Joan walked into the living room and saw a mess of medications on the table, and clothes haphazardly thrown onto the chair. Her lips twitched at the clutter. She could hear soft crying in the hallway. Joan slowly walked down the hall and came to see Vera crying in a chair next to her mother's bed. Vera was so distraught she didn't even know that Joan was in the room.

Joan took a few steps closer and knelt down. “Vera,” she said softly.

Vera gasped and looked at Joan, and her face crumpled as she started to cry harder. “Joan, she's dead. She's dead. I did it. I k-k-killed her.” Vera sobbed and covered her face with her hands.

Joan glanced over at Rita's bed and back at Vera. She was proud of her. She did what was needed, what was right. Rita Bennett was a vile woman, and Vera was much better off without such a miserable distraction in her life.

Joan gently pulled Vera's hands away from her face. “Shh, shh, shh. Vera, you did the right thing. She was dying anyway. One could consider it a mercy killing.” Although Joan wouldn't have been so merciful if she had the chance to do it herself.

“Vera, let's go into the living room, okay? You shouldn't be in here.” Joan stroked Vera's hair as Vera nodded at her and sniffled, tears running down her face.

Joan took her hands and guided her up slowly and walked with her down the hall into the living room. She slowly moved Vera onto the couch. Joan held Vera's ankles and took off her shoes as she kept crying and covering her eyes with her hand.

“I can't believe I did that! What kind of person am I?” Vera dropped her hand from her face and looked into Joan's eyes. Joan had a moment wondering if it would have been easier if she had killed Rita, so as to not put Vera through so much anguish. However, this was the first step in Vera becoming a stronger person. She needed to take power back into her life.

Joan rested her hands on her shoulders. “You're a good person, Vera. You did not deserve to be treated so horribly by your mother. She was abusive. You treated her with more kindness than most people would when she was sick, and also in her death. You took her pain away, and you also took away yours. She's no longer a burden to you. You're free, Vera.”

Vera's breath caught as she heard those words, taking shuddering breaths. She quickly reached forward and hugged Joan tightly. Joan stiffened at the touch, not expecting the sudden embrace. She was uncomfortable about how to handle this type of situation. When her own father died, she had cried for a few minutes and then pushed down all the pain and guilt, and went about her day as if it had never happened. She later told herself that it was a necessity in order for her to live her life, to be able to function.

Joan's arms circled around Vera, holding her tightly. She stroked her hair and caressed her back. Vera cried more but it wasn't as hard as before, a sniffle here and there and Joan felt tears dampen her sweater. She kissed Vera's hair and forehead, murmuring soft words of comfort.

“Shh. It's all right, Vera. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here for you,” she whispered softly. Joan felt Vera slowly relax in her arms.

“Joan, I'm so sorry for what happened at work. I'm sorry for disappointing you.” Vera said in a small voice. Joan breathed deeply and pulled back to look into Vera's eyes as she cupped her face in her hands.

“Vera, don't worry about any of that right now. I demand a lot from you at work. It's just how I am, and always have been. You could never truly disappoint me.” She smiled and brushed Vera's hair behind her ear.

Vera teared up and nodded. Joan slowly stood up and dragged Vera gently with her.

“What are you doing?”

“Vera, I want you to go into the bathroom so you can take a bath. It'll relax you, and wash away what's happened today. You'll feel better.”

Joan pulled her by the hand and turned on the water, finding some lavender scented bubble bath and some bath salts. She tested the warmth of the water, hoping it wasn't too hot for Vera.

“Vera, let me help you,” Joan says softly. She wanted to help Vera undress, but nothing more than that. As much as she wanted to see Vera's naked body, she knew tonight was for comfort.

“B-but we—you haven't—you haven't seen me...” Vera whispered, looking away. Joan cupped her cheek and brought her chin up.

“Vera, I know I haven't. I'd love to see you... under different circumstances, but right now, all I want to do is take care of you. Please let me,” Joan said tenderly. She stroked Vera's cheek.

“All right,” Vera said and let out a shuddering breath. She lifts up her shirt and Joan pulls it up over her arms, her breath catching as she sees Vera in her bra, her breasts soft and firm. She leans down and helps Vera out of her pants, leaving her underwear on. Her body was petite and toned. Joan's hands tremble with trying not to touch and kiss Vera's skin. She looked into Vera's nervous eyes, and stroked her hair and face.

“You're beautiful Vera,” she said in a soft and husky voice. Vera blushes and averts her eyes. Joan slowly turns around with her back to Vera.

“I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I won't look while you change out of your... delicates,” Joan said, finishing the last part awkwardly, and cleared her throat. She could hear soft shuffling and then the splash of water and movement.

“Um... okay, Joan I'm in the tub,” Vera said in a calmer voice. Joan turned around and Vera had the water and bubbles surrounding her body. She looked so small in the tub, the only parts visible other than her face were her neck and narrow shoulders. Joan looked at her softly and walked over and knelt down next to the tub. Vera looked at her with wide eyes. Joan wordlessly took a small and soft washcloth and put some facial cleanser on it and gently wiped off the traces of dried tears on Vera's cheeks. Vera closed her eyes at the touch, letting out a soft breath.

Joan smiled and slowly turned to the back of the tub. She had a sudden memory, although faint, of herself being in tub similar to this one. She had been very young, and she had flashes of a tall, slender woman with dark hair like hers who gently washed her face and hair. Joan closed her eyes at the memory of her mother. She died when Joan was very young, and she didn't have too many memories of her. This one was a little more vivid though, and she swallowed as a lump formed in her throat. She exhaled slowly and grabbed a plastic cup that was on the rim of the tub and dipped it into the water, and gently brought it up to Vera's head, pouring the water over her head slowly, doing it a couple of times. She reached over to grab a bottle of shampoo and put it into her hands and slowly ran her fingers through Vera's hair, washing gently but thoroughly.

As she moved her hands through Vera's hair, she could hear Vera let out a soft, low moan. Joan stilled her fingers, closing her eyes at the sound, which was sweet and sensual. She smiled and kept washing her hair. When she was done, she rinsed Vera's hair and then started with conditioner, slowly moving her fingers through her hair and squeezing gently. Vera tilted her head forward. Joan could see her bare neck and shoulders and her nostrils flared. Don't do it, Joan. She bit her lip. You can control it. She leaned forward and gently brushed her lips across Vera's shoulder as she used the cup to get more water to rinse. When she was done she stroked Vera's hair and stood up.

“I'm going to get some pajamas for you. Come out when you're done.”

Joan went into Vera's bedroom and found a nice, soft cotton shirt and flannel pajama pants. These looked comfortable. She knocked on the door, and she averted her eyes and stared at the floor.

“Here you go.” Joan set it down on the sink and closed the door softly, walking to the living room, starting to pick up some of the clothes and clutter.

A few minutes later Vera walked out wearing the pajamas, with her hair brushed and damp. She looked tired but much better. She came over and sat down next to Joan. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, then she slowly crawled over and hugged Joan, wrapping her arms around her, one of Vera's legs resting on hers. Joan smiled and held Vera tightly to her, nuzzling her hair as she rested her cheek against her head.

“Thank you for doing that for me, Joan. It's been a long time since anyone has,” Vera said softly, rubbing her cheek against Joan's chest.

Joan closed her eyes, and slowly rubbed Vera's back. “No need to thank me, Vera.”

She felt Vera slowly move up and their faces were only inches apart. Vera was staring at her with an odd expression on her face, her eyes wandering over her face and lips. Joan felt her mouth go dry as she stared into her eyes.

“Vera?” Joan whispered, wondering if Vera was going to do what she thought she was.

Just as that thought came across her mind, Vera leaned forward and pressed her lips to hers. Joan stilled her hands on Vera's back, not kissing back at first. She could feel Vera's soft lips gently pressed to hers, and Vera pulled back. Joan sighed softly and slowly opened her eyes. Vera was looking at her anxiously.

Joan's nostrils flared as she inhaled sharply and wrapped her hand around the back of Vera's neck and pulled her firmly to her lips, kissing Vera back. She felt Vera's lips move against hers, caressing softly. Joan felt her heart beating faster as she kissed Vera slowly, running her fingers through her hair and stroking her neck. She felt Vera gently caress her arms as she wrapped her arms around her back.

Joan moaned softly into her mouth, feeling Vera's warm body against hers, her arms wrapped tightly around her. Joan felt Vera's tongue lick her lower lip and she opened her mouth as she rolled her tongue over Vera's, kissing passionately. Joan hadn't felt anything like this, not even with Jianna. She felt like her body was on fire, similar to when she fed but in a different way. It was a different type of hunger that she felt with Vera.

Joan could feel Vera trembling slightly, and then felt a wetness on her lips, tasting the salty residue of tears. She held Vera tighter and slowed their kissing down. She stroked Vera's hair and kissed the corner of her mouth gently. She reached up and stroked away the tears that streaked Vera's cheek.

“I'm sorry,” Vera whimpered and looked down, embarrassed.

Joan felt her heart break at the broken tone, and took Vera into her arms and held her in her lap. Vera wrapped her arms around her and cried against Joan's neck. Joan shushed her and spoke soft words to her. A memory of a woman holding and rocking Joan flashed through her mind. Her mother holding her and rocking her as Joan cried over something. Joan kissed Vera's face and forehead as she slowly rocked her in her arms. Joan could feel Vera's body relax and grow heavy against her. She soon realized that Vera had fallen asleep in her arms, exhausted by the day's events.

Joan smiled softly and kissed Vera's temple, slowly gathering Vera against her, and carried her down the hallway and into her bedroom.

She laid Vera down gently onto her bed, and slowly helped her move under the covers. Gently tucking the covers around her shoulders. Vera moved onto her side and sighed softly. Joan should leave now. Vera was safely in bed and finally asleep.

Yet... she didn't want to leave. She slowly moved onto the bed and under the covers, wrapped her arms around Vera and pulled her back to her front, spooning her. She smelled Vera's hair which was clean and sweet from the shampoo, nuzzling her neck. She bit back a moan. She couldn't. Not with Vera. She squeezed her and kissed her head, feeling Vera grow heavier against her as she breathed slowly and evenly.

Joan supposed now would be a time to rest. She took one final kiss to Vera's shoulder and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol so this was much longer than I expected to write. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. :)
> 
> If you'd like to hear the music by Bach that Joan listened to, here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuHQgmoSKGs
> 
> Also I updated pretty soon after my previous chapter, so if you haven't read chapter 7, please do so! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Joan lunged towards her opponent, hitting his chest with her epee. She had a long week. Bea Smith was failing in her duty to take down Franky Doyle. The woman kept repeating she would take care of it in her own time. Joan was starting to wonder if she needed to move onto someone else, or take matters into her own hands. She would not continue to have drugs in this prison. She had to push Bea to do what she needed to do, so Joan ordered a new TV, and ordered her to see her in her office. Joan did this in an effort to make Franky paranoid about who had lagged, who was the informer. She had smiled as she remembered meeting Bea in the corridor, and noticed Franky watching them at the end of the hall, trying to remain hidden around the corner.

_“Do you really think you can bribe me?”_

_“Sorry?”_

_“The television.”_

_“You didn't request a television? Perhaps you're reading a little much into it, hmm?”_

_"Oh, yeah, me and everyone else. Doesn't exactly look good. But I guess that's your plan, right?”_

_“How long did you allow your husband to beat you, before you decided to make a stand?”_

Joan advanced towards the man she was against, clashing and hitting his epee with hers. She was aggressive tonight. She had to control her speed as it would look unnatural for her to move faster than what was normal for the human eye. She took a few steps onto the mat, carefully watching him. She would always win as her reflexes were too fast. However, when it came to winning, she was having a hard time trying to keep things under control at her prison. Every time she seemed to make progress, there was always something. Doreen Anderson becoming pregnant and not saying who was the father.

It reminded her too much of Jianna when she had been pregnant. It had distracted Joan throughout the day, often leaving her preoccupied. Vera had noticed, and it was hard for Joan as she knew Vera would not understand. She felt she had hurt Vera as she had been a little distant since the night after her mother died. That night she had held Vera and comforted her, and she felt so many conflicting feelings that she was a bit overwhelmed. Joan often found herself thinking about their kiss, Vera's soft lips moving under hers. Joan could not afford to have another distraction, so she kept her distance outside of work. She would make it up to Vera soon, but she could not lose her focus.

Joan had to go through extreme measures in order to get Doreen to admit to being pregnant. She had been extremely irritated with Doreen's lies, however the pregnancy ended up being to her advantage as she could use it to implicate Will Jackson. Sometime after that she had attempted to have Jackson taken out. Joan would have gladly killed him herself, but she had to make it look like an accident. If she could have it her way, and wasn't bound by the law, or trying to keep her job, she would rip his throat out. Unfortunately, she cared too much about her job and what she had built for herself than to risk such a thing. She had to keep a low profile.

Vera had blossomed since she relieved herself of her mother, having more confidence and a little bit of a no-nonsense attitude. Vera was far more efficient and she accepted everything Joan did with little to no questions. Joan knew Vera was confused why Joan made the decisions she did. Framing Will Jackson was paramount to destroying him. She didn't just want to kill him, she wanted him to be ruined, to suffer. Just like Jianna and Shayne had suffered, just like she had suffered almost 20 years ago. If there was anything she learned from her father, it was to be ruthless. This was something that she had clashed about with her Maker many times. He had once been ruthless as well, but overtime had changed and tried to teach her that life didn't always require her to be that way. It had been a very difficult time for her in the first few years.

Her father's influence was very strong, but her Maker did instill in her to be discriminate with those she fed off of or killed. For a vampire, he was a rather compassionate man. It was why he took her in. He saw the pain she was going through as he himself had experienced similar loss. He would be disappointed with her for letting hate take over her heart, but she could not forgive what had happened to Jianna. So she became hardened, bitter, cold. It wasn't until she began interacting with Vera that she felt some of that lift. She didn't know why it was happening. Vera was not the first woman she encountered with her personality or traits. This pull to Vera, it was almost against her will. Joan ignored that nagging worry of what it meant; that her heart was letting someone in.

Joan lunged again and hit her opponent. She breathed in deeply as she took off her mask and shook the man's hand. She walked back to the bench and started to take off her fencing jacket.

“Joan...” She closed her eyes as she heard that familiar Russian accent.

“You're distracted, Joan.”

“What are you talking about? I just defeated him.”

“You know what I'm referring to. You're distracted by Vera Bennett.”

Joan tightened her jaw. “I am _not_ distracted!” She turned towards him and flung her fencing gloves into her mask.

“Yes, you are, Joan. I told you emotions would lead to mistakes. It's stopping you from doing what you need to do.” Joan sighed and closed her eyes, grinding her teeth. She had started seeing her father off and on over the years. She felt it was her way of coping with his death, and other times she wondered if she was truly insane. She marched over to him. “I can do both. She is not stopping me from my objectives.” She shook her head at him, feeling stuck between two sides of herself.

“Aaron... he wouldn't have had a problem with this,” she whispered.

“Aaron has not been in your life for as long as I have. And where is he now? He was weak. He could not handle your decision to go after your enemies. He let himself be ruled by emotion. He was pathetic.”

Her lips twitched and ran her hand through her hair. Her hands starting to shake in her anger. “Do not _dare_ speak about my Maker in such a way. He—he was more of a father to me than you ever were!” He stared silently at her and it took her a few seconds to realize that her phone was making a text alert sound. She sighed and moved away from him. She widened her eyes as she saw it was Vera.

**_Joan I know you've been busy, but would you want to go out to dinner tonight?_ **

Joan swallowed and turned around to look at her father but he was no where to be seen. She closed her eyes in relief. She held her phone and smiled as she typed out a response.

**_I would love to. Wear something nice. Can I pick you up at 6:30?_ **

**_Sounds good. I'll see you then._ **

Joan drove home and showered. Moving around her bedroom a bit frantically as looked through her clothing. She decided on a form fitting black tailored suit with a white dress shirt underneath and simple black heels. She brushed her hair, the black and silver tresses looking soft and sleek. She grabbed her purse and drove to Vera's house.

Walking up to Vera's door, she rang the doorbell. It was a only a minute or so before Vera opened the door. Joan's eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. Vera was dressed in a sleeveless navy blue dress that hugged her figure, the length of it not too long or short, stopping just below mid thigh. Her hair was flowing around her shoulders in soft waves. She was wearing a little bit more makeup than usual, her blue eyes standing out even more, highlighting her features. Joan swallowed and smiled at Vera.

“You look lovely,” she said softly. Vera's face lit up at the compliment and she blushed, her cheeks a faint pink.

“Thank you, Joan. You look very nice as well.”

“Shall we?” At Vera's nod, she took her hand and walked them to her car, opening the door for her. As she drove, she played some music on low as Vera quietly chatted about her day at work. Joan spoke more to her about Will Jackson and Bea Smith, and what they needed to be prepared for that.

“Where are we going, Joan?”

Joan gave a side grin as she drove. “You'll see.” She drove to a restaurant that was near the beach, one that overlooked the water.

As they walked inside, it was a quiet ambient atmosphere that played soft smooth jazz. They walked to a table that had a large view of the water.

“This—this is beautiful, Joan. I haven't been to a place like this.”

“You haven't? Well, I'm glad this is something you're experiencing for the first time with me,” Joan smiled. Vera displayed some of her usual shyness as she glanced around and at the water through the window, looking at her menu. Joan ordered wine for them both.

“Have you been here before, Joan?” Vera watched as a waiter came back to pour them their wine, asking them what they'd like to order. After they were finished ordering, Joan handed him their menus.

“I have been here, but not in a long time. I decided it would be a nice place for us to try tonight. They often play smooth jazz, and sometimes they play big band,” she smiled.

"I love it," Vera said smiling.

As the evening went on, they ate and Joan listened to Vera talk about her week, nodding and asking questions at the appropriate times. She couldn't help but smile at Vera, who was so bubbly as she described what she did during the week and during her time off.

“I missed you, though,” Vera said looking at Joan, her blue eyes soft and vulnerable.

Joan took a sip of her wine. “I know that it's been a difficult week for you, Vera. It has been for both of us. I'm—I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you as I could have been,” she said quietly looking down at her wine glass.

“I understand, Joan. I just wanted to let you know.”

Joan stared at her for a few seconds. She had missed Vera too. She felt guilty that she couldn't spend time with her. The time at the prison demanded so much of her. She demanded so much of herself.

“I missed you, too,” she said quietly.

Vera smiled gently, then cleared her throat, her smile turning more playful. “So... other than intimidating people at Wentworth, and collecting pencils, what do you like doing in your free time?”

Joan raised her eyebrow. Vera was teasing her and she found it amusing.

She grinned. “Ha. Hmm... I do like my pencils, but let's see... reading as you know, and of course music is nice for relaxation. I greatly enjoy fencing. I was fencing earlier before your text about tonight. And sometimes I like going to the opera. Gardening. The flowers I had on the table, and the one I had given you were from there, if you remember.”

Vera grinned. “I do remember. How could I not? They were beautiful. The one you gave me I put into a small vase of water when I got home. The color was pretty. Normally I see so many red roses in bouquets. What made you give me that color, the yellow with the rip tips? Not that I'm complaining that is.”

Joan had to keep her facial expression neutral; her lips still in a small smile. Joan knew what the color represented. Friendship and falling in love. Was she falling in love? She thought of Vera as a friend... no, she was more than a friend, but love? Love she wasn't sure about. She was definitely infatuated with Vera, that was for sure.

“I thought it was a beautiful color. It's one that I don't see that often all the time, which I think describes you perfectly. You're... unique, Vera.”

Vera blushed and smiled. “Oh, I don't know about that,” she laughed nervously, looking away.

Joan furrowed her eyebrow. Vera still didn't think too highly of herself. She reached over and took Vera's hand.

“I do know, Vera. You are _unique_. You're... special,” Joan said softly, smiling as she stroked her thumb over Vera's knuckles.

Vera looked down at their hands and then raised her eyes to meet Joan's. “Thank you,” she said sweetly.

Joan and Vera ate dessert as they talked softly. A few times Vera would stop and glance out the window as she viewed the water, and her eyes would come back to see that Joan was watching her, and she would blush. Joan noticed there were a few couples dancing. Should she? She never danced in public. Just then Witchcraft by Frank Sinatra started playing. One way to make this special for Vera, she thought.

She stood up and held out her hand to Vera. “May I have this dance?” Vera's mouth dropped open.

“Oh no, no. I couldn't Joan,” she smiled and laughed, shaking her head.

Oh... she's too embarrassed. Well she'd have to change that. “Come on, Vera. Dance with me.” She crooked her finger towards Vera, beckoning her as she smiled playfully.

Vera sighed and got up, smiling. “Ooh all right. But I don't know what I'm doing.”

Joan curled her lips and took Vera into her arms. Holding both their arms out to the side as she took her hand, standing in a ballroom pose. She took Vera's other arm gently and rested it on her shoulder as she firmly held Vera by her lower back with her other hand.

She dipped her head to Vera's ear, whispering, “Trust me. Follow my lead.” Vera made eye contact with her, blushing as she nodded. Joan smiled and slowly started to guide her around the dance floor. She smiled and winked at Vera as she heard the lyrics.

_“Those fingers in my hair._

_That sly come-hither stare._

_That strips my conscience bare._

_It's witchcraft.”_

Joan mouthed, “It's witchcraft” to Vera and Vera beamed. “We slow danced, but I didn't know you knew how to ballroom dance, Joan. When did you learn this?”

Joan spun Vera around and she giggled. Joan held her close and looked into her eyes, smirking. “Oh, I learned a long time ago. I haven't done this for some time, however.” Which was true, she hadn't danced like this in a long time. Aaron had taught her. He loved Frank Sinatra. As soon as Joan heard the song, she knew she had to dance with Vera. Her Maker was a fan of ballroom, and many forms of traditional dance. She was highly resistant at first, but he told her that she needed to learn to have fun, to live a little more. She had scoffed and rolled her eyes as he said this. When he told her she'd be a natural because of fencing, she begrudgingly agreed. She was surprised to find she actually quite enjoyed it.

As the song ended, she dipped Vera and Vera giggled. Joan's hair softly fell forward and she stared into Vera's eyes, their lips close. She could feel Vera's breath against her lips. She raised her head, and slowly pulled them up, her arms around Vera.

“Thank you for dancing with me.”

Vera smiled shyly. “You're welcome...”

“Come, let's go have a walk outside, hmm? Along the beach. It's still warm out.” Vera nodded and Joan took her hand.

They slowly walked along the beach, both their shoes off as their feet sunk into the damp sand. Joan could smell the salt of the ocean air.

Vera squeezed her hand as they walked. “Thank you for taking me here tonight, Joan.”

Joan looked down at her and smiled. “You're welcome. It was... fun.” Vera nodded, smiling.

They stopped and watched the water, looking up at the sky, the ocean waves a soothing sound in the night. Vera shivered slightly, and Joan wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her back. She nuzzled Vera and kissed her forehead. Her lips trailing along her cheek and jaw, soft tender kisses as she found her lips. Vera kissed her back, slowly moving her lips under hers. Joan sucked Vera's lip and bit gently, kissing a little harder as she cupped her cheek. Vera gasped into her mouth. Vera sucked her tongue, and Joan moaned softly. That was new... she hadn't experienced that before. Where had Vera learned this? Stop analyzing, Joan. She kissed Vera more passionately, her hands roaming over her back, reaching one hand down to squeeze her butt. Vera trembled in her arms and stroked her neck and cheek, as their lips caressed, tongues softly danced and rolled.

Joan was so consumed by their kiss, that she didn't hear the footsteps of the figure that approached them.

“Well, well, well... what's this?” A deep male voice asked.

Joan froze, and quickly broke their kiss. Startled, Vera looked up at her and back at the man.

He was tall, taller than Joan. With dark brown hair and dark eyes. His pale skin translucent in the moonlight. Joan felt her mouth go dry, her body tensing.

“Two lovely women kissing at the beach. How romantic,” he said mockingly.

Joan's breathing started becoming shallow as she felt anxiety gripping her. She couldn't believe she didn't hear him come up to them. She dug her nails into her palm hard.

“What do you want?” Joan kept her arm around Vera, as he stood calmly watching them.

“Oh, just some fun,” he said lightly. He smiled at them. “I've been watching you two. I'm surprised though, that someone like you wouldn't notice that you were being watched.”

Joan furrowed her eyebrow. She had been so focused on the night with Vera. She wanted to slap herself for not being more aware of her surroundings.

“Please, we don't want any trouble,” Vera said nervously. She moved out from under Joan's arms, and opened her purse. “If you want money--”

As Vera was reaching out for her wallet, the man raced forward before Joan had time to react and he grabbed Vera, pulling her back to his front.

“I don't want any trouble either, babe,” he smiled and kissed her cheek, as he turned toward Joan and smiled, opening his mouth as fangs clicked out.

Joan's lips twitched and she felt her heart beating fast. She was going to kill him. “Let her go,” she said in a low dangerous voice.

Vera looked horrified and looked to the side, seeing his fangs and screamed. He covered her mouth with a gloved hand.

“How long were you going to keep this one alive? Or were you planning on turning her?” He tilted her head, stroking her neck with his fingertips. “She has a very soft neck. It would be a pity if I had to break her delicate skin.”

Vera's eyes watered and she whimpered. Joan felt her blood boiling in rage. “I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Vera,” she said as she opened her mouth and her fangs came out. Vera's eyes widened in shock. Joan didn't have time to deal with her reaction. Her life was in danger.

“Oh now you've really come out to play,” he laughed and moved his face towards Vera's neck.

She moved so fast that she shoved him forward, her hand punching his chest, breaking his grip on Vera and Vera fell onto the ground.

Joan growled and held him to the ground, putting her whole weight onto him.

“You want to threaten me? I don't even think you're that old, are you? Otherwise you wouldn't do something this reckless, and _idiotic_ so out in the open. Too bad for you. I'm older and faster, stronger,” she said in a low, dangerously calm voice.

“I didn't know you weren't going to kill her. I thought we could share,” he growled back.

Joan's eyes narrowed, and she lifted her hand and hit him hard, blood spurting out of his mouth and nose. “You threatened her. You were going to take her and kill her. She is mine! You fucked with the wrong vampire,” she growled. She bit into his neck hard, ripping into his skin. As she held him down, she hissed as she felt a sudden burning and squeezing around her neck, gasping loudly, as she let him go. He laughed as he pushed her down onto her back, and squeezed a chain of silver around her neck.

“You didn't fucking expect that, did you bitch?” He growled and pressed it deeper into her throat. She started to feel it burning her skin, and she panted at the pain, hissing.

“JOAN!” Vera screamed. Joan felt her body weakening as he held the silver chain against her. She had to do something, but the silver was incapacitating her, as if her head was trapped against the sand. She wrapped her hands around his throat, squeezing hard and pushing against him. He growled as he pushed back harder. She kept squeezing his throat tighter, her nails digging into his skin, when suddenly she heard a female's voice yelling at them.

“JACOB! As your Maker I command you to let her go!” The vampire known as Jacob growled and looked back at the blonde haired woman who was his Maker. He rolled his eyes, and released the silver around her neck.

She coughed and hissed, slowly sitting up and rubbing her neck, the skin red and sore, burn marks in the shape of the chain around her neck. She slowly stood up and looked up to see a beautiful blonde woman.

Joan felt tension in her as she moved into a bit of a defensive position.

“Relax, I'm not going to hurt you... or your mate. My progeny didn't know this. I'm sorry for that.”

Joan slowly nodded. “Thank you." She wiped the blood off her mouth.

“I didn't know, Renee.” The woman smacked the back of his head. “Go back home, NOW. I will deal with you later.” He made a face and then bolted from the beach. She turned and looked towards Joan. “I hope there are no hard feelings.”

Joan blinked and shook her head. “As long as he doesn't come near her again,” she said.

The woman called Renee narrowed her eyes, and then slowly dipped her head. “He won't.” And then she turned around and ran off into the distance.

Joan sighed and covered her eyes, rubbing them. She didn't want Vera to find out this way. This would be horrifying to the woman, traumatic. She retracted her fangs and slowly turned around.

Vera was huddled on the beach, staring at Joan in shock and fear. Joan slowly stepped towards her. But Vera backed away, and she started panting, breathing fast, taking large gasps of air. She's having a panic attack, Joan thought sadly. She knelt next to Vera.

"Vera," she said softly, reaching out to touch her.

“No,” she gasped. “No. Don't. You—what are you? I can't—I can't breathe,” she said, struggling to get air into her lungs. “You lied—you lied to me, Joan.”

“Vera, you're having a panic attack. You need to calm down.”

“Calm down?! I-I can't.” She started hyperventilating more and Joan spoke softly and calmly to her. “Breathe, Vera. It's just a reaction. Breathe with me.” She took slow breaths with Vera, stroking her arms, and held her hand against Vera's heart gently. “There you go, in and out, slowly,” she whispered. “In... and out...”

Vera started to calm down, as her breathing came back under control. Joan stroked her hair, watching her with concern in her eyes.

Vera stared at her, then jerked her head back, moving away from her. “Don't touch me!” Joan felt like someone was squeezing her heart painfully as Vera moved away from her in fear.

“Vera, please. I'm sorry you had to find out this way.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?!”

Joan bit her lip as she stayed silent.

“I'll take that as a no,” Vera spat and picked up her shoes.

Joan gently grabbed her arm. “Vera. It's complicated, but I was afraid. I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to protect you. Please believe me.”

“Why should I? For all I know, you were just planning on killing me!”

Joan winced, shaking her head. “No, Vera. That's _not_ true, and you know it,” she hissed.

Vera looked into her eyes. She looked wary, confused, and scared. “I don't know what to think, Joan,” she whispered as she moved away from Joan and ran down the beach. Joan felt her heart break as Vera ran away from her. She knew this would happen.

“Vera! Vera come back!” Joan screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs away and hides* 
> 
> OKAY! So that chapter was, once again, a lot longer than I ever thought it was going to be lol. 
> 
> If you haven't heard Witchcraft by Frank Sinatra, here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFmNgiEgPoQ
> 
> Also the suit that Joan wears is inspired by a pic I saw Pamela Rabe wear at some event. Here is a link for that: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cp6ATgfXYAAmuUh.jpg
> 
> So it's finally happened. What do you think Joan is going to do? What will Vera do? Let me know in the comments or if you'd like to message me on twitter or tumblr you can. :)


	10. Chapter 10

Joan put her hands against her head and gripped her hair, falling to her knees and hitting the sand. The damp sand was rough and course against her hands. She punched the ground.

She knew this would happen. Vera was afraid of her. Afraid of her for good reason. Joan was not a good person and now that Vera knew, she couldn't possibly want to be with Joan again after this. This much was apparent as she had flinched away from Joan's touch.

She wanted to run after her, but knew that she'd only push Vera away. Her heart felt a heaviness she hadn't felt in quite some time; as if her heart was being held in a vice grip. Her father was right. Emotions lead to mistakes. She smacked the side of her cheek.

She should never have gotten involved. Vera was almost killed because of her. Vera could be killed for being with her. Joan slowly stood up and lifted her hand and balled it into a fist, hitting her torso.

Joan didn't want to feel anything. She didn't want to feel what she was feeling now. How was she going to deal with this?

Vera wouldn't say anything, she was sure of it. Or would she? It would not be the first time someone had found out about her. No one would believe Vera even if she did. Still Joan worried about the thought of Vera turning against her.

Her father had warned her. She had left herself open for attack. How could she be so stupid?

Joan took a shuddering breath. She was stupid for letting it go this far. She should have stayed away as soon as Vera told her about feeling the vibration.

She should have fought harder against it. Joan rubbed her eyes. But she couldn't exactly fight against the pull she had to Vera. It was magnetic. She was damned if she did, damned if she didn't.

Vera was probably almost back to the restaurant. Joan suddenly remembered that she had driven them. Vera wouldn't be able to get back home without her.

Her head snapped up. The two vampires she saw tonight. The blonde vampire told her that he would stay away, but she didn't know them. How was she to trust that neither would try anything. The narrowing of Renee's eyes was enough to make her worried. Damn it. She had just wasted time. She should have gone after Vera sooner.

She ran down the beach and as soon as she got to the restaurant, she didn't see Vera anywhere. She walked through it, asking if anyone had seen the petite woman.

She got to her car and still no sign of her. She hit the top of the car.

"Damn it." She took out her phone and called Vera.

"Come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up." She heard Vera's voicemail message. She sighed and hung up. She tried again and waited, her hand gripping the phone. She heard the voicemail message again.

"Vera. I know you're upset and don't want to see or talk to me right now. But I need to know that you're safe. Call or text me back." Joan paused and sighed. "Please," she said quietly as she ended the call.

She got in her car and stared at her phone. What if something happened to Vera? Her fingers hovered over the keys as she typed out a message.

**_Vera. Pick up your damn phone. I need to know that you're okay._ **

Joan waited. Still no response. She let out a frustrated breath.

**_Vera. I don't know if you've heard my voicemail. I understand if you can't talk to me right now. I drove you here. Let me know you're all right._ **

She wanted to scream as she waited. Still no response. She started her car, driving around and looking for Vera. If she was hurt or worse, she would not forgive herself.

She stopped at a light and grabbed her phone again.

_**Vera, so help me, if you don't text or call me back I will turn this area upside down. I need to know that you're safe.** _

As she text that she heard a loud honk from behind her and saw that the light was green for her. Oh someone was impatient. She tossed her phone into the passenger seat and stepped out, stalking over to the car behind her. The woman behind the wheel looked up, and her eyes grew wide as they stared at her.

Joan firmly hit the window. Hard enough but not too hard, making the woman jump. Joan smirked. She spoke loudly through the window for the woman to hear.

"Now, I've had a long day. If you could kindly fuck off instead of being so impatient, it would be very much appreciated." Joan glared at her and walked away as the woman dropped her mouth open. She sped off in her car, and then heard a ping from her phone. She grabbed it. Vera.

**_I took a cab. I'm safe._ **

Joan breathed a sigh of relief. The text was short and terse, and Joan frowned. She shook her head. Maybe it was easier this way. Easier to let go, she thought agonizingly.

She drove home and sat in her car for a few minutes, staring at the text Vera last sent her. Her fingers twitched as she held them over the keys. No, don't text her. Just leave her alone.

She walked into her house and stared at the kitchen table. She kicked off her shoes. The events of the night came crashing down on her.

Joan thought about how she danced with Vera. The woman light in her arms and how she smiled as she lead her around, the soft giggling Vera did when she turned and dipped her. She closed her eyes as she thought about their kiss, she lifted her finger and touched her lips.

Then she thought about how that man had grabbed Vera, his lips on her cheek, the fear and tears in Vera's eyes. The fear and anger in them after she approached Vera. Her backing away from her touch. The pain and rejection that Joan felt as Vera ran away from her. She felt like her heart was being squeezed tightly, her breathing becoming faster. All of these thoughts and feelings came bubbling to the surface, overwhelming her.

“Joan, look what's happened to you. You've become weak. You've let this woman in. I warned you about emotions.” She closed her eyes as she heard her father. He was standing to the side of her table.

She took shallow breaths, her heart beating faster. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“You're upset and angry. You're losing control, Joan. I'm disappointed.”

She stared at him, feeling something inside her snap. “Well, I'm _so_ sorry to have been such a disappointment to you!”

“You have to regain control. You know what you need to do. You must take care of her, Joan. You've done it before.”

Joan stared at him incredulously. “Those times were different,” she hissed.

“They were not, Joan. This is no different. You've let your guard down, and now she will take advantage of that. She knows what you are. You should have let him kill her. Instead you've exposed yourself to your enemy. Why is she so different?”

Why was she different? She wasn't afraid to kill others in order to keep her identity secret. Vera was not like the others. She shook her head and let out a small scream. She turned and picked up the bowl of her goldfish staring at it and smashing it to the ground. The broken glass giving her some small satisfaction. She flipped over the glasses on the kitchen counter, watching them break. Grabbing more glasses and smashing them to the ground. She opened her kitchen drawer moving her hands through the perfectly aligned silverware. She picked up another piece of glass, breaking it as she slid to the ground, tears running down her face. She sobbed as she stared at the mess of her kitchen.

She felt strong arms wrap themselves around her, and she pushed away from them, but they held onto her. She looked up and saw the familiar blue eyes looking down at her. She felt a hand stroking her hair slowly.

She blinked and opened her mouth, feeling her breath catch. “Aaron?”

He smiled gently and nodded at her. He held her against him, looking into her eyes. He hadn't changed since she last saw him, although the wavy light brown locks of his hair was shorter. He was hundreds of years old, the exact age she wasn't quite sure, but he had the appearance of someone who was in their mid to late 20's.

“What are you doing here?” She rasped. He slowly stood them up and walked them to her couch.

“My child, I can always sense when you are in great pain. I'm still your Maker, after all. Just because I haven't seen you in a few years, doesn't mean the ties of our blood aren't strong. Tell me, why are you so upset? I haven't seen you like this since I first made you into my progeny.”

Joan sighed and closed her eyes. “It's too much to explain,” she said quietly.

“Well, I have all the time in the world.” He looked at her and raised his eyebrows. She frowned and let out a long breath. She began telling him about her time at Wentworth, and her closeness to Vera, what had happened between them. How she didn't think she could control how she felt.

“It—it frightens me. I haven't felt this way before, not since becoming a vampire,” she whispered, averting her eyes away from him.

She felt fingertips along her jaw as he slowly turned her face towards him. “What are you afraid of Joan?”

She stared at him and tightened her jaw. “The last time I felt this way about anyone, they died. Death surrounds me. I feel—I don't want to feel. I can't do emotion.”

Her Maker sighed. “Joan, I know your father did a number on you. But he was wrong. There is nothing wrong with feeling emotions. You have them already. You've always had them. Accept that you always will. It's what we do with our emotions that makes us who we are.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “You do not understand.”

Aaron stared at her hard and didn't say anything for a couple minutes. He looked away and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he brought his hands up and folded them, his hands touching his lips. He sighed and turned to her. “I do understand Joan, more than you know. I've seen enough in my lifetime. Spent too long shutting down my emotions for self preservation. You're doing the same. You've always done this.”

Joan looked down at her hands, nodding slowly. “There is something else...” She said quietly.

He looked at her patiently, waiting for her to continue.

“She... Vera... she has felt a vibration from me,” she said in a hushed voice.

Aaron closed his eyes and nodded. “I suspected as much. You know what this means, don't you?”

“Yes,” she whispered. Her lips quivered and she let out a shaky breath.

“It's not a bad thing, Joan,” he said gently. He reached over and took her hand.

“How is it not? I've done things I never thought I'd do with her. She was not meant to be more than an ally at Wentworth.”

He squeezed her hand. “Love often sneaks up on us.”

“Love? I don't know what that is anymore.”

“Time will tell, Joan. You can't fight this. She is connected to you, and you to her. Once this happens to us, nothing can sever it. I _know_ that you know this, Joan. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.”

“She is afraid of me,” she said and felt fresh tears start again, rolling down her cheeks.

Aaron lifted his hand and wiped her tears with his thumb. “I can't read her mind, but I can guess she has had a reaction to what happened tonight. She's in shock. But it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.”

Joan scoffed. “She doesn't love me.”

Aaron looked into her eyes. “I think she does, Joan. And because of that, I don't think you have too much to worry about.”

She stared into his eyes, and slowly nodded. “What should I do?”

“Give her some time,” he said. He snapped his head up and turned towards the door. “Looks like she didn't need much time after all.”

She furrowed her eyebrow. “What?” As she said that she heard a knock at her door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed meeting Aaron. I wanted to redo the scene where she has her breakdown during the 3x08 "Goldfish." Hope you liked the little changes. :) 
> 
> Visually if people are curious, Aaron's look is inspired by Alex Pettyfer. Here is a pic of how I pictured him: http://68.media.tumblr.com/a585779a5e871ee49542db344455d519/tumblr_n09m5tL0Gd1qlch1po1_500.png
> 
> Side note: I accidentally put into the previous chapter, that Renee called Jacob her protege. I meant to say progeny and I have since edited it. So when Aaron calls Joan his progeny, this is why. This much I am taking from True Blood. If you're unfamiliar with the show, a progeny is simply the term for what someone is called when they're turned into a vampire.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this pretty fast and close together between chapters 10 and 11, so make sure you read chapter 10 first before you read this one. Enjoy! :)

Vera ran down the beach, her eyes burning with her tears. She heard Joan scream her name and couldn't bear to turn around after the look of pain she saw in Joan's eyes as she left. She was breathing hard and she came to a stop, her hands on her knees. She wheezed, out of breath. 

She stopped and looked around. Should she even be out here at night? She suddenly realized she was completely alone. Alone after a man attacked her, not just any man, a—a vampire. She shook her head. Was that what they were? Actual vampires? She saw the fangs he had, remembered the speed at which he moved as he grabbed her, holding her back against his chest. She shuddered as she remembered him kissing her cheek. 

And then there was Joan. Joan as she said she was sorry Vera had to find out this way right before she saw long fangs pop out. Her heart had felt like it was going to jump out of her chest as that man had moved his face towards her neck. Joan had moved so fast that she was on the ground before she even knew exactly what happened. She couldn't believe this. Vera pinched herself to see if it was real. Unfortunately it was very real. She ran back to the restaurant and stood outside. Oh, that's right. They had driven in Joan's car. She sighed and pulled out her phone as she called a cab. Luckily one was nearby and could be here soon.

She rubbed her face and looked around, waiting closer to the restaurant so she could be more in the light, not too far away from the people inside. Who knew where that man and woman were. She closed her eyes as she remembered Joan biting into his neck, the horror of the violence she witnessed. Vera shivered. Was she that surprised that Joan would do that? Joan was a tough and formidable governor at Wentworth, often striking fear into the people around them just with the soft tone of her voice. It often contrasted with the awkward, and at times romantic and slightly playful Joan Ferguson she had come to know outside of work. 

Vera couldn't help but feel fear strike into her heart as she watched Joan attack that man, even if it was to protect her. That fear was made worse as she had watched Joan being held down with a chain wrapped tightly around her neck, Joan struggling against him. In some ways that scared her more than anything else.

Vera hailed down the cab and got into the car, telling him the address of her house. She suddenly felt exhausted and she rested her head against the back of the seat, her eyes tired as they stared out at the window. What a fucking night. 

She shook her head. How could Joan lie about something like this? She had kept something so personal from Vera. She knew the woman was private, but this? This is what Joan is. Vera understood a need for secrecy from others. But to keep it secret from Vera? Vera ran her hand through her hair, watching the street lights as the cab drove. 

She felt a vibration coming from her purse and she opened it and took out her phone. Joan's name came across the screen. 

Vera stared at it and let it go. She couldn't talk to Joan right now. She needed time to process everything. Joan called again, and Vera ignored it. She knew this was wrong, but she didn't know how to deal with any of this. The last thing she wanted was to talk to Joan right now. 

Vera widened her eyes at the third call. Damn the woman was persistent. After a minute she saw a voicemail notification pop up. She stared at it and then slowly held the phone up to her ear. She closed her eyes and sighed as she heard Joan's voice. She felt a lump in her throat at Joan's softly worded “please” at the end of it.

As she got out of the cab, she received a text from Joan. She shook her head and ignored it, walking into her house. She stood in the middle of her living room, looking around, feeling out of sorts. She tossed her phone and purse onto the couch. She walked to her bathroom and washed her face. When she came back into her living room she lied down on her couch. She checked her phone to see if Joan had called or text her again, and her eyes widened at the last text. 

Vera knew she needed let Joan know she was safe. But a part of her almost wanted to make Joan worry after everything that transpired tonight. She was angry and upset. She sighed. She typed a text out letting her know she was safe.

She rested her head against the couch, her hand against her forehead. Joan Ferguson was a vampire. Did she just say that? Joan Ferguson is a fucking vampire. How did the woman go out into the sun? This also meant that Joan drank blood. But she had eaten steak? And the food they had during dinner tonight. Although Vera had noticed that Joan didn't always finish what she ate, nor did she ever finish her wine glass. 

She thought back to Joan at Wentworth. How she always seemed to be in areas at the perfect time. Vera used to think it was a coincidence, but now she didn't think so. She remembered when Fletch had told her that he thought something was “off” about the Governor, and he felt like he was being watched, that the Governor might as well have had eyes in the back of her head.

Joan... was she just using Vera? Did she just want to get closer to Vera so she could do something to her? Was she already doing something to her? Is that why she felt so close to her? Did she want to kill her? Vera's eyes widened as she sat up. Or... did Joan want to turn her into a vampire? She felt a small flutter of anxiety at this thought. 

That vibration she had felt from Joan. Now she knew she wasn't imagining it. All those times Joan had touched her, she had felt it, at times strong and other times low and gentle, soothing. Tonight, when Joan had stroked her arms, breathing with her through her panic attack, she had felt a gentle hum from it over her heart as Joan's palm rested there. She remembered the look of concern in Joan's eyes as she came back to herself. 

Memories flooded her mind of Joan speaking to her about matters at Wentworth. Her calm and cool demeanor. Walking down the halls together. Her voice as she approved of something Vera said or did. Vera working as hard as she could to please her, to be the best. Joan's facial expression when she didn't, how she had said she was disappointed in her after what happened with Fletch. Joan in her home smiling at her, talking softly to her, the roses, the first dance they had. How Joan had held her so gently as the soft piano tones played in the background. Joan holding her as she cried after her mother's death. She had woken up the next morning in Joan's arms. Joan's eyes soft and gentle as she held her. Tonight as she had warmly spoken with her at dinner, dancing with her. She had felt shy and embarrassed, and blushed as Joan had said to trust her. She had melted as Joan mouthed the lyrics to Witchcraft. Joan's eyes full of mirth as she smiled and held her firmly, making Vera giggle as she dipped her. Staring into Joan's eyes as their lips were almost touching, feeling her soft, warm breath. The kiss at the beach. How passionately she had kissed her and held her. And then the fear of hearing that man break up their kiss, their date. Joan's body full of tension as she tightened her arm around her.

No one could look at Vera like that, hold her as she did, kiss her as she did, and still be able to fake it. If she was, well then Vera was in trouble because she knew what she was going to do. 

She needed answers, and she had to get them tonight. Vera could not go back to work until she saw Joan. She grabbed her shoes and ran out her door, jumping into her car and pulled out of her driveway, pressing down on the gas pedal harder as she drove. She normally didn't speed but tonight was not a normal night. 

When she arrived at Joan's house, she sighed in relief as she saw Joan's car. At least she was at home. She quickly got out and ran up to the door. She raised her hand about to knock, and then paused. Should she even be doing this? Don't get cold feet now, Vera. Just knock on the damn door. She needed to do this.

She took a deep breath and knocked firmly. She was about to knock again when there was nothing, and just as she was about to, the door swung open. Joan still stood in her suit, but her eyes looked red, and Vera could see tear stains on her cheeks. She had been crying. Vera swallowed nervously. She had left Joan. Accused her of wanting to kill her. Vera was still angry that she had been lied to, but she felt a softening inside her as she realized that Joan was in pain.

“Vera,” she said, her voice low and rough from crying. 

Vera looked down. “Um, can I come in?” She raised her eyes to Joan's again as Joan stepped aside. Vera walked inside, and halted in place as she saw a young and very handsome man sitting on the couch. Who was this? 

Joan cleared her throat. “Vera, this is Aaron. He's—he's—

“A friend,” he said standing up and smiling. He walked over to Vera and stood next to Joan. He was a little bit taller than Joan, and had a charming smile and soft friendly eyes, and hair that curled around his ears. He bowed a little and motioned his hand in a bit of a spiral motion towards her. She lifted an eyebrow.

“It's nice to meet you, Vera. I've heard a lot about you,” he said still smiling. 

“Uh, I wish I could say the same,” she smiled nervously.

“I was just leaving though. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about.” He turned towards Joan and hugged her. Joan stood stiffly with her arms at her sides before she slowly brought her hands up and awkwardly patted him on the back. He pulled out of the embrace, and a knowing look passed between them. Vera furrowed her eyebrow. Was he another vampire?

He walked to the door and opened it, turning around and looking at Vera and Joan. He smiled playfully. “She's cute, Joanie. I'll see you around.” He walked out and slowly shut the door. 

Vera turned and looked back at Joan to see her shaking her head and rolling her eyes. 

“Joanie?” Vera smiled. 

“He always calls me that,” she grumbled. Vera tried not to laugh. 

Joan wasn't looking at her. She kept her gaze to the floor and crossed her arms. She lifted her head after a few minutes as she finally looked at Vera.

"Who is he?" 

"He's—he's someone from my past. Long story. One I don't want to get into tonight," she said firmly. 

Vera nodded. "All right, I won't push you." 

“You came back. I—I'm glad you did. I'm surprised that you did. I didn't—I didn't think that you would,” she said haltingly.

“I'm sorry I ran away. I was just—just scared.”

“Of me?” Joan said in a small voice, and Vera realized just how hard this was on her.

“Of everything. And you, yes... I'm a little bit scared. I-I don't think you'd hurt me though. You could have many times, but you didn't.”

Joan nodded, and her jaw was working as she bit her lip. “I wouldn't want to hurt you. If I—if I'm not careful, I could,” she said firmly. She looked into Vera's eyes as she said this.

Vera slowly nodded. “Yes, you're right, you could hurt me. But... I think this is something you work very hard not to do. Just like you are at work. I don't think you would allow it to happen.”

Joan's lips twitched into a bit of a smile. “Is that what you really think?”

Vera walked up to Joan and touched her folded arms, feeling tension flowing off the woman. Joan's eyes narrowed as she looked down at Vera.

Vera gently rubbed Joan's arms and slowly unfolded then, feeling Joan's arms stiff and a little resistant. Vera brought her hands to hers, her thumbs stroking Joan's cool palms.

“Yes, it's really what I think,” she whispered.

Joan stared at her for a couple minutes, and Vera could feel Joan slowly start to relax.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Joan whispered, her expression serious, vulnerable.

Vera thought for a few seconds. “Yes, this is what I want. You can't make me go away,” she said softly. She reached up, standing on tip toes a little and stroked her fingers through the ends of Joan's hair, watching as Joan closed her eyes. 

Joan slowly moved her hands over Vera's, holding them gently. She brought one hand up and pressed her lips to Vera's palm, kissing softly. 

Vera shivered as she felt Joan kiss her palm, and she slowly moved her arm around Joan, hugged her tightly. She sighed softly as Joan slowly brought her arms around her. Vera felt a lump rise in her throat, and started to cry softly. Joan's arms tightened around her. 

“I was afraid he was going to kill you, Joan,” she said. Her tears wetting Joan's jacket. She felt gentle fingers stroking her hair, as soft full lips kissed the side of her face and cheek. She felt herself being slowly maneuvered down to the floor. Joan kept kissing the side of her face and cheek, the corner of her mouth.

“He wouldn't have been able to, Vera. Don't worry about me. It's you who was hurt. I would do anything to change what happened. If I hadn't been so careless, I could have lost you tonight,” she said, her voice having a faint tremor to it.

Vera felt the soft vibration as Joan's hands slid down her neck and shoulders, looking into her eyes.

“Joan, I want the truth. You have to tell me about all of this. Who and what you are. What all of this means.” She squeezed Joan's hand and brought it up to press against her heart. 

“That vibration I felt. I wasn't imagining it, was I?” She asked softly.

Joan stared at her, quiet for a minute. “No... you weren't imagining it,” she said.

Joan leaned forward and kissed her lips, her hand slowly moving down to cup Vera's breast. Vera gasped and pressed into her hand. She broke their kiss and looked into Joan's eyes.

“What does it mean?” She whispered. 

Joan caressed her cheek and looked into her eyes.

“I'll tell you what it means, but I think you must have more than a few questions for me first, hmm?”

Vera nodded and opened her mouth, but Joan slipped her finger over her lips.

“We'll get to them eventually. Tonight though, I just want to relax, and hold you against me. Neither of us have work tomorrow. Will you stay the night? We—we don't have to do anything,” she said quickly.

Vera smiled. “I don't feel ready for that yet, Joan. Even though I want to. But I'd love to spend the night.”

Joan gave a small grin and stood up, holding her hand. “Let's go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow.”

Joan guided Vera upstairs and into her bedroom. She handed Vera a long t-shirt of hers. Vera went into the bathroom and slipped it on. It smelled faintly of Joan. A light sandalwood and vanilla scent. Vera came out to find Joan in a shirt and pajama shorts. Vera smiled at seeing Joan's bare legs.

Joan smiled back and patted the bed as Vera slid under the covers, feeling Joan wrap her arms around her from behind, her soft legs pressing against her. Joan's lips kissing her hair and ear. “Goodnight, Vera,” she said softly.

“Goodnight, Joan,” she said, the gentle vibration through Joan's touch soothing her as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

_Vera walked with Joan down the corridors of Wentworth, struggling to keep up with the longer strides. There was the siren of the panic button blaring. Bea Smith ran past them, bumping into her. Joan grabbed her and shoved her against the wall, her fangs coming out. Vera tried to stop her, grasping Joan's arm and tugging back, but it hardly budged. Joan knocked her to the ground, and Vera felt her head hit the floor. Vera opened her eyes and found herself now on the beach. Joan reached out and held her by the shoulders, looking into her eyes. A man grabbed Vera and held her tight, his fingers tightening around her arms. Joan on the ground gripping the throat of the man, hissing in pain._

_Vera screamed as the man held Joan down and raced towards her, his fangs coming out and lunging towards her neck. She pushed against him and struggled, feeling the pain of his fangs prick her skin, the blood being sucked out of her veins. She gasped as she felt a mix of pain and pleasure rushing through her, still struggling, her arms pushing back harder against him. He pulled back and looked down at her, only to reveal the familiar long dark hair with silver streaks and dark intense eyes, blood covering her mouth. Vera's blood. Joan licked her lips and smiled. Vera felt her heart beating faster as Joan walked towards her, holding Vera tightly against her. Instead of being afraid she felt a sudden throb between her legs as Joan had a look of desire in her eyes, a slow smile crossing her lips. She cupped her hand around the back of Vera's head as she lowered her face to her throat, her breath and lips warm against her skin._

_“You want it?” Joan asked in a soft and husky voice._

_Vera felt her breath catch as she felt Joan's hand slowly move down her body over her breasts and stomach, moving further down to cup her between her legs, her teeth barely scraping against the soft skin of Vera's throat._

_“Yes...” Vera moaned softly as Joan's lips trailed open mouth kisses along her neck and throat, biting down hard between her neck and shoulder._

Vera gasped sitting up in bed, looking around at unfamiliar surroundings, her heart beating fast, panting. Joan sat up instantly, her arm around her waist. They were in Joan's bed. That's right. She had come over and spent the night.

“Vera, what's wrong?” Joan's concerned voice asked, her hand stroking the small of her back. Vera's eyes slowly adjusted in the dark, seeing the soft outlines of the woman's face and hair.

Vera blinked, feeling her breathing come back under control. “Yes... it was just a dream. A, uh, weird dream.”

“A nightmare?” Joan asked softly. Her fingertips stroking along her skin. Vera closed her eyes at the touch, her skin tingling as she felt the familiar throbbing ache between her legs.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Vera whispered. She was glad it was still dark since her cheeks were blushing furiously.

“Hmm... well considering what happened last night, I'm not surprised,” Joan murmured. She caressed her back. “Your body is very tense. Why don't you go back to sleep? Relax. You had a long night.” Joan lifted her hand and stroked her hair. 

Vera didn't know if she could relax after that dream being this close to Joan. She felt her nipples tighten against the shirt she was wearing. That dream had been confusing, frightening, and arousing at the same time. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as Joan pulled her head to her chest. Her hands caressing and rubbing her back, gently massaging. Vera slowly felt the tension leaving her body, nuzzling Joan's soft breasts. Joan kissed the top of her head, her fingers running slowly through her hair.

She felt her eyes grow heavy as she listened to Joan's heartbeat, beating strongly and steadily. She lifted her head and looked up at Joan. “Y-you have a heartbeat?” 

Joan's fingers stilled in her hair, and she dipped her head as she looked at Vera. “Yes... I have a heartbeat. Just like you.” Vera could hear the smile in her voice.

“So... so you're not—you're not dead?” Vera asked quietly. She felt Joan's arms moving, watching as she rested her cheek on her hand, looking down at Vera. She slowly stroked Vera's hip and thigh, and she felt goosebumps on her skin from her fingertips. 

Joan kept stroking her skin and Vera felt that delicate ache again between her thighs, trying not to squirm. “No... I'm not dead. I'm merely a... evolved version of myself.” Vera felt Joan's hand move up to rest against her heart. “My heart beats just like yours, and I bleed, just like you. There are only a few... _differences_ between you and I—physically.” 

Even in the dark, Vera could see a small smile had formed on Joan's face. “Other than the obvious, what _differences_ are those?”

Joan lifted her hand to her throat and stroked the skin, her fingers resting on the pulse point. Vera breathed deeply as Joan stroked the skin of her neck, her fingertips slowly tracing along the hollow of her throat to her collarbones. Joan did this for a few seconds and Vera was trying to keep her breathing even as Joan's soft fingers traced along her skin.

“You should go back to sleep. We can talk about plenty of this in the morning.”

“B-but I just--”

“No. You are to go back to sleep. We will talk about it in the morning. I need you to rest.” Vera heard the commanding tone in her voice that was so reminiscent of how she spoke at work. She knew better than to argue with her.

Vera sighed and settled down against the sheets. “Yes, Governor,” she grumbled.

She jumped as she felt Joan swat the side of her hip, her hand slightly covering the top of her butt. She felt Joan's hot breath tickle her ear as she whispered to her.

“Now, now. Don't become irritated Vera. We will talk tomorrow. I promise. Go to sleep,” Joan said firmly, but Vera could hear a slight teasing lilt in her tone. Joan kissed her softly along her temple and forehead, and motioned her to turn around again. Vera felt Joan's arms circle around her, her arms loosely around her waist. She felt small along Joan's larger frame, her long legs coming up to rest under Vera's bent legs. She didn't speak for a few minutes, feeling Joan caressing her arms and hands, the gentle touching and soft vibration against her skin relaxing her again.

“I can't believe you actually spanked me,” she said drowsily.

Joan chuckled softly. “Sleep. I'll watch over you. No more bad dreams.” She squeezed Vera against her, kissing her shoulder, her thumb caressing the skin of Vera's hand and she felt her eyes grow heavy again, settling against Joan.

Vera was drifting off and right before she was about to fall asleep, she thought she heard Joan whisper, “I'll always protect you.”

When Vera woke up again, it was light outside, the sun streaming in through the open drapes. She squinted her eyes and moved her arm along the side of the bed, disappointed when she felt an empty space next to her. She sighed happily as she hugged Joan's pillow, the scent of her shampoo still lingering. She reached over to check the time and saw that it was 9am. It was the first time she slept in for a long time. She threw off the covers and padded barefoot into the bathroom. Her hair was mussed, a complete bedhead look. Vera glanced down at Joan's shirt that came down mid thigh. She blushed. She had only worn this and her knickers. Vera didn't have anything else to wear other than the dress she wore the night before. She shrugged and slowly made her way downstairs.  


As she was walking downstairs she could hear music playing in the background, what sounded like opera, a beautiful woman's voice singing. She paused as she listened to some of the lyrics.

_If Love's a Sweet Passion, why does it torment?_  


_If a Bitter, oh tell me whence comes my content?_

_Since I suffer with pleasure, why should I complain,_

_Or grieve at my Fate, when I know 'tis in vain?_

_Yet so pleasing the Pain, so soft is the Dart,_

_That at once it both wounds me, and tickles my Heart._

Vera sighed softly, the rest of the music playing as she walked into the kitchen. She found Joan with her back to her, cleaning up what looked like some glass in the kitchen. She was dressed in a light blue cardigan and black leggings, her hair tied back into a ponytail. Vera smiled at the casual choice of clothing.

“Don't step any further into the kitchen. I don't want you to cut your feet.”

She didn't even think Joan knew she was in the kitchen. “Fletch was right,” she mumbled quietly.

“Mr. Fletcher was right about what?” 

“That you do have eyes in the back of your head,” Vera started to giggle, then put her hand to her mouth trying to stop. 

Joan slowly turned around and looked at her, her facial expression unreadable. She put away the glass into the trash, and the broom and dust pan, setting them into a corner. She slowly made her way over to Vera. Her eyebrow raised as she looked down at her and her lips turned up in a semi smug grin.

“Eyes in the back of my head? Is that so?” She spoke in a low and soft voice. 

Vera swallowed and cleared her throat. “Um, yes, he said this to me before. I thought he was completely losing it, but I guess he wasn't too far off,” she started to giggle again and then bit her lip as she noticed Joan's eyes glaring at her, the dark brown pools glinting in the natural light.

“What's so funny about that? Clearly Mr. Fletcher was onto something.” 

Vera coughed and blinked at Joan's serious tone and expression. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to find it funny.”

“There are consequences for having such a reaction,” Joan said softly.

Vera's eyes widened. “Um, what? Consequences?” What was Joan talking about?

Joan lifted both eyebrows and nodded. Vera watched as Joan smiled wickedly right before she grabbed her, her hands under her arms, and started tickling her. 

She gasped. Joan was tickling her. Joan fucking Ferguson was tickling her. She screeched, giggling as she felt Joan's fingers hit every spot, under her arms, her stomach and sides. “J-Joan, s-stop,” she laughed, as she tried to catch her breath, squirming away from Joan's fingers. She felt herself falling a little to the floor, unable to stand up fully as she kept laughing, having trouble breathing as she gasped and giggled. 

“Say the word and I'll stop.” Joan smiled as she kept tickling her. 

Vera panted and laughed, gasping, “Uncle!”

Joan chuckled. “I'm not your uncle, my dear Vera. What do you normally address me as?”

Vera's face hurt from smiling and laughing so much. “G-Governor! Please! S-Stop!”

She fought to catch her breath as Joan's tickling ceased. Once she could breathe a little more normally she opened her eyes and saw Joan looking down at her, with her arms on either side of her, a soft smile on her face. Vera's breathing hitched as she felt Joan's knee between her legs. 

Joan closed the small distance between them and kissed her lips, her hands moving to wrap gently around Vera's wrists, caressing the pulse points. Vera tilted her head to the side as Joan kissed her deeply, letting go of her wrists as Joan pushed her knee harder against her. Vera wrapped her arms around Joan, her hands slowly sliding up and down her back, feeling her body respond as she slowly started grinding herself against her knee. 

Joan moaned softly into her mouth as she licked her lips, breaking their kiss to move her lips along her cheek and jaw. She stopped and lifted her head. She stared down at Vera, her lips swollen and her eyes darkened even more, almost black. 

“Joan,” she sighed softly, looking into her eyes.

Joan breathed deeply, and as she spoke, her voice shook slightly. “Not here. Not right now.” She slowly helped her stand up. Vera shivered as she touched her swollen lips. 

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked in a small voice. 

Joan cupped her face, caressing her cheek. “No, you did nothing wrong. I-I shouldn't have done that. I want to. You have no idea how much, but we need to take this slow, Vera. You just found out I'm a vampire. We still need to discuss some things,” she said quietly.

Vera nodded. “Okay, I know. I understand.” But she didn't quite know if she did understand. Joan just came onto her like a ton of bricks, and then suddenly stopped. She wanted to ask more, but felt this would push Joan too far.

“Would you like some breakfast?” Joan asked, averting her eyes a little as she blushed. Joan was actually blushing. Vera smiled gently.

“I'd love that. But do you actually have food? I'm assuming you don't since you don't really need it...”

Joan scoffed and smirked. “Now, do you really think I wouldn't have _any_ food in the house for you? I went to the store this morning when you were still asleep. I wasn't sure what you'd like to eat so I bought several different types of food. I can make bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes. And I have fruit as well if you'd like that.” She gestured with her hand towards some assorted fruit in a bowl.

Vera smiled. “That's very sweet of you, Joan. You don't have to make me anything. I could just eat some toast.”

“Nonsense. You have to be hungry, and you should definitely eat more than just toast. You're so thin already so you need to eat more. I can make you anything you want,” she said and smiled.

Vera nodded and thought to herself. “Anything?”

“Yes, well, almost anything.”

“Can you make a crepe?” Vera asked shyly.

Joan smiled softly. “I can definitely make a crepe.” She motioned her hand towards the table. “Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I'll have it ready soon.”

Vera pulled out the chair and sat in it, watching as Joan quickly moved around her kitchen. She moved fast, faster than was humanly possible. 

She sat with her mouth hanging open as Joan quickly made the crepe, chopping up fruit with lightning speed. She walked over and set it down in front of Vera.

“Um, that was--”

“Vera, please eat. Enjoy.”

“But—but you just--”

“Vera, Vera, Vera. You need to be patient. Eat your breakfast. I especially made that for you and I know you will like it.” Joan's voice took on a slight edge that Vera had heard a few times before. The same tone at Wentworth; the same one she had last night with her when she told her to go to sleep. 

Feeling a little scolded, Vera stared down at her plate and picked up her fork, hesitating. 

“Vera, look at me.” Vera slowly lifted her eyes to meet Joan's.

Joan's voice took on a softer tone. “I just want you to enjoy your meal. When was the last time you had a crepe?”

Vera looked off to the side, thinking. “God, I can't even remember when the last time it was.”

Joan nodded slowly. “I thought so. Normally people just want bacon, eggs, and toast, maybe pancakes. But you requested I make a crepe. Take your time and savor it. When you're done eating, we can talk, okay?”

Vera looked into Joan's eyes that were soft and her mouth was in a small smile.

“Okay, that sounds fine.”

“Good,” Joan said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you guys liked that. Sorry not sorry for some of the teasing in that chapter. ;) Rest assured, you will also get to know some of the things that Vera asks Joan in the next chapter.
> 
> The song that Vera hears as she is coming down the stairs is by Henry Purcell. He is the same composer that also did Dido's Lament that you hear in season 4 when Joan listens to the music in the therapist's office, as well as what is heard in the yard when she's given an airing. This one is a different song by him though. I figured she would probably listen to more by him. It's a semi-opera called The Fairy Queen, and the song is If Love's A Sweet Passion. 
> 
> The song can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-WyxbwU82A


	13. Chapter 13

Joan sat across from Vera as she ate, her lips quirked up in amusement when Vera almost wiggled in excitement as she took bites of the fluffy crepe. The light that streamed in through the windows fell across Vera's hair, giving her a soft halo around her wavy chestnut locks. She looks beautiful and so soft here. Her smile wavered as she saw what looked like the forming of bruises on the thin, toned arms. Her mind's eye flashed back to the vampire who had held Vera so tightly, his fingertips pressing into her skin, the look in his eyes as he had laughed at Joan right before he leaned into Vera's neck. If she had been more aware, none of that would have happened. Vera wouldn't have bruises on her soft and delicate skin. She would have been completely oblivious to our existence. Although despite all of that, it was easier that she didn't have to hide what she was. 

Joan's eyes traveled over Vera's body slowly, her petite and delicate frame underneath her larger t-shirt. Vera really did look adorable in it, and sexy. She remembered the night before, with Vera asleep in her arms, her soft and even breathing. Joan had watched her sleep and planted soft kisses on her head and shoulders. Her lips almost grazed the the back of her neck, but she didn't trust herself. It would be so easy for her to kiss and suck her neck, to bite into it and taste her blood. Vera smelled so good, and it was so tempting, but she could not. So Joan had gritted her teeth, clenching her jaw. She knew there were other areas she could bite Vera, but the throat was preferred. When Vera had woken up in the middle of the night, she was worried. The poor thing had had a nightmare, but it was strange that after such a nightmare that she could detect a lingering scent of arousal, and the tightening of Vera's nipples under the shirt. 

Her eyes wandered over to the floor of the kitchen. Joan had smiled with glee over Vera's giggles as she tickled her, the calling her “Governor” as she pleaded for her to stop. She had never seen Vera so happy before, so full of laughter. She closed her eyes as she remembered looking down at Vera, not being able to resist her lips as she leaned down to kiss her. She felt like she was starting to lose control. Vera's lips and tongue caressing, and as she pushed her leg between her thighs, she had moaned as she felt Vera's warm center grind against her knee. She wanted to take Vera then. Her lips kissing her jaw, stopping herself from kissing her neck, from biting and sucking it. A deep need within her had wanted to mark her, sink her fangs into her throat and make Vera hers. She had to stop that from happening. It was too soon, and she was afraid Vera wouldn't want that, and that she would hurt her. So she had reluctantly pulled away. She had felt guilty as her sweet Vera had questioned if she did something wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth.

“Joan?”

Joan, lost her in thoughts, didn't realize that Vera called her name a couple times. “Hmm?”

“Joan, are you okay? You looked like you were miles away.”

Embarrassed, Joan smiled a bit shyly, looking down at her hands before she looked back at Vera. “Oh, I'm fine. I was just... thinking of everything that has happened. How was your crepe?”

Vera smiled at her. “It was delicious. Thank you. Did you—did you like crepes? I mean, before you were...?”

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “I did enjoy them on occasion. But they were not what I usually ate in the morning. I preferred something more savory, not always something sweet.” 

Joan got up from the table and took Vera's plate over to the sink, running water and soap over it as she started to scrub it before putting it into the dish washer. 

“Is that your flower garden?” 

Joan turned around, drying her hands as she saw Vera looking out the window. She walked over to her and pressed her hand against her back. 

“Yes, it is. Would you like to go out and look at it?”

“Yes, I'd love to see it. But I—I'm only...”

“Only what, Vera?” Joan watched as Vera blushed and looked away from her.

“I'm only in your shirt and my knickers,” she whispered almost conspiratorially. 

Joan smirked and slid her arms around Vera's stomach, pressing her hips against her. She kissed her cheek and her ear, feeling the heat from the flushed skin under her lips. 

“And what's wrong with that?” Joan said in a low voice, caressing her stomach.

“W-well nothing. I j-just don't want anyone to see me like this.” Vera kept blushing as Joan kissed her ear and jaw. 

Joan smiled. “I can feel you blushing. Don't be so shy,” she whispered into her ear. She laced her fingers with Vera's, her other hand caressing her hip. 

“I'm s-sorry. I can't help it.” She felt Vera's skin grow impossibly hotter, resisting the urge to smile against her ear. 

“No, don't be sorry. I like it very much. It makes your skin glow. As much as I'd love to see that in the sun, I do understand you don't want others to see you just in a shirt and your... knickers.” She smirked and patted Vera's hip, kissing her cheek. “Let me get you one of my robes, and you'll be just fine.” 

“One of your robes? But you're so tall. I wouldn't be able to fit in it.”

“Well, we'll only be out there for a short time, so I'm sure you can handle it,” Joan called as she walked upstairs to her bedroom. She searched through a few robes, and found one that was a grey-blue. It came down to her knees so she hoped that would be easier for Vera to wear. 

Joan walked downstairs and into the kitchen but didn't see Vera. She stepped into her living room and found her looking at a photo frame. One of her and her father after she graduated from university. She felt her mouth going dry. This had been taken not too long before he had died.

Vera looked up at her. “This is a nice picture of you. Is this your father?”

“Yes,” she said in a clipped tone.

She didn't like to talk about her father. He was a constant reminder of how she felt like a freak. Yet she still missed him desperately at times. Seeing him over the years since his death was both a blessing and a curse at the same time. He was her father, but also not.

Vera lifted her eyebrow and set the photo down. “Were you close to him?”

“I-I was. But we did not always have a... conventional father/daughter relationship.” She looked away as she said this. 

He had treated her like she was a soldier. As if she was a machine instead of the confused child she was. It was a lonely time for her growing up. She constantly fought to seek his approval. If she didn't succeed in something he would punish her. Joan closed her eyes at memories of the times he would ridicule her, bully and scold her, making her feel like she was worthless. She quickly pushed down any and all emotion. It was too overwhelming for her otherwise. Joan especially had to do this when he became so angry once that he had beaten her with a belt. He would tell her it was “just pain” as she had winced and felt her eyes water. She learned to control how she felt; never wanting to ever show such weakness in front of him. 

“Not conventional?” Vera looked at her and Joan recognized confusion and compassion in her eyes.

“No. He could be a very... strict and difficult man. We did not always have the easiest relationship,” Joan said softly. 

Vera nodded slowly. “And your mother?”

Her mother. What she remembered of her was an attractive tall woman with black hair, very much like hers. Fleeting memories of her mother holding her and telling her stories before she fell asleep at night. She had a particularly vivid one of her playing a game with her, what she thought was probably hide and seek. Joan giggling as her mother swooped her up in her arms, kissing her cheek as she found her hiding against a tree in their yard. As she grew a little older, she would ask her father about her, and he was no help in answering questions. Usually vague answers because he didn't want to talk about her. What memories she did have, she could discern she was a loving woman. She had died in a car accident when Joan was only five years old. She felt a lump in her throat as she realized that she didn't know her mother, and never would. She had never had this reaction before, but it had been many years since she allowed herself to remember her. 

Joan swallowed against the lump in her throat, her voice a bit tight. “I don't remember her very well. She died when I was very young,” she said quietly, clearing her throat.

Joan felt a warm and gentle hand against her arm. She didn't realize how tense she was until she felt Vera's touch. 

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Vera said gently.

Joan looked down and nodded, biting her lip. “Thank you. It was a... long time ago.” She felt herself slowly relax as Vera's small and soft hand wrapped itself around hers, squeezing tightly. 

Joan lifted her hand and tenderly kissed her knuckles. She lifted the robe she had for her. “I think this will fit you as best as it can, considering our height difference.” Joan opened the robe and slid it over Vera's shoulders and wrapped it around her, tying the belt snugly around her waist. The robe hung on her, the length almost coming to her ankles, and the sleeves going well past her hands. Joan chuckled at the sight of her.

“Yes, I know I'm short,” Vera grumbled.

“Aww, but you're an adorable little mouse,” Joan said affectionately, and smiled at her.

“Did you just call me a mouse?” Vera did a mock glare and shook her head. She brushed her hands along the arms of the robe. “This is so soft. What is it made out of?”

“It's cashmere. The shortest robe I have, but also one of the most comfortable. Come.” Joan continued holding her hand and walked towards the door before her yard. 

They stepped outside and the sun poked out through the clouds. Vera knelt down and touched the petals of the flowers, inhaling some of them. She looked up at Joan, smiling widely at her. 

“I didn't know you had such a green thumb!” Vera exclaimed excitedly.

“Well, since I don't... eat the same foods anymore, I didn't see a need to have a garden for that. But I missed it, and I've always had an appreciation for the beauty of flowers. They were the next best thing. Being... what I am, one finds a lot of time on their hands,” she said softly.

Vera looked back at the flowers, noticing a few of the same types of roses that had been on Joan's kitchen table that one night. 

“Joan... how—how are you able to be in the sun?” Vera asked curiously.

Joan smirked. “The idea that we can't be in the sun for fear of death is merely fiction. However, that does not mean I'm invulnerable to it.”

“What do you mean?”

Joan paused as she considered how to explain this to Vera. “I can't be in direct sunlight for very long. Maybe 1-3 hours before I become fatigued. The longer I'm out in the sun, the worse it gets. It's not so bad today as the clouds cover parts of it, but I still have to be careful.”

“And it causes you migraines?” Vera asked worriedly. 

Joan furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't get migraines. What was she talking about? Then she remembered. “No, it doesn't cause me migraines. My eyes are sensitive, however. It's taken some adjusting as they weren't before. I-I only told you that I got migraines so you wouldn't ask me any more questions.” Joan smiled sheepishly. 

“Oh... I see. Are you feeling okay to be out here right now?” Vera stood and looked up at her, her eyes concerned. 

Joan nodded as she knelt down and snapped off a pink rose and positioned it behind Vera's ear, watching as Vera's blush matched the pink of the rose. “That color looks nice on you." She smiled. "And I'm perfectly fine. But I do think we should go back inside in order to finish our discussion, hmm?”

She walked with Vera back into the kitchen with her hand on her back. “Why don't we go into the living room? Do you want something to drink?”

“Water is fine.” Vera called out to her as walked into her living room.

Joan filled a glass of water, looking out towards the living room. How was this conversation going to go? How many questions would Vera have? Should she answer all of them? She slowly made her way in and handed the glass to Vera, noticing she had already taken off her robe, her legs crossed. Joan tried not to become distracted as she looked at Vera's smooth, toned legs.

“I hope you don't mind if I play something?” If she was going to have this conversation, then she was going to make sure she felt relaxed and comfortable. 

“Oh no! Not at all. I actually quite like the music you have.” Vera smiled softly at her.

Joan nodded, selecting a piece as she sat down next to Vera. She already started to feel relaxed as the soft piano tones of Reverie by Debussy started playing. 

Vera sipped her water, and every few seconds she'd look at her. She could tell Vera was nervous, and in some odd way, this made her feel less so. 

“Vera, I know you have questions. I will try to answer as many as I can,” Joan said gently, taking Vera's hand into her own. Vera nodded at her and set her glass down. She looked down at their joined hands before she looked into Joan's eyes. 

“How old are you? I mean, how long have you been a vampire?” 

“Not very long. Almost 20 years; 17 to be exact.”

“And even though you ate steak and other foods, you survive off blood?” 

“I can eat other food, but it does not taste the same anymore. Nor do I need it to live, so it's useless now. I only eat it when I absolutely have to. Sometimes I still enjoy drinking tea or vodka, or wine as you know. It doesn't give me the same affect anymore, but some days I feel nostalgic and miss the feeling. One's mind can always create the desired effect.”

“Hmm... I think I understand. How long can you go without drinking blood?”

Joan thought to herself. She had tried to see how long her body would last a few times. “I can last a couple days without feeding only if I have had enough blood from a previous one.”

“Do you—how do you—do you find people to do this with?”

This was one of the questions Joan didn't look forward to answering. “I'm not going to lie to you, Vera. I have killed before, and still do.” She blanched a bit as Vera's eyes looked big, staring at her with her mouth slightly open. She needed to amend what she had just said. “However, I'm rather selective in the people I do find. These days I can't do that all the time, as it's too risky to not be noticed. So I will often drink blood that I find from blood donations at hospitals.” She averted her eyes as she said this. While she did not regret or feel remorse for her actions as a vampire, she was worried about Vera's reaction.

Vera took a slow breath before she spoke again. “That makes sense. I've noticed when we've kissed... that you've never kissed my neck. Is that because you want to drink my blood?”

Joan's eyes widened a fraction. Well, she was starting with the easy questions, wasn't she? Joan sighed as she considered whether to be honest with Vera.

“Vera, I-I don't know how to answer this without frightening you,” Joan said a little exasperated.

“Please Joan, just tell me. I want to know.”

Joan looked into her eyes as she said this. “I don't kiss your neck because yes, I _do_ want to drink your blood. You—you smell a certain way that I find very enticing, and it's at times hard for me to resist. The best way to do this is to avoid certain areas I find the most appealing, such as your throat.”

Vera moved closer to her and wrapped her arms around her. “I trust you, Joan. I don't think you'd hurt me. I think if you really couldn't control it, you wouldn't be with me right now,” Vera said as she stroked her hair. Joan closed her eyes at the touch. 

“Don't be afraid, Joan,” Vera said softly, her close proximity to Joan making it hard to concentrate on the conversation.  


Joan lowered her eyebrows, slightly irritated. “You think I'm afraid? You should be afraid I might lose control and not be able to stop,” she whispered harshly.

Vera shook her head. “I'm a little nervous at times thinking about that, but not afraid of you. I think you're afraid and don't trust yourself. And I'm telling you that you don't need to be.” Vera kissed her lips softly, then tilted her neck to the side, baring her throat. “Kiss me there,” she said softly.

“No, Vera. I will not risk hurting you,” she said firmly.

“I don't think you will. I trust you, Joan," Vera said as she continued to stroke her hair, running her fingers through it.

Joan took a shuddering breath and slowly leaned forward and breathed softly against Vera's throat, hesitating at first as her lips lingered. She kissed her throat gently as she made open mouthed kisses across her skin, holding Vera closer to her. She cupped the back of her head with one hand, sucking her neck gently and cautiously. Vera sighed softly as she did this. She kissed and sucked between her collarbones and the hollow of her throat. She felt that urge inside her, to sink her fangs into her throat. She could control this, just like she controlled so many other aspects of her life. Once she realized this, she surprisingly found it wasn't too difficult. She kissed up to Vera's lips and stroked her hair. She broke their kiss and looked into Vera's soft blue eyes, the lashes casting shadows on her cheeks as she looked at Joan. 

“That was—that wasn't so bad, was it?” Vera asked softly.

Joan smiled slowly. “No, surprisingly it wasn't.”

Vera shivered a little in her arms and caressed Joan's back. Joan felt happy as she held Vera. She wasn't one to admit to feeling happiness, as she often wasn't sure if she really did, or at least she didn't allow herself to. 

“Joan... what does the vibration mean? Why do I feel that from you?”

Joan swallowed and looked into her eyes. She knew this question was coming. She could no longer pretend it didn't exist, could no longer deny it, even if she was afraid that doing so would make her fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote more than I expected to again lol. Hope you enjoyed it even if some parts of it may have been a little slow. At least I worried if maybe it was. 
> 
> I often pick music that I feel sets a tone and mood for a scene. It's usually what I also listen to while writing. If you'd like to listen to Reverie by Debussy here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRQUy8HWTwk


	14. Chapter 14

Joan looked away at the window, contemplating how she wanted to explain this. She gently disentangled herself from Vera and stood up. She stood with her back to her, and walked over to her window, her eyes gazing at the clouds that covered the sun. 

“Joan... if you don't feel ready to talk about this, we don't have to,” Vera said softly. Joan closed her eyes and smiled sadly. She looked towards her. Vera with her wavy hair, sitting in her shirt, looking so soft and inviting. Her blue eyes were gentle as she watched Joan from the window. 

“Vera, you have a right to know,” she said quietly. 

“Is—is it something I should be worried about? Does it mean something bad?” Vera asked nervously.

Joan sighed as she said this. Her eyes were distant as she thought back to last night when she had spoken to Aaron. 

_“She... Vera... she has felt a vibration from me.”_  
_“I suspected as much. You know what this means, don't you?”_  
_“Yes...”_  
_“It's not a bad thing, Joan.”_  
_“How is it not? I've done things I never thought I'd do with her. She was not meant to be more than an ally at Wentworth.”_  
_“Love often sneaks up on us.”_  
_“Love? I don't know what that is anymore.”_  
_“Time will tell, Joan. You can't fight this. She is connected to you, and you to her. Once this happens to us, nothing can sever it. I know that you know this, Joan. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.”_

Joan glanced at her hands, and saw that they were trembling slightly. What are you afraid of? Love? Did she love her? She wasn't sure if she understood such feelings anymore. Being so strongly connected to someone left her open to heartbreak. She didn't want to ever experience that again. It destroyed her before. Losing Jianna and Shayne was a memory that haunted her. She could not lose Vera, but being with her meant she would some day. She was accustomed to death, to others leaving her. Yet she could not stay away from her. Her heart hurt just thinking about it. The music lyrics from this morning came back to her: _“Since I suffer with pleasure, why should I complain?”_ played in her head, almost like a mantra. Aaron's gentle voice repeated, _“Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it.”_  


She slowly sat back down next to Vera, her blue eyes confused as she peered up at her. Joan clasped their hands together, squeezing gently. 

“The vibration you feel isn't a negative thing. But I've tried to fight against what it means and I can't anymore. This doesn't happen for every one of us, but when a vampire meets another vampire or a human, one who they are meant to be with, then they feel a vibration. We have a... connection, almost spiritual in some ways, that will forever be between us... until one of us dies,” she whispered.

Vera widened her eyes and looked down at their hands. “You're saying I'm meant to be with you? Like a soul mate?”

“If one would like to call it that, yes. But—but that does not mean that you have to stay with me.” She gestured between them. “If—if you didn't want to be with me, you could rescind the invitation to your home,” she whispered, averting her eyes. She wasn't sure what she would do if Vera decided to do that. 

“Rescind the invitation? What do you mean?” Vera asked curiously. 

Joan bit her lip, feeling uncomfortable. “In order for a vampire to be let into someone's home, they have to be invited. If you hadn't invited me into your house that first night, I wouldn't have been able to come in. I'm sorry,” she paused and looked into her eyes, “that you didn't know this. That I didn't tell you until now.”

Vera stared at her and nodded her head. “If we're... soul mates, like you said, does that mean I'll always feel the vibration from you? Is it like a tie that binds us?”

Interesting way of putting it, Joan thought. “It will stop once we—once we have... bonded in an _intimate_ way,” she said softly. 

Vera furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and then blushed. “I see... so once we—we are...?”

Joan nodded and smiled gently. “We will still be connected, and how I'm not quite sure. I just know from others that the vibration stops once that happens.”

Joan leaned down and whispered in her ear. “And I look forward to when that day comes.” She smiled as she felt Vera shiver, and kissed her neck, winking at her. 

“Oh, Ms. Bennett, you're blushing again,” she said in a low voice.

Vera giggled. “I can't help it, Joan. You have that effect on me. How come we—how come you stopped us from going further?”

Joan kissed her lips and ran her fingers through her hair. “I stopped because I know we're not ready for that yet. I'm a very patient woman. It will happen when it's meant to.” She smiled gently at her.

Vera smiled back and nodded. “Thank you, Joan. I didn't know you could be such a—a gentleman, which isn't the right word since you're not a man. A _gentlewoman_ ,” she giggled.

“Oh that's something I haven't been called before, but I'm glad you think so,” she said, and smirked and kissed her lips again, feeling Vera smile against her.

“Joan... how did you become a vampire?”

Joan felt her heart drop. She should have known this was coming. She let go of Vera's hand gently and looked out the window, folding her hands in her lap. She needed some distance in order to tell this.

She took a deep breath. “Vera, you know how I used to be an officer at Blackmoore?” 

“Yes, I've read about your background.”

Joan nodded. “There—there was a young prisoner there. She was pregnant at the time. I was there for the child's birth, and she almost lost the child at first, but he pulled through. I developed feelings for her. I-I loved her. A few months later, the baby was taken away and put into foster care. She had bonded with the child and she was devastated. I tried to comfort her, and promised I'd help her get her son back. It was too late though. She was beyond any type of consoling. I later found her... she hanged herself,” Joan whispered and closed her eyes. She remembered that moment so vividly, and she wished she didn't. Her arms around Jianna as she screamed and cried, knowing she'd never see the life in those eyes again. She felt tears start to sting her eyes now. This could not be happening. She felt the lump in her throat, her voice rough and tight as she tried so hard to not start crying.

“A few weeks after she died, I was numb, and I found some solace in vodka. I had been wandering outside in the cold, and I don't even quite remember where I had gone. But I believe I passed out, and there was a young man there. The man you met last night, Aaron. He is my Maker. He was there in front of me, peering down at me and he cupped my cheek.” She thought back to that time 17 years ago.

_“Who are you?” Joan whispered, looking dazedly into his eyes._

_“My name is Aaron. You're drunk and freezing. I can see that you're in a lot of pain,” he said softly._

_Joan shook her head. “She died,” she cried, her voice broken as she looked away from him._

_“Who died?” He whispered._  


_“Jianna died, and Shayne was taken away. I wasn't able to protect her. I should have stopped them. I should have stopped him from taking Shayne away. It's all my fault. I'm never good enough. She left me,” she sobbed._  


_Aaron took her into his arms and held her. She was confused by this. She didn't know this man, yet his eyes were so kind. He stroked her hair._

_“I'm sorry for your loss,” he said quietly._

_“I'm weak... I couldn't save her. I couldn't save him. I don't want to be weak anymore. I don't want to feel this anymore,” she whispered raggedly, her voice hoarse from her tears._

_“What if I told you that you don't have to be weak anymore? That you can be more than what you are? That you can evolve into something more? I can help you do that.”_

_She looked up at him confused. “This is what I want. I don't want to be what I was.” He nodded slowly and then she felt pain at her neck as he bit her skin._

She paused as she told Vera this memory. “I don't remember too much after that as a lot of that time is a blur to me. But that is how I met Aaron. That is how I became a vampire.”

Vera stared at her stricken, and squeezed her hand. “Oh Joan, I'm so sorry that you went through that.”

Joan felt her breath catch as Vera slowly wrapped her arms around her. 

“I'm so sorry about Jianna and Shayne,” Vera whispered and stroked her hair. Joan trembled and felt tears run down her cheeks. She felt her heart and shoulders so heavy with the effort of holding it all in, her body vibrating with tense energy as she tightly tried to maintain some kind of control over her emotions.

Vera whispered to her and kept stroking her hair. “It wasn't your fault, Joan. It wasn't. You couldn't have done anything more for her. You did everything you could. It wasn't your fault.” She felt her back caressed and kisses against her neck and cheek, and she could no longer control the dam that burst as all the years of pain and grief came out.

“I couldn't do anything for her. I tried to save her. Even after she died. But it was in vain. She was already gone,” she sobbed into Vera's neck, her body shaking.

“And Shayne... I loved him. He was taken away from me too. I tried to see him but I couldn't. Not as a vampire. I was too afraid being that young of what could happen,” she cried. 

Vera shushed her and kissed her face, and she peered into her eyes. “Oh Joan, I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't see him. It doesn't mean you didn't care about him, or didn't love him. In fact, deciding to stay away means you did love him. You wanted to protect him.” Vera caressed her cheek tenderly, holding her tightly.

“I'm sorry I'm crying like this. I'm not used to it. I haven't cried about them since that night, since Aaron found me,” she said, feeling ashamed.

“It's okay Joan. It's okay to cry. You've never grieved for them. Allow yourself to feel, to grieve. It's okay. I'm here for you.” 

Vera cupped her face, looking into her eyes. Joan nodded and hugged her tightly, burying her face in her neck as she sobbed. She heard Vera murmuring softly to her, stroking her back and hair. 

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” she whispered as she cried. She was sorry for losing her control, for giving into her emotions, for letting Jianna and Shayne down, for not protecting them. 

Vera hugged her tightly, kissing her face. She didn't realize she voiced this out loud as Vera whispered, “You didn't let them down. You protected the both of them. There was nothing you could have done for Jianna. It's not your fault. It's okay to feel.” 

Vera kissed her lips softly. Joan kissed her back, her arms tightening around Vera, needing an anchor for everything, feeling like she was falling apart.

Vera kept kissing her lips and holding her. She slowly felt herself start to relax as Vera kept whispering to her, soft words of comfort, caressing her body. Joan pulled back a little and looked into her eyes.

Vera was looking at her tenderly and with such compassion and kissed the corner of her mouth. 

“I love you, Joan,” she whispered against her lips.

Joan closed her eyes at the words. No one had said this to her. Not that she could remember. Her mother maybe. She trembled as she thought of all the years she kept this away, all the years she kept her heart tightly guarded. 

She kissed Vera softly. “I love you too,” she whispered back. “I love you, Vera,” she whispered again, and pulled Vera to her tightly, her lips against her neck as she tenderly kissed her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a pretty sad chapter for me to write. Despite that, it was something that I wanted to do. I've always said about Joan Ferguson in the show that she has never truly grieved over the death of Jianna and Shayne being taken away. I wish someone could have been there for her when she broke down in the show. 
> 
> While I didn't put any music in this, if you'd like to know what I listened to while writing it, I can leave links for a few songs. It helped my muse for this chapter.
> 
> The Heart Asks Pleasure First/The Promise by Michael Nyman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_CG92r3OxE
> 
> To the Sky (Moderate) by Dirk Maassen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsR71zisyzY
> 
> Chord Left by Agnes Obel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbU31JLtlug
> 
> I highly recommend listening to Words Are Dead by Agnes Obel, as her voice is so beautiful here and it's a rather haunting piece: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZpn7Cde1w8


	15. Chapter 15

Vera held Joan against her, feeling her own eyes well up a bit with tears as she felt the tender kissing of the woman's lips against her neck. She had fallen in love with Joan and she was so happy that she felt the same way. Despite everything that she had explained about what the vibration meant, there was a part of her that was worried at the fact that Joan had felt a need to fight against it. She was afraid she may not feel the same way. But in this moment when Joan had broken down in front of her, her tears against her neck, her desperate sobbing, she knew that she had to take that risk with her feelings. Even if Joan didn't say it back, Vera didn't care. As long as Joan knew that she loved her. She has been in so much pain all these years, kept so much inside, she thought. She stroked Joan's hair as felt her rest her cheek against her shoulder, the tension in her body releasing.

Joan slowly and awkwardly pulled away from her. Vera noticed that she averted her eyes, and there was a blush to her tear stained cheeks. She wiped at them sheepishly as she looked at Vera from the side of her eyes. 

“Thank you for—for that. I'm sorry I became so... carried away,” she said quietly.

Joan looked so shy and almost embarrassed. Vera's hand stroked her cheek, bringing Joan's face towards her to look into her eyes. “No need to thank me. I love you. Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I know that must have been very hard,” she said softly. 

Joan's eyes were dark but calmer. She nodded and let out a slow breath. “It was hard, yes. But I'm—I'm glad it was you who was with me for that.” She closed her eyes, rubbing them. “I should wash my face,” she said quietly. 

Joan pecked her on the lips and stood up. “I'll be right back.”

Vera watched as she left, running her hands through her hair. There was so much she didn't know about Joan still, even with everything she shared. She had no idea the amount of loss the older woman had suffered. She was always so calm and contained at Wentworth, almost hiding behind a mask of professional indifference. It seemed to only be with Vera that she let some of that mask off. And then there was the fact that Joan is a vampire. There was still a part of her that didn't quite believe this was real. She looked down at herself and blushed. She was still in Joan's long t-shirt and knickers. Vera needed to take a shower and get dressed. She couldn't fit into any of Joan's clothes. The shirt she was wearing now was already big enough as it was. She sighed as she realized she'd have to go home and change.

Joan walked back into the living room. She looked significantly better. Her face was washed and appeared softer, the black and silver strands of her hair were smoothed out and draped across her shoulders. She reached down and took Vera's hands, pulling her up to her. She let out a little squeak as she felt her body pressed tightly against Joan. 

Joan wrapped her arms around her, one hand around the middle of her back and the other at the small of her back. Vera felt soft lips descend on hers, kissing her slowly. She opened her eyes as Joan broke the kiss.

“Are you all right, Vera? You had a frown when I walked in.”

“Not because of you walking in. I was just thinking I should probably go home and change,” she sighed softly.

Joan smiled at her and lifted her eyebrow, her hands reaching down to move under her shirt. Vera felt goosebumps at feeling her touch. Her cool fingertips tracing her skin, the gentle vibration making her skin feel even more sensitive. She felt Joan's palms travel down her back. She opened her mouth slightly as Joan squeezed her butt. 

“Oh, but I was so enjoying you in just this... and your knickers,” she said mischievously, winking at her. 

Vera felt her mouth grow dry, having a hard time concentrating as she felt Joan caressing the bare skin of her back. 

“It's really hard to want to stay in this if you keep doing that,” Vera said, shivering as Joan's hands slipped around her hips, inhaling sharply as Joan's touch lightly tickled her sensitive skin.

Joan's eyes still held a mischievous glint in them, and a hint of desire at the same time. 

"Hmm... that does appeal to me," she said softly. She gave a lopsided sly grin as her fingers stroked over Vera's stomach across her navel. 

Vera closed her eyes as she felt the soft fingers caressing her skin in a teasing way. She sighed, almost frustrated as she felt those hands move around her back and waist, soft lips kissing her lightly. 

"How about we do something today? And I will go and retrieve some of your clothes."

"What? Oh, Joan you don't need to do that. I'm perfectly fine with going home and grabbing them," Vera said a little breathlessly. Her skin still tingling from the feel of Joan's hands on it . 

"No, I don't need to, but I want to. It makes more sense that you stay here," Joan said firmly. She smiled at Vera as she started grabbing her purse and a slipping on some flats. 

"Oh wait!" Vera scrambled around looking in her purse. 

"What are you looking for?" Joan's voice took on a slightly exasperated tone. Vera felt Joan standing next to her.

"I j-just thought you'd need my k-key," she stammered.

Joan smirked and placed her hand over hers, stopping her rummaging through her purse. "I don't need a key to go into your house, Vera."

Confused, Vera looked up at Joan and furrowed her eyebrows. 

Joan's lips quirked into the hint of a smile as she lifted both elegantly defined eyebrows. She leaned down to her ear. "You invited me in. I can come and go as I please," she whispered. Vera's eyes widened as she felt her soft breath, then smiled as Joan's lips kissed her cheek. 

"I won't be long. Make yourself comfortable," she said, slipping on some black sunglasses as she opened the front door and left. 

Vera blinked and shook her head. She let out a slow breath. What was she going to do? She wasn't hungry again. She glanced around the living room and her eyes settled on the bookshelf, looking over the titles again. What did Joan say her favorite book was again? She smiled as she found it. She slowly pulled it out. 

" _The Count of Monte Cristo_ ," she said quietly. She saw that there were different colored sticky notes throughout the book. She opened it, reading the first couple of pages, and then flipped through it, paying careful attention to the pages that Joan had marked.

After flipping through some of the pages, she soon found that Joan had a lot of highlighted quotes about revenge, vengeance, and seeking out justice against your enemies. One in particular talking about dueling and killing your opponent, and giving out the same pain that the main character suffered. An eye for an eye. She lifted her eyebrow at this. There were a couple more quotes in particular that stood out to her. 

She narrowed her eyes at one that she saw. 

_"And now farewell to kindness, humanity, and gratitude. Farewell to all sentiments that gladden the heart. I have substituted myself for Providence in rewarding the good. May the God of Vengeance now yield me His place to punish the wicked!"_

__

This quote seemed to fit Joan a little too well as the Governor. She was a hardened professional, but at times she seemed almost cruel towards the women. Vera knew that they were prisoners, that they had committed some serious crimes. Meg Jackson had been right in what she said to her though. She could not continue to make friends with these women. All she did was get hurt and felt taken advantage of. Joan wasn't here to punish though, she was here to correct. They all were. She wondered in particular about the part saying "farewell to humanity." Vera thought Joan was ironically very human, even though technically she was not.

She saw another quote that gave her some hope despite some of what she read. And this one seemed to definitely show hints at the state of mind of the woman. Or at least the state of mind Joan had at the time of reading this. 

_"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness."_

Vera noticed that next to that quote there was Joan's small handwriting that said: _"Happiness? Is this even possible?"_

She sighed softly. She supposed this was very true considering what she had learned about Joan. She had experienced a lot of grief, and then went through a frightening yet extraordinary transformation. Vera knew it was possible for Joan to experience happiness, as she had already seen her happy while they were together. But did Joan believe this? 

Vera closed the book and shook her head. Joan was an extremely complicated and peculiar woman, that was for sure. Then again, Joan is a vampire. Nothing was more peculiar than that. A complicated, peculiar, powerful, and sexy woman who happened to be a vampire. Vera smiled as she placed the book back onto the shelf. 

She looked to the walls of art. Small, simple paintings of a tree and other flora and fauna. Vera walked over as she noticed the fencing equipment nearby. She picked up a slightly heavy sword. She held it in both her hands and bent the end of it. 

How often did Joan fence? She wondered. Vera swung the sword around, attacking imaginary foes. If only she could use this while at the prison, she thought, giggling at the idea of this. She smiled gleefully as she did a little lunge, thinking about the women who still called her Vinegar Tits. 

She turned around and gasped, jumping as she saw Joan standing near the entrance of the living room. She was so startled that she dropped the sword, hearing it clang against the floor. 

"Oh, my God, Joan! You scared the shit out of me! Stop doing that!" She touched her heart. The woman really needed to stop sneaking up on her. 

Joan pursed her lips and lifted an eyebrow as she walked over to her. 

"I'm sorry to scare you, but I did tell you I would be back soon. I just didn't realize that you'd be playing around with my epee," Joan said seriously and crossed her arms. 

Vera looked down at the sword, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I didn't even hear you come in," she said softly.

Joan sighed and walked over to her. "Turn around," she said quietly and firmly, but Vera could swear she also heard some amusement in her tone. 

"Um, okay," she said as she slowly turned around. She heard Joan pick up the sword from the floor, and footsteps walked around softly. She jumped again as she felt Joan's body press against her from behind. 

"My darling Vera, you're so jumpy today," Joan said and Vera could hear the smile in her voice as she moved her hand around her stomach. She brought Vera's right arm out, placing a different sword into her hand. "My epee you were using was too heavy for you. You'd do better with a foil," she said softly. 

Vera looked down at Joan's long fingers gently but firmly wrapped around her wrist as she held the foil in her hand. 

"And your left arm and hand should go behind you a bit." Joan gently and slowly brought her hand behind her near her hip. She felt Joan place her hand against her hip, the other hand caressing the inside of her wrist. 

"Place your right foot pointing forward, and your left foot pointing out to the side, and bend your knees a little bit."

Vera slowly did as she was told, trying not to blush at Joan standing so close to her, feeling her hips press into her. She shivered a little at Joan's thumb softly stroking her wrist and hand.

"Very good, Vera. This is called the 'En garde' position right before you are going to parry or thrust against an opponent. Now, lunge forward with the foil as if you're striking someone in the middle of their chest." 

Vera felt Joan move away from her as she lunged forward, careful not to hit anything. 

"Not bad, Vera. Not bad at all. However, I'm a little worried at teaching you in here that you could break something, so our little lesson is going to have to be for another day."

Vera turned around and Joan held her hand out for the foil. 

"How much did see of me doing that?" 

Joan looked into her eyes and smirked. "I saw all of it. And I must say you were adorable." Vera felt her cheeks blushing furiously. 

She put away her fencing equipment and handed Vera some clothing. "Here are your clothes, as well as your uniform for tomorrow. I figured you could stay the night again... that is if you don't have any plans," Joan said quietly. 

Vera smiled at her. "Thank you, Joan. And no I don't have plans. I'd love to stay again."

Joan blushed and nodded. "Good. Why don't you take a shower and get dressed and we can go somewhere, spend some time together outside of the house." 

Vera nodded and made her way into the shower. She sighed softly as she felt the warm water streaming over her skin. As she washed her hair, she remembered the night her mother died when Joan had tenderly and gently done this for her. She smiled as she rinsed her hair. 

She got out and quickly got dressed, brushing her hair. Joan had picked out jeans and a light sweater for her with a jacket. She made her way downstairs and found Joan placing a sandwich on the table.

"I think it would be good for you to eat before we left. I'm sure you're hungry." 

Vera felt her stomach growl just then, giggling as she sat down. "You seem to think of everything," she said and smiled.

"I do think of everything because I need to make sure your needs are met, Vera. That includes making sure that you're well fed and rested."

"Not any other reason?" Vera asked coyly.

Joan rolled her eyes a little, and grinned. "And yes, because I love you. You're very important to me."

Vera's eyes softened as she finished her sandwich, reaching out to touch Joan's hand. "I love you too. You're very important to me as well," she said tenderly. 

Joan smiled and stroked her thumb against her palm. She stood up and tugged Vera's hand gently. "Come on, let's get going before it starts to rain."

Vera followed Joan out to her car. Joan drove a bit farther out from where she lived. 

She pulled into a park that had many large trees, shading some areas from the sun poking through the clouds. There was a hill at the top and Joan pointed to it. "The view is very nice from here, and more private." She held Vera's hand as they slowly walked up the hill. Joan laid a blanket down on the grass as soon as they got up there and helped Vera sit down with her. 

Joan pressed her back against a large tree as she motioned for Vera to cuddle against her. Vera stretched her legs out next to Joan's as she rested her head on her shoulder. Joan's arm wrapped around her and the other hand held hers as she slowly caressed her skin. Vera sighed happily, feeling very safe and relaxed. 

This part of the park gave them a view of the water in the distance with the city. 

"It's beautiful Joan. Very peaceful." 

Joan smiled and winked at her. "It's even more beautiful at sunset and at night. The stars and moon reflect off the water. We'll have to come back here in the evening so you can see."

Vera watched the water and smiled. "I'd like that."

They sat and looked at the water in a comfortable silence. Joan would nuzzle her and kiss her hair and temple, her hands caressing her back and hip, her hand. Vera closed her eyes at the gentle and tender touches.

"Joan, are you okay to be out here for very long?" 

"Yes, I'm fine. We're under this tree and the sun has been going in and out of those clouds. I'll let you know if I get tired," she said quietly. 

Vera nodded and leaned up to kiss her jaw and neck. 

"Joan, can I ask you something?"

Vera felt Joan's lips smile against her hair. "That depends on the question. But what do you want to know?"

Vera paused. "Aaron, your Maker, what is he like?"

Joan breathed in deeply and spoke softly. "Despite his youthful appearance, Aaron is very old. I'm not sure how old but I know he's between 400-600 years old. He is wise, kind, a bit eccentric, and frustratingly irritating at times. He has taught me everything I know about being a vampire. He... he was there for me when no one else was." 

Damn that's old, Vera thought. He sounded nice though and she could tell that he meant a lot to Joan just by how she spoke about him. There was another nagging question in her mind, however. 

"You sound like you love him..."

Joan stroked her hair and kissed her head. "I suppose I do, but the bond between a Maker and his/her progeny is more than just love. It's beyond that. It's a very intimate relationship."

Vera bit her lip, nervous about the next question she had. "So does that mean that you two--that you two have been together?"

"Together? Oh no, not in that way at all. He is more like a father to me. In a lot of ways he's more like a father to me than my own, or also like a brother." 

Vera sighed in relief, relaxing in Joan's arms. 

Joan lifted her chin to face her, looking into her eyes. "Were you worried there was something more between us?" 

Vera blushed embarrassingly and nodded her head.

"Oh Vera, there could never be anything between Aaron and I. While some Maker's and their progeny's do have a romantic and sexual relationship, that was not mine with Aaron. That was not our dynamic. And besides, while Aaron does like some women, he _much_ prefers the company of men." 

"Oh, I see. Well that clears things up then," Vera giggled. 

Joan smiled and brought her lips closer to hers. "And I _much_ prefer the company of women. Especially the one in my arms right now," she whispered. She kissed her firmly, her lips soft as she held Vera close to her. Vera felt dizzy as Joan kept kissing her, the kiss both loving and demanding at the same time. She felt her tongue dance with hers, and Joan moaned softly into her mouth as Vera sucked her lower lip. 

Joan broke their kiss gently, stroked her cheek and smiled at her. "You make it very hard to be patient," she said softly. 

"Why be patient?" Vera asked breathlessly.

Joan kissed her forehead. "Because we have to be. I want to be. And... because I haven't been with anyone in a long time," she said quietly. 

"You haven't? What about the women you fed off of?" Vera covered her mouth, surprised at her blunt question. 

Joan blinked, a little taken aback by the question, and then she gave a small smile. "I did give them some pleasure but it was never reciprocated. I never allowed them to touch me. I haven't since... since Jianna, and even that was somewhat... limited." 

Vera nodded slowly. "So you haven't had as much experience... but more than me, of course..." 

Joan averted her eyes and nodded. "That's correct," she said softly. 

Despite the intimidating nature of Joan, the cold, calm, and collected woman at work, the playful and flirtatious woman she saw outside of work, there was also an awkwardness and a shyness underneath all the armor. The need for waiting, to be patient with her, all made sense.

"I understand Joan, and I agree. We should wait until we're both ready." She kissed Joan's cheek and neck, settling down against her and held her. 

She felt a chill in the air and shivered. Joan tightened her arms around her, rubbing her back. 

"You know, Aaron is the one who taught me how to dance."

Vera pulled out of her arms and smiled at her. "Really? You told me it was a long time ago, but he taught you?"

Joan smiled and nodded. "Yes, he loves to dance. Especially ballroom, jazz and unfortunately he also liked disco." She visibly shuddered and Vera giggled. 

"He sounds like fun, Joan," Vera said and smiled softly. 

Joan looked down and nodded. "Yes, he is. Other than fencing, I didn't know the concept of fun anymore, if I ever did at all, especially if I wasn't against someone. If they weren't my opponent. One day he wanted to dance and told me that I should join him. I vehemently disagreed. I didn't have time for something so silly and what I deemed as pointless. My father wouldn't have ever allowed me to waste my time with something like dancing. Aaron, however, told me I would be a natural because of fencing. It took a lot of pushing, and finally he said I was too afraid to try. He appealed to my ego."

"But you're so good at it, and you seem to really like it. At least I think you do," Vera said. 

"I do. Well, now I do. Unfortunately the first time he tried to get me to dance was to some horrific disco song," she said and sniffed haughtily. 

Vera smiled. "Oh, what song? I'm very curious now. Was it anything by the Bee Gees?" 

Joan sighed dramatically. "No, nothing by them, although he did like them too. But no, he had to make us dance to the fucking Copacabana."

"The song by Barry Manilow?" Vera bit the inside of her cheek and tried very hard to keep from laughing. 

"Yes, the one by Barry Manilow. One of the most ridiculous songs ever made. Yet he said he liked the fast beat of the song and thought it was 'fun'."

Joan made air quotes as she said "fun," saying this in such a over dramatic and irritating tone, that Vera could no longer hold in her laughter. She fell over and giggled.

"I'm sorry," she laughed and snorted. "The Copacabana by Barry Manilow." She laughed harder until she felt she couldn't breathe. 

"Governor Joan Ferguson has danced to the Copacabana." She howled in laughter. 

"Are you quite finished?" 

Vera giggled and placed her head in Joan's lap. "I'm sorry. That was just something I didn't expect," she said and smiled. 

Joan looked down at her and glared at her, before her lips quirked into a smile. 

"Well I'm _glad_ you find it so amusing. Luckily he switched that song to Luck Be A Lady by Frank Sinatra and it was much more enjoyable after I got used to it." 

Vera snorted and lifted her head up and brought her face next to Joan's, wrapping her arms around her. "You're adorable when you're irritated, Joan." Vera smiled as Joan's cheeks flushed pink. 

"Now you're blushing Joan," she said, smiling.

Joan's mouth dropped open. "I don't know what you're talking about. It's from the chill in the air."

"Hmm... well I still think you're blushing." Vera winked at her.

Joan lifted an eyebrow and pursed her lips. "You're lucky I love you," Joan sighed dramatically. 

Vera smiled widely and hugged Joan. "I do feel lucky," she whispered and kissed her lips. Joan kissed her back and her hand wrapped around the back of Vera's neck, stroking her hair and skin.

As they kept kissing, Vera felt water drops on them, heavier as it fell on them, the water dripping on their hair and lips. 

Joan broke their kiss and stood up, pulling Vera up to her. "We'd better cut this short," she said as it started to rain harder.

They hurriedly wrapped up the blanket, their jackets over their heads, standing close together as they both ran to the car. Vera giggled as Joan kept pace with her, making sure not to race to the car. 

"My clothes are ruined again!" Vera sighed and then giggled. 

Joan smiled and looked over at her. "Well it looks like we'll be stopping at your house again. I don't want you to get sick. We should grab an extra pair of clothes and pajamas."

Vera smiled and nodded. "That sounds good. That is unless you wanted me to sleep in another shirt of yours... or naked," she giggled, waggling her eyebrows. 

Joan stared at her, and sighed as she started the car. "Don't tempt me, Vera," she said in a low and playful tone. 

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it, Joan," Vera said and winked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter was too long, I'm sorry, but I couldn't split this up. I also felt that after such an emotional chapter before this, that Joan and Vera needed a little bit of fluff. The chapter before this was emotionally hard for me to write so I needed some fluff too, so hopefully you enjoyed this chapter. :)
> 
> I didn't want to fill the chapter with quotes from The Count of Monte Cristo, but when Vera says she sees one about killing your opponent and having an eye for an eye, this is the quote I'm referring to: "Make no mistake: I should fight a duel for a trifle, an insult, a contradiction, a slap—and all the more merrily for knowing that, thanks to the skill I have acquired in all physical exercises and long experience of danger, I should be more or less certain of killing my opponent. Oh, yes, indeed, I should fight a duel for any of these things; but in return for a slow, deep, infinite, eternal pain, I should return as nearly as possible a pain equivalent to the one inflicted on me. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth..."
> 
> So my mom is a big fan of Barry Manilow and she forced me to listen to some of his songs when growing up. One of them being the Copacabana. It's a silly and ridiculous song but rather catchy. If you haven't heard it, but want to know what it sounds like because of this chapter, you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPhE-dCvwiM
> 
> Also I imagine most people have heard Luck Be A Lady by Frank Sinatra, but just in case you haven't and want to listen to it, here is a link for that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJpGHR6ofus


	16. Chapter 16

It had been a stressful last few days at Wentworth. Fletcher had been ready to be transferred at Walford, but abruptly had it dismissed by Derek Channing due to internal politics. Vera remembered Joan's expression after Channing had showed up to her office. Sometime later Joan had asked her to look through parolee's files. Vera wasn't sure why the Governor wanted to do this. She seemed to think there was some kind of odd connection with them all being stationed at the same halfway house. Vera had to admit that it was strange that many of those women had gone missing. It was some time after Joan had asked her to do this, that she had seen a disgruntled and out of it Fletcher who confirmed again that he was to be transferred. It was just as well. He always had the faint smell of alcohol coming off of him. 

She felt sorry for him, and she had liked him once. Now he was nothing more than a friend and colleague, and even these days she wasn't sure if she'd call him a friend. His constant mistrust and disrespect for Joan was beginning to aggravate her. Not only was it disrespectful to the Governor, but he had lately been questioning Vera's judgment about her. He didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't know Joan and he didn't know everything she had gone through. Vera knew that she handled things at Wentworth with some of the most professional behavior she had seen. 

Things had been a little tense with Joan and she wasn't sure if it was the stress of dealing with Channing, and the fact that she was still trying to bring down Franky Doyle as Top Dog. Joan's interactions with Franky were always one of irritation and minor amusement. If she didn't know better, she'd almost say that Joan wanted to bring down Franky just to prove a point, to show a display of power. Vera knew Franky was smart, quick witted, and rather sarcastic in her retorts to anything she or the officers said to her. Joan displayed all of these traits as well but was a bit more subtle in her approach. Even if it was true that it was partially a power play between the Top Dog and the Governor, she knew that the drugs needed to be stopped. She had an odd feeling in the last few days. There was tension in the air among the women and Vera knew whenever that happened, there was usually a riot that followed. She could only hope that she was wrong. Vera was trained to deal with such a situation but she'd rather avoid it if she could. She needed more evidence, however. 

It was because of all this that Vera decided that maybe she and Joan needed to relax. She was at Joan's house, and the two were sitting together in the living room listening to music and drinking wine. Joan didn't have to drink wine but she decided that she would with Vera just so she wasn't alone in drinking. At least this was what Vera said to her and Joan had smirked at her and obliged. Lately Joan cooked for her whenever she could. She had no reason to eat with her most of the time, but every so often she would indulge in something sweet. Vera would smile as she watched Joan eat chocolate or fruit. She found that Joan's favorite type of sweet was anything chocolate mixed with mint. 

Joan sat with her legs crossed, looking over paperwork, her hair softly falling forward. She looked paler than usual. There were shadows under her eyes that normally wasn't there. Vera was sure that Joan hadn't been outside much today. 

Sometimes Joan would continue to work from home. It took her a little bit of coaxing to get her to fully unwind. She knew that the music Joan was playing at the moment was a way she used time to relax and think. Tonight, however, Vera was thinking that maybe they would do something else. She had a feeling it would require extra coaxing on her part. She searched through her phone and every few minutes she'd look at Joan who was concentrating at the documents in her lap. When she looked back at her again, Joan was staring at her. Vera blushed at being caught, smiling nervously. 

“What is it, Vera?” Joan asked softly and somewhat impatiently.

“Oh, um, I was just wondering...”

Joan sighed. “Yes?”

“Would you be... interested... in going to see a film tonight?” Vera held her breath as Joan stared blankly at her, and then she looked back down at the paperwork in front of her and continued to read it.

“Vera, I never really go to the cinema. Isn't it also a bit late?”

“It's only 7:30!” Vera said exasperated.

Joan's eyes narrowed a fraction, and she lifted her chin. “All right... it's 7:30. Even if we did go tonight, there's hardly anything out that I'd want to see.”

Vera bit the inside of her cheek to keep from sighing. “Do you not like films?”

Joan opened her mouth, then shut it quickly. She leaned forward, holding her pen and tapped it against her palm. When Joan spoke, Vera could tell she was speaking carefully and deliberately, as if she was trying to keep her patience. “I never said I didn't like them. I just have never had the time to see them, nor do I make the time. I enjoy some on occasion but I hardly ever go to the cinema. Sometimes I catch one on the TV if it's something of interest.”

“Well... we don't have to. We can just stay here...” Vera said quietly. She didn't want to force Joan, but she also just wanted have some fun and take her mind off of everything, and get Joan away from work. A film seemed like a perfect idea, but she knew once Joan made up her mind, she would stick to it. 

Joan continued tapping her pen against her palm, and then sighed, closing the manila folder in her lap and setting it aside. “I'll see a film with you tonight. But on one condition: I get to pick it,” she said firmly.

“Yes! Wait, are you sure Joan?” 

Joan's lips twitched as she said in a deliberately even tone, “Yes, I'm quite sure. I wouldn't say yes if I didn't mean it. Although if you ask me again, you may not be so lucky. I'll look up what we can see and the show times.”

Vera smiled as she watched Joan scroll through her phone, a concentrated look on her face. After about a minute, Joan smiled slowly.

“Why don't we do something different? Instead of seeing anything current, how would you feel about seeing a classic?” Joan asked, her lips twitching in amusement as she looked at Vera.

“I don't mind. Did you want to see an old romance? Something along the lines of _Sleepless in Seattle_?” Vera was giddy thinking of watching an old favorite of hers from the early 90's.

Joan laughed dryly. “That's an older one, but I meant an old black and white film actually.”

“ _Casablanca_?” Vera asked hopefully. It was one of her favorites.

Joan shook her head and took her hand. “That is actually a good one, however, it's not playing. Come on. If we leave now we can make the next show.” Joan walked to the front door and grabbed her purse, pulling on her jacket. 

Joan hadn't said what they were seeing, and now she was curious. “What are we going to see?”

“You'll know when we get there.” Joan winked at her and gave her a lopsided, smug smile.

Joan drove them to a different cinema than what she was used to going to. It was old fashioned but looked remodeled. As they walked up to the front of the marquee sign, Vera saw three titles and she suddenly knew which film they were seeing, and she almost regretted allowing Joan to choose.

Vera looked up at Joan who was smirking at her, her eyes gleaming. “We're seeing _Psycho_ aren't we?”

Joan nodded, that same smug smile still on her face. “Indeed we are. What's the matter? Are you not a fan of Hitchcock?”

“No, I like some Hitchcock. I just didn't think you'd choose a film like this tonight...” Vera didn't mind some suspense genres, but later at night she tended to get a little on edge and paranoid while watching them.

“Can't back out now. You said I could pick." Joan winked at her.

“I know, I know. I just... that shower scene,” she mumbled.

Joan chuckled. “Oh, my dear, you'll be fine. You have me. I won't let Norman Bates get you,” she said teasingly. She held her arm for Vera to take.

Vera hesitated, and tried to put on an annoyed look but was having trouble doing so. Joan looked so cute with her arm out, the amusement in her eyes and her small smile.

“Oh all right!” Vera wrapped her arm around Joan's and reached up and kissed her on the cheek, lingering there as she felt her skin flush with heat.

They were standing in line waiting to buy their tickets when Vera heard a voice behind them. One that sounded familiar. Joan turned around and sighed a bit dramatically. Vera followed her gaze and suddenly knew why it was familiar. She smiled politely and waved.

“Hello ladies. Fancy seeing you here tonight,” said the soft and low voice, smiling at them.

“Aaron,” Joan said in a dry tone, her lips twitching, and Vera saw that Joan looked both amused and irritated.

“Hello Aaron. Nice to see you again. You seeing a film tonight?” Vera asked, looking up at him. It was already hard enough with Joan being so tall, and Aaron was even taller, around 6'3. Joan was wearing flats so she was at her usual 6'0 height.

Aaron smiled widely. “Of course! I love them. I try to go to them at least once or twice a week. I'm surprised you got Joanie here to go with you. She was usually so reluctant whenever I wanted to go to the cinema. Luckily I was able to talk her in to seeing a few with me over the years. What are you seeing tonight?”

Joan tilted her head at him. “Aaron, you _know_ what we're seeing. You're being deliberately obtuse.”

Aaron feigned shock and gasped. “I do not! There are three films playing tonight.” He paused and stared at Joan, a look of concern on his face. “Are you feeling all right? You look a little tired. Have you been--”

“I'm fine!” Joan hissed.

Joan felt a little tense, and did seem a little more irritable tonight. Vera shrugged it off and watched them go back and forth, smiling. “We're seeing _Psycho_.” She furrowed her eyebrows and made a face, poking Joan in the side with her finger. “ _Someone_ was apparently in the mood for it.”

Aaron looked down at Vera and slowly smiled at her. “I happen to be seeing the same thing.”

“Of course you are,” Joan retorted, her lips smiling with barely concealed irritation. Vera could see a lightness in her eyes though. Joan was acting irritated on purpose.

As soon as they walked up to the ticket counter, Aaron pushed his way forward. “Three for _Psycho_ at 8:45.” He brought out his wallet and Joan moved her hand in front of him.

“What are you doing?” Joan asked tersely.

“Paying for our tickets,” he said smiling, his eyes dancing with glee.

Joan sighed and pulled out her wallet. “I can pay for my ticket and hers. He can pay for himself.”

Vera tried not to laugh as she said, “I can always pay for myself too...” Joan glared at her and Vera shrunk back at the look. “Okay, never mind then...”

The cashier behind the counter looked confused. “I'm sorry but he already paid for them.”

Joan scoffed and glared at Aaron, her lips twitching, crossing her arms. “You did this on purpose.”

“Joanie, stop being so difficult. We can make it a date! When do we ever get to do this anymore, hmm?” 

Joan was grinding her jaw, and sighed. “Why do I have the feeling that I don't have a choice?”

Aaron clapped and took Vera's arm, then took Joan's. “Don't be so dramatic. It'll be fun.” Vera giggled and walked with them into the cinema. She watched as Joan went over to the usher to tear her ticket.

Aaron lifted his eyebrows at Vera and smiled mischievously. “Okay now that she's occupied, why don't we get some popcorn and candy?”

Vera stared at him and smiled a little confused. “But you don't need to eat...”

“Pfft. I don't _need_ to, but that doesn't mean I can't. It's part of the experience of going to the cinema. You go ahead and order whatever you want. It's my treat,” he said and winked at her.

Vera smiled and nodded her head. “All right.” After they ordered their food, they walked over to find Joan standing in the hall with a rather irritated expression on her face.

“Aaron, you don't even need to eat that.”

“No, but I want to, and plus she shouldn't be alone in eating popcorn.” He tossed a kernel into his mouth.

Vera bit her lip and waved a box of Junior Mints at Joan. “I bought these so we could share, if you want.”

Joan was still pursing her lips at Aaron as her eyes traveled down to what Vera held in her hand. Her eyes softened and she gave a small smile. “You remembered I like these.”

“Yes I did. I wanted to get you something you'd like.” Vera smiled at her as they walked into the theater, quickly grabbing some seats. 

Aaron made his way down the aisle and sat down next to Vera, making her in the middle between them. He held the bag of popcorn out to Vera and she smiled and thanked him, grabbing a few. 

Joan made a face, her lips twitching at the seats and brought out a sanitizer wipe as she cleaned down the arm rests. 

“Joan you don't get sick! Must you always wipe and sanitize everything?” Aaron asked incredulously. 

“Aaron, old habits die hard. Just—just let me do this.” 

“Hmm... I guess not much has changed then... Joanie, I'm so happy I ran into the two of you tonight. It's just like old times.” He smiled and winked at them. 

Joan narrowed her eyes and barely held the hint of a smile. “Only you were the one who liked most of the films we saw.” 

Aaron chuckled and shook his head. “If I remember correctly, there were a couple you were rather fascinated with. What were the two films in the early 2000's with Russell Crowe? You were particularly fond of those. And another one with Nicole Kidman that was a ghost story. Do you remember?” He lifted his eyebrows expectantly. 

“You liked some with Russell Crowe?” Vera asked, excited that she found out that Joan had liked a few films. This would give her an idea as to the types of stories and genres Joan liked.

Joan furrowed her eyebrows and then opened her mouth, lifting her finger and smiling. “Now I know what you're referring to. _Gladiator_ and _A Beautiful Mind_ with Russell Crowe. _Gladiator_ was an excellent film, as was _A Beautiful Mind_. And the one with Nicole Kidman... that was—that was _The Others_. I give in. Those few were the exception.”

Aaron nodded, smiling to himself. They all sat in silence staring at the screen as the film was about to start. Aaron leaned down towards Vera. “You know, I saw this film when it originally came out,” he said quietly.

“Did you really? How was that?” Vera asked.

“Oh, it was unlike anything out at that time, or before it. Did you know that they almost didn't have the shower scene in it? Hitchcock had to fight to get that iconic scene in there. They also didn't tell Janet Leigh that her character was going to be murdered. They did this to get her screams to appear real, and her reaction more authentic.”

Vera lifted her eyebrows. “I didn't know that. That's very interesting.”

“And they used chocolate syrup for the blood since it was black and white,” Joan piped up.

Vera bit the inside of her cheek. “You know, for someone who said they don't like seeing too many films, you sure seem to know some things about this one.”

Joan smiled and put her arm around Vera. “Just a few things,” she said softly. 

Vera opened the box of Junior Mints and held some out to Aaron. He smiled and shook his head. Vera held the box out to Joan. She held out her hand as Vera poured a few into her palm. 

“You know it's hard for me to resist these,” she said as she bit into one. Vera giggled and then quieted as the film started. 

As the opening credits played the dramatic violin score, she looked at Joan a little and saw that she had a small smile on her face. 

When it got to the shower scene, Vera jumped. Joan looked at her and smiled, her arm wrapped tighter around her. 

A little more than halfway through the film, Vera felt Joan's body tense, and she saw that her fingers were digging into her thigh. 

Joan slowly let go of her and whispered, “I'll be back.” Vera watched as she quickly walked out of the theater.

She glanced at Aaron who was watching Joan intently, then he smiled at Vera. “I'm sure she's fine,” he whispered.

Vera tried to concentrate on the film but couldn't, worried about Joan. Aaron whispered, “I'll go check on her.”

She sat alone in the theater, and suddenly didn't want to finish the film as neither Joan or Aaron came back. Right at the end of the film, Aaron came back and motioned for Vera to come with him. 

“What's wrong? Where's Joan?” She asked worriedly.

Aaron walked with her outside. “Joan is fine, she just wasn't feeling well suddenly. She's sorry she had to cut the evening short, and I've been asked to take you home.”

“Not feeling well? I thought vampires couldn't get sick,” she whispered.

“Not sick... but we can become fatigued, or worse for wear,” he said patiently. “Please let me take you home. She wanted to make sure you got home safe. Joan will be fine, trust me.”

Vera sighed and walked with him to his car. “I'm not sure I understand.”

He opened the car door for her as she got in and moved over to the driver's side. He waited until they both had their seat belts on. “I know. Vampires are often hard to understand, and so are humans. I suppose we have that in common." He smiled gently. 

As they drove, Vera would look at Aaron a few times, feeling a little awkward to be alone with him. Despite what Joan told her about him, she still didn't know him well. He was very sweet though, she thought.

Aaron looked over at her. “You're curious about me, aren't you?” 

Vera's mouth dropped open. “How did you know?”

“I can just tell,” he said dryly.

“Okay... Joan tells me you're very old, but that she wasn't sure just how old, but could only guess.”

Aaron smiled as he drove. “Oh, that's because I like to keep her guessing, but I think Joan has figured out by now more of the century I was born in, or at least close to it.”

“And when were you born? How old are you? That is if you don't mind me asking,” she said quietly.

Aaron was silent for a minute before he answered. “I've lost a lot of my accent, but I was born towards the end of the 15th century in Spain, to a Jewish mother and Spanish father. I'm 550 years old. I became a vampire when I was 27... in 1491.”

Vera gaped at him. Joan was right when she said he could be around 600 years old or somewhere in that age range. “Why did you turn Joan into a vampire?”

He lowered his eyebrows and let out a slow breath. “I saw she was in pain. I wanted to help her. I was in similar pain and anguish when I was first turned,” he said softly.

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Vera said gently.

He drove to her house and parked in front of it, turning towards her. “Thank you... my family... my mother came with her family to Spain, and met my father and they fell in love. I was born along with one sister and a brother," he said, and smiled gently. “We were all very close. However, this was during the time of the Spanish Inquisition that was gaining power and influence. We were known as Conversos... secret Jews,” he said quietly.

Vera knew about the Spanish Inquisition and the torturing and killing they did, and she had a bad feeling as Aaron continued talking.

“My family... the Inquisition suspected we were practicing our faith, and they denied that they were. They wanted them to confess and admit they were in sin so they could repent. My parents were stubborn, and I wasn't there at the time this was happening. I was studying as an apprentice. When I came back... I learned that my entire family had been burned at the stake,” he said quietly. 

Vera felt tears prick her eyes, and she shook her head slowly. “I'm so sorry... I can't imagine that,” she said, her hands trembling as she held them in her lap.

Aaron smiled sadly and took her hand. “I'm sorry too. I was so angry, devastated. I was turned into a vampire the year before the Jews were expelled from Spain. I later went to Poland. Many of the Jewish people thrived there. But I spent many years with hate in my heart. It's why not even Joan knows the full details of what happened to me. I never wanted to give her any ideas, but she knows some. She knows I lost my family and was destroyed by it. It took me a long time to finally see that life wasn't worth all that hate, all that rage, the ruthlessness, the apathy I pretended to have.”

Vera nodded and squeezed his hand. “Thank you for telling me this.”

Aaron covered his other hand over hers, looking into her eyes. “Thank you for listening. I can see why Joan loves you,” he said softly.

Vera nodded. “I love her too,” she whispered.

“I can tell that you do. I knew deep down, that you were both meant to be together, even just from what she told me about you,” he said kindly.

Vera blushed. “Are you sure she's okay?”

Aaron nodded and got out and opened her door, walking her up to the door of her house. “She'll be fine. Don't worry.” He did a little bow. “Thank you for the nice evening. I'm sure it didn't go as you hoped, but I'm happy I was able to spend time with you. She needs you.”

Vera giggled as he bowed to her. “You're welcome, despite everything that happened, it was fun.”

He smiled and walked away, turning towards her and calling, “Kol Tuv!”

“What?” Vera yelled.

“Kol Tuv. It's Hebrew for 'be well.' Until next time, darling.” He waved at her as he drove off.

She smiled. What an interesting man, she thought as she walked inside her house. She glanced at her phone and saw no messages or missed calls from Joan. She tried texting and calling her with no response. Aaron told her not to worry, but that was easier said than done. She was not used to Joan abruptly leaving like that.

She made up her mind and walked back out of her house, getting into her car. She had to see that Joan was all right. When she got to Joan's house, she saw that a lot of the lights were off, or dimmed. She knocked on her door a few times and didn't get an answer. Joan had given her a spare key, thinking it was only fair that Vera be allowed that since Joan could come and go as she wanted inside Vera's home.

Vera stepped inside and heard rummaging somewhere in the kitchen.

“Joan?” She called softly.

Joan stepped out of the kitchen and stared at her. “What are you doing here? I told Aaron to take you home,” she said angrily.

Vera opened her mouth, surprised at the anger in Joan's voice. “I was worried about you. I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“You shouldn't be here right now,” Joan said in a low voice.

“Joan, what's the matter?” Vera stepped forward. She noticed Joan's hands were shaking slightly. 

“You should leave,” Joan said sharply.

“I don't want to leave you. I can tell something's wrong. What is it?” 

Joan stared at her and then Vera gasped as Joan moved fast, closing the distance between them, pushing Vera against a wall. “You shouldn't test my patience, Vera.”

“Your patience for what?” Vera shivered as she felt Joan vibrating with intensity, her body pressed into hers. Joan took her wrists firmly and held them. Her fangs clicked out and her eyes were dark and wild. Vera's breath caught in her throat.

“I haven't fed in a couple days. I've neglected to do this because I'm stupid. And you're stupid too for not listening to me. You need to leave Vera... before I do something I regret, before I hurt you... or worse,” Joan hissed.

“I don't think you'd really hurt me, Joan,” she said softly.

Joan growled and quickly lunged towards Vera's neck, her mouth at her throat, shutting her mouth tightly. “Please Vera... please just leave. I don't want to hurt you,” she said through gritted teeth.

Vera trembled underneath her, feeling an odd mix of fear and anticipation. “It's okay, Joan... you can do it... it's okay.”  


Joan took a shuddering breath. “You'd want that?”

Vera nodded and stroked Joan's hair. “I've dreamed about it,” she whispered.

Joan trembled against her, and released her wrists. She backed away from Vera. “No, not like this. Not when I'm weak and hungry. I can't control myself when that happens. I can barely control it now. You need to go... please,” she said quietly.

“But Joan--”

“Just leave. Go!” She yelled.

Vera jumped as Joan raised her voice. “Okay Joan... I'm sorry. I'll leave,” she said softly, feeling tears sting her eyes. She opened the door and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs away and hides* I know... it's kind of another cliffhanger again. Please don't hurt me. 
> 
> I've been watching a lot of Bates Motel recently and was always a fan of Psycho too. I figured if Joan watched movies, she'd probably be a fan of thrillers, or classics, in particular I could see her liking Hitchcock. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


	17. Chapter 17

Joan sat in her office watching the CCTV. It had been a few days since she last saw Vera outside of Wentworth since that night. Things were tense and awkward between them. Vera avoided her whenever possible, and the Governor only spoke to her when she absolutely needed to. It was difficult to do this, but she didn't feel that Vera would welcome anything more than this. Her mind flashed back to the night Vera showed up to her home after she rushed out of the cinema. She was angry and shocked to see her. She had trusted that Aaron would bring her home and then she'd see Vera the next day. She was stupid and arrogant to have waited as long as she did to feed. She couldn't entirely blame it all on being busy. 

Wentworth and Vera kept her distracted, and it was a concern that she put Vera at such risk. It had taken everything within her to not attack her. Joan wanted to taste her blood, to feel her fangs sink into her skin, and even part of her wanted it then, but she was afraid that she'd accidentally kill her while she was in that state. It was even harder when Vera told her to go ahead and do it. So Joan did the only thing she could do, which was to scream at Vera to get out of her house. She had seen the tears start to well in her eyes before she left, the apology as she opened the door, but it was for the greater good. Joan at least told herself that every time she remembered the look in her eyes before she left, knowing in some way that she had hurt Vera more so emotionally than she had physically. 

She clicked over on the cameras watching her Deputy. She narrowed her eyes as she saw Fletcher talking to her. That man would not leave her love alone. She zoomed in with the camera and watched closely as he leaned in closer to Vera, her hands coming up to press in front of his chest. Vera shook her head and walked away. Joan's lips twitched in irritation. He was skating on thin ice. She wanted him out of here, and it couldn't come fast enough. If he went near Vera like that again, she was going to suspend him for sexual harassment. She knew Vera thought she could handle him, and didn't want to make a big fuss about anything, but Joan would not allow someone to do this to any of her officers, especially Vera. She made a note to switch their rotations so they would not be working together anytime soon. 

She looked at the time. Perhaps it was good for her to leave early. She was tense and on edge. Joan needed time to think. She grabbed her coat and transparent bag. She passed by the front desk, hurrying out the door and putting on her sunglasses. When she got into her car, she checked to make sure no one was behind her, looking out the window when she spotted Vera leaving. Joan waited in her car observing her as Vera walked to her car, and almost as if sensing she was being watched, she looked over in her direction. Joan was glad she had been wearing sunglasses to hide her expression as Vera stared at her. Joan wanted to say something to her, opening her mouth, then closed it. Vera turned away from her and got into her car. Joan sighed as she faced forward, driving out of the lot. 

Lately Joan had been keeping her fencing equipment and uniform in the trunk of her car. She didn't always have the time to rush home and then go into the fencing studio. She sighed in relief as she slipped on the white pants and jacket. She felt just as natural in this as she did her uniform at work.  


Joan fought against a young man that she often found in the studio. He was experienced at the sport, a challenge. He was worthy of her time here. She lunged a few times at him, their swords clanging and when she advanced towards him, it was like a dance that both of them had mastered. She almost smiled as she thought of how Aaron had been right about fencing and dancing. She had proved to be a natural. 

The thought of Aaron then reminded her of the conversation she had with him as she left the inside of the cinema.

_“Joan, how many times do I have to remind you? You CAN'T keep pushing yourself. You have to feed. You're not old enough in vampire years to do this like myself.”_

_“I know! I know, Aaron. I just—I was preoccupied with everything.”_

_“I understand preoccupied, but you should not go this long without feeding. It weakens you and makes you more impulsive. It not only puts a number of humans at risk, but it also risks the exposure to us if you're not more careful.”_

_“I know this! I've always been able to control everything... why can't this so easily be controlled?”_

_“You are definitely special in that way. Not all vampires have the willpower that you have, but even you have your limits, despite what you may think. As you get older it will become easier.”_

_“If I stay any longer, I worry about what might happen. Vera... I don't want to hurt her, or kill her.”_

_“Joan... I know it's possible for that to happen since you waited too long to feed, but you know death is not the only outcome...”_

_“You certainly can't be suggesting that I...”_

_“I'm not suggesting, I'm merely reminding you of the possibility, of the options you have. Not every vampire becomes a Maker, and some do so at various ages. You are only my second progeny in my lifetime. And it is not uncommon for lovers, especially considering the bond you and Vera have, the binding link that is between you two. I'm not saying you don't have a choice, or that she doesn't have a choice, but I want you to be happy. You haven't allowed yourself to be happy for a very long time. I have failed you in this.”_

_“You haven't failed me... I'm a freak, always have been. I question if I can ever truly be happy, if it even exists. But I think of Vera, and I know I must be wrong. My heart... whatever is left of it, feels so much for her. I didn't think I could. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know if I could make her into a vampire, the responsibility of it, and I'm not sure she could handle this life.”_

_“If you do decide to make Vera into a vampire and she wants that with you, you will be an excellent Maker. You will know what to do with her. And none of us at first are really able to 'handle this life' as you said. Even you struggled in the beginning. And if she stays human, which is also a fine possibility, it doesn't mean you can't be happy either. You will cherish whatever time you have left with her. You can feed off of her for many years while she is still human. In fact many vampires and humans have this in their relationship. I speak from personal experience that feeding off someone you love is an entirely different experience than doing so out of necessity. And this is not just for you, but for her as well.”_

_“I'll keep this in mind...”_

_“That's all that I ask, Joan. And you're not a freak. You're my very intelligent, very stubborn, arrogant, know-it-all progeny, who deep down has a very sensitive heart and soul, even though you don't like admitting that you do. Now go and feed, before I have to command you to do so.”_

_“Please tell Vera I'm sorry and take her home.”_

_“I will. Don't worry. She's in good hands.”_

Joan gracefully moved her feet against the mat, almost a rhythm in her movements as she imagined listening to Pavane, Op. 50 by Fauré. Thinking of the soft tones allowed her to close her eyes, her hearing picking up the movement of her opponent. She smiled as she almost smelled Vera's perfume, and the sweet scent of her shampoo. She imagined holding Vera, her breasts pressing against hers, kissing those soft, full lips. She missed her. She tried to give Vera space, but maybe it was time to talk to her. She opened her eyes and lunged towards her opponent, hitting him in the center of the chest, ending the match. She took off her mask, parts of her hair slipping out of her braid, smiling as she walked forward to shake his hand.

Joan ripped off the collar of her jacket, breathing deeply as she started to walk back towards the bench to get some water. She looked up and stopped abruptly as she saw the figure standing against the wall.

“Vera,” she said softly. No wonder she had thought about how Vera smelled. She had been here the whole time. She didn't expect to see her here, nor did she think Vera knew where she fenced. She had never been here before.

Vera had her arms crossed and stepped away from the wall, slowly walking over to stand in front of Joan, looking up at her.

“How did you get here?” Joan asked, breathing a little faster. For some reason she felt anxious. It was the first time they spoke about anything that wasn't work related in a few days.

“I followed you here. You looked to be in such a hurry, and I wanted--I wanted to see where you were going. You're very good, you know... at fencing,” Vera said, smiling nervously.

Joan set down her epee and took a drink of water. “Thank you. It's fun, and it always helps me think.” She sat down and pulled off her fencing jacket, wearing a white short sleeved top underneath. She ran her fingers through her hair, brushing it back. 

Vera stared at her, lifting her brow. Joan didn't know what to do or say. She especially didn't want to have a personal conversation in here where the other fencers could overhear.

“Joan, we need to talk,” Vera said patiently, looking into her eyes.

“I know. I know we do. But not here. Can we—can we go somewhere private? Perhaps your place or mine? Or if you don't want to be completely alone with me... we could go to a quiet cafe,” she said softly, averting her eyes.

She fiddled with her hands in her lap, trying to still the slight shaking. She folded them tightly, avoiding eye contact with Vera as she waited for her to answer. 

She finally looked up when Vera hadn't said anything. Vera was looking at her with an expression she couldn't quite identify, her arms still crossed.

“We can go to your house. Mine isn't exactly—let's just say you'd spend more time cleaning the place than talking to me,” she said, smiling sheepishly as it broke some of the tension between them.

Joan gave her a small smile and stood up. “Well, why don't we leave now? I'll meet you there.”

Vera nodded as they both walked out silently. Joan watched her out of the corner of her eye, and every so often Vera would steal glances at her. Joan walked her to her car.

“See you soon,” Joan said as she shut the driver's side for her. Vera nodded and smiled gently at her from the window.

Joan sat behind her wheel staring at it a few seconds. She gently shook her head and started the car, driving out of the parking lot. As she drove, she would look up and watch Vera behind her in her review mirror. When she got home, she waited at the front door as Vera got out of her car.

Joan smiled politely, suddenly feeling more awkward than she did the first night she invited Vera over. When they both walked inside, Joan dropped her keys into the bowl, taking off her coat and shoes, aligning them neatly near the door. She took out the pins and hairband holding her hair together, running her fingers through it as it fell down her shoulders. She looked at Vera and gestured towards her living room. 

“If you don't mind waiting in here while I take a shower?” Joan asked.

“Of course. Go ahead. I'll wait here,” she said, smiling gently. 

“I'll be out shortly.” Joan walked up the stairs and stripped off her clothes, turning on the shower. She sighed as she stepped under the hot shower, letting the water wash away the sweat and stress of the day. 

She swallowed as she thought about the conversation she and Vera were going to have. After how she acted a few nights ago, would Vera rescind the invitation to her home? Joan wouldn't be surprised if she did. Perhaps that was even why Vera didn't want her there tonight. Maybe it being a mess was just an excuse. 

She closed her eyes as she pressed her hair under the water, feeling tears sting her eyes. How could she be so careless? She lifted her face into the water and let it wash away the tears that were beginning to form, swallowing hard and pushing it back down. She took a deep breath as she turned off the shower. She wrapped herself in a towel and brushed through her damp hair. When she was done she pulled on a soft dark blue robe, slowly making her way downstairs. 

“Would you like some tea? I can make some.” 

“Yes, that would be nice,” Vera said quietly.

Joan nodded and made the tea in the kitchen, deciding to make herself a cup as well. When she walked inside, she handed Vera the cup, and sat down next to her. She sipped the tea slowly, looking down at it. She felt better after her shower, but she was still nervous. 

“How is it?” Joan asked softly.

Vera looked up from her cup and smiled. “It's very good, thank you.”

Joan nodded and set her tea down on the coffee table in front of them. She picked at the pieces of her robe as she inhaled sharply.

“Vera... about that night after we went to the cinema...”

“You called me stupid. Stupid for coming to check on you. You yelled at me, actually screamed at me to get out of your home,” Vera replied shortly.

“I know...” Joan said quietly.

“I didn't know you hadn't fed. I didn't know this at all. I didn't even get a goodbye. All I got was a vague explanation from Aaron.”

“I know... I'm sorry,” Joan said softly.

“You were so angry at me. I've seen you angry at work, but not like that.”

Joan bit her lip, sighing as she looked into Vera's eyes. “I wasn't truly angry at you. I was more angry at myself. I was the one who made that mistake, not you. It's not your fault that you were worried about me. I didn't—I didn't know what else to do, so I did the best I could. It was the only way to protect you... from me. I wouldn't be surprised if you wanted to rescind the invitation to your home after that, if you haven't already,” she said very quietly, almost a whisper.

She felt Vera's small and soft hand wrapping around hers and she gasped, surprised at the touch. “Why would you think that? I wouldn't do that.”

“But... I a-almost...”

Vera shook her head and squeezed her hand. “Despite some of the things you said that upset me... I know that you did it to protect me. Just—you just need to tell me these things so I can better understand. Please tell me next time,” she said softly.

Joan sighed and looked into her eyes. “I'm not used to doing that, but I'll try.”

Vera nodded at her and kissed her hand. “I love you, Joan. I just want to know what's going on with you, that's all.”

Joan nodded and smiled gently at her. “I know... and I love you too. Thank you for being so understanding... it's more than I deserve.”

“You don't need to thank me. Come on, after everything going on, let me help you into bed.”

“You don't need to do that, Vera. I don't need a lot of rest.”

“But you do need some rest. I'll even brush your hair since it's dried now.”

Joan chuckled. “Well, in that case, lead the way.” 

She followed Vera upstairs, sitting down on her bed. She smiled as Vera dimmed the lights a little, and walked over to her holding a brush. She sat down next to her and motioned for Joan to turn around a bit. Joan closed her eyes as she felt the brush slowly and gently comb through her hair. Vera's hands and fingers holding some of the ends of her hair. She sighed softly. She didn't remember feeling this relaxed in a long time. She felt the tension slowly leaving her body as Vera continued to gently brush her hair. 

When she was done, she still had her eyes closed, and felt Vera's arms wrap around her from behind, her chin over her shoulder. She covered Vera's hands with her own, caressing her skin.

Joan shivered when she felt Vera's lips at her neck, soft open mouthed kisses over her neck, sucking the sensitive skin. She felt Vera's lips kiss her jaw. She turned in her arms and kissed Vera on the mouth, her arms wrapping around Vera's back. Joan kissed her deeply, her tongue brushing her lips, seeking entrance. Vera's tongue brushed over hers as she moaned softly. She caressed Vera's back and sides, her hips. She broke their kiss, a little breathless as she reached up to stroke the side of Vera's face.

She felt Vera push her robe off her shoulders slowly. Vera traced the bare skin of her shoulders and collarbones. She looked into Vera's eyes and watched as she slowly took off her top, leaving her bra on. Joan's eyes trailed across her body, and smiled gently. She caressed her breasts and leaned forward, kissing Vera's neck and ear. 

“Are you sure?” She whispered, her breath hot and teasing against her ear.

Vera shivered underneath her. “Yes...” She gasped as Joan sucked her earlobe. Joan nodded and unclasped her bra, undressing Vera as she felt her skin. She pulled off the rest of her robe as she laid Vera down against her bed. She pressed her naked body against hers, kissing her neck and throat. 

Joan lifted her head as she felt Vera lift her hips underneath her, moving her leg in between Vera's. “You're so beautiful, and you feel so soft,” she whispered as she looked into Vera's eyes. She felt the warmth of Vera's skin, and closed her eyes as she felt Vera kiss her breasts, her nipples, feeling hot lips wrap around one and biting gently. She gasped as she rolled her hips against her, firmly pressing her thigh between Vera's legs, feeling warm wetness spread across her knee.

She sighed softly in pleasure as Vera continued to tease her breasts. Vera looked up at her and Joan brought her lips to hers, kissing her hard, sucking her lower lip and biting it gently. She felt Vera's hand against her lower back, her knee bending and Joan lifted her leg over her hip, holding her tightly as she gently raked her nails across Vera's thigh. Joan kissed her throat, across her collarbones and chest down to her firm breasts. She teased them, and she realized that Vera was more sensitive here than she was in this department. She smiled as she sucked harder around Vera's nipple. She could hear Vera panting as she rocked her hips under hers. 

“Joan,” she moaned softly, panting. 

Joan slowed her kissing down around her breasts, moving her head up and kissing her lips again.

“Why did you stop?” Vera asked breathlessly.

Joan smiled. “I stopped for now because I don't want you to come yet just from that.”

Vera blushed and nipped her throat, biting gently. Joan hissed as she felt Vera's teeth. 

Joan caressed her sides, over her stomach, her palm cupping her between her legs. Vera gasped and pressed against her hand. Joan teased her slowly, her long fingers stroking up and down her lips and clit, slowly circling it with her thumb. She felt Vera tremble underneath her, watching her intently. She was so warm and wet against her hand, and Joan moaned softly as she felt Vera's knee move firmly between her legs, rubbing back and forth. Joan wanted to concentrate on Vera, but felt herself start to grind herself into her knee, not able to control her body.

Joan blushed from this reaction, breathless as she rolled her hips. She felt tender hands touch her cheek. 

“Joan... I know you're trying to be careful, and I love you for it, but I need you to fuck me.”

She looked into her eyes and her nostrils flared. She felt her heart beating faster as she firmly thrust first one, then two fingers inside Vera, hearing her cry out. 

Joan was concerned at the sound Vera just made. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” She asked anxiously.

“No, no you didn't hurt me... it just feels... very good, intense,” she said softly.

Joan shivered and nodded. Her thumb slowly circled her clit as she stroked her fingers inside Vera, curling them inside her. Vera hips moved strongly against her hand and fingers. 

Joan felt her arch her back, her body starting to tense underneath hers as she kept circling her clit. 

“Joan...” She gasped. 

“Yes... what do you need? Tell me what you want,” Joan whispered.

“A little faster...” She panted. Joan smiled as she moved her long fingers a little faster inside her, feeling her walls start to tighten around her fingers.

“I can feel you... you're close,” Joan whispered. She licked Vera's lips and kissed her again. Vera broke their kiss, her body trembling. 

“I need... I need you to bite me. Please...” She panted. 

Joan stared at her, feeling her body respond to that in a way that made her shiver, feeling her own wetness along her inner thighs. She had never been this aroused before.

“Are you sure that's what you want?” She asked in a low voice. She smiled as she flicked her thumb against her clit, and felt Vera squirm underneath her. 

“Yes... I want it...” She moaned softly, undulating her hips against Joan.

Joan closed her eyes, moaning softly. She kissed Vera on the lips again, deeply and she sucked her lower lip. She kissed Vera's jaw and ear, whispering, “This is going to hurt a little, but I promise it won't for very long.” She kissed Vera's neck, licking it, opening her mouth and her fangs clicked out. She felt Vera tense underneath her.

“Relax my darling...” She whispered. She felt Vera slowly relax a little, even in her state of arousal, and she sank her fangs into her neck.

She heard Vera gasp as she slowly sucked her blood, moaning as she tasted her. She had never tasted blood like this... she couldn't describe it. Was this what Aaron was talking about? She felt like she was going to climax just from how good it tasted. She slowly teased and stroked Vera's clit as she drank from her throat, holding her tightly against her. She could feel Vera shaking, and then moaned softly as she felt Vera's hand between her legs, her fingers sliding inside her slowly. Joan was overwhelmed by the amount of sensation. The combination of Vera contracting around her fingers, and Joan had never felt anyone inside her like this, only her clit had been touched before. She felt Vera's thumb reach up and softly circle her clit, mimicking Joan's movements. 

Joan suddenly felt arousal, but not just her own. It was Vera's, but it was Vera's feelings... her emotions somehow. She felt Vera's emotions of desire, love, adoration, and wonder all at once. How was this possible? She softly heard, “Joan...” said so faintly in her mind. She felt Vera tense and arch her back as she whimpered. Joan lifted her face from her neck and watched Vera, moaning softly as she felt wetness flood her hand. She watched Vera's eyelashes fluttering, looking so beautiful at the moment of climax. She felt the echoes of Vera's release in her mind, almost as if she also experienced it.

Joan's heart was beating so fast, her body tensing as she felt Vera circle her clit one more time. Her own release catching her by surprise as she moaned. Vera was wrapped tightly around her, her hands in Joan's hair, stroking gently. Joan was so overwhelmed, she felt tears at the corners of her eyes. She trembled, her breathing slowly going back to normal. She kissed Vera's neck, whispering, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... please be gentle, this is the first time I've ever done a scene like that. Lovemaking/smut whatever you want to call it. I tried to balance it out with having feels and what I hope was a sensual scene of their lovemaking. I hope it wasn't disappointing, and that it was worth the wait. ;)
> 
> I'd like to put a link to the Pavane Op. 50 that Joan imagines listening to when she's fencing and thinking of Vera. I felt it was a beautiful piece that really made that moment while I was writing it. It's also something I listened to while writing for the first half of the fic.
> 
> Pavane Op. 50 by Gabriel Faure can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij6iQNBin4I
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that everyone had a Happy Easter! :)


	18. Chapter 18

Vera breathed in deeply and slowly opened her eyes. It was early morning around 4am. Her eyes slowly adjusted in the dark. She smiled as she felt Joan's long arm around her waist. She turned her head and witnessed the rare moment of Joan fast asleep next to her. As her eyes adjusted more she could see the light from the moon and stars shining in from partially open drapes. The silver light reflected off of Joan's pale skin and made the silver strands of her hair gleam in the darkness. Her hair was softly framing her face, some of it gently falling over one eye. Joan's hand was resting on the pillow with her palm up, and fingers curled gently near her face. Her facial features were relaxed and peaceful. She appeared years younger without some of the strain and tension that was normally there. Vera smiled as she slowly reached up and stroked the hair behind Joan's ear. Joan breathed slowly and evenly, sighing softly in her sleep, her arm tightening around Vera. 

Vera could smell the lingering scent from their arousal in the sheets and on their skin. She thought back to only a few hours ago as she and Joan had made love for the first time. She had never experienced anything like it. It was loving, hot, intense, sexy, and incredibly arousing all at once. She had been very overwhelmed by all of it. She blushed as she remembered the look in Joan's eyes; dark eyes that were both loving and hungry as they gazed down at Vera. She had never felt that good before, had never had an orgasm until then. Even during times where she explored her body when she was younger, she was still too afraid her mother would overhear her so she would stop, feeling frustrated. 

Joan had been tender and firm in her touches, treating Vera with such care. It was so sweet and unexpected from the intimidating woman as the Governor of Wentworth. When she asked Joan to bite her, she was both aroused and scared at the same time. As soon as she watched Joan's eyes light up at the prospect, her sweetly asking if Vera was sure, she knew it was the right thing to have Joan do that. She felt like Joan had marked her in that way, claimed her. It had hurt at first as she felt the long sharp teeth bite into her skin, but she felt even a gentleness in how Joan did that, her slowly sucking the blood from her neck as she held her against her. It was a strange sensation and it hurt, but she had also felt pleasure at the same time, a pulling within her as Joan kept her lips securely fastened to her throat. This was added by the touching of Joan's fingers over her clit. She could feel the vibration from Joan's touches throughout their lovemaking, and it almost brought her over the edge as Joan kept circling her clit and drinking her blood. 

She had trembled and gasped as she felt the vibration stop, and she felt a sudden onslaught of emotions and feelings that confused her at first, and she realized that she had been feeling everything Joan was feeling. It had been intense and it left her in awe. Joan's feelings of arousal, love, devotion, adoration, a fierce sense of protection, and an undertone of sorrow. She felt the mix of Joan's awe and wonder over their empathic connection, and her own pleasure. When she touched Joan, she had a feeling that told her to go slowly, gentle as she went inside her. It was an incredibly intimate moment that Joan had let her touch her, be inside of her, and she felt honored at the love and trust that Joan gave her, that she felt in her mind. When Joan had released her neck and looked down at her, she had opened her eyes right before she climaxed, and Joan's eyes had looked like dark burning coals, almost glowing as they locked onto hers. All of that in combination led to her intense release. 

Joan had been loving and tender after, telling Vera that she needed to rest from the small blood loss, and she had opened her mouth and brought her finger to her fangs, nicking the pad of her finger as she mixed her blood against the puncture wounds at Vera's neck. Joan explained that her blood would heal the wounds as long as she wasn't critically injured. Vera, who was relaxed and sleepy, had just listened and nodded her head smiling blissfully, feeling Joan wrap herself around her before she fell asleep.

Vera smiled as she thought of all of this, and leaned over and kissed Joan's hand that was on the pillow, her lips kissing her fingers, smelling her own arousal on those fingers. She blushed, almost embarrassed as she felt herself becoming wet again. She wanted Joan so much but also didn't want to wake her up. She wasn't sure when she'd see Joan asleep again. She kissed her eyelids, listening as Joan let out a soft breath. She looked over at the drapes and knew it was going to be light out soon. She didn't want Joan to be affected by it, so she slowly and gently removed her arm around her waist. 

Vera tiptoed over and looked out the window smiling as she closed the drapes. She went to the bathroom, flushing the toilet when she was done and washing her hands. She looked into the mirror and gasped as she saw the small bruising on her neck. She touched it. This was where Joan bit her. Even though the wound had healed, the bruising was still there. At least her uniform would cover that area. She'd die if others saw a hickey. She looked over her body in the mirror, her eyes widening as she saw other parts of her body had light bruising where Joan had nipped and sucked at her skin, her breasts and nipples in particular very red and tender from Joan's attention. She smirked as she gently touched the light bruising on her skin. Well, Joan had definitely marked her that was for sure.

She slowly and carefully walked back to the bed, lifting the covers and sliding next to Joan. She heard Joan breathe in deeply, turning more towards her. Vera wrapped her arms around her, kissing Joan's breast softly. She nuzzled her cheek against her soft skin, listening to her heartbeat. Her eyes grew heavy as the slow and steady beating lulled her to sleep.

Vera was halfway between sleep and wakefulness when she felt soft hands caressing her body, tender lips kissing her cheeks and mouth. 

She smiled as she kissed Joan, wrapping her arms around her neck. “Good morning,” she said softly, pulling back to look into Joan's face. Joan was sitting on the side of the bed wearing her dark blue robe.

“Good morning, Vera. How did you sleep?” Joan asked.

Vera smiled at her, slowly sitting up in bed and wrapping the sheet more around herself, blushing a little. The drapes were opened a little again, letting in the light. Joan must have opened them for Vera after she woke up. She wasn't used to Joan seeing her naked like this when it wasn't dark. “I slept very well, thank you.” 

Joan turned to the side and picked up a breakfast tray, gently placing it over Vera's lap. “I thought you'd be hungry,” she said, a soft smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

Vera's mouth dropped open as she stared down at a plate that had a glass of orange juice, poached eggs, bacon, fresh fruit, and pancakes. There was a red rose placed on the side of the plate. She picked up the rose, careful to not prick herself on the thorns, closing her eyes as she inhaled the scent. Joan was so sweet to do this and Vera felt the tears start to well up in her eyes and she looked down, biting her lip.

“What's wrong? Do you not like it? I can make you something else if this isn't what you want,” Joan said worriedly.

Vera looked at Joan who appeared distressed as she almost started to take away the breakfast tray. Vera reached over and gently held her wrist. 

“No, don't do that. It's perfect, Joan.” She sniffled as she wiped away a tear that escaped from her eye. “It's just... no one has ever brought me breakfast in bed before. It's very sweet,” she said smiling softly at her. 

Joan looked into her eyes and blushed, dipping her head. “Well, this is the first time I've ever brought anyone breakfast in bed... until you, no one has slept in my bed before,” she said quietly. “However, I can't believe that no one has given you breakfast in bed. Not even...” Joan trailed off and looked away, grinding her jaw.

Vera's eyes narrowed slightly as she watched Joan. “No... not even then. Thank you, Joan. It's very thoughtful.”

Joan's cheeks flushed pink again and she smiled sheepishly, nodding her head. She leaned over and kissed Vera's forehead as she settled against the pillows next to her. Vera smiled and picked up her fork, digging into her food.

As she ate, Joan reached over on her nightstand and took out a book. Her long legs were stretched out and crossed at the ankles. She looked completely content and relaxed. Vera smiled slowly and leaned over. “What are you reading?”

Joan looked at her as she held the book open. “It's a book of poems by Mary Oliver. Have you heard of her?”

“No, I haven't. I'm not very familiar with poetry. I've only heard and read a few over the years, but I wouldn't be able to name who said what. Will you read me one that you like?” Vera asked softly.

Joan smiled gently and turned the pages, looking through it until she found what she wanted. She spoke in a soft and low voice as she started to read.

“Not anyone who says, 'I’m going to be  
careful and smart in matters of love,'  
who says, 'I’m going to choose slowly,'  
but only those lovers who didn’t choose at all  
but were, as it were, chosen  
by something invisible and powerful and uncontrollable  
and beautiful and possibly even  
unsuitable —  
only those know what I’m talking about  
in this talking about love.”

“That's... that's beautiful. It describes our relationship so well. Can you read me one more?”

Joan looked into her eyes and nodded, her lips twitching in amusement. “I think I know one that you'd like...”

Vera listened as Joan began to speak, her voice lower than before, sensual as she read.

“I know someone who kisses the way  
a flower opens, but more rapidly.  
Flowers are sweet. They have  
short, beatific lives. They offer  
much pleasure. There is  
nothing in the world that can be said  
against them.  
Sad, isn’t it, that all they can kiss  
is the air.  
Yes, yes! We are the lucky ones.”

Vera smiled and wrapped her arms around Joan's waist, the sheets covering her breasts slipping down. She started to pull them up when she felt firm hands grasping hers. 

“You shouldn't cover yourself. Not with me. I love seeing you.” Joan placed her hand over her breast, covering it possessively and squeezed. Vera blushed and felt her nipple respond to the feel of Joan's soft palm.

Joan wrapped her other arm around her and brought her face and lips close to her ear, whispering, “You're blushing again... oh Vera, what am I going to do with you?” 

Vera shivered as she felt Joan's lips dragging slowly over her neck and throat, open mouthed kisses as she sucked the skin, gentle over the side where she bit the night before.

“I love your flushed skin, but not when you're embarrassed. You shouldn't be. You're beautiful,” she murmured as she stared down at her. Vera reached up and opened Joan's robe, cupping her breasts, hearing Joan sigh softly, feeling the hardened nipples under her fingers as she pinched them. Joan inhaled sharply and kissed her collarbone, shrugging off the rest of her robe quickly. Vera looked up at her and thought she looked so beautiful yet intense at the same time. Joan gazed at her in an almost predatory way as she pressed her hot naked body against hers.

Joan kissed her hard, her kiss passionate and demanding at the same time. Vera lifted her hips, her legs falling to the side as Joan pushed them open. She moaned as Joan kissed her nipples, sucking strongly as she tugged, and Vera gasped as Joan bit her nipple gently between her teeth. Not with her fangs, but her regular teeth, which were just as sensitive against her skin. Her breasts were tender from the night before and she wasn't sure if she could last if Joan kept doing this.

“Joan...” She breathed, “if y-you keep doing that... you're going to make me...”

She felt Joan smile against her skin, her thumb rolling over her nipple. Vera started rocking her hips against hers, feeling Joan press down and grind against her, feeling how wet she was. Vera started to moan, her hands in Joan's hair, panting as she closed her eyes.

Joan slowly moved away from Vera's breasts, and pressed Vera's hands against the bed. She held her wrists gently but firmly as she caressed the soft skin. 

Vera looked up at her, watching as Joan smiled at her sensually. “I love how responsive you are. Your mind, your body... all of you. Do you know what that does to me?” Joan asked, pressing herself against Vera, and she could feel her wetness against her thigh as Joan's eyes slowly traveled over her body. “You should never be embarrassed of how you look. Close your eyes,” she whispered.

Vera looked into her eyes, and Joan had a look of love and desire in them. She felt Joan continuing to caress the pulse points of her wrists, her skin even more sensitive as she did that. She slowly closed her eyes and felt Joan release her wrists. She caressed her body slowly and sensually, her palms warm against her skin, pressing firmly as she stroked her hips and stomach. Vera shivered as she felt Joan's hand stop right above her pubic bone. 

Joan lifted her hand and then Vera felt a soft touch of what almost felt like lips against her skin. It was smooth and soft, and she felt small water droplets on her chest. It was the rose Joan had given her this morning.

Joan slowly trailed it over her skin, the soft petals barely touching and lingering over her sides and breasts. The drops of water teasing her sensitive nipples.

She felt the rose slowly travel down her sternum, resting gently on her stomach, trembling as the rose was pressed against her skin, almost tickling her navel.

“The poem was wrong...” Joan whispered.

“What?” Vera gasped breathlessly.

“It said flowers could only kiss the air... but that's not true is it?”

With her eyes still closed, Vera felt overly sensitive as Joan continued to tease her with it, the petals brushing along her hips, right above her pubic bone again.

She felt Joan kiss her inner thigh, her lips sucking. Joan spread her legs and she sat up a little, opening her eyes. “Joan... you... you don't have to do that,” she said quickly.

Joan lifted her eyebrow at her and caressed her thighs and stomach. “No, I don't have to. I _want_ to. Don't you?”

Vera blushed and looked away. “I've never—I've never had anyone do... that...” She trailed off quietly.

Joan lifted up and gently pushed her back against the bed. “No one?”

“No... no one has... I've always said I didn't want that, was too... shy, embarrassed,” she said softly and averted her eyes.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. There is no reason to be embarrassed. I know it feels... very intimate, and I understand that, but you're beautiful. No need to be shy,” Joan said softly as she stroked her cheek. Vera then felt Joan's feelings of tenderness and desire, a deep want within her. She heard Joan say faintly in her mind, “Trust me...”

Vera kissed Joan and nodded. Joan's feelings were happy and relieved as she kissed down her body, moving back between her legs. She felt Joan's hands and fingers stroke her thighs, her nails raking the soft skin. She felt goosebumps on her skin as Joan peppered soft kisses along her inner thighs. 

She gasped as Joan kissed her sensitive flesh, blushing as she realized how wet she was. Joan's tongue slowly licked up and down her lips, sucking on them. She moaned softly as Joan held her, her arms wrapping around her hips. She felt Joan's arousal, and Vera felt overwhelmed by her own feelings of pleasure and Joan's feelings of tasting her.

Vera shivered as she felt Joan moan softly against her, the vibration of her moan making her jump a little. She slowly began rocking her hips as Joan licked and sucked, teasing her as her tongue swirled over her wetness. She opened her mouth gasping, and arched her back as Joan's lips covered her clit, licking and sucking gently. She bent her knees and looked down at Joan whose dark eyes were watching her intently. She moaned as Joan's tongue slowly began circling her clit, the soft tongue making her lift and rock her hips faster. 

“Joan...” She rasped, feeling close as she rocked her hips. Joan held her, and she whimpered as she moved away from her sensitive clit, and kissed her thigh. She watched as Joan looked up at her and slid two long fingers deep inside her. She closed her eyes as her insides squeezed tightly, trembling as Joan pressed her fingers up against her and touched her g-spot.

“Oh... my God, Joan... what...” Vera felt a pressure building inside of her, her hips starting to jerk as Joan stroked and pumped her fingers harder inside her. She gasped as she felt Joan's fangs sink into her inner thigh, the pain mixed with pleasure as Joan sucked her blood. She felt Joan's intense pleasure from this, an almost intoxicated feeling coming from her. “Come for me... let go...” she heard in her mind spoken softly but clearly.

Vera whimpered as she shuddered, feeling overwhelmed by everything. Her body shook with her release, and she felt Joan hold her hips down firmly. Joan's pleasure combined with hers, and she realized dazedly that Joan must have also climaxed with her. She tried to get more air into her lungs as she breathed deeply, feeling Joan's lips gently kissing her thigh before she moved up and took Vera into her arms, holding her tightly. She faintly felt Joan's lips kissing her hair and face tenderly.

Vera kissed Joan deeply, tasting herself on her lips and moaned softly. “That... I've never...” She breathed against Joan's lips. 

Joan caressed her arms as she held her. “See? Nothing to be embarrassed about.” She looked at Vera and smiled, a slightly smug expression on her face.

Vera kissed her and caressed her back, her hands moving down to Joan's butt and squeezing. Joan pressed against her, kissing her. She held Vera to her whispering, “Rest. I don't want you fatigued because you've lost blood.”

“But... I want you to feel what I felt,” Vera said a little disappointed.

Joan smiled and kissed her lips softly. “I did feel what you felt,” she said, winking at her. “However, I know what you mean, and we can... eventually... but I'm very _satisfied_ , and I'd love nothing more than to hold you right now.”

Vera relaxed as she felt Joan lift her hand to stroke her hair, kissing along her hairline as she drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up again, Joan wasn't there. Vera stretched, feeling a little sore as she slipped out of bed. She walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower. 

She got dressed in a light blue top and jeans. Vera made her way downstairs as she found Joan cleaning around the house. She was wearing a blue/grey quarter sleeved top and dark blue lounge pants with slippers. Vera smiled as she noticed the slippers on Joan's feet.

Joan looked at her and smiled, stopping what she was doing. “Why, hello there sleepyhead. How did you sleep?” 

Vera smiled and walked over to her, slipping her arms around her waist. “Very well, thank you,” she said and reached up on tiptoes to kiss Joan on the lips. She saw Joan's cheeks blush a light pink as she looked into her eyes.

“Are you hungry?” Joan asked as she handed her a glass of water. 

Vera smiled and sipped the water. “I'm not hungry right now, but I'm sure I will be later... are you hungry?” She asked curiously.

Joan's eyes slowly traveled over her body from head to toe. She lifted her eyebrow and smirked. “I already ate.”

Vera blushed deeply and looked away, biting her lip to keep from smiling. Joan's face had a smug expression again as she squeezed Vera against her. “But I'm sure I'll be hungry again later too,” she murmured and kissed Vera soundly on the lips. Vera giggled as Joan walked into the living room, looking through her music.

Vera wanted to do something with Joan, but felt a little nervous. She decided to ask anyway. “Joan... can you—can you teach me how to dance?” 

Joan turned around and looked at her, smiling slowly. “Of course. Why don't we do this first without music?” She took Vera into her arms and held her arms out to the sides. She brought Vera's arms and hands closer to her shoulders. “This is your frame. It's used in a lot of dance. You will know where to go by how I lead you. Here... put your feet onto mine.”

“What? Are you serious?” Vera felt like a little kid suddenly.

“Yes, I'm very serious. Now, put your feet onto mine. There you go. Now, feel how I move around? These are the steps you will take.” She smiled as she moved Vera around slowly. 

Vera giggled as she lifted her feet off. “I think I can handle it now.” Joan taught her how to move and when to move with her, how to keep her posture straight as she held her. She then showed her that a more comfortable way was how they last danced at the restaurant, with her arm around the middle of her back, and their arms out to the side, holding her hand. 

“Ready for some music?” Joan asked, smiling at her. Vera felt her body heat as she was closely pressed against her. 

“Yes... but can we play something of my choice?”

Joan widened her eyes. “Yes. Anything you'd like... well, as long as it's not the Copacabana,” she said sternly. 

Vera giggled again and shook her head. “No, it's not that. It's an older song, but not that one. I know it's not classical, and it's not Frank Sinatra, but I hope you'll like it.”

Joan lifted her eyebrow and smirked. “I think as long as it's not disco Vera, anything you pick will be fine.” 

Vera looked through her phone until she found the song. She plugged it into Joan's speakers and pressed play.

Joan listened and smiled slowly, taking her into her arms again. “Marvin and Tammi? I didn't know you'd be into this music.” She began to dance around with Vera, keeping up with the beat of the song.

Vera smiled and teased, “I'm surprised you even know who they are as I'd never guess you'd know this song.” She pushed back against Joan as they danced.

“No, Vera. Let _me_ lead. And you know, I may not own any of this genre but I _am_ older than you, and I remember some of this from childhood,” she said, grinning.

Vera bit the side of her cheek, trying not to smile but couldn't manage to do so as she smirked. “You were a child once?” 

Joan narrowed her eyes, her lips twitching in a hint of a smile. "Ha." Vera giggled as she felt Joan reach down and spank her butt.

Joan smiled and danced with her around the room, a couple times mouthing the lyrics to the song.

_“Oh baby there ain't no mountain high enough_  
_Ain't no valley low enough_  
_Ain't no river wide enough_  
_To keep me from getting to you babe.”_

Joan spun her around as she brought Vera in closer, rocking with her back and forth as they danced closely. She spun Vera out again and quickly tugged her back in, making Vera laugh as she held her tightly. Joan dipped her as the song ended, smiling at her. 

Vera laughed softly, feeling so much happiness then, and she felt Joan's happiness and love as she looked down at her. Joan smiled gently and kissed her, holding her tightly in her arms. As she kissed Joan back, she felt her heart almost like it was going to burst from all the emotions she felt between the two of them. She'd never felt more in love than she did right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you all enjoyed that chapter. It was very fun for me to write. :) 
> 
> And please listen to Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell if you can. It's the CUTEST song!! I couldn't help but use it here for them to have a little variety of music.
> 
> Here's the link to the song if you'd like to listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C_3eYj-pOM


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated twice in two days, so please make sure you read chapter 18 before this one! Enjoy. :)

Joan drove home from work, smiling smugly as she thought about how close Bea Smith was to ousting Franky Doyle as Top Dog. Vera was worried about the tension between the women, but Joan assured her that it was part of the necessary steps to bring Doyle down. Vera had been afraid a riot was going to happen. Joan understood her concerns but she needed more than just a feeling or a hunch. Even if that did happen, Joan was more than capable of handling such a situation.

Vera had ended her shift earlier. She was tired and had been working a double. Joan asked that she come over to her house later so that she could relax and have dinner. Joan felt more comfortable in her home, and it was where she preferred cooking meals. However, there were the few occasions she cooked for Vera in her home. Vera hadn't wanted to stay there often as it reminded her too much of her mother. Joan had offered to help Vera decorate it. To give Vera a sense of herself. Vera hadn't quite known what to do with that. She had been so used to her mother's domineering presence for so many years that she didn't know what was her mother's taste or hers. Joan had taken her to a few places to pick out things she liked. When Joan had suggested maybe even changing the furniture, Vera had looked at her like she'd grown two heads. Joan decided that baby steps were to be taken as Vera wasn't ready for too many changes at once. She had smiled when Vera was willing to at least rearrange the furniture around.

When she pulled into her driveway she saw Vera's car parked on the side. She walked up and unlocked the door, stepping inside as she placed her keys in the bowl. She took off her uniform jacket, and took the hairband and bobby pins slowly out of her hair, feeling her long hair released from its tight confines. She placed the bobby pins on the table, aligning them perfectly. She took off her shoes and neatly placed them near the door and slipped on her slippers.

“Vera?” She called softly as she walked further inside. It was quiet, with the exception of music playing faintly in the living room. She paused as she listened wondering what Vera would be listening to. It was familiar and as she walked closer, she smiled as she heard the _A Beautiful Mind_ soundtrack. Joan had been very fond of the soundtrack when she saw the film with Aaron. She didn't always buy soundtracks, but original scoring from some films could be very beautiful. This one in particular spoke to her. That was something important to her with music. She had trouble over the years feeling her emotions and identifying them, and music was a way in which she expressed them. Music had the power to evoke a lot of feelings.

She stepped into the living room and found Vera sleeping on the couch, curled up with a book over her chest. Joan's eyes softened as she quietly walked over to turn off the music, careful not to wake her up. Joan slowly sat on the couch and gently took the book, holding it in her hands. She smiled as she saw that it was her copy of _Sherlock Holmes_. She glanced at the page. Vera had been reading the story _The Hound of the Baskervilles_. It was one of her favorites and she was delighted that Vera was interested in reading it, but she would have to finish the murder mystery later.

Vera had been so tired lately and while Joan appreciated hard work, she was worried at the dark circles under Vera's eyes, even in sleep there was still some tension between her eyebrows and forehead. She had fed too much from Vera in the last few days. Even though she didn't take a lot, it was still enough for Vera to become fatigued. She leaned down and kissed Vera softly on the lips, cupping her cheek and caressing the soft skin. Vera stirred underneath her, breathing in deeply, opening her eyes.

“Joan...” She whispered, her voice a little raspy from sleep.

Joan nodded and smiled gently, kissing her forehead. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes... I'm fine, just a little tired.” Vera sat up quickly and her body swayed to the side into Joan.

Joan quickly brought her hands and arms around her shoulders, holding her steady. “Vera are you feeling dizzy?”

Vera nodded and brought her hand up to her forehead. “I don't know why,” she said quietly.

“Well, you sat up too quickly. And other than work making you tired, the amount of your blood I've drank is making you fatigued and light headed. I try to be careful, but now that we've regularly been... anyway, wait here. I want you to take something.”

Joan stood up and walked over to her purse near the door and took out a couple small bottles of pills and handed them to Vera. “These are iron supplements and vitamin B. I want you to take these twice a day,” she said firmly.

Vera looked into her eyes, lifting an eyebrow as she looked down at the bottles. “I don't know if that's really necessary...”

“It _is_ necessary. If you don't... then I'll have to stop for the time being and find other options to feed. I have before, so that's okay. If you'd rather me not do that too often...” She trailed off and looked away.

Vera sighed, a little exasperated. “Joan, it's okay. I'll take the supplements and the vitamins. I don't want you to go through other... options. I like when you—when you do that with me. It feels... it's hard to describe... but I love us sharing that,” she says softly, cupping Joan's cheek, turning her face towards her.

Joan looked into Vera's bright blue eyes that were soft and tender. She leaned forward and whispered into Joan's ear, “And when you do that to me, it always makes me come the hardest.”

Joan closed her eyes and shivered, feeling Vera kiss her ear and neck, sucking on her skin. Joan moaned softly and turned towards Vera, kissing her firmly. “Vera... don't tempt me right now. You need to rest and eat something.”

Vera stared at her and lifted her eyebrow, smiling wickedly. Joan inhaled sharply as Vera's palm cupped her between her legs, rubbing slowly over her pants. “I can do both...”

Joan sighed and gently lifted Vera's hand away from her. “As much as I'd love that, I know you need to eat food, and rest. You've worked a double and we've... well, we've been very busy lately.” Joan smirked and winked at her.

She stood up and walked into the kitchen, taking out some salad and decided to prepare a light meal for Vera. Something that would be easier on her stomach. She discovered that Vera liked Japanese food. But Joan didn't have the proper supplies to make sushi tonight, but she did have enough to make miso soup. Her hands moved faster as she made the soup and salad, putting it on a tray with a glass of water, and bringing it to Vera in the living room.

“Now, I don't normally eat in here, but I'll make the exception tonight because I don't want you to move from here,” Joan said firmly.

Vera smiled and took the tray from her. “Thank you, Joan. This is perfect.”

Joan sat in a chair opposite her, checking her phone as Vera ate, scrolling through work emails. She frowned as she saw a few that were from Derek Channing. She despised him, but she knew he was going to be an asset to her with the board. She smirked as she remembered the look on his face as she told him what she knew about the brothel operation he was running. She had him by the balls.

She was still grinning to herself as she looked at her phone, when she heard Vera say her name. “Hmm?”

“I was looking through your music... and I saw that you had the soundtrack to _The Phantom of the Opera_ ,” Vera said curiously.

Joan glanced up from her phone. “Yes, I do. Is that a surprise?”

“I guess a little bit. I was surprised to find the _A Beautiful Mind_ soundtrack,” Vera said as she took a sip of her soup.

Joan set her phone down and looked over at Vera. “I love music, especially instrumental and classical, but I also love opera. _The Phantom of the Opera_ is definitely a more well known and mainstream musical compared to some others, but it's still one of my favorites. I've seen it a few times over the years.”

Vera smiled and nodded her head. “I love musicals too, but I've only seen a few on TV. I've actually never seen _The Phantom of the Opera_.”

Joan's mouth dropped open slightly. “You haven't seen it?”

“No... I haven't. I haven't seen a lot of plays or theater productions. I didn't always have the time... and I didn't want to go by myself,” she said looking down at her finished soup.

Joan stood up from her chair and took Vera's tray and set it on the coffee table, sitting down next to her. “We should try and see it.”

“I'd love that. Is it even in season right now?”

Joan smiled and looked at her phone. “I happen to know that it is. Let me check for days and times.” Joan scrolled through the theater website on her phone and saw that there were still some tickets available for a show that was two days from now. She clicked on the best seats she could find in the middle of the theater, thinking that was probably the best view for them. She felt Vera lean over closer to her, looking over her shoulder.

“You already bought tickets?!” Vera exclaimed.

Joan smirked and looked into Vera's wide eyes. “Of course I did. We're seeing it a couple days from now at 7pm.”

“I-I don't know what to say, Joan. I can't believe you just did that. Thank you... this should be fun.” Vera reached up and kissed her cheek.

Joan smiled and turned and kissed her lips. “Yes, it will be. Why don't we go to bed? It's going to be a long day tomorrow.” Vera nodded and Joan could see just how tired she was.

After they changed out of their clothes, Vera crawled into her bed and sighed softly, her head hitting the pillow. Joan pulled her naked body against hers, her breasts pressing against Vera's soft back. She sighed softly as she kissed Vera's neck and shoulders, inhaling the scent of her hair. Vera relaxed as she slowly caressed her arms and stomach. Joan felt Vera growing slack in her arms as she fell asleep. She smiled and kissed Vera's temple, watching over her. As hours passed in silent vigil, she felt her eyes grow heavy. She nuzzled Vera's neck as her breathing matched the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest, falling asleep.

 

* * *

 

Joan walked with Vera up to the theater, showing her ID as she picked up their tickets via will call. They were a little early as Joan wanted to find their seats, and have time to look around. She wanted Vera to be able to look at souvenirs. Joan didn't see the point in them sometimes for things like this, but she had a feeling Vera would want some. Especially considering it was Vera's first time to a show like this.

Joan's hair was down as she stood in long black form fitted slacks, wearing a wine colored blouse with black heels. The blouse was open at the top showing just a hint of cleavage. She didn't normally wear red, but the wine shade was something she was fond of for some special occasions.

She smiled at Vera whose eyes were bright as she took everything in. She was beautiful with her waves and curls falling softly around her face, wearing a black skirt that had a small slit on the side. She had on a deep blue blouse that set off her eyes, making them look even more blue. She watched Vera walk away to get some wine, her eyes lingering over her petite figure. Joan shook her head and looked down at her watch. They had about 30 minutes before the show would start, which meant they should be in the theater at least 15 minutes before it started.

She looked up to see that Vera was not anywhere near the bar and walked in the direction of that area, glancing over to see Vera looking at a souvenir booth. She slowly made her way over and slid her arms around her waist. Vera jumped a little and Joan smirked, kissing her cheek. She moved her arms back and stood next to Vera. She watched Vera look at everything at the table, grabbing the Phantom's mask. She picked it up and held it up to Joan's face.

“You should wear this,” Vera said, smiling.

Joan lifted her eyebrow, and asked in a mock serious tone, “How do you know I don't already have one?”

Vera pouted a little and Joan sighed, taking the mask and placing it over her face.

Vera smiled widely. “Now, you look very mysterious in that and very sexy,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.

Joan's lips twitched in amusement. “My darling... we must go to our seats soon, but I'll tell you what, I'll buy you this mask. After that we must go. The music of the night calls us,” she whispered playfully, leaning down and kissing Vera's neck.

“The music of the night?” Vera asked a little confused. Joan took off the mask and paid the man at the booth.

“Yes... the music of the night. You'll see. Come with me, let's go find our seats now.” Joan took Vera's hand as they moved into the theater. Joan's eyes searched down the rows until they found where they were seated. They both sat down and looked at the empty stage. The orchestra was underneath and looked to be preparing for the night.

“Thank you for taking me to see this,” Vera said softly.

Joan looked down at her and smiled, leaning forward and kissing her lips. “You're welcome. Everyone should see it at least once in their life.”

“You said you've seen it a few times. How often have you seen it?”

“I've seen it about... three times. Each time a little different, but relatively the same. You'll love it.”

Vera smiled at her. “I'm sure I will.”

They quieted as the theater's lights dimmed, the curtains opening to see the opening part of the play of what once was the old opera house. The lights went completely dark then as the overture started, the dramatic organ playing as the chandelier sparked for dramatic effect, lighting up as it lifted from the stage and moved out into the audience. She felt Vera's excitement and wonder as they watched the people running around on the stage. She looked down at Vera, and gave a full genuine smile as she saw her eyes light up at the show.

They both watched the characters on stage, and Vera slid her hand into hers as the Phantom talked to Christine, beckoning her through the mirror. The organ overture started again as Christine and the Phantom started singing. Joan smiled and squeezed her hand as they listened to the lyrics of the two in unison.

 _“Your/My spirit and my/your voice_  
_In one combined_  
_The Phantom of the Opera is there_  
_Inside my/your mind.”_

As the play went on, she could feel how excited Vera was, and hear her little gasps of surprise and awe. Joan would look at her every so often, observing her. Sometimes Vera would see her doing this and she would smile at her.

She could feel Vera's emotion from the song All I Ask of You as the two lovers Raoul and Christine sang to each other. She squeezed and lifted Vera's hand, kissing it as the last few lyrics were sung.

 _“Anywhere you go, let me go too_  
_Love me, that's all I ask of you.”_

They watched together as the Phantom held Christine captive with Raoul coming to rescue her. As the Phantom proclaimed his love for Christine, she watched as Christine forgave the Phantom, taking off his mask and kissing him. She felt sadness coming from Vera and she looked down seeing some tears sliding down her cheeks. Her sweet, gentle lover was feeling sadness and compassion during this scene. She wrapped her arm around Vera's shoulders and kissed her head. The play ended with Raoul and Christine planning to be married, with the sad lingering thought of what could have happened to the Phantom.

They walked out of the theater and towards the car as Vera talked excitedly about the show. She continued to talk about it without much pause as Joan drove them back home. Joan smiled and commented a few times to things Vera mentioned, talking about some of the minor differences in other performances she had seen.

As they walked through Joan's door, Vera kicked off her heels. Joan quickly picked them up and set them down neatly near the door, watching as Vera walked upstairs. Joan slipped off her heels and smirked as Vera still talked about the show all the way to her bedroom. She followed her and stripped off her clothes, sliding under the covers as Vera came out after brushing her hair. She laid down next to Joan, her bare skin sliding against hers.

“Joan, we need to see that again sometime. Not right away, but again,” Vera said, smiling.

Joan smirked. “Well, I take it someone really liked it. But yes, we can see it again sometime,” she said softly.

“Oh, I loved it. I now see why you own the soundtrack. I'm going to have to buy it on iTunes.”

Vera sighed happily and started kissing Joan's lips. Joan kissed her back, moaning softly as Vera moved over her body, her knees on either side of her hips. She could feel Vera's wet center sliding against her stomach.

“Vera,” she breathed, lifting her body under hers. She closed her eyes as Vera kissed her neck, biting it. Her lips kissed and sucked at her collarbones, her breasts. She hissed as Vera bit her nipple, gently tugging on it. She felt Vera kissing down her body, her lips lingering over her stomach, her hips. She jumped as she felt Vera gently tongue her navel.

“Don't tickle...” She rasped. She felt Vera smile against her stomach, her legs being spread. She trembled, feeling so aroused and wet. Vera's lips kissed her inner thighs, sucking and biting gently. She looked down and watched her, moaning as she saw her head between her legs. She reached down and held her head, running her fingers through her hair. This was the first time she'd let Vera do this to her. Of course Vera had touched her, her fingers had been inside of her, but not her mouth, not her tongue. She hadn't done this in a while with a woman, and she felt sensitive as Vera kissed her, licking her softly.

Joan bent her knees, rocking and rolling her hips as she held Vera's head to her, gasping as she licked and sucked at her wetness. She groaned as she felt Vera's tongue inside of her, her inner walls squeezing tightly around that soft tongue. She felt Vera's love and the pleasure at doing this to her.

She whimpered as she felt Vera's lips cover her clit, sucking on it strongly as her fingers slid inside her. She squeezed them and rocked her hips, lifting them to Vera's mouth. Vera held her hips and she gasped as she felt Vera's fingers stroking deeply inside her, her tongue circling her clit faster. She arched her back sharply, her legs shaking. She grabbed the sheet, pulling at it as Vera held her tightly to her mouth, her fingers pumping faster.

“Vera,” she gasped, her breath catching as she felt her body become hot, rocking her hips faster. She shuddered as she felt her release sweep her up. She panted, breathing hard as she felt Vera gently kiss her wet center. She twitched, feeling sensitive to her touch.

Vera slowly kissed up her body, kissing her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. Joan cupped her face, kissing her deeply, moaning as she tasted herself on her lips. She felt Vera's arousal, love, tenderness, a warm feeling in her mind as she kissed her over and over.

Joan smiled and sat up with Vera, holding her tightly. She placed Vera's legs on either side of her, making her straddle her. She reached down and cupped her between her legs, feeling her so wet against her palm that she moaned at the feeling of it.

“You're so wet,” she whispered.

Vera moaned and nodded. “Y-yes... for you,” she said breathlessly.

Joan smiled and rubbed her palm against her firmly. “Do you remember when you did this to me earlier, a couple nights ago?"

Vera bit her lip, nodding. “Yes... Joan, please I need you,” she whimpered. Joan watched as Vera's head tilted back, exposing her throat. She leaned forward, pressing Vera tightly against her as she kissed her neck. She bit her with her teeth, her normal teeth as she kissed and sucked her neck.

She whispered against her throat, “Do you want it?”

Vera moved against her palm, grinding. Joan moved her hand away and Vera groaned at the loss of contact.

“Do you? Do you want me to fuck you?” Joan whispered and pinched her clit. “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

Vera whimpered and her forehead fell against Joan's shoulder. “Y-yes... fuck me. Fuck me hard,” she moaned.

Joan's nostrils flared as she rubbed Vera, feeling how wet she was and thrust two fingers deeply inside her, hard. She paused as Vera cried out. She could feel her squeezing her fingers and she stroked inside her deeply, harder as she pressed her palm tightly against her, her fingers all the way inside.

“Oh, God, Joan... it's so... intense... I don't know if...”

Joan lifted her thumb to her clit, and rubbed it back and forth, stroking it slowly. She curled her fingers and pressed against that sensitive spot deep inside and crooked her finger, rubbing hard.

Vera gasped and bit her shoulder. Joan hissed at the slight pain. She felt Vera's pleasure but also a sense of feeling overwhelmed. She kissed Vera deeply, sucking her lower lip.

She could feel Vera trembling in her arms and she started to circle her clit, rubbing harder against that sensitive spot, stroking her fingers. Vera gasped and dug her nails into her back, rocking her hips faster, riding her fingers.

“Yes... that's it Vera... fuck my fingers. You look so beautiful. I can feel you so close, squeezing them. You want to come, don't you?” She slowed the stroking of her thumb on her clit.

Vera trembled, her legs shaking against her. “Yes... please Joan,” she gasped.

“Please what?” Joan teased her clit slowly.

Vera groaned. “Please... I need you...”

“Yes, you do need me. You're mine,” Joan hissed as she opened her mouth, her fangs clicking out as she bit the area between Vera's neck and shoulder, sucking her blood slowly. Vera's nails dug painfully into her skin as she continued to suck. She began pumping her fingers inside her, circling her clit faster.

Vera squeezed her fingers tightly, arching her back, crying out as she shuddered in her release. Joan felt her pleasure and moaned as she sucked at her neck, drinking slowly. Vera's hips jerked as she rode out her orgasm. Joan lifted her mouth from her neck and kissed her hard, licking her lips, her tongue rolling over hers. She slowly moved her fingers out and held Vera tightly.

She felt Vera almost boneless in her arms as she came down from her orgasm. Joan caressed her back slowly, kissing her lips lovingly. She bit into her thumb and pressed her blood against Vera's bite wounds, healing the area and kissing it gently. She could feel her love, happiness, and an overwhelmed feeling coming from Vera. She felt tears against Vera's cheeks and she kissed them.

“Oh, my darling, it's okay,” Joan whispered as she kissed her face. Vera kept her eyes closed as tears leaked out from her eyes. Joan kissed her lips lovingly, holding her.

Vera kissed her back, and Joan stroked her hair, moving her slowly against the bed, covering her with her body protectively. “I know you're overwhelmed right now... but you felt so good in my arms, so beautiful as you came,” Joan whispered as she looked into her eyes.

Vera looked up at her and cupped her face. “That was... so intense, I don't know why I had that reaction. It was so... sexy. You're incredibly sexy. I love you, Joan. I love you so much sometimes I feel I can't breathe."

Joan kissed her palm. She felt her voice catch as she felt tears slip down her cheeks, feeling Vera's emotions at the same time as hers. It would take her a while to get used to the amount of feeling that came from Vera, the strong emotions overwhelming her. She hugged her tightly, holding her in her arms. “I love you too, so very much,” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Beautiful Mind has such a beautiful soundtrack. What is playing as Vera sleeps is this track called Teaching Mathematics Again. It can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7laJHxJnrU
> 
> So I love Phantom of the Opera and I just really felt like it would be a fun date for them to do.
> 
> I know most people have at least seen Phantom of the Opera as the stage play, or even the movie and so many have probably heard the music for it. I wanted to leave links for the music that I mentioned playing in my chapter. The movie's soundtrack is the one that is easiest for me to find for some reason, so I'm going to go with that. 
> 
> The Overture can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nDw2Fk8tuY
> 
> The Phantom of the Opera can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJYLlnnQ51w
> 
> All I Ask of You can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06V7oQ__t5A
> 
> I may not be able to update as much for the next week or so because I have to get ready to go out of state for a wedding for a week. So don't worry, I will update as soon as I'm free. :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers, I'm spoiling you guys with another chapter update, so please make sure you read chapters 18 and 19 before this. I will be out of state for a wedding and won't be back until next Friday. I won't forget about the fic, and I'll update as soon as I get back, well, as soon as I get over jet lag lol.

Joan marched down the corridors as the distress alarm blared throughout the prison. It had been a long last couple of weeks. Bea Smith had deceived her, using her self inflicted injuries to escape and kill Brayden Holt. This all had happened under her watch, and now she was on notice with the board. If she had been more aware, if her officers hadn't been so incompetent, this wouldn't have happened. She had been frustrated but kept it under control. Vera was worried because she kept taking more privileges away from the women. Today's latest with the cigarettes was the last straw. She could not control this decision, and frankly the women already had it easy with everything that was given to them. There would be no hand holding. They were prisoners after all. They did not run this prison; she did.

Joan heard the radio calls from Will Jackson and the other officers. It was H Block that seemed to be running this. She was worried that she hadn't seen Vera yet. As she was on her way to go check on the camera feed, she decided she would check on her. “Sierra 3, this is the Governor. What's the status in the lockdown?”

“Siera 3 receiving. All units are secure except H Block,” she heard the reply over the crackle of the radio.

Joan walked briskly, almost to her destination. “Who's left in H Block?”

“No one,” Vera responded. 

She heard Channing over the radio telling her she needed to call for back up. She would not do this. There was no need. She shook her head and said into the radio, “If these women want to burn all their personal possessions then let them. There is no violence, no one is injured. I'm not calling in SESG.” Channing needed to know his place. It was contained. She had it under control. 

She paused, stopping in the corridor as she felt Vera's anxiety and intense fear overwhelm her mind. Something was wrong. She already felt some anxiety from Vera because of the riot, but not like this, and not this level of fear. She felt her mouth going dry, her own anxiety starting to build as she realized that Vera was in danger. She lifted her radio about to call her as she turned around, walking briskly. She didn't have time to look at the camera feed. She needed to find Vera now. Channing informed her they were spraying the cameras. This was serious. This was what they were really after, whatever it was. The fire outside was just a diversion. 

“Ferguson... Ferguson ya fuckin' Freak, answer me.” She heard a raspy voice over the radio. She looked down, lifting it slowly as she spoke into it.

“This is the Governor,” she said calmly.

“We've got Vinegar Tits. Open the door or we start fucking with her.”

Joan's jaw tightened. She gripped the radio. “To whom am I speaking?”

“Don't try that shit with me.”

Joan's lips twitched and she looked around. She still didn't know where they were. She could feel Vera's fear and it was distracting her. She concentrated hard, wondering where Vera was. She heard a faint voice in her mind say, “The slot...” Joan walked faster, and moved through areas that avoided the cameras. She was fast, agile. She couldn't risk them seeing her move this fast on camera. Although it would probably be too fast for them to even notice it was her, she didn't want to deal with the questions others would have.

She slowed down when she saw a group of prisoners in hoodies with their faces covered, their eyes only visible. She grit her teeth as she heard Vera pleading with one of them and they punched her in the stomach, pulling her back and then grabbing her tightly around the throat. Joan felt her rage simmer beneath the surface, just starting to boil over as her hands started to slightly shake. 

The women holding Vera looked over at her. “Freak... I didn't expect to see ya here. This is even better.” Her eyes narrowed. She knew that voice...

They held a shiv to Vera's throat. “Unlock the door Freak or I'll jab this into her throat.” Joan's heart pounded, her breathing shallow. 

“Let Ms. Bennett go,” she said calmly and firmly.

“Don't fuck with me Freak. You don't get to make the rules. We're in charge now.”

She heard Channing frantically calling her over the radio. She lifted the radio. “I have this under control,” she answered.

“Open the door Freak.”

“I will not give in to your demands. But I will give you something better. Take out those cameras.”

She saw one of them furrow their eyebrows at her. “What the fuck ya getting at Freak?”

“You want to talk to me, you can talk to me. I know that's what you want. I also know you'd love to be the one to get a free shot at me, to satisfy getting your pound of flesh. I'm giving you that chance if you take out the cameras.”

Vera's eyes widened in fear. Joan looked at her, noticing the tight grip one of the women had on her throat. Joan slowly pulled on her leather gloves. She watched as they sprayed the cameras. Her lips twitched, almost smiling as they did this.

One of them walked up to her and she felt the blow to her stomach from the woman's fist. She doubled over in mock display of weakness, giving the women a false sense of security. She groaned as she clutched her stomach. She heard one of them laugh. 

“Not so tough now, are ya Freak?” She felt a sharp blade slice the top of her hand, cutting it deeply. Her blood dripped onto the floor. She hissed, bent over as she felt the blade slowly slide down her cheek. She could feel her warm blood on her skin, some of it dripping onto the collar of her uniform. 

“I didn't realize Vinegar Tits meant so much to ya, Freak. It'd be a shame if something happened to her.” She felt Vera's intense fear through her mind and she looked up, realizing that it wasn't the only shiv the women had. One woman was still holding Vera and she pressed the shiv into the area between Vera's neck and shoulder, the shiv going into her skin as Vera let out a choked scream.

Joan growled, feeling rage as she grabbed one of the woman's arms around her, holding it straight up as she pulled on it hard until it snapped, the shoulder broken. She looked at the other woman who held the blade, lifting up the base of her palm and hitting her in the face right at the nose, breaking it. She fell to the floor, dazed and slowly started to get up. Joan reached down and lifted her by the throat, throwing her into the wall. The force of it knocking her out.

The woman who held Vera let go of her and Vera gasped, sinking to the ground. Joan raced forward towards the prisoner, slamming her into the wall. She lifted her hand and backhanded her hard across the face. She looked into the woman's eyes and knew who it was. She gripped her throat, squeezing hard, hearing her gasp and wheeze.

“I'd love very much to kill you Lucy Gambaro. You pathetic waste of space. You're worthless, you're pointless. No one would miss you, no one would care. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip your throat out,” she hissed. 

Gambaro's eyes bulged, struggling against the grip around her throat. Joan smiled and opened her mouth, her fangs clicking out as she stared at her. 

“What the fuck are you?” She rasped, her eyes wide with fear as Joan smiled, her eyes dark and intense, completely black as she growled at her. She could feel Vera's fear and worry, her panic. “Don't do it Joan...” she heard Vera's voice say in her mind. 

Gambaro looked so afraid that Joan felt the pulse rapidly beating against her fingers as she passed out. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that she just gave Gambaro a heart attack. She dropped her to the floor and knelt by Vera, taking her in her arms.

She took off Vera's uniform jacket and opened her uniform shirt. The wound was deep, but it didn't look like it hit a major artery. Close to one, but she was sure it didn't, at least she hoped not. She took off her own jacket, rolling it and wrapping it under Vera's head on her lap. She pressed her bloodied fingers against the wound, hoping it would heal it. It was too deep. Her blood couldn't heal it. She hoped this didn't mean that a major artery had been hit.

Vera's eyes fluttered open as Joan ripped open her uniform shirt, wrapping it tightly around Vera's shoulder, putting pressure on it to stop the blood loss. 

“Joan... you're bleeding,” she whispered, looking up at her. 

Joan looked into her eyes and stroked her hair. “Don't worry about me.” She lifted the radio and said, “Assistance is required. One officer is down. I repeat, assistance is required near the slot.”

“You're hurt too, Joan,” Vera said weakly, lifting up her hand and her fingers trembled as she touched her cheek. Joan held her hand and squeezed it. “I'll be fine... my injuries will heal quickly. Yours however... we need to get you to Medical.”

Vera nodded and closed her eyes. Joan kissed her forehead and held her against her, pressing on the makeshift bandage harder. “Don't fall asleep. Keep your eyes open. Look at me,” she said anxiously.

Vera went slack in her arms and she checked her pulse, feeling it underneath her fingertips. She gently picked her up. No one was here yet. Her staff was completely incompetent. She held Vera in her arms and made her way to Medical. 

She was in a daze as Nurse Atkins quickly helped get Vera to a medical bed. She waved her away as she checked her face and hand, telling her she needed to focus on Vera. Nurse Atkins told her that the shiv had just barely missed the subclavian artery. 

Joan sighed in relief. That was too close for comfort, but Vera would be okay. She was still transferred to a hospital so she could get the proper care. Joan visited her, taking her home after a couple days. She made sure Vera was comfortable and told her to take two weeks off work for medical leave.

Joan spent a lot of her time at Wentworth during this period. She had Channing to deal with and the prisoners. Bea Smith thought she was trying to regain control. This was not Smith's prison, this was _her_ prison. 

She had been correct. It was Lucy Gambaro with some of the women who took Vera as a hostage. Gambaro did suffer from a heart attack. Joan smiled as she remembered the look of fear in her eyes as she saw her fangs. If Gambaro said anything, no one would believe her. She'd end up in the psych ward. Joan would make sure of that. Just like Kelly Bryant... Joan lifted a pencil from her desk... she may not even need to use one of these.

She had been distant with Vera since she was attacked. Vera had asked her to come over after work if she could, and Joan had feigned that she was too busy. Truth was she was feeling overwhelmed by all of it. She had been so afraid, so enraged when she saw those women holding Vera. And now all that was left was a lingering fear that wouldn't go away. She had almost lost Vera. She closed her eyes as she remembered the look in Vera's eyes as the shiv went into her skin, the blood that came out from the wound, her skin pale as she closed her eyes. Joan shook her head. What if something like this happened again? What if she wasn't so lucky? What if she hadn't felt Vera's fear? What if she hadn't even been there that day? These questions plagued her mind, leaving her emotionally and mentally exhausted. She didn't know if she could keep going through this. 

Vera text her, asking if she could please come over tonight. Joan text her back telling her she would be there after work.

Joan sat across from Vera at her house, bringing Vera some water as she rested under a blanket. “How are you feeling?” 

“I'm still weak, tired... but better,” Vera said softly. Joan nodded and looked at her hands, avoiding Vera's eyes. 

“Joan... are you okay? I haven't heard or seen much of you since... since the riot,” she said quietly.

Joan felt conflicted. She didn't want to continue feeling this way. It needed to stop, and she painfully knew what she had to do. She steeled herself for what she was about to say.

“I'm fine. I just—I think we need to take a break, Vera. I've been very busy with work and my focus needs to be there.”

“Okay... I understand if you need to focus on work. If you need space, um, I can do that.”

Joan's eyes flickered over to her and she could see Vera's lips slightly trembling. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly, her face almost expressionless. She could not completely be herself here... she needed to be how she was at work. She looked into Vera's eyes, sighing. She kept her emotions tightly under control. She could control this much, so Vera wouldn't entirely be able to sense her emotions.

“I don't just mean space. I mean, we need to end our little arrangement,” Joan said coldly. She wanted to hit herself for what she was doing. But this was better. Better for the both of them. She didn't want to admit how much she felt like a coward. So much of this had to do with her own fear. She'd rather end things with Vera now before something else happened, something worse than the riot. If Vera was ever killed, she didn't know if she could survive it.

“Our little arrangement? What are you talking about Joan? What we have... it's not an arrangement. How can you say it like that?” Vera asked incredulously. 

Joan could feel Vera's panic and she almost didn't know if she could do this. She'd done similar before, she'd do it now. She pushed those feelings down.

“Yes... it served its purpose. You were very... useful to me. It was nice though, while it lasted. I achieved what I wanted, which was to get you close to me, to trust me.” She felt Vera's outrage at this, and confusion.

“It served its purpose? I was useful to you?! You... you said you loved me. You made _love_ to me! How can you say that?” Vera's breath caught and Joan saw tears welling up in her eyes. 

Joan was a monster for doing this. She heard a soft voice in her mind, Aaron's voice say, “What are you doing?” She ignored it, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Yes... I said those things, did those things. But you'd be amazed at the ability vampires have to... copy and imitate emotions.”

“But you said we were soul mates! None of this makes any sense. I can feel how indifferent you're trying to be, but you're not. You're trying to block how you feel. Why are you doing this?” She cried and Joan felt Vera's heartbreak, and she almost felt like she was going to lose her resolve. She hated herself for doing this. 

She shook her head and smiled slowly, but it was without mirth. “It makes perfect sense. I got what I wanted. Our... sleeping together was just an added perk. As for soul mates, that's such a flowery term, don't you think? Even if it's true, that doesn't mean we have to be together. You're talking about feelings I don't know, that I don't feel, that I will _never_ feel,” she said firmly.

Vera stared at her and Joan felt her anger, so much anger that she was taken aback by it. “You're a coward. You... you're trying to push me away because you're afraid.”

Joan was a coward. Vera was right about that. She felt as if her heart was being squeezed by a fist as she delivered her final blow. “Don't presume to know what I feel. We may share a connection but you were nothing more than an asset to me at Wentworth, someone who I needed loyalty from... who just happened to be a good fuck. It's hardly my fault that you believed everything I said to you.”

Vera gasped and she felt Vera's pain at these words, so much pain that she almost took them back, but she knew the damage had already been done. Vera's breath caught as her tears slid down her cheeks, her voice rough and tight as she said, “Well, I'm glad I was such a good _fuck_ to you. That was—that was a low blow, Joan. I know what you're doing, despite your attempts to shut me out. If this is what you want, which I don't think it is, but if you're going to play this game... if you're going to hurt me and yourself, then please leave. I rescind your invitation into my home.” Vera averted her eyes away from her.

Joan felt sudden despair at this. She didn't think Vera would actually do that... but what did she expect? She just did everything the woman accused her of. She truly was a coward. 

Joan nodded at her words, keeping her own emotions in check, as she turned around and started to walk out the door. She closed it, pausing at the door as she heard Vera crying. She touched her chest and closed her eyes, her breath coming in soft pants as she breathed faster. She heard Aaron say in her mind, “Joan... we need to talk.” She sighed and walked to her car, getting in and driving home. As soon as she stepped into her house, she kicked off her shoes, tossing the keys to the floor, and slid down against the wall, crying as she held her face in her hands. 

This was for the best... wasn't it? She was so afraid of losing Vera... so afraid that she would die... she didn't think she'd survive that. Yet... here she was, in agony over everything that transpired between them tonight, and she wasn't sure if she could survive _this_ , the pain she felt as well as Vera's. What had she done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Runs away and hides* PLEASE STAY WITH ME YOU GUYS!! This was a very important thing that had to happen, at least in my mind it had to happen. Was a bit angsty I know, but please stay with me. The fight scene was very much inspired by the first episode of season 5. I just had to get that in there somehow. Joan and Pam were just too awesome for that. 
> 
> Also I'm sorry that this is such a cliffhanger, well kind of. Sorry not sorry. Anyway, consider this kind of like a mid-season cliffhanger, if you will. I shall return in a week or so with a new chapter! :)


	21. Chapter 21

_Vera was walking down the halls of Wentworth and she saw the prisoners in the hoodies. They grabbed her, slamming her against the door. No matter how much she yelled and screamed, no one came._

_She saw Joan show up and her body vibrated with an energy she had never seen before. She felt Joan's rage, her fear, but most of all she felt this blinding fury, and it scared her. She felt the shiv go into her, the pain almost too much. She saw Joan's face, her cheek covered in blood, her eyes that were worried, feeling her hair being stroked. Joan telling her to not close her eyes, to stay awake. But it was too hard, too hard to stay awake._

_She opened her eyes to Joan sitting in her home. Joan kissed her, her eyes tender as she told her she loved her. Then they switched to her eyes being cold, her face unreadable, then smiling as she was telling her that she meant nothing to her, that she never loved her, never cared. She forced Joan out of her house. Joan grabbed her, pleaded with her, saying she was sorry that she hurt her._

She woke up gasping, and at first didn't know where she was. She looked around, her eyes adjusting to the dark. She was in her bed at home. She felt tears on her cheeks. This was the 5th night in a row that she'd had nightmares. They varied with the riot and then to Joan leaving her, her cruel words, but this was the first time where the Joan in her dream felt sorry, where Joan felt any of the pain she felt in the dream.

She remembered the agony she felt, how devastated she was after Joan left her house, and sometime after that in her grief, she felt an even stronger pain, a helpless and hopeless feeling, despairing as she thought that this was what Joan felt. But she couldn't tell anymore if this was true. She couldn't tell that night which feelings were hers or Joan's, so overwhelmed and exhausted by everything that she had fallen asleep.

She touched her chest and turned her face into the pillow, crying softly. She'd cried so much in the last few days. She didn't know how she was able to go back to work during this, but she did.

She couldn't avoid Joan at the prison, but she kept their meetings as brief as possible. She visited Fletcher in the meantime after his brain injury to help her stay busy when she wasn't at work. Talking to him and trying to help him with his disability gave her something to do, and she felt better about herself for it.

Vera had bought new furniture, but she tried to tell herself this was what she wanted, not because Joan had suggested it. She smiled as she found new items and knick knacks to decorate her house with, new paint to adorn the walls. She had asked Will and Linda to help her and they gladly did. Will sometimes asked if she was okay, and she had told him that she was still recovering from the riot, but that overall she was fine. She couldn't tell him about her and Joan. It was too complicated, too painful to discuss.

It was when she was alone at night like this that she felt the weight of what had happened. She missed Joan so much, and she was surprised at the ability Joan had to act as if nothing between them ever happened. Ever the professional, the Governor had politely asked for Vera's reports during the week and would quietly give her approval over something Vera did.

Despite what happened, Vera still felt a need to prove herself to Joan. She hated that she did, but it couldn't be helped no matter how hard she tried.

Joan was like an impenetrable wall most of the time. She could barely get anything from her other than polite and cool indifference. But every so often, she'd feel Joan's anger and sadness, and she knew deep down that not everything was as it seemed. Vera didn't push her. She knew better than to do that at work.

Vera walked by Lucy Gambaro and glared at her. She knew she was the one who stabbed her with that shiv. She had a scar now between her neck and shoulder, although it was not as bad as she'd thought it would look. It had an appearance of it being a few years old, rather than three weeks. Before Joan had ended things between them, she remembered Joan telling her that she had tried to heal the wound with her blood. Vera wondered if the scar didn't look as new because of that.

Joan walked passed her and she was stopped by Bea Smith. The two definitely had a power struggle going. It was almost worse than when Franky was Top Dog. Vera smirked at this because she knew that Joan had met her match. Bea really knew how to push her buttons. Vera knew she shouldn't find this amusing, but she couldn't help but feel an odd sense of pleasure at the frustration Joan sometimes had.

Lucy Gambaro was standing near the wall and as soon as she saw Joan she pulled out a crucifix and held it in front of her face. Joan stopped and looked at her, walking up to her and took the crucifix from her hand.

"Well, that's nice. I didn't know you found Jesus, Gambaro," Joan said lightly, a smug smile on her face as she handed the crucifix back to her. She started to walk away.

"I know whatcha are Freak."

Vera's eyes widened as she watched this interaction.

Joan stopped and slowly turned around, walking up to Gambaro. Vera looked at Joan's face. She knew this expression well. It was the look before she was about to say something that really got under someone's skin.

"Yes... clearly. Maybe next time you should try garlic. Or better yet, holy water. I'm sure it'll help you in the same way the crucifix did." Joan smiled again and Vera watched as she leaned down and spoke quietly into Gambaro's ear. She couldn't hear what was being said but Gambaro looked at Joan with a wide eyed expression.

"Fuck off Freak."

Joan narrowed her eyes and looked at Gambaro. Vera could feel Joan's anger, but then it went away as quickly as it came. Vera was starting to see just how much Joan tried to control her emotions. It must be exhausting.

"Ms. Bennett, slot her."

Vera nodded. "Yes, Governor." She took Gambaro away to the slot and had a hard time not saying anything to her as she put her in there. Gambaro muttered curses under her breath, and even tried to say she didn't mean to hurt Vera during the riot.

"Let's not go there, Gambaro. You know what you and the rest of the women did. Now get into the slot."

Gambaro rolled her eyes muttering, "Fucking Vinegar Tits..."

"What was that Gambaro?" Vera asked tersely.

"Nothing... I'm gonna sit in here like you said. When can I get an airing?"

Vera scoffed and ignored her. She closed the door, locked it and walked away.

She knocked once to the door of Joan's office, not waiting as she walked inside. The woman stared at her computer screen not even looking at Vera.

"Yes, Ms. Bennett?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Gambaro's been slotted, Governor. She's requesting an airing."

Joan still continued to look at the CCTV and her lips twitched in amusement. She raised her eyes to Vera.

"Well, we both know that won't happen any time soon."

Vera nodded, suddenly feeling awkward. "Yes, Governor." She turned around and placed her hand on the door.

"Vera, why don't you end your shift early? You look tired. You should go home. Rest."

Vera sighed. She didn't expect Joan to say that. She bit her lip to control how she felt. Joan confused her. She was so hot and cold.

"I'm fine. I can finish my shift. I need to be productive."

"Vera... you may be ready to continue work, but you just came back after a two-week medical leave. You've worked very hard the last few days."

Vera turned towards her, feeling annoyed as Joan said this. Couldn't she see that she needed to stay busy? Or did Joan just want to continue to torture her by acting like she cared?

She raised her chin. "I appreciate your concern Governor, but I'll be fine," she said coldly.

She could feel strong irritation coming from Joan, and the taller woman slowly stood up and straightened her uniform. She walked around and sat back against her desk. She looked at Vera for minute, her eyes traveling over her body before she looked into her eyes. Vera held her breath. Joan hadn't looked at her like that since before the riot.

Joan looked out the window and took in a slow breath, looking at Vera again. "Vera, I'm taking you off duty for the rest of your shift. Go home and get some rest. I'll see you in a couple days."

Vera felt angry, and she started grinding her teeth a little bit as she stared at Joan. The woman lifted her eyebrows.

"That will be all Ms. Bennett, thank you," she said dismissively.

Vera shook her head and sighed, feeling aggravated.

"Is there a problem?" Joan asked, lifting her eyebrow.

"No, not at all, Governor." She opened the door and had to stop herself from slamming it.

She drove home and opened her door, kicking off her shoes and changing into a shirt and leggings. She pulled the hairband from her hair, feeling her soft waves, running her fingers through her hair. She felt herself relax. She hated to admit that Joan had been right. She had been pushing herself too hard since her injury. Vera went over to the couch, lying down on it and turning on the TV.

As she flipped through the channels she seemed to land on almost every romantic comedy. She scowled. Was the universe doing this to her on purpose? She had fallen in love with a fucking vampire and here they were showing _Twilight_. What were the odds?

She switched the channel. Thank God it was _Seinfeld_. She laughed at the episode showing the Soup Nazi. It was the first real laugh she'd had in a few weeks.

This made her think of why she hadn't laughed in a while and she sighed, closing her eyes. She lifted her hand against her forehead, feeling her eyes start to water. Could she get through just one damn night without crying? She covered her eyes with her hand, feeling hot tears slide down her cheeks.

She hugged her pillow and wiped her eyes, sniffling as she thought of Joan. She had been so sweet and loving, and then so cold, harsh. She didn't want to believe what Joan told her. Feeling some of Joan's emotions confused her. Even now she felt a deep sadness coming from the older woman and this made it even harder. It would go away after a few minutes and Vera would be left with her own feelings.

What if what Joan said was true? What if she hasn't meant anything to her? What if she didn't actually love her like she said? What if all of it was fake? Joan was highly intelligent, at times manipulative with the prisoners. Did she just use her to manipulate her?

She thought of Joan's playful and sweet demeanor before this, a far cry from the woman she was at work. How loving and affectionate she was. How haunted she looked when she spoke briefly about her parents. How she and Aaron had interacted with playful jabs and mock irritation.

She thought to the day that she had broken down in front of her. How she had sobbed in her arms as she told her about Jianna and Shayne. She kept saying how she had failed them and that it was her fault.

Vera sat up, coming to a sudden realization. Jianna... Joan was afraid because of what had happened to her. She'd lost Jianna and Shayne. She hasn't been with anyone since Jianna, at least not in a loving relationship. Not until Vera. She thought of all the loss Joan had experienced, and she was so private, reserved. It wasn't just about a fear of losing Vera, it was a fear of losing anyone she became close to. 

She felt the key that was in her pocket. She slid her hand inside and took it out. Joan's key to her house. Vera didn't know what to do if Joan was willing to be this self destructive. She sighed. She shouldn't have this key anymore. She ran her hands through her hair and stood up, sliding on her shoes and grabbing her keys and purse.

She was completely stupid for doing this. She should just mail the damn key so she wouldn't have to see Joan. She had no choice at work, but she did have a choice now. She pushed down her inner voice that told her to leave it alone, to not go there, to move on.

She sat in her car in front of Joan's house for half an hour before she finally got out. She knew the woman was already home. Vera felt her palms start to sweat. This was the first time she'd been to her house before the riot.

She closed her eyes remembering the last time she was in Joan's bed, the woman holding her as Vera straddled her lap. The words Joan had said, asking if she wanted her to fuck her. She swallowed as she remembered the cruel words Joan said a week ago. _"Someone who I needed loyalty from... who just happened to be a good fuck."_

She felt tears well up again and she brushed them back, letting out a shaky breath as she swallowed against the lump that was starting to form in her throat. You can do this. You can do this without crying. She pushed her feelings down, feeling calmer.

Vera walked up to Joan's door and lifted her hand, hesitating. She could just turn around and mail the key. She straightened her shoulders. She had driven over here. She would be brave. This was no different than seeing her at work. It was just a key. She knocked on the door twice.

After a minute she heard movement behind the door, it opening to reveal Joan with her hair down in a black top and grey lounge pants. She didn't hide her surprise as her eyes widened at seeing Vera, before she quickly put on a mask of cool indifference.

Vera felt like Joan was putting up an invisible wall between them, except this wall had some cracks. Joan was trying to control how she felt and for the most part she did a very good job, but her feelings would filter out of those cracks. Vera finally knew as she stood looking at Joan, that everything she told her a week ago had been complete bullshit.

"Vera," she said quietly, lifting her eyebrow at her.

Vera didn't say anything for a few seconds, feeling her mind suddenly go blank and she panicked.

Joan narrowed her eyes slightly. "Would you like to come in?"

Vera didn't think she'd actually ask her to come into her house. "Oh... uh, are you sure?"

Joan opened the door a little wider. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to."

Vera nodded, feeling suddenly very nervous. Joan walked into her kitchen. "Would you like anything to drink? Tea? Water?"

Vera remembered all the times Joan had cooked for her; the breakfast in bed she brought her. She bit the inside of her cheek. "Water is fine, thank you."

Joan nodded, disappearing into the kitchen. Vera followed her and sat at the table. Joan handed her the water and sat across from her. An awkward and tense silence passed between them.

Joan watched her drink the entire time... it was rather unnerving. "Vera, have you eaten tonight?"

Vera kept drinking the water and then placed it on the table a little forcefully. She stared at the woman, feeling confused and a little angry. "Have I eaten? Why do you care whether or not I've eaten?"

Joan furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. "It was a simple question. Can I not care about a colleague?"

Vera bit her lip hard, shaking her head. “We were more than just colleagues,” she said in a low voice.

Joan's lips twitched. She stood up abruptly and moved to the fridge. Vera felt puzzled, watching as Joan silently began chopping vegetables, her hands moving quickly as she tossed them into a bowl of salad. She washed her hands and turned towards Vera, setting the bowl in front of her.

“Eat... you will feel better once you do,” she said quietly.

Vera looked at the salad and then at Joan. She couldn't feel anything from her. The woman was sure an expert at compartmentalizing.

“Joan I only--”

“Just eat it,” she said shortly. Vera could then feel a sharp irritation and frustration from Joan. She finally got something from her. Vera sighed and picked up her fork, biting into the salad.

As she ate, she would steal glances at Joan who was sitting and reading something on her phone. Every so often she'd catch Joan gazing back at her.

“Thank you for this... I was hungrier than I thought.”

Joan dipped her head. “You must take better care of yourself. I wouldn't want you to... fall ill at work.”

“And why is that Joan?” Vera asked a little sarcastically. The woman was such a contradiction and it drove her insane.

Joan looked at her a little exasperated. “Isn't it obvious? You're my Deputy. I can't have you passing out at work.”

Vera chuckled. “Sure... whatever you say, Joan.” She shook her head and folded her napkin.

“What's so funny?” Joan lifted her eyebrow at her, but there was tension around her eyes.

“Nothing is funny... nothing about any of _this_ is funny to me,” she said slightly raising her voice.

“You don't need to shout.”

“I'm not shouting!” She yelled. She stopped and lowered her voice.

“Vera, I think you should go home and rest.”

“Would you quit telling me to rest! Stop acting like you care. All it does is confuse me,” she said, her voice shaking in anger.

“All right... I'll stop acting like it. Go home Vera. Or did you only come here so you could yell at me?”

Vera marched over to Joan and pressed her finger into her shoulder. Joan lifted her brow. “You know what? Yes. You don't care about me. You never cared about me! If you did, you wouldn't have said what you did!” She raised her voice higher, feeling all her hurt and anger come out of her.

She could feel that Joan had a small level of hurt, but it didn't last long before it switched to anger.

“All I did was tell you the truth. I can't help it if you weren't ready to hear it,” she said tightly.

"The truth? You told me the truth?! That's really—you're so full of shit! You have been trying to hide how you feel from me. I can see it. I know you are. And that's the worst part. You're so hot and cold.”

“If that's how you really feel then what are you doing here?”

Vera brought her key out and held it in front of her face. Joan's eyes widened a fraction. “I wanted to give this back to you. I don't need it. I don't want it anymore.” She placed the key on the table.

Joan was silent as she looked at the key. “You don't have to give that back to me. I gave that to you. Unlike you, I still would allow you into my home,” she said and there was a hint of anger in her voice.

Vera felt livid. “You shouldn't be allowed in my home after what you said to me!” She pushed Joan's shoulder and she felt Joan's anger come out as she grabbed Vera's hand, holding it tightly.

“Stop doing that! You need to calm down. You're too emotional. This is why we didn't work. Emotions lead to mistakes.” Joan took a few steps back, putting distance between them.

“Don't tell me to calm down. And I'm too emotional?! I seem to remember a sobbing woman in my arms as you told me about Jianna and Shayne. This is really what this is about Joan. You're scared because of what happened to Jianna. I'm not her!”

She felt a lot of anger from Joan, almost overwhelmed as Joan moved quickly into her personal space. She spoke in a low and soft voice, but there was a tremor to it. “Don't you _ever_ bring her up again! You don't know what you're talking about. I trusted you with that information and you're using it against me. And no, you're not her. You're _nothing_ like her."

“Stop pushing me away because of what happened to her! I'm here. I'm okay. I'm not dead!” She flinched as Joan lifted her hand near her face. She could see her hand was trembling, and she felt Joan's anger boil over.

“Are you going to hit me Joan? If you're so angry with me, go ahead and hit me...” She whispered.

Joan's eyes widened and she gasped as she looked at her hand, dropping it to her side. She backed away from Vera, standing against the counter, averting her eyes. Vera's heart was pounding from anger and anxiety, her own hands shaking. Joan wouldn't look at her and she suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness and shame coming from her. Joan looked dazed as she was breathing faster, and her hands were still shaking as the taller woman clasped them tightly.

“Vera,” she rasped. “I-I shouldn't... I would never...” She trailed off, and Vera could see her lips were starting to quiver. “I would never hit you,” she said, her breath catching.

It was the first real emotions that Joan had shown since the riot. The wall was still there between them, but she felt like there was light in the darkness as Joan wasn't trying to completely control how she felt right now. Vera's eyes teared up as she kept feeling Joan's self loathing, her shame, her sadness. She stepped forward slowly and gently touched her arm. Joan gasped and yanked it back.

“Please leave,” she said quietly.

“Joan...” She said softly.

“Vera... please go,” she said in a small and broken voice.

Vera felt at a loss of what to do. She wanted to stay... but right now, she didn't think this was what Joan needed. This was a time that she needed to respect Joan's wishes. She just wished she didn't feel so sad herself, her heart so heavy. She swallowed at the lump in her throat. She walked out of Joan's house, closing the door quietly. As she left she could feel Joan's conflicted feelings. Her anger, sadness, hurt, and most of all shame. As Vera got into her car, those feelings went away, and she knew that invisible wall was back up. Sadly, she wasn't sure if it could be broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in a box, slowly lifting the lid, popping my head out* So umm... hi guys! Apparently my muse kept going, and I don't mean to lie and say I couldn't update. Truth is I didn't think I could again this week. But today I had some time to myself and it just really flowed through me with writing. This really must be the last update though until I get back next Friday from my friends wedding. The chapter was long so hopefully that will help with the cliffhanger I did, which I kind of felt bad about leaving you guys with.
> 
> I know things seem really sad right now between them... but these are real issues that need to be addressed for them. 
> 
> Also to get into the feel for this chapter, I listened a lot to the Interstellar soundtrack. I recommend it if you're a fan of original movie scores. I also recommend the movie if you haven't seen it. Here are some tracks I listened to.
> 
> Afraid of Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KtTJ1YzTJ0
> 
> S.T.A.Y.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9iNegI0HjY
> 
> Day One: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXDMFwycmus


	22. Chapter 22

It had been two weeks since Vera came to her house that night. Joan had been very surprised to see her. She knew Vera was very anxious and Joan missed her, so she couldn't help but invite her in. 

She knew Vera wasn't always taking care of herself and this concerned her. Despite what happened, she didn't want the smaller woman to lose any more weight. She was already thin enough as it was. This was why she made her eat at her house. 

To say that Vera was a little angry was putting it mildly. The emotions she felt reverberating from the smaller woman had taken her aback. Who knew so much feeling could be going on in that petite body. Joan was frustrated and hurt by some of the things Vera said. 

However, when Vera mentioned Jianna something inside her had snapped. How dare she even bring her up, no matter how close to the truth Vera was. She had felt such shame when she had raised her hand to her. Joan had dropped her hand away as if she had been burned. She couldn't believe that she did that. Something broke inside her then and she was so ashamed and angry with herself. She couldn't even look at Vera after that. She didn't deserve her. 

Every time she closed her eyes she saw the shiv going into Vera's skin. Her face even more pale as she was losing blood, the sudden panic she felt when knowing she couldn't use her blood to heal her, and then her desperately trying to keep Vera awake. She should have gone after Gambaro first. Perhaps if she had, Vera wouldn't have been hurt. If that shiv had hit a major artery... she didn't want to think about the possible outcome of that. 

Since the riot, she often had nightmares of Vera dying in her arms. She'd wake up in a cold sweat with dried tears on her cheeks, and it took her a few minutes to realize that she was in her bed, and not at Wentworth. She was glad during these times that she didn't need a lot of rest. Her mind would not give her any reprieve. She was constantly assaulted by images of Vera bleeding in her arms whether she was awake or asleep. 

With the exception of Aaron, everyone that she had any kind of emotional connection with had died, or was taken away in Shayne's case. Despite the few years she had been apart from Aaron, she didn't know what she'd do if anything happened to her Maker. He was the only one she had left. 

It was easier to let Vera be angry with her. Easier to allow Vera to let go if she hated her. Joan had felt Vera's hurt and grief every night, and it hurt her heart knowing she caused this. She so desperately wanted to go to Vera and hold her. But that would be more confusing to her, more hurtful as she could not continue to be with her. It was more humane that she stay away from her. 

Joan had been trying to keep things professional between the two at Wentworth. This was difficult to do at times since she was around the younger woman a lot. She could smell Vera's sweet shampoo and light perfume when she stood next to her. She'd watch her on the CCTV or when she came into her office, and it was a struggle to not let her eyes travel over her body. The phrase "undressing her with her eyes" came to mind as she'd remember the times they were in bed together. Vera's body under hers, her warm skin pressing deliciously against hers, her soft breasts against her own as Vera would lie on top of her. 

Joan especially missed how Vera felt when she drank her blood, how she tasted, how she would shudder in her arms from her release. Joan had had to go through other means to feed, and it was never the same. The only pleasure she got was if she killed someone who she felt deserved to die.

Joan had a long day. It had ended with her interrogating Jodie Spiteri. She needed the woman to cut Bea Smith. If she had to go through extreme methods to do this, then so be it. It was all for the greater good. Bea Smith was out of control; she ruled through chaos. She would reap what she sowed. Joan would make sure of that. 

She needed to feed and now that Vera was no longer in the picture, she decided to do something she hadn't done in years. She walked into an establishment similar to a bar. It was well known only to vampires. Although some humans knew of it too and were usually there for voluntary reasons. She hadn't been to one of these since the earlier years of when she first became a vampire. She was not in the mood to hunt, and she needed fresh blood. Feeding off of Vera as often as she did made her miss how it tasted when she first bit into someone's throat. While drinking the blood in the bags she received from the hospital would sustain her, it was not the same. 

Joan was a rather solitary person and often didn't mingle with many of her kind other than Aaron. But there were a few she knew over the years that were in here tonight. She nodded at some of them as she sat down at a table. She surveyed the area, slowing looking around her. She saw a few of the humans that were there, some vampires feeding off of them. Some of them she was sure were in sexual relationships. 

Her eyes landed on a young woman who looked to be in her 30's, who had long light brown hair and blue eyes. She tried to ignore the similarities that this woman had with Vera. She was of similar height and weight as Vera and Joan almost decided to find someone else when the woman approached her.

"I haven't seen you here before. I can see that your eyes are weary. You look like you need to feed," she said softly.

Joan's eyes narrowed. She was surprised at how perceptive this woman was. Then again perhaps she had grown used to knowing when vampires were thirsty. 

She cocked her head and gave a small smile. "You would be correct in that assessment. Are you offering yourself to me?" She asked softly, her voice having almost a seductive lilt to it.

"Yes, if that's what you'd like, if it's what you desire. What's your name?"

"My name is irrelevant. I'm here for only one thing. Let's not make this personal." The woman's eyes widened a little bit and then she nodded. 

She sat next to her and Joan looked into her eyes. They were so similar to Vera's. What the hell was she doing? She should tell this woman to leave her. It's irrelevant, Joan. All you need is this woman to feed, nothing more. With that final thought she leaned forward and tilted the woman's head to the side, exposing her neck. She opened her mouth and her fangs came out. She gently skimmed the woman's skin with her teeth, and she could feel her shiver as she bit into her neck, drinking deeply. 

Joan closed her eyes as she sucked the woman's blood and she thought of Vera. The taste was no where near the same. She caressed the woman's neck as she bit harder and could hear her gasp. 

Joan felt the woman's hands move onto her waist and she grabbed her hands and forcefully moved them away from her. She lifted her head from her neck. 

"Do not touch me," she said harshly. 

"I'm sorry... I just thought--"

"You thought wrong. We're done here." She bit into her finger and healed the woman's puncture wounds. She was extremely irritated but it was a common courtesy to do this with humans like her. Joan stood up abruptly, leaving the table. 

She didn't know why she came here. This was a mistake. She should have just gone out and hunted some random individual. As she was leaving she stopped as she saw a familiar face, one that she wouldn't forget. 

Her lips twitched in anger and she glared as he walked up to her, smiling as he looked around. 

"I've never seen you in here before. I'm surprised though. I thought you had that little human."

Joan's eyes narrowed at him and she smiled without mirth. "Jacob was it?"

"Ah, you remembered. So what happened? Where's the pretty little lady?"

"That is not your concern. I was just leaving anyway," she said quietly. She walked outside into the night, and she felt a hand curl around her wrist. She jerked it back, turning around and growling. Jacob stood behind her.

"What do you want?" She hissed.

"Nothing from you, but the woman you were with... too bad she's not here. She was a pretty little thing, smelled very good. I can still remember her pulse beating under my fingertips, the scent of her perfume. She left you didn't she? That's why you're here tonight. Well, since this is the case, I'd love to take her, make her mine. Imagine how she'd be as a vampire," he said, smiling smugly at her.

She felt her body growing more tense as she heard his words. She was disgusted and so angry that she thrust her hand out and grabbed him by the throat. 

She lifted him and tossed him against the side of a wall. He got up and pounced on her, his fangs clicking out. She opened her mouth, her fangs showing as she growled again. She lifted him and threw him back down to the floor.

"You're an idiot. I'm much older than you. I'll always be faster and stronger. Why are you even fighting me?" She smirked, lifting him again and pushed him against the wall. She hit him twice across the face. 

"You stay the fuck away from her. She's mine. If you come near me or her again, I will kill you," she growled. 

She kneed him in the groin, and smiled as he doubled over in pain, falling to the side of the ground. She ran back to her car and drove away.

When she got home, she sighed and took off her shoes, tossing her keys into the bowl. She walked into her living room and stopped abruptly. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked warily. 

"Ah, come on Joanie. Can't I just come over to visit you?" Aaron asked, smiling slightly as he sat with one leg crossed over his knee, his arms out to the sides resting on the couch. 

"I'm really not in the mood for company right now," she said firmly. 

Aaron stood up next to her and smiled, but there was a certain tension around his eyes as he looked at her. 

"Now, you see that's the thing Joan. I'm your Maker and I don't care if you're in the mood or not. Sit down Joan."

Joan felt her irritation rise. He really knew how to push her buttons sometimes. "I don't have time for these games Aaron. Please leave."

"Normally I would have done that Joan. In the past I would have left you alone. That's not happening this time. Sit down," he said in a low and firm voice. 

She glared and slowly sat down, her lips twitching as he watched her. He smiled a little and sat in the chair across from her. 

"Good. Now, that wasn't so hard was it?"

Joan continued to glare at him and he narrowed his eyes at her. "Joan, what's going on with Vera?"

She sighed and rubbed her forehead, suddenly feeling like she was getting a headache. "I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"Well, that's too bad, because we are talking about it. Right now. And I won't leave until you listen to what I have to say."

Joan shook her head. "What's done is done. This is none of your business Aaron."

Aaron sighed and tapped his hand against the chair. He looked down at the floor, silent for a few minutes. "You're hurting. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

She scoffed. "I'm perfectly fine. We didn't work out. It's better this way," she said curtly. 

"That's bullshit and you know it. You're not fine. I can feel how you feel, remember? And I'm tired of you torturing yourself. You're allowing fear once again to dictate your actions."

"Be that as it may, I'm allowed to make my own choices," she said tersely. 

"That's true Joan, you are. But I want you to explain to me what happened."

Joan bit the inside of her cheek, grinding her jaw. She sighed feeling somewhat resigned as she began to tell him about the riot, how Vera was hurt, how she couldn't heal her, how she had watched helplessly as she passed out in her arms.

"I'm sorry you both experienced that... but what made you end things with her?"

"I can't go through this again Aaron. I won't. It just about killed me when Jianna died," she said as she bit her lip, trying to stop it from quivering. 

"You didn't go through the same thing. Yes, it was scary, but Vera is okay," he said gently. 

"I could have lost her! I still could. If I'm not there with her. If we're not working the same shifts. If I was too late, she could have..."

"But that didn't happen Joan. She's still alive."

"I couldn't protect her, couldn't stop her from being hurt," she said feeling tears well up in her eyes. She blinked them back. 

"You did protect her Joan. You protected her as best as you could, physically. However, what you did not do was protect her emotionally. You didn't protect her heart. You left her when she needed you the most," he said softly. 

She raised her head and looked into his eyes. "It's better if she hates me. Easier to end things before something worse could happen. I can't lose her. It's best to end our emotional entanglement now. I couldn't survive that."

Aaron sighed and stood up, putting his hands into the pockets of his pants. "The ironic thing is you're already going through a loss. You did lose her. But you made the choice to do that, and you didn't have to. You're still thinking in black and white Joan. Death comes to us all, even ones like you and me. It doesn't matter if you live a few hundred years or a thousand. You can't do this based on a hypothetical."

"I don't care. I'd rather do that than face the possibility that she might die," she said harshly.

Aaron stared at her and she could see him grinding his jaw. He looked away and then slowly turned back to her, and his eyes were hard. 

"You have a choice in this life. There's no telling what the future might bring, but she's alive and well. I didn't have that same choice as you do. My family was ripped away from me, without even a goodbye. And I would give anything to change that. You have this chance with Vera, to love and be loved, to be happy. Don't waste it because of your fear," he said angrily, his voice tight. She could see his eyes. They were bright with unshed tears.

She stared at him as his words sunk in. She knew he had lost his family, but he didn't talk about it very often. It was the first time he said anything like this to her. The first time she'd ever seen him come close to crying. 

"The damage has already been done. I said horrible things to her. I can feel her pain and her anger every day, how hurt she is. She won't forgive me," she said quietly, a tear slipping down her cheek. 

"Forgiveness can take time, as does trust. But I know she loves you, Joan."

Joan nodded and covered her eyes with her hand, hiding her tears as she felt them slide down her cheeks. "I've hurt her so much. I've said such cruel things to her. And what's worse is that she knows I'm doing this because I'm afraid. She rescinded my invitation into her home, and gave me back my house key."

"So what if she did? She can always invite you again. You can always give your key back to her." 

"I was so angry the last time we spoke. I almost hit her," she cried softly, feeling ashamed, and a strong sense of self loathing. 

"But you didn't hit her, and I don't think you would Joan. You hold so much in, and when you feel overwhelmed you sometimes react extremely."

"I hate this. I feel so out of control. I hate these feelings. Why can't I turn them off?"

"Because... even as vampires we still feel as our human selves did, and sometimes we feel things more intensely, more strongly than humans. And it's okay to feel. It's okay to feel all of this. Feelings aren't facts, Joan. They're just feelings. Next time you have such fears, talk to me. Don't stay stuck in your head. It's a dangerous place," he said softly. 

Joan swallowed and nodded. "I'll try to do that."

"Do. Or do not. There is no try," he said.

She stared at him, lifting her brow. "Did you just quote Yoda?"

He smiled and nodded. "Hmm... quote him I did. My Padawan learner, 'Fear is the path to the dark side... fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering,'" he said in a good imitation of Yoda.

"Oh, you did _not_ just say I'm going to the dark side," she said, slightly irritated but amused. 

He chuckled. "I'm surprised you got that quote Joan."

She gave a small smile. "It's been referenced in pop culture so often, it's hard not to know where it's from."

"Ah, there's a smile." He grabbed her hands, pulling her up, and gave her a hug. She stiffened a little and then slowly brought her arms around him, her cheek resting against his shoulder. "It'll be okay Joan. Make things right with Vera. Promise me you will?"

"I don't know if I can make things right. I've really hurt her," she said quietly. She felt him squeeze her gently. 

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Perhaps you can't, but you won't know unless you try. Do some groveling if you have to."

"I will not grovel," she huffed.

"Don't let your ego get involved here Joan. Do what you can to make things right. You owe it to her and to yourself," he said firmly. 

Joan nodded and watched as he walked out of her house. She sat down and looked at her hands which were trembling. 

She stood up and walked into her kitchen, pacing slowly back and forth. She stopped and closed her eyes. While she was still afraid something would happen to Vera, as that fear wouldn't go away, she knew Aaron was right. All this did was hurt her love, and herself. Joan realized that while she protected her physically, that Vera had given her heart to Joan, and she did the worst possible thing to her. Physical wounds would heal, but emotional wounds would take longer, she thought sadly.

Joan turned around and put on her shoes, grabbing her keys. If she waited any longer, then she may not be able to fix this. 

She felt intense anxiety as she stood outside Vera's home. She knew that she was there. She could see the soft lighting and hear the background of the TV playing. 

She sighed. She was the damn Governor of a prison. She could do this. She rang Vera's doorbell. It took a few minutes before Vera answered the door. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, her curls softly falling around her face. She was wearing pajamas and looked tired. Joan frowned as she appeared a little more thinner than the last time she saw her. Vera's eyes widened as she looked up at her.

"Joan... what--what are you doing here?" 

Joan looked down at the ground and ran her hand through her hair. She raised her eyes to Vera's again. "You don't have to do this. You have every right to tell me no, but I was wondering if we could talk. May I come in? Please," she said softly. 

Vera stared at her with a cautious expression on her face, seeming to contemplate her words. She slowly opened her door wider. "We can talk... you can come in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I know I said I couldn't update but I had a long ass flight from California to Colorado, and now finally to New York. I've been traveling ALL day... so I used time to work on a chapter on my phone while my muse was still going. :)
> 
> Hope this chapter is okay because I've been awake since 4am lol.


	23. Chapter 23

Vera closed her door, turning around and looked at Joan. She stood awkwardly in her living room, looking like she didn't know what to do with her hands. She looked around somewhat nervously, her eyes dark and clouded. 

When she heard her doorbell ring she almost didn't answer it. She just wanted to be left alone and lie on the couch watching TV. She was tired and just wanted to relax. Something told her she should answer it though. When she saw Joan she'd felt surprised and wary. She hadn't seen much of her other than at work, and even then it was only when absolutely necessary. 

Joan had been short at work with her in the last couple weeks, and sometimes Vera could tell she was barely reining in her irritation. Vera wanted to stay out of her way. The situation with Bea Smith seemed to be slowly escalating. 

If the Governor was stressed it didn't always show. She was professional and strict. Vera cursed herself for still feeling drawn to the woman, for wanting to emulate her. 

Every so often Vera would see Joan watching her and they'd share a few seconds of eye contact before Joan would look away, her expression calm and indifferent. Vera didn't know how she did it. Sometimes she'd feel sadness and anger from Joan. The anger could have been due to any situation, work related or personal. 

The sadness she felt was the most confusing. It gave Vera some small hope that Joan felt more than she let on, but as time went on she felt less and less of Joan's feelings. She felt both relieved and sad about this at the same time. The older woman was a constant enigma to her. She didn't think she'd ever figure her out. Just when she thought she'd started to understand Joan better, the woman would do something she didn't expect. Or maybe that was the key. Joan was not predictable at all. Maybe the unpredictable nature of Joan was what Vera needed to try and understand and accept. But that was easier said than done, Vera thought.

Vera cleared her throat softly as she stepped into her living room. She and Joan stared at each other for a minute, not quite knowing what to say. Vera didn't know why she was here. She said she wanted to talk, but Vera didn't know what that meant. She didn't know if she had the energy for another fight, and she was very careful around Joan. There was an unease she felt that she didn't like. She hadn't felt this way since Joan first came to Wentworth. The best she could do right now was just be polite but cautious. 

"Would you like to sit down?"

Joan blinked and nodded. "Yes... where should I sit?"

Vera took a seat in a chair. She didn't want to sit next to Joan. She didn't want Joan to have the chance to do that. She didn't think she would do that but she wasn't going to take any chances. It was best to keep a physical distance from her right now. 

"You can sit anywhere. Or if you'd rather we talk in the kitchen, we can do so there."

Joan looked into the kitchen and then shook her head. She sat down on the couch across from Vera. She crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap, in a very similar position to how she sat at her desk at Wentworth. 

Joan looked at her hands, and she bit her bottom lip. Vera could see that she was tightly clasping her hands together. There was so much nervous energy coming from Joan that it made Vera feel nervous too. 

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Vera asked softly.

Joan looked into her eyes and she had the most vulnerable expression. Vera hadn't seen her look that way since the night she left her house, when Joan had lifted her hand and Vera wasn't sure if Joan was going to hit her. She suddenly felt a mix of shame and anxiety coming from Joan. 

Joan looked away and opened her mouth and then closed it. She sighed as she lifted her hand and placed her hand across her throat, rubbing it gently. 

Vera waited, knowing that whatever was going on it was hard for Joan to talk about. When Joan still didn't say anything she leaned forward a little, trying to get her attention.

"Joan, what's going on? Did something happen at work?"

Joan shook her head and closed her eyes briefly. She opened them again and looked at her. 

"I w-wanted to talk about us."

Vera furrowed her eyebrows. "Last time I checked there wasn't an 'us' anymore Joan."

Joan nodded and ran her hand through her hair. "I know... it's my fault for that. You... you were right when you said I was a coward, that I was afraid of... this." She said gesturing between the two of them. 

Vera inhaled sharply, feeling a bit irritated. "Why did you make me think otherwise? Or is this just some mind game Joan? Are you able to copy and imitate emotions like you said?" 

Joan's eyes were soft and sad as she looked at Vera. "I may be able to act a certain way around others, but not with you. Never with you. I could never pretend that what I felt... still feel for you wasn't real," she said softly. 

Vera stood up and paced, feeling angry. She knew she had been full of it. She turned and looked at Joan, her hands starting to shake. 

"If what you're saying is true, then you told me those things just to hurt me. I would never say what you said to me, to anyone. Was I a good fuck for you Joan? Did you get what you wanted? Because if you wanted to hurt me, then you succeeded. How could you say those things to me?"

Joan closed her eyes and stood up. She gently took Vera's hand and Vera yanked it away. 

"Don't touch me. Did you think it was going to be easy? That I'd just forget everything you said to me? You threw everything I felt, everything I've said to you, right back in my face!" She raised her voice, feeling her voice catch. Do not cry, please don't cry. She would not cry in front of Joan. 

Joan held her hand to her side, her eyes sad. "No... I don't think it will be easy. I don't expect you to forget. I... I'm so sorry that I said what I did. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I was so afraid of losing you. I thought what I was doing was best... was easier... for the both of us."

"You mean what was best for you," Vera said harshly. "You're sorry? You didn't think about what I felt about any of this. You didn't even tell me about these fears. You didn't even give me a chance to fully recover from my injuries. You left me Joan. You left me when I needed you, when I desperately needed you. Do you think the riot was easy for me? It's not all about you," she cried, feeling angry and she hated herself as she felt her tears start at the corner of her eyes. 

Joan looked at her with a stricken expression. "I don't know what else to say than I'm sorry, and deeply regret what I said. I hate myself for hurting you. I've felt nothing but shame and guilt since that night."

"And you want me to make that go away, is that it?"

Joan slowly shook her head. "No... I don't want you to make it go away. I just--I just want you to know that if I could take it back... if I could change what happened--"

"But you can't Joan! It happened. You said the most hurtful things to me, and I still hear them in my head, still hear you say them in my dreams," she said, her voice tight as she tried to hold back a sob, her vision blurring as tears started sliding down her cheeks. 

Vera could feel Joan's sadness and self loathing combined with her own sadness and anger. "I hate you. I hate how you've made me feel. I hate that I can feel any of your emotions right now," she sobbed and she saw Joan's eyes water, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

She looked away from Joan then, crying. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry. Why do you make me feel this way?" 

Vera felt Joan's long arms gently move around her, holding her against her. 

"No Joan, don't." She pushed against Joan, her fists hitting her chest limply. "I hate you," she cried as Joan's hand cupped her head, stroking her hair. She felt the gentleness of Joan's touch, could feel her hand caressing her back. All of this made her break down, sobbing uncontrollably. She felt her arms tighten around her.

"I hate that I love you so much," she whispered. 

"I'm so sorry... I'm sorry that I've hurt you, that I'm still hurting you."

Vera cried against her chest and Joan held her tightly, stroking her hair. Vera could feel love and a deep sadness from Joan. She heard a soft "please forgive me" said in her mind. 

She closed her eyes as she heard this, and she looked up at Joan whose eyes were tearing up. "Please forgive me. I love you. I'm so sorry."

Vera stared up at her and knew in this moment that she would always love Joan, despite how angry and hurt she felt. It might take a little longer to trust Joan again, to feel secure in their relationship, but she couldn't see being without her. 

Vera cupped her cheek. She kissed her softly and gently and could feel Joan's tears touch her lips. She looked into her eyes and wiped her tears. Joan hugged her tightly and buried her face in her neck, kissing it gently, and Vera knew she was trying to hold back. She stroked her hair and felt Joan trembling. 

"I'm so sorry... please forgive me," she said, her voice so small, and Vera could hear how hard she was trying to control how she felt. She suddenly understood just how much Joan had been holding in when she felt an overwhelming flood of emotions ranging from love, shame, guilt, sadness, and fear. 

Vera whispered to her. "I forgive you," she said. 

Joan took a shaky breath. "I almost lost you. I can't live through that again. Please don't make me do that," she said in a broken voice, and Vera could feel her lips quivering, her tears. 

"Oh, baby, I'm right here. I'm okay. You didn't lose me." She took Joan's hand against her heart, and looked into her eyes. They were red and swollen. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." 

Joan nodded and kissed her softly. She looked so vulnerable. She kissed Vera's palm. "May I stay here tonight?" 

Vera smiled gently. "Yes... let's go to sleep. I think we both need it." Vera took her hand and brought her back to her bedroom, slowly undressing Joan whose eyes were closed. She took off her own pajamas and got into her bed, lifting the covers as Joan slowly moved under it. 

They both laid there not moving. She could feel tension coming from Joan, and Vera slowly turned towards her. She tucked her face into Joan's neck and held her tightly. She felt Joan sigh, bringing her arms around her, stroking her hair. She listened to Joan's heartbeat and kissed her breasts gently as she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on a plane again, so hopefully it's okay with that. This was an emotional chapter for me to write. Hope you guys liked it though, even with the heavy emotions between them.


	24. Chapter 24

Joan held Vera as she slept, hearing her breathing softly and evenly. She had stroked her hair until she fell asleep, feeling her smaller frame relax in her arms. She kissed her forehead gently, her lips softly kissing along her hairline. Joan had missed holding her like this. Even after the riot Joan didn't, too afraid to aggravate her injuries. Her fingertips stroked the scar between her neck and shoulder. Her lips twitched remembering what caused this. Her scar was already healing, but it was a mark on her beautiful skin that Joan wished hadn't happened.

She caressed Vera's back slowly, noting the differences in her body a month ago before the riot. Joan gently touched Vera's side, feeling some of her ribs. She had lost weight. While Vera has always been thin and petite, this was too much.

This was her fault, she thought. She had let her fear get in the way. She mistakenly believed that it was the right thing to do. How wrong she was, and all she did was make Vera suffer for it.

She could feel Vera start to move in her sleep, but she could tell she was dreaming because of her rapid eye movement. Vera whimpered and she moved her arms against Joan, pushing away from her. She was having a nightmare.

"No... stop... Joan..." Vera said softly.

Joan pulled her closer and Vera tensed in her arms, her breath coming in soft pants as she hit her hand against Joan's chest. 

“Vera... Vera, you're having a nightmare.”

She woke up gasping and almost pushed Joan out of the bed. She looked around and jumped, almost afraid at seeing Joan in her bed, as if she didn't recognize her. 

“The riot... I couldn't breathe... you were bleeding. You left. Where did you go?” Vera started to cry and Joan gently wrapped her arms around her. Vera pressed her face against her neck and Joan felt tears on her skin. She tightened her arms around her.

"Shh... I'm here. You're safe, Vera," she whispered, kissing her hair. She stroked her hair as she cried. 

“I was so scared. Why did you leave? I didn't think you'd come back,” she sobbed. Joan felt her heart sink at hearing this. She kissed Vera's forehead. 

“Shh... it's okay. I'm right here. I'm not leaving again,” she whispered and kept kissing her face gently.

“You can't say that. You might do it again...” Vera sobbed against her neck. 

Joan could feel her panic and fear. She squeezed her and felt a lump in her throat, her voice tight as she spoke. “Darling... I'm right here. I wasn't... in my right mind before.” She cupped Vera's face and looked into her eyes that were filled with tears. “I promise I won't leave you again.” She kissed her lips softly, holding Vera tightly and caressing her back. Vera seemed to listen to her and sighed against her neck, sniffling as she wrapped her arms around her, letting Joan hold her.

Joan stroked her hair, kissing the side of her face. She gently pressed Vera's head against her chest and slowly rocked her in her arms. She felt her begin to relax. 

“I'm sorry I hurt you,” Joan whispered, feeling helpless that she wasn't able to control this fear Vera had. The only thing she knew was that she would never leave her again. She couldn't put Vera and herself through that again. She felt like an empty shell during that time. She'd never make a choice to do that again, no matter how difficult it might get.

Vera fell asleep in her arms again, sighing softly as she had an arm firmly wrapped around Joan's waist. Joan continued to watch her sleep in the early hours of the morning. Joan looked at the time. It was 6am. She hadn't slept as she watched over Vera. Joan didn't want to close her eyes, taking all of her in as she held her. She slowly removed Vera's arm around her waist. She slipped off the bed and changed into the clothes she wore the night before. Joan turned around and brought the blankets around Vera's shoulders. She leaned down and kissed her forehead, quietly leaving the room.

Joan walked down the hall and suddenly realized that Vera had painted the walls a different color. She had thought something looked different last night, but she was so nervous she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She walked into the living room and she couldn't believe she didn't notice that the furniture was new. She touched a chair and smiled faintly. She wished she could have been there with Vera to do that, but she was happy that she did regardless. 

She looked around and saw new paintings that Vera picked for her walls, floral and landscapes mixed in, including some that were photographs of cities. She smiled at the slightly uneven theme. She wouldn't have picked these herself, but she knew Vera wanted these and the mix of different types of paintings and photos did in some way seem very much like Vera.

Joan walked over and found a printed photo of herself on a small table near a couch, one of her sleeping. When had Vera taken this? It was one with her head on the pillow, her bare shoulders visible, and her hair was covering part of her eye. It was a little odd thinking of someone taking a photo like this that she didn't know of. She smiled softly as she realized Vera had kept this out during the time they were apart, then her smile faded as she thought about that. She wished she could take it back... but she knew she couldn't. She pushed down whatever fears she still felt. It was not healthy to obsess over them. The only thing she could do was try to be there for Vera as best as she could. 

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge and frowned. There was hardly anything to eat in it. She bit her lip and shook her head. This would not do. Joan would have to go out and stock up Vera's fridge. She quickly made a list of things to buy. She wanted to make sure she bought things Vera liked to eat, but also buy healthy items, ones she knew Vera would need to eat. She had lost too much weight. Joan would make sure to always keep an eye on her. She was concerned this was a pattern of Vera's to not take care of herself in this way. Joan understood not having an appetite when one is upset, but a month of this was not acceptable.

She needed to go out to do this so she could make Vera breakfast, so she quickly wrote a note and walked down the hall back into Vera's bedroom. She tip toed in and saw that Vera was lying on the side Joan had been on, her head on the same pillow. She smiled softly and placed the note on the pillow next to Vera. She kissed her shoulder and closed her door. 

Joan slipped on her shoes and put on her sunglasses. The sun was bright as she stepped outside and got into her car. When she arrived at the store, she walked around and picked up various food items and groceries. She made sure to get a variety of eggs, fruits, vegetables, bread, and protein. She was about to leave when she walked by the frozen aisle with ice cream. Vera's favorite flavor was chocolate chip cookie dough. Joan looked down at her list. She hadn't planned on buying this, but Vera liked it and maybe she could buy a little treat for her. She picked up a pint of it and put it in her basket.

As she was driving, she stopped at her house and picked out a few roses. While Vera had said she forgave her last night, and let her sleep with her, her nightmare was still something that concerned her. While driving back to Vera's house she felt sudden panic coming from her and she stepped on the gas pedal. 

Those feelings quickly went away a few minutes later. She furrowed her eyebrows wondering what that was about. Then she realized that she had left Vera this morning. No wonder she was a little panicked at first, but that must have gone away after she read her note. 

Joan parked the car and got out, walking up to Vera's house and opening the door. She walked inside and set the bags of groceries onto the kitchen table. She grabbed a vase and put water in it for the roses, and started to put away the groceries. She heard Vera walking down the hall and she turned around and smiled.

“Good morning. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you this morning, but I wanted to make you breakfast,” Joan said softly. Vera walked up to her in a long t-shirt and wrapped her arms around her. 

“I know... I saw the note. At first I thought you had left, but then I saw the note. Thank you.”

Joan kissed her softly. “You hardly had anything to eat in your house. I had to go and pick something up.”

Vera blushed. “You didn't have to do that, you know. I could have done it myself. I can also just make toast. That's good enough for me.”

Joan sighed and began making a light breakfast for her. She mixed granola, strawberries, bananas, and blueberries with plain yogurt in a bowl and placed it on the table. She frowned and motioned for Vera to sit at the table with her. 

“I don't want you to just eat toast. That's definitely not good enough. You've lost weight, and you need to take care of yourself. I know—I know that we... went through a very difficult time, and it's my fault for that. But please don't lose any more weight.” Joan reached over and held her hand. “I promise to take better care of you,” she said quietly.

Vera looked into her eyes, then she looked down as she stirred the granola and fruit in her bowl, taking a bite of it. “I'm sorry that I haven't... I just didn't have much of an appetite. I'm sorry about what happened last night too... waking up like that. I don't know what was wrong with me...”

Joan stood up and knelt down next to Vera. She cupped her cheek. “Don't apologize for that. I'm glad I was there for you then. I don't know how to reassure you except I'm here and I love you.” Joan kissed her lips softly.

Vera's lips trembled and she nodded. She kissed her back. “I love you too,” she whispered and hugged Joan, her arms wrapped around her shoulders as she kissed her neck. Joan could feel relief, love, some anxiety, and also a strong sense of embarrassment from Vera.

“Why are you embarrassed?” Joan asked softly as she caressed her back. She could feel Vera trembling as she held her.

Vera hid her face against her neck and sighed. “I don't know... you can feel that?”

Joan nodded and kissed her cheek. “I don't feel everything at once, only when your emotions are strong. I'm guessing it's the same way for you with mine.” She felt Vera nod her head. She pulled back and looked into her eyes and kissed her forehead. “Please eat the rest of your breakfast. I don't want you to be hungry,” she said softly but firmly. 

“All right...” Vera said as she ate more of it. Joan sat back in her chair at the table. She watched Vera eat and smiled as she finished. She took the bowl from her and washed it in the sink. She looked over and saw Vera touching and smelling the roses she brought her.

“You had time to do all this?” Vera asked, looking over at her.

“Yes... I got up a bit early. I wanted to hopefully do it before you woke up.” Joan opened the freezer. “And maybe later you can have some of this.” She held the pint of ice cream in her hand and waved it a little at Vera.

Vera's eyes widened, smiling. She went up to Joan, grabbing the ice cream. “You bought this for me?! Chocolate chip cookie dough is my favorite! How did you know?”

Joan smiled at her excitement, and winked at her. “I just know...” 

She chuckled as Vera almost seemed to do a little dance over the ice cream, smiling at her. Joan hadn't seen and felt Vera be this happy in a while. She would gladly get Vera whatever she wanted if she could see her smile like this every day.

She walked with Vera into the living room. “I see you bought new furniture and decorated more. I love it... it's very you,” Joan said smiling at her.  


Vera smiled back, looking around. “Yes, I think so too. I did this when we--” she stopped abruptly and inhaled sharply. Joan took her hand and sat down next to her. 

“I know... you did this when we weren't together. I'm glad you did. It suits you,” she said softly, smiling gently and squeezing Vera's hand.

Vera nodded and smiled back shyly. “Thank you...” 

Joan could feel some anxiety from Vera and she wasn't sure what to do about it, but she did have one idea. One she didn't think she'd do on a day like today, but she knew Vera would enjoy this. “Vera... why don't we watch a film here? You pick which one you want to watch.”

“I can pick it? You're sure?” Vera stared at her a little suspiciously.

Joan smirked. “Yes... you pick what you want to watch and I'll watch it without complaint.”

Joan felt a little worried when she saw Vera's eyes widen and she smiled at her in a rather wicked way. She watched the TV as Vera searched for a few films to rent online. She tried not to grimace at some of the selections Vera was looking at. Thankfully Vera selected one that she didn't think sounded too bad. 

“Is this one okay?” Vera asked a little worried.

“Of course it is. I'll watch whatever you want to watch, remember? But I will say you definitely made a good choice since it has Meryl Streep in it.”

“I've seen it before but I loved it. I think you'll like it too. And Meryl Streep does a very good impression of Julia Child,” Vera said.

Joan smiled softly when Vera got up to grab the pint of ice cream before they began to watch _Julie & Julia_. Vera giggled a few times at some of the lines said by Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Joan even felt herself chuckle at a few of them, surprised that she was really enjoying the film. It had great acting and a good story, and there was a side to her that appreciated that a lot of it was based around cooking good food. While she didn't need to eat, she did like cooking before she became a vampire. Even as she cooked for Vera, there was something relaxing about the routine, and it was also something a bit creative depending on the types of dishes she prepared.

A little more than halfway through the film, Vera had been sitting next to her, and then she leaned down to rest her head in Joan's lap. Joan smiled gently and stroked her hair, her hand stroking Vera's shoulder and arm. She slowly ran her fingers through Vera's hair and felt her relax against her. When the film was over, she rested her hands on Vera's arm and hip. She felt her stir and then sit up.

“Joan...” Vera said tentatively.

“Don't worry... I liked it. It was very good actually,” Joan said.

“I'm glad, but that wasn't what I was referring to,” she said quietly.

Joan felt anxiety from Vera again and she sadly knew that it was going to take a little time for the two of them to feel completely comfortable with the other again.

“Okay... what were you wanting to say?”

Vera sighed and looked at her. “Are we still soul mates?” She asked this in a small voice that cracked at the end.

Joan took her in her arms and looked into her eyes. “Yes we are. I'm sorry for what I said about that... but we are. What we have won't go away. We'll always be connected like this. Were you worried that we weren't?”

Vera had a vulnerable expression on her face and she slowly nodded. “I don't know if that goes away... I'm not used to all of this... us having this connection, to being able to feel each other's emotions.”

Joan cupped her cheek and kissed her softly. “That makes two of us. I'm not used to it either, and it can be overwhelming at times, but I wouldn't change that.”

“What if someday you don't want to be with me anymore?”

“What makes you say that?” Joan asked in a concerned voice.

“I'm only a human... and you're expected to live a long time, and what if you get bored?”

Joan took a deep breath. “I don't think I could ever get bored of you Vera Bennett, and even if for some reason we weren't together anymore in the future, I know that I'll always love you.” She caressed Vera's cheek. 

Vera smiled and teared up a little. “I love you.” 

Joan kissed her and held her tightly. “Let's not think about things that haven't happened, or may never happen, because I don't plan on ever letting you go.”

Vera nodded and kissed her back. “I don't plan on letting you go either.”

Joan smiled at her. “Good...” She lifted Vera's shirt off, and kissed her neck and the scar, her lips kissing her skin, her breasts. “Because I'd really miss how you feel, how your body responds to me.” Joan took off her own clothes as she kissed her nipples, sucking on them as Vera arched her back.

She felt Vera's hands in her hair as she bit gently and kissed across her stomach and hips. Vera had goosebumps on her skin as she shivered. Joan kissed her wet center, licking and sucking on her lips. She spread Vera's legs wider and brought her legs over her shoulders, caressing her thighs. She covered her clit with her mouth and licked it slowly, circling it as she looked up at her. Vera had her eyes closed as she started rocking her hips against her. 

Joan reached up and squeezed Vera's breast as she kept licking her clit, then sliding her tongue inside her. Vera squeezed her tongue tightly as she wiggled her tongue, licking back up to her clit again and sucked harder. She felt Vera trembling underneath her, arching her back sharply. She moaned as she felt her release, feeling Vera's pleasure in her mind. 

She kissed her wetness and didn't give her time to recover before she moved up and kissed Vera deeply, sucking her bottom lip. She thrust two fingers inside her deeply, hearing Vera gasp. Joan moved her fingers harder and faster inside her, her thumb moving up to her clit and circling it again, feeling Vera jerk her hips. 

“No... too sensitive,” Vera said, gasping.

Joan gently circled her clit. “I know... but I want you to come again. Can you do that for me?”

Vera whimpered as she rocked her hips against her hand, grinding almost as Joan curled her fingers inside her. 

Joan watched her and kept a steady rhythm as she thrust her fingers inside her, deeply as she pressed on her g-spot firmly. 

“Joan... that's too much,” Vera said breathlessly. She could feel Vera's pleasure though and she kept pressing on the sensitive spot, rubbing hard. 

Her fangs clicked out and she gently touched Vera's neck with them, not yet biting it. Vera shivered. “I know it feels like a lot... but I have you. Do you trust me?”

Vera trembled and nodded as she squeezed her fingers. Joan moaned softly and kept making a come-hither motion with her fingers against her g-spot. 

“Vera... don't ever think I don't want you... that I don't love you. We were meant to be together. You're mine and always will be.” She bit into her neck and sucked hard, feeling Vera shake underneath her and she held her tightly as she rubbed inside her. Vera moaned, shuddering in her arms as a flood of wetness spread out onto her hand and a little on Vera's thighs. She sucked her blood as she held her, her fingers still inside her, feeling her muscles squeezing and fluttering around them. 

She felt Vera's overwhelmed pleasure and desire, her love through their mental connection. She lifted her face from her neck, staring down at her. Vera cupped her cheeks, looking into her eyes. Joan bit into her finger and pressed it against the puncture wounds on Vera's neck, healing it. She retracted her fangs and leaned down and kissed her, knowing everything would be all right as Vera wrapped her arms and legs around her. 

“I'm yours,” Vera said softly and Joan smiled as she kissed her neck, holding her tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm finally back home in California. This chapter was a little hard for me to write at first just because of jet lag and I haven't always been feeling well since I got back. But I was relaxing most of the day and decided to work on it. Hopefully it's okay and you guys enjoyed the chapter. :)


	25. Chapter 25

After a few weeks, Vera was having less and less nightmares. She'd only have them every so often, and they were usually about the riot only, not about Joan leaving her. Joan was still having the occasional nightmare about Vera dying, but those had been less frequent as well, and for that she was very grateful. Luckily she didn't need to sleep often, and it was only one night that Vera woke her up from one, stroking her hair and calming her down, telling her that she was all right. Joan now understood the embarrassment that Vera felt after her nightmares. 

Things had not always been easy for them. Sometimes they were still careful around the other. They'd had a few arguments, but they had both worked on communicating their needs better, but it was still a struggle for Joan. Slowly they seemed to be able to find a balance, and Vera's anxiety and cautiousness around her seemed to fade a bit. 

Joan was outside in her yard watering her flowers. She always loved seeing the woman's face light up when she'd give them to Vera. She'd have to do it again. Vera was in her kitchen making something to eat. She wanted to stay at Joan's house more often lately. It was almost if they were living together, although Joan was afraid it was too soon to actually ask Vera for that. The woman had just decorated and bought new furniture after all, and she was so happy about that. Joan loved seeing Vera so happy and proud of herself, and she didn't want to disrupt that, but eventually she wanted to ask Vera if she'd want to move in. Not at this moment, but maybe sometime soon.

Joan looked up at the sky. It was sunny and a fairly cloudless day. Vera had been itching to go out somewhere but had been hesitant because of how long Joan could spend in the sun. This was one aspect that Joan wished she didn't have an issue with. She'd gladly avoid spending too long outside, but she wanted to be able to take Vera somewhere she'd enjoy, somewhere relaxing. Joan would sacrifice a few hours in the sun just to do this for her.

Joan clipped a pink rose she saw. She hesitated as she was about to cut the thorns, remembering when Vera accidentally cut herself on one. She had then cut the thorns off the roses whenever she gave some to her, but Vera had asked her to keep the thorns intact. This was confusing to her as she didn't want Vera to cut herself again and it was just a simple thing to do. Vera had told her though that the rose with thorns was similar to their relationship and in life; that life and love would always have beauty and thorns, and what was life without that balance? Joan wasn't sure what to think about that, but as she was staring at the rose in her hand she understood that there were always going to be up's and down's in their relationship. She kept the thorns on the rose and stood up.

Joan could hear that Vera was listening to music, and it was vaguely familiar to her. It wasn't until she walked inside that she recognized the song playing. She slowly walked into the kitchen and crossed her arms, resting her shoulder against the wall. Joan smirked as Vera danced around and sang to the lyrics. She was wearing a blue v-neck sleeveless shirt that showed off her well toned arms and jean shorts, her leg muscles flexing as she danced. Joan thought she looked beautiful in this moment, so free as she didn't care what she was doing. She smiled wider as Vera didn't realize she was inside. She watched with Vera's back to her as she put her hand on her hip, shaking it as she lifted her other hand and sang out loud to the lyrics. 

_“R-E-S-P-E-C-T_  
_Find out what it means to me_  
_R-E-S-P-E-C-T_  
_Take care, TCB_  
_Oh sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me”_

Joan stepped further into the kitchen and grabbed Vera around the waist, making her scream a little and jump in her arms. 

“Joan! Don't do that!” Vera turned around in her arms staring at her with wide eyes and a slightly irritated expression.

“Who else would it be? Vera... is there something I should know? Do you think I don't show you r-e-s-p-e-c-t?” Joan asked, smirking.

Vera blushed. “You saw all of that, didn't you?”

Joan smiled and nodded. “Yes, I did. Do you need to sock it to me?”

Vera giggled. “I can't believe you just said that.”

“Oh, well, Aretha Franklin was definitely more my era than yours Vera.”

“Are you telling me you're a fan of Aretha?”

“No... I'm just saying I'm very familiar with her work,” Joan said and winked at her. She handed the rose to Vera and smiled as she blushed and smelled it.

"You're so sweet and thoughtful, Joan. Thank you." 

Joan felt the heat in her cheeks, knowing she was blushing a bit. "Well, only with you so don't tell anyone... and you're welcome," she said, smiling tenderly. 

Joan heard another song start playing, one that she was also familiar with. She held Vera closer and smiled, wrapping her arm tightly around her waist. Joan took the rose out of her hands and placed it on the table. She could feel her breasts pressed underneath hers because of their height difference. Vera let out a little gasp as Joan pressed her leg in between hers. 

Joan danced a little with her, rolling her hips against Vera's and she could feel Vera's breathing quicken. She smiled as she heard the lyrics.

_“Never know how much I love you_  
_Never know how much I care_  
_When you put your arms around me_  
_I get a fever that's so hard to bear_  
_You give me fever_  
_When you kiss me_  
_Fever when you hold me tight_  
_Fever! in the morning_  
_Fever all through the night”_

Joan leaned forward and kissed Vera's ear, down to her jaw and neck as she sucked on her skin. “I was thinking...”

“Yes?” Vera asked a little breathlessly.

“How about we go to the beach today?”

“The beach?”

Joan's hand rubbed her lower back and breathed against her ear. “Yes... the beach. Unless you'd rather stay here? Which I'm perfectly happy to do... but that would mean you'd have to be naked,” she whispered.

Vera squeezed her butt and tightened her arms around her, and Joan could feel warm moisture on her thigh as she rolled her thigh between hers. Vera began rocking and rolling her hips in a sensual dance.

She smiled as she felt Vera lead them over to the kitchen table, pressing Joan back against it. “I don't think I need to be naked,” Vera said as she leaned Joan back against it. She felt the sharp angle of it pressing into her lower back, feeling her nipples tighten as Vera kissed and bit her neck. Joan found her lips and kissed her deeply, rolling her tongue with hers.

Vera broke their kiss and lifted her shirt off and Joan's after. Joan reached up and pulled Vera's breast out of the cup of her bra, sucking on her nipple and biting gently. Vera moaned softly and pressed her leg between Joan's, rubbing back and forth. Joan undid her bra and kissed back and forth between her breasts, smiling as she felt Vera straddle her thigh and rub herself against her. She could feel the wetness through Vera's shorts soak against her leggings.

Joan caressed Vera's back and sucked on her nipple strongly. Vera shivered and gasped. “Joan... I know what you're trying to do...”

“And what's wrong with that?” Joan asked playfully, licking her nipple.

Vera groaned and lifted up, pressing Joan onto the table fully, her legs on the side. “Are you going to fuck me on the kitchen table, Vera?” Joan asked in a low voice.

“Yes... I am,” she said as she yanked off her leggings, and slid down her knickers. Joan felt her legs spread wider, and she knew how wet she was as Vera touched her, stroking her lips and clit. She moaned softly, feeling Vera's excitement and desire. The table felt cool against her skin as Vera squeezed her butt, kneading it as she kissed her lips and clit, licking her firmly up and down with her tongue. 

She lifted her knees and bent them as Vera slid her fingers inside her deeply, curling them up inside her. Joan rocked her hips against her. She gasped as Vera wrapped her lips around her clit, sucking hard, feeling her tongue circling it.

“Vera,” she rasped as she felt her legs start to shake, Vera's fingers stroking faster inside her as she started to squeeze them, feeling Vera's tongue lick her clit softly as she sucked on it. 

She groaned as Vera lifted up and looked into her half closed eyes, her eyes a dark blue as she kissed Joan hard, and thrust her fingers harder inside, and Joan could feel her thumb circling her clit slowly. She pressed her legs against Vera's hips, digging her nails into her back as she panted, rocking her hips faster. 

Vera kissed her passionately, sucking her tongue as she curled her fingers and stroked her clit faster. She broke their kiss and looked into Joan's eyes. “Come for me,” she said, licking her lips.

Joan stared at her and rolled her hips, feeling a sheen of sweat on her forehead. She felt her inner walls starting to contract around Vera's fingers, and arched her back, holding Vera tightly to her and staring at her neck. Vera watched her and bared her throat. 

“Yes... do it...” Vera said breathlessly.

Joan growled softly and her fangs clicked out as she reached up and sunk her fangs into her throat, sucking hard, drinking her blood slowly. She moaned against her neck as she closed her eyes, feeling Vera's pleasure and love. Vera moaned softly, and she felt her circle her clit one last time, then trembled underneath her, squeezing tightly around Vera's fingers in her release.

She forced her face away from her neck and breathed in deeply, shivering as Vera kissed her face gently, feeling her body slowly relax. She felt Vera kiss her lips, and she stopped her. 

“I haven't... my fangs...” She whispered.

“It's okay... I'll be careful,” Vera said quietly and kissed her gently, careful around her fangs and then kissed Joan's neck as she held her tightly. Joan bit her finger and pressed it against Vera's throat, healing the wounds. She retracted her fangs and kissed her temple and hair, wrapping her arms around her. 

Vera kissed her softly and smiled at her. “So... the beach?”

Joan laughed and reached down to spank her butt. “You really want your cake and eat it too, don't you?”

“Of course.” Vera grinned and gave several kisses to Joan's mouth and her cheeks. 

Joan smiled. “All right, all right... we can go. But I need a shower. Come on cupcake... if we shower together we can hurry.” She got up and grabbed Vera's hand.

“Did you just call me 'cupcake'?” 

Joan smiled wickedly at her. “Well, you are small and cute like a cupcake, and they taste sweet... so I think this fits you,” she said, winking.

Vera blushed as Joan dragged her into the shower and kissed her lips under the water. “Joan... I thought you said you wanted to hurry?”

“I do... what makes you think we're doing more than just taking a shower?” Joan asked, lifting her eyebrow.

Vera stared at her and furrowed her eyebrows. “Uh huh... well, you could have fooled me. You're totally feeling me up right now.”

Joan smiled innocently. “I don't know what you're talking about. I'm washing you with a sponge.”

Vera watched her suspiciously as Joan glided the sponge across her breasts and then gently washed between her legs. 

Vera washed Joan's breasts and the rest of her body with the sponge, also gently touching Joan between her legs. Joan smiled at her. 

“See? That's all we did. Were you expecting something else?” She winked at Vera as she turned off the water.

Vera sighed, and Joan felt her disappointment and grinned at her. “I don't know, Joan... I don't know with you anymore,” she said, giggling.

Joan changed into some new clothes and handed Vera some new ones she kept at her house. “Let's go before it gets later.”

When they arrived at the beach, it was later afternoon. Vera wore a swim suit under a longer body wrap, a light green color. She had bugged Joan to change into a swim suit as well. Joan reluctantly agreed and wore a t-shirt with a swim wrap around her hips. 

As they walked out onto the sand, Vera set up a blanket and umbrella to shield them from the sun. Joan took out sunscreen and took off Vera's wrap, motioning for her to turn her back to her. She gently massaged it into her skin, slowly moving up and down her back and shoulders, her arms. She kissed her cheek as she let her finish her face.

Vera smoothed some onto her nose and cheek, and handed it back to Joan. “Don't you need some? Your skin is pretty fair, and I worry about the sun making you too tired.”

“Sunscreen won't change that, nor will I get a sunburn now. I just have to be careful with how long I'm in the sun. I'll be fine, Vera.”

Vera sighed and sat down next to Joan on the blanket. “You will let me know if you get tired?”

“Yes dear,” she said playfully as she kissed Vera's lips. She felt Vera smile and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. 

“Don't worry about me. I'll let you know if I do. It's a beautiful day. Not too many people are out right now, and I just want to look at you in that swim suit,” Joan said, smiling.

Vera got up and pulled Joan up with her. “Let's walk down the beach. Find something to do.” Joan could feel her happiness, her excitement. She took off her shirt, in a one piece swim suit with the wrap around her hips, a dark blue color. She interlaced their fingers as they slowly walked down the beach. 

She smiled as Vera stopped to pet a dog that belonged to someone else. Vera was gentle as she pet it, talking to the dog in a little voice as it ran back with a frisbee toward its owner.

Joan took her hand again. “I've never heard you use that voice before,” she said, looking at her and smirking.

Vera blushed. “I do with babies and animals. What? They're cute!”

Joan smiled softly and squeezed her hand. “Some of them are. I wasn't allowed to have pets as a child. I was allowed to have fish, which is why I suppose I have one now.”

“I wasn't allowed to have pets either,” Vera said quietly. “I always wanted a dog though.”

Joan and Vera stopped to look at the ocean, watching the gentle waves as the sun reflected off of it.

“I think I remember I wanted one as well, but it just never happened. By then I got used to not having one. They're a lot to take care of, and... messy.”

Vera giggled. “That they are, but they can be very sweet.”

Joan could feel Vera tense a little and she knew she was about to bring up a subject she was uncomfortable with as she felt some anxiety from her. 

“What is it, Vera?”

“How did you...?”

Joan smiled softly. “I know you, and I can feel your anxiety. Don't be anxious. You can talk to me about anything.” Vera nodded and looked into her eyes. 

“Do you—do you ever think about turning me into a vampire?” Vera asked quietly but curiously.

Joan felt her breath catch at the question. She wasn't starting with the easy questions. She paused before she answered her. 

“I have thought about it... a lot. But it's not an easy life to live, Vera. And not everyone had a choice in becoming one. I somewhat did, without quite knowing what it was, but I knew in some way that I was willing to change and accept a different life. I don't regret it, but there are a few who hate being one at times. I don't want you to ever feel that way,” she said softly.

“I'm not sure how I'd feel... but I've thought about it too. Would you rather me be a vampire?”

“It doesn't matter what I think. What matters is what you want,” Joan said firmly.

“But what you want matters to me too,” Vera said.

Joan thought about this before she answered again. “I would like that... very much. I'm not saying it would be easy, and the process can be a little frightening, but we could be together for as long as we can, past a normal human lifespan.”

Vera breathed in deeply as she looked down at the sand. Joan was startled a bit as Vera abruptly pulled her down with her to sit onto the damp sand. She started to make what looked like the beginning of a sand castle with her hands.

“And you'd be my Maker? Like Aaron is your Maker?” 

Joan smiled. “Yes, I would. But we'd... have a different relationship than me and Aaron. It's not uncommon for vampires to turn the ones they love into a vampire so they can be together forever.”

Joan watched as Vera drew sand around her castle. It wasn't much without the proper toys for it. She had a sudden memory of her mother sitting with her at a beach similar to this one, and helping her make a sand castle. She'd giggle as her mother helped her, and held her, remembering as her mother held her in the shallow water. She smiled softly at this.

Vera looked up at her. “You can't die?” 

Joan cleared her throat. “I can... but someone would have to stab a vampire into the heart, or possible... beheading in order to do so. We are vulnerable of course to sun and silver, but that doesn't kill vampires.”

Vera slowly nodded. “And what if I decided not to become one? Would you be okay with that?”

Joan saw her looking down and she knew Vera was afraid of her answer. She tilted her head up, her fingers under her chin and looked into her eyes. “If you didn't want to become one, I'd be with you for as long as you're alive, and I'd love you just as you are. You don't have to change for me.” Joan caressed her cheek and Vera smiled at her.

“It's definitely tempting. I'll have to think about it more...” Vera said quietly.

Joan nodded, feeling some relief that they'd actually had this conversation. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders just being able to discuss this with her and know how Vera felt.

Joan cupped her face, and leaned forward to kiss her softly. “I love you, and you take as long as you need. Whatever you decide I'll be happy with.” 

Vera looked into her eyes. “I love you too.” She then smiled wickedly as she covered Joan's legs with sand, pouring it over her playfully. Joan lifted her eyebrow and sighed.

“You shouldn't have done that Vera,” she said in a low voice.

Vera smirked. “And why shouldn't I have done that?”

Joan watched her, as if she was looking at prey, her eyes glinting in the sunlight. Vera looked a little uncomfortable by it, and she grabbed Vera and stood up with her. She picked her up and lifted her over her shoulder. 

“Joan! What are you doing?! Put me down!”

Joan grinned as she held Vera against her and reached up to squeeze her butt. “You covered me with sand... I'm just going to have to dunk you in water.”

Vera pushed against her and held onto her tightly as Joan made her way into the water, it coming up to her hips. 

“Joan... don't. Please...” Joan smiled as she felt panic from Vera. She grinned as she acted like she was going to throw her into the water. Vera yelped and held onto her for dear life. She moved further into the water, her feet now barely touching as she slowly and gently lowered Vera into the water. 

“Did you really think I was going to throw you in there?”

Vera tread water and lifted both eyebrows at her. “You started to!” She lifted her hand and pressed her index finger and thumb close together. “I was _this_ close to you throwing me in!”

“Oh, my dear Vera, you exaggerate. That wouldn't have happened,” she said, winking at Vera and leaning over to kiss her.

Vera turned her face away from her. “You're a little mean sometimes, you know that?”

“Aww... I'm sorry.” She wrapped her arms around Vera in the water, her height making it so she could still touch the ground, holding Vera against her. She kissed her face and neck, soft kisses. She could feel Vera trying not to smile. 

“You're impossible...” Vera mumbled as she turned and kissed her lips. Joan squeezed her tightly and kept kissing her face and lips until Vera started giggling.

“Hmm... but you love me. Deal with it.” Joan smirked at her and lightly splashed Vera. Vera stared incredulously at her as she began to swim away. She grinned as Vera swam after her. Joan's longer legs made it harder for Vera to keep up. 

Joan breathed in deeply and held her breath as she went under water. She opened her eyes and swam around Vera. If only the _Jaws_ theme could be playing right now, she thought playfully. She could feel that Vera was both nervous and happy at the same time. She watched as Vera swam under water with her and they stared at her other. Joan waved at her, grinning.

Vera furrowed her eyebrows and swam in front of her. Joan took her hands and caressed them under the water, thinking Vera looked beautiful with the light reflecting through it, her hair softly moving around. Vera pointed up and Joan knew she needed air as she grabbed Vera and swam up with her. 

She breathed in deeply as they both reached the surface. She pushed her wet hair back and Vera ran her hand over her face. “How can you hold your breath for that long?!” Vera asked breathlessly.

Joan smiled as water drops fell from Vera's eyelashes. “Stamina. Vampires have a lot of it,” she said, winking. 

They played around in the water a bit more until Joan felt a little tired and weak, and then she knew that they needed to leave soon. She swam back to the shallow part of the water and walked out onto the sand, sitting down. Vera looked around her, not knowing she had gotten out and swam back to the shore, walking towards Joan and sitting in front of her. 

“Joan are you okay?” Vera asked and she could hear her concern, feeling worry coming from her.

“We should get going soon,” Joan said softly. “I'm sorry... I wish we could stay longer. I've... spent too long out in the sun,” she said, averting her eyes.

Vera stood up with her and walked back with her to where their things were. She held Joan by the waist, and Joan stopped her, wrapping her arms around her. She stared into the sky that had pink, red, and orange colors streaking across it. “Vera... the sunset, it's beautiful. Next time, we'll have to go later in the day to enjoy it longer so I don't become so... fatigued.” She felt fuzzy, and a little light headed. Vera squeezed her and she felt her kiss her palm. 

“Joan... yes, it's very beautiful. But we should go.” Joan smiled at her and kissed her softly, her body heavy as she leaned against Vera. “We could just stay here... I can rest here.”

“No... we're going back to the house Joan. Do you think you can make it until then?”

“Yes... I can. I can't sleep in the car. I've never been able to. Don't worry... I'll be fine,” Joan said. She held onto Vera as they walked to the car. 

“Joan, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were drunk instead of tired,” she said softly as she helped her into the car, buckling her seat belt.

Joan smiled. “Well, being tired is similar to being intoxicated... why am I sitting here?”

“Because I'm driving you Joan,” Vera said in a slow voice, staring at her.

“But you didn't drive here,” Joan said, confused.

Vera smiled at her. “No I didn't... that was you, but I'm driving now, okay?”

Joan stared at her for a few seconds. “All right... you may drive.” She closed her eyes and heard Vera giggle softly. 

“Do you find something funny?” She could feel Vera's amusement as she drove.

“I haven't seen you like this, so it's a little cute.”

“I am _not_ cute,” Joan huffed, opening one eye and did a poor version of a glare at Vera.

“Yes, you are,” Vera chuckled softly and she reached over and held Joan's hand, squeezing gently. 

Joan smiled at her as Vera stroked her thumb across her skin, feeling that start to relax her. She looked out the window as they drove, and before she knew it they were already in front of her house.

Joan heard the car door open and gentle hands were unbuckling her seat belt and helping her up. “Vera... I can walk on my own,” she hissed.

“I know you can Joan, but I'm going to walk with you, okay?” Vera's arm was wrapped around her waist and as soon as they walked inside, Joan felt like she was going to collapse. 

“Vera... I need... to feed. It'll help,” she said. She felt Vera taking off her clothes and pushing her gently into the bed. 

“The blood bags... they're in the fridge,” Joan said weakly.

Vera shook her head and held out her arm to Joan's lips. “No... drink mine. I'm right here. It's easier, and more fresh.”

Joan stared at her and shook her head. “No... not when I'm like this.” She turned her head away, feeling embarrassed. It was one thing to feed from Vera during sex, or other times when she needed to, but it was another when she felt so weak and fatigued that she felt like a sudden burden on the woman, and she was worried at drinking too much.

Vera kissed her forehead and brought her face to her, looking into her eyes. “Don't feel embarrassed. It's okay. Let me take care of you,” she said softly. 

Joan sighed and nodded her head. Vera wrapped one arm around her and kissed her hair, stroking it. Joan relaxed under her touch. She brought her other arm closer to Joan's lips. Joan kissed the inside of her arm, and felt her shiver as her lips touched the sensitive skin. Her fangs came out as she gently bit into her arm, drinking slowly. She closed her eyes as she felt Vera kissing her forehead. She sucked harder as she drank her blood. After a few minutes, she stopped and gently kissed Vera's arm. She lifted her thumb, and pressed it against her teeth as she bit into it and smeared her blood across her skin. She watched as it healed the bite wounds and retracted her fangs.

Vera shuffled down a little more and held her head to her chest. Joan suddenly felt like their positions in bed were reversed, as she was normally the one who held Vera like this. She rested her head against her breasts, and felt Vera's fingers slowly and gently stroking her hair. She could hear Vera's heartbeat as she rested against her. Vera caressed her back and she felt her body relaxing. 

“Vera...” She whispered, feeling her eyes grow heavy.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you... I won't need to sleep long, an hour, maybe a little longer.”

“You don't need to thank me, and I know you don't need to sleep long, but rest. You need it. I'll be here when you wake up,” she said softly.

Joan smiled and nodded, rubbing her cheek against her breasts.

Vera chuckled. “I can see you like doing that.”

Joan squeezed her arm around Vera's waist as she listened to her heartbeat. “Mmm hmm... your breasts are nice and soft, and I can hear your heart. It's... soothing.”

Vera kissed her forehead. “Now you know why I fall asleep so easily in your arms. Your heartbeat is very soothing to me. It always puts me to sleep. Some nights I actually have trouble sleeping if I'm not with you.”

Joan kissed her hand. “Hmm... well, I'll have to make sure you're always with me in my bed so you're able to sleep... that is, at least make you tired enough to go to sleep. I'm not sure how much sleep you'd get.”

Vera giggled. “You're insatiable _and_ incorrigible, but I love you anyway.” 

Joan smiled as she closed her eyes, sighing softly. She felt Vera keep stroking her hair gently, listening to her slow and steady heartbeat as she drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I desperately needed to do more fluff after the angst of the last few chapters... and then you know, some unplanned smut in the beginning. :p
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys liked that chapter. I struggled a little figuring out where to take the chapter, but once I had it mapped out then it was very fun to write. 
> 
> If people haven't heard Respect by Aretha Franklin... I'm not sure if you've been living under a rock then lmao... but anyway, here is the link to that song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzPXozDgvYs
> 
> And then the song Fever by Peggy Lee is what they did their little sexy dance to. Here is the link for that song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24O1IEOHlsk


	26. Chapter 26

Vera was proud of herself. She had managed to find evidence after Bea Smith had been stabbed out in the yard. She sealed it in a bag and started to make her way to Joan's office. She thought back to how she ran a drug test for Jodie Spiteri this morning. It was odd how the woman had urinated on herself. Anything to get out of a drug test. She knew she had gone against Joan's orders but had wanted to be efficient since she suspected Jodie had been under the influence.

Vera rounded the corner as she walked up to Joan's office and knocked lightly, hearing a quiet, "Come in." Joan was sitting at her desk going over some paperwork.

“Yes, Vera?” She asked softly, not looking up from her desk.

Vera furrowed her eyebrows a little. Normally Joan would look up at her when she walked in unless she was too busy watching the CCTV. She'd give a little hint of a smile but this time there was a strange cool indifference to her behavior.

Perhaps the woman was just very concentrated on what she was doing. It was hard work running a prison. Or maybe Joan was annoyed with the fact that she still ordered the drug test for Spiteri?

She walked up to her desk. Joan looked up at her with a calm expression on her face. Although there was something in her eyes she couldn't quite recognize, and it made her a little confused and nervous.

“It was in the exercise yard. Dropped in one of the drains,” Vera said, smiling a little.

Joan looked slightly impressed. “Good work,” she said softly and evenly.

Vera felt like something was off with Joan. She decided to bring up what happened this morning. She crossed her arms. “Uh, about today...”

“You don't need to explain your actions to me, Vera.”

Vera smiled, wanting to explain why she did this. She wanted to please the Governor. The woman was always pleased whenever Vera took initiative in anything.

“No, I just feel like...”

“You know, you are a fine Deputy Governor, Vera. It's just that your judgment is a little wayward at times,” she said softly. Vera was taken aback by such a comment. Her judgment? She looked up, almost rolling her eyes and then looked at the desk.

"I mean, take your visits to Mr. Fletcher, for instance.” Joan stared at her as Vera looked into her eyes. How did Joan know about her visits to Fletch?

Joan continued, and this time Vera could feel some irritation and a dull anger coming from her.

“It's not that you've been going to see him in rehab that disturbs me. It's that you felt you could explicitly lie about it.” Vera had lied, but it was a little white lie. And even so, it was only done to help Fletch. She was worried about a reaction from Joan because of how she felt about him.

“I'm sorry,” Vera said contritely.

“What, you're sorry because you knew it would be seen as a betrayal? That you were compromising your loyalty to me and to this prison by associating with him?” And this time Vera could feel a stronger feeling of anger coming from Joan. The woman kept it under control as you wouldn't be able to tell except for the tightening around her eyes.

She hadn't meant to hurt Joan with this or make her angry. She just wanted to help Fletch... especially when it was one of the few things that kept her busy after the riot. “I didn't want to hurt your feelings,” she said and smiled nervously.

Joan smiled and it was without mirth. She felt an odd sense of apprehension as Joan seemed to be getting more irritated.

When Joan spoke it had a slightly condescending tone to it. “That is... _so_ considerate of you,” she said softly. “There will be no further need to see Mr. Fletcher. He's no longer a colleague and, given what he's put us both through, we can hardly call him a friend, hmm?”

Did Joan just order her to no longer see Fletch? She understood he was no longer a colleague, but despite everything that happened she wanted to help him. She hoped to convince him to come back to Wentworth in some way just so he could get his life back together.

Joan leaned forward a little. “Though I must ask, Vera, just in light of this deliberate deception, just where does your loyalty lie?” She stared up at Vera with an almost suspicious look on her face. Vera could feel nothing but anger, irritation, and jealousy coming from Joan and it made her nervous. How could Joan question her loyalty? She'd always be with her...

“Always with you, Governor,” she said softly.

“I'm sorry, I didn't hear that,” Joan said in a clipped tone.

Vera spoke a little more clearly. “With you, Governor. Always with you... Joan.”

Joan stared at her, narrowing her eyes a fraction, and Vera felt like she was going to squirm under that look. “Incinerate that,” she said dismissively. She lifted a wipe from her desk when Vera took it away.

“Yes, Governor.”

She turned around and left her office. She could feel worry, anger, and still an odd sense of jealousy from Joan. Was she jealous of Fletch? She had no reason to be. Vera shook her head a little confused. She understood Joan being upset with her lying about it, but jealousy? This was something she hadn't felt from Joan before.

Vera left the prison a few hours later and got into her car, driving home. She was tired and today had been a strange day. She opened her door and stripped off her uniform, putting on sweats and a loose t-shirt. She laid down on the couch and turned on the TV.

She flipped through the channels until she found a film to watch. About 30 minutes into it, she felt her eyelids growing heavy. She tried to stay awake but kept closing her eyes.

Vera woke up again to the sound of her phone vibrating against the table, the sound a bit jarring as a ping noise was going off at the same time.

She looked at the clock on her wall. She had slept for two hours. She sat up, yawning and feeling a little groggy. She rubbed her face and eyes. Vera grabbed her phone seeing she had a missed call from an hour ago, and two texts from Joan.

How had she not woken up when Joan called her? There was no voicemail so she opened the text.

**_Are you still coming for dinner tonight?_ **

Vera put her hand up to her forehead. “Shit,” she mumbled. She had completely forgotten that she and Joan had planned to have dinner tonight.

She looked at the other text that read:

**_Vera, where are you? I'm starting to worry._ **

Vera text her back.

**_Omg I'm sorry Joan. I completely forgot._ **

Vera was about to send another text when she received another one from Joan.

**_You forgot? I see... well it sounds like you have better things to do. Goodnight._ **

Vera's eyes widened as she read the text. Oh, Joan is mad. She could feel it. She started to text her again.

**_Joan... I'm sorry. I was so tired when I came home that I fell asleep._ **

She didn't receive a text for a few minutes and then one popped up from her.

**_It would do well for you to not lie to me anymore, Vera. Is this the new norm for you? Don't even bother to answer the question. Tonight's clearly not important._ **

Vera gasped. Now she knew Joan was really mad. She normally didn't respond to her like this. And another lie? She knew she was referring to Fletch. This is what this is about. She sighed and got dressed. She wasn't wearing any makeup and her hair was a little messy so she pulled it into a loose ponytail. She slipped on her shoes and left her house and got into her car.

She gripped the steering wheel. Joan was angry but it was a bit of an overreaction, at least that's how Vera felt. She pulled out of her driveway and drove to Joan's.

When she walked up she could hear faint music playing. It was classical with a chorus that played, similar to opera. Joan always did have a flair for dramatic music at times. She rang the doorbell.

After a few minutes Joan opened the door. Vera's breath caught at Joan who was wearing a light blue top where she could see the swelling of her breasts, and black pants. They hugged her figure, showing off her hips and shapely legs. She looked beautiful as she stood with her hair softly falling around her face. She stared at Vera and lifted her eyebrow.

“Vera... I thought I told you to forget coming here tonight,” Joan said in a deliberately even tone.

Vera looked into her eyes that were dark, almost stormy as she gazed down at her. “I know you said that. But I think we've just had a misunderstanding Joan. Can I come in?”

“I don't know, _can_ you?” Joan asked with a smug smile on her face.

Vera furrowed her eyebrows. Oh, she was testing her tonight. “Please Joan...”

Joan stared at her with the same expression she had at work today as she silently opened her door wider. Vera walked in and the music was blaring.

“Joan, can you please turn that down?” She raised her voice not sure if Joan would hear her.

Joan smiled slightly and said something to her that she couldn't hear. “What?” Vera almost shouted.

Joan rolled her eyes a bit and turned down the music. “I said... I can hear you perfectly.”

“Well, I don't have enhanced hearing like you do," she said.

Joan looked at her and lifted an eyebrow. “Not a fan of Mozart, are you?”

“I don't know enough about Mozart, and that's besides the point. I just—I just couldn't hear with the music that loud."

Joan smirked. “Very well. What is it, Vera? I hope it won't take too long because I have work to do.”

Vera watched as Joan went into her kitchen and poured herself a double shot of vodka. Joan was drinking vodka. Well, that meant something was definitely wrong. She hardly ever drank.

“How many have you had to drink?”

“I've had two so far.”

“Are you drunk?”

Joan chuckled. “Vampires don't get drunk. I thought you understood that, Vera.”

“Then why drink it?” Vera asked, a little irritated.

“Because... for nostalgic purposes and because I do still feel some relaxation from it. Why does it matter to you?” She asked with a slight edge to her tone.

Vera felt her patience slipping. “Okay, that's it. What's this about? I know in some way it has to do with me visiting Fletch. Tell me.”

Joan was looking down, and then she took the double shot of vodka and set it down, the sound of the glass making a loud clink against the table.

“I don't take orders from you, Vera...” Her voice was low and quiet and there was a slight dangerous quality to it.

“All right... please tell me what's going on.”

Joan looked at her and she could see her jaw grinding as she crossed her arms. “How could you visit him after everything that's happened? How could you lie to me about that?”

Vera swallowed at the anger she heard in Joan's voice, could feel her jealousy, but there was something else under the surface... an underlying feeling of hurt.

“Joan, I didn't mean to lie to you--”

“Stop it. You lied to me. And I'm not sure why and this is concerning and disturbing. Does your loyalty lie with me... or him?” Joan glared at her, her lips twitching slightly.

Vera was a little confused. “Loyalty with you... it's always with you. I told you that today. Don't you trust me?”

Joan lifted her chin and swallowed as she narrowed her eyes. Vera could feel anger, and a jealousy so strong she was overwhelmed by it.

“He let Bea Smith escape... and he accused me of being a psychopath.”

“But you're not Joan... far from it. And I know he wouldn't deliberately let Bea escape. He was negligent but you know that's not what he did.”

She could feel more of Joan's anger and frustration.

Joan inhaled sharply. “Well, we don't truly know if that is the case. He's unstable and he tried to kill himself. And... he hurt you. Why are you still seeing him? Do you still have feelings for him? Is that it?” She asked sharply, her hands slightly shaking.

“No! I don't still have feelings for him. I don't think I ever really did. A crush in the beginning, but not feelings. I can't believe you're jealous.”

“Jealous? You think I'm jealous?” Joan smirked and shook her head.

“That's exactly what I think. I know you are. I can feel it from you. Don't you trust me?” Vera asked, now getting a little angry herself.

Joan's lips twitched again, and she walked over to Vera, towering over her.

“And what else can you feel?” Joan whispered.

Vera felt a bit intimidated as Joan stood in front of her, her body close, her breasts brushing above hers. “Other than jealousy, I can feel how angry you are, frustrated, and underneath all of that, you're also hurt.”

Joan leaned down and breathed against her ear, and Vera shivered when Joan's lips brushed against the shell of her ear. Vera could feel the heat from Joan's body as she stood so close to her. Her breath hitched when Joan pushed her leg in between hers. She felt Joan's hands caress down her back and squeeze her butt, pulling her harder against her thigh.

“Do you feel this? What does this feel like?” Joan asked in a breathy voice. Her lips skimmed her jaw and neck slowly, almost tickling as she lightly dragged her lips across the skin of her neck. Vera could feel jealousy mixed with desire from Joan.

“Y-yes, it feels... hot... but you didn't answer my question... don't you t-trust me? And why are you jealous?” Her voice shook a little when she felt Joan's hand smoothing her back, lifting under her shirt, her palm like fire on her skin. She was finding it hard to concentrate as Joan's nails raked across her back, and her other hand was massaging her butt.

Vera gasped as Joan lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around her waist. Joan pressed her against the wall and nipped at her throat, sucking on it hard. Vera knew it would leave a mark and she moaned softly.

“Joan...” She breathed as she felt Joan grinding her hips against her, and she blushed when she felt the warm ache between her legs.

“Hold onto me... we're going upstairs,” Joan said softly. Vera nodded and held onto her tightly as she took her in her arms and slowly walked up the stairs. She could feel Joan's nipples through her shirt hardening, her soft breathing. They went into her bedroom and Joan stopped and kissed her deeply, her tongue brushing hers, rolling over it. Her kiss was hard, demanding as she sucked her bottom lip, nibbling.

Joan gently lowered Vera's feet to the floor and lifted her shirt off, flinging it to the side. She undid her bra and then knelt down as she undid her shorts, yanking them down with her knickers. Vera breathed deeply as she felt Joan kissing her hips and thighs, then she opened her legs and kissed her between her legs, licking slowly up and down her lips, sucking gently.

Vera moaned and ran her fingers through Joan's hair, closing her eyes. Joan wrapped her arms around her hips, caressing her skin and licked her clit, circling it with her tongue. She blushed as she felt more wet as Joan's lips and tongue caressed her, sucking and kissing. Her legs were starting to tremble as Joan kept circling her clit softly with her tongue, sucking it into her mouth.

“Joan... I d-don't know how much longer I can k-keep standing,” she said breathlessly. Joan squeezed her butt and kissed her wetness again softly, moving up and kissing her stomach. She slowly took off her own clothes, standing naked in front of Vera. Her skin was beautiful and fair, and the silver of her hair gleamed against the black. Despite wishing she was a little bit taller, Vera loved that Joan was taller than her with her long legs.

Joan reached up and pulled the hairband slowly from Vera's hair and cupped the back of her neck, leaning down and kissing her. Vera moaned as she tasted herself on Joan's full lips. She could feel Joan's desire in their kiss and in her mind. Joan pushed her against the back of the bed, and her back hit the mattress. She pushed up onto it, her head hitting the pillow as Joan stared down at her.

She crawled over onto the bed, looking like a lioness looming over her prey and she straddled Vera, her legs pressed against her hips. She could feel how wet Joan was against her stomach. Joan squeezed her breasts possessively, and pulled on her nipples a little roughly, pinching and rolling them. Vera gasped softly and looked into her eyes. She brought her hands up and cupped Joan's face. Joan took her hands and placed them against the bed, holding her hands and wrists firmly.

“Don't touch me until I tell you to,” she growled softly. She rocked against Vera, grinding and sliding her warm and wet center onto her stomach. Vera moaned softly, lifting her hips underneath her. Joan still held her wrists and she leaned down and kissed her throat, sucking hard and biting gently with her normal teeth.

“You're mine, Vera. You belong to me, not anyone else. Say it.” Joan kissed and sucked the hollow of her throat, kissing her collarbones and biting gently.

“Yes, Joan,” she gasped. She felt Joan caress her pulse points as she held her wrists. Joan lifted her body and bent her head and kissed her nipples, licking and sucking on them, biting them a little hard. Vera hissed and arched her back. Joan released her wrists, her arms under Vera's back, raking her nails across her skin. She shivered since her back felt sensitive, whimpering when Joan blew on her sensitive nipples.

“Say it,” she whispered as she let go of Vera and flipped her onto her stomach, bringing her up with her back against her breasts. “Say you're mine, that you belong to me,” she said into her ear, her hand gently holding her throat and caressing.

Vera whimpered softly. “I'm yours... I belong to you.”

“Good. It's not just your loyalty I want... it's you, all of you. You belong to me... mind, body, soul, and your heart,” Joan said softly.

“Yes... you have me... all of me. I belong to you, just like you belong to me,” Vera said, reaching back and caressing Joan's thighs.

Joan hummed softly and turned her head and looked into her eyes. “Yes... I belong to you too,” she whispered. Joan kissed her deeply and Vera felt her hand slowly sliding down her stomach and cupped her between her legs, rubbing. She felt Joan's hardened nipples sliding against her back as she kissed her. Joan rolled her hips, grinding against her butt. Vera shivered at feeling how wet Joan was.

Joan cradled her a bit in her arms, spreading Vera's legs on either side of her thighs. “I'm going to fuck you, Vera. Do you think you can handle three fingers inside you?” She asked, kissing her neck, open mouthed kisses.

Vera shivered and moaned softly as she felt Joan's hand rubbing back and forth, her fingers sliding up and down her lips, purposely avoiding her clit. Vera started to grind herself against her palm. “Y-yes... I think so.”

Joan smiled against her neck, squeezing her breast. She lifted her other hand and brought it up to Vera's lips. “Suck,” she said softly.

Vera blushed and took Joan's fingers into her mouth and sucked on them gently, tasting herself. Joan moaned softly and rolled her nipple between her fingers, making it very sensitive.

“You're very wet so I believe you can handle that... we'll start with two then work up to three, all right?” Joan held her tighter and wrapped her arms around her, keeping Vera's legs spread between her thighs. She slipped her fingers from Vera's mouth and reached around Vera's waist, cupping her again and sliding two fingers into her deeply. She kept one arm across Vera's breasts, holding her tightly against her, squeezing one breast.

Vera moaned as the heel of Joan's palm pressed against her clit, grinding in a slow circle. She felt her fingers curling up inside her and stroking. She felt Joan's desire and love at the same time, her pleasure at this trust Vera left in her. She started to move her fingers faster inside Vera and kissed her neck, slowly grinding against Vera's butt. Vera gasped at all the sensation during this moment and then felt Joan slide a third finger inside her. She felt stretched, filled as Joan held her fingers inside her, not moving as Vera adjusted to them, squeezing around them tightly.

“I love how you feel... how you squeeze them. You're so responsive... that's such a gift to me, do you know that?” Joan said softly and kissed all along her neck and throat. She slowly began moving her fingers inside her, grinding her palm against her clit.

Vera whimpered, biting her lip as she started to roll her hips against Joan's hand. She felt Joan start to thrust them a little faster, harder, her long fingers curling inside her.

“Joan,” she panted, and she tried to close her legs, but Joan's thighs were stronger and pushed against them.

“No... keep them open. Vera... your body is so beautiful like this in my arms, so wanton. You have no idea what this does to me,” she whispered in her ear. She kissed down to her neck and Vera heard the sound of her fangs click out. Joan gently skimmed her skin with her sharp teeth, closing her mouth as her lips kissed and licked her throat.

“Your neck is so soft... your blood is so good. I can come just from fucking you like this, from drinking you. And you squeeze my fingers so tightly when I do this, do you know that?” She smiled against Vera's throat and Vera felt the sharp edge of her teeth against her skin. Joan slowly thrust inside her, stopping and Vera groaned, rolling her hips against her.

“Yes... I love how you do that... you fuck them so well,” Joan said and she opened her mouth and bit hard into Vera's neck as she thrust deep inside her. Vera gasped and trembled as Joan held her tightly, drinking her blood slowly and she felt such intense pleasure and desire from Joan. It was overwhelming with her own feelings of desire.

The pain was mixed with pleasure and she felt a pressure building as she panted. Joan was grinding her palm harder against her clit, pumping her fingers faster and Vera wasn't sure how much she could take anymore. She felt Joan sucking her blood, the strange pull from that was both a little painful and very pleasurable at the same time. Joan's thumb reached up rubbed her clit. She was trembling, her legs shaking against Joan's thighs.

“Come... come now” she heard Joan's voice say in her mind. She arched her back, gasped and squeezed her fingers tightly, feeling her release overwhelm her, contracting around Joan's fingers. Joan moaned against her neck and shuddered against her, and Vera knew then that Joan had climaxed when she did.

Vera trembled and closed her legs and this time Joan let her, moving her legs with hers. She held her tightly and breathed deeply, releasing her mouth from her neck.

Vera felt the warm, wet liquid of Joan's blood, knowing Joan was healing the bites on her neck. Joan nuzzled her and wrapped her arms around her, cradling her. Joan kissed her neck and cheek and Vera's body slowly relaxed. She felt boneless against her.

Joan slowly moved her body into her lap and kissed her lips and face. She caressed her face and leaned her down against the bed and straddled her thigh. Vera looked up at her and cupped her butt, holding her tightly against her thigh, squeezing and pressing up against her. Joan started to rock and grind on her, sliding back and forth, soaking her thigh. Joan moved her thigh between Vera's legs firmly and Vera moaned softly, pressing herself against her thigh, grinding harder.

She was overly sensitive and knew it wouldn't take long. She panted as Joan looked down at her and squeezed her breasts, and arched her back, rolling her hips and rocking against her thigh faster. Joan lifted a hand and cupped the back of Vera's neck. She held Vera against her, and kissed her hard, deeply. Vera brushed her tongue, moaning into her mouth as Joan rocked and rubbed against her, feeling her body shivering above hers.

“Come for me,” Vera whispered against her lips. Joan moaned and jerked against her, her body shaking as Vera felt more wetness spread onto her thigh. Vera panted and rubbed harder against her thigh, feeling her climax sweep her up again and Joan watched her, her eyes dark and intense, full of desire.

“I'm going to finish what I started,” Joan said in a low voice. Vera was confused what she meant. Joan slid down lower and spread her legs wider, and Vera gasped when she felt Joan's mouth between her legs.

“Joan... God... I'm too sensitive,” she whimpered. She felt Joan caress her thighs and kiss them as she looked up at Vera.

“I know...” She said and licked her gently, slowly as she covered her with her mouth, sucking her lips. Vera closed her eyes and moaned softly, and started to undulate her hips, pushing herself against Joan's mouth, grinding. Joan moaned softly and her nails gently raked her thighs.

“There you go... it feels good, doesn't it?” Joan whispered and licked her clit, circling it with her tongue.

Vera panted as she rocked her hips faster and Joan held them down, her tongue pressing inside her, then licked firmly against her lips and clit. Vera arched her back. “Joan... I'm... going...

She felt Joan's tongue circling her clit, her lips sucking on it and she heard Joan's voice again in her mind. “Come Vera. Come inside my mouth...”

Vera arched her back sharply and whimpered, gasping as she kept feeling Joan's tongue circling her clit faster. She closed her legs tightly around Joan's head, her body shaking underneath her. She moaned, feeling Joan's tongue softly licking her after she climaxed, and she jerked her hips back. Joan gently kissed her between her legs. Vera collapsed onto the bed, breathing hard as she felt Joan kissing her inner thighs and stomach.

She had her eyes closed, her mouth dry as she felt tender lips kissing up her body, and sucking on her skin in some areas. Joan's lips on her breasts, kissing tenderly and lingering over them. Joan kissed her face gently and then her lips. Vera slowly moved her lips against hers, kissing her back. Joan wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. She stroked her hair and nuzzled her neck. She felt such pleasure from Joan and a deep love and adoration that was very strong. She slowly came back to herself and reached up and cupped Joan's face, and kissed her again, tasting herself. She stroked Joan's hair and wrapped her arms around her. She felt Joan kissing her cheek.

“That was... I don't know where that came from,” Vera sighed against her neck. She felt Joan's cheek against hers and it was warm and she knew she was blushing.

“Well... you were right... I was a little jealous... a little worried about... what was going on with you and--”

“Oh, Joan you have to know how I feel about you. It's only you. It could never be anyone else,” Vera said quietly. “Plus... I think you've ruined sex for me. I can't do it with anyone else after this. No one could live up to you.” She smiled at Joan.

Joan chuckled and kissed her lips and turned them onto their sides. She caressed Vera's face and looked into her eyes, kissing her nose.

“You've ruined a lot of things for me, Vera...” She said softly and smiled.

“Is that a bad thing?” Vera asked, a little worried.

Joan shook her head and pulled her closer to her. “No... it's a very good thing.” She was pressed against Joan, their legs entangled together and Joan was kissing her forehead. Joan rested her chin on her head and Vera could feel her breathing softly and evenly.

“Joan?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you falling asleep?”

“I was...”

Vera kissed her breast, feeling her heartbeat. “Joan...”

“What is it, Vera?” Joan's voice was actually slightly slurred and Vera smiled.

“I love you.”

Joan squeezed her tightly and she felt like she almost couldn't breathe before she loosened her grip a little.

“I love you too, cupcake,” Joan said sleepily.

Vera giggled softly and nuzzled Joan's breasts. Joan fell asleep before her and it was a strange moment as she hardly ever fell asleep before her, with the exception of that time a couple weeks ago when they returned home from the beach.

She could feel Joan's heartbeat, and her breathing was slow and deep. She moved up and watched Joan for a little while. She looked soft and peaceful. Joan's arm was securely wrapped around her waist, and the other arm was holding onto Vera's hip. Even in sleep Joan was possessive of her.

Vera smiled and stroked her hair, her fingers running through the thick, soft black and silver strands. She kissed her neck, settling against her. Her breathing matched hers, and she felt Joan squeeze her a little as she fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... so yeah. Hope you enjoyed that? I was a bit influenced by a certain position when Joan straddled someone in the previous Wentworth season 5 episode... so yeah. There you go lol.
> 
> If you'd like to know what Joan was listening to when Vera came to her house, it was Mozart's Requiem. If you'd like to listen to it, here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi8vJ_lMxQI


	27. Chapter 27

Joan watched Vera sleep with the steady rise and fall of her chest. Her eyelashes cast soft shadows across her cheek bones, and her wavy hair was softly fanned out onto the pillow. In the last couple weeks she'd noticed that Vera had been increasingly fatigued. Joan thought maybe she had been working too much. Sometimes Vera worked nights and pulled a double shift. 

Since the riot Joan had made sure their shifts coincided at the same time as much as possible. There were times they weren't always working the same shift, and Joan hated to admit she had a nagging fear that Vera could be hurt again. It was irrational to think she could entirely stop anything from happening, but it was better to keep Vera closer to her than not. If Vera suspected this she didn't say anything. 

Vera turned her face towards her and sighed softly in her sleep. Joan caressed Vera's hip, her thumb gently rubbing back and forth. Joan traced her skin very slowly, her fingertips barely touching. She was careful to try and not wake Vera. She had been so exhausted from earlier after work that she barely moved when Joan got into bed with her. Vera stirred under her touch and breathed in deeply.

“Joan...” She said, her voice slightly husky.

“Go back to sleep,” Joan whispered, stroking her arm, feeling goosebumps on her skin as Vera shivered a little.

“I'm cold. Can you turn off the AC?”

Joan furrowed her eyebrows a little. “The AC isn't on... come here. I'll keep you warm,” Joan said, taking Vera into her arms and rubbing her back. She felt Vera press her hands gently against her breasts, and her feet moved between her legs, entangled with hers. Vera was rubbing her hands, and her feet were slowly rubbing up her calves. 

“Are your hands and feet cold?” Joan asked a little concerned. 

“Yes... I don't know why. I can't seem to get warm.”

Joan let her keep her feet and legs between hers, and she took Vera's hands and rubbed them between her own, kissing them. “Is that better?” She asked softly.

Vera smiled and wrapped her arms around her back, nuzzling her and kissing her neck. “Yes... much better.” 

Joan tightened her arms around her and kissed her hair. She rubbed her back, her palms slowly moving along her soft skin. Vera gently kissed her neck. She felt Vera's body begin to relax, her breathing slow and deep again. Joan pressed her lips against her forehead softly. She continued watching her sleep until the early morning. Joan reluctantly moved out of Vera's embrace, gently so to not wake her up yet. She slowly moved around the room and got into the shower, then when she was done she changed into her uniform, buttoning her jacket. 

She glanced at Vera who had changed positions but was still asleep. She'd wake her up soon. Vera didn't always wake up as early as she did before work. Joan made her way down to her kitchen and made Vera something to eat. The woman hadn't been very hungry lately, and this concerned her. She chopped bits of avocado and tomato. She put orange slices onto a plate and looked at her watch. Vera should be awake by now. Joan went upstairs and opened the door, finding Vera still sound asleep. She walked over and sat on her bed, touching Vera's back. 

“Vera? It's time to wake up,” Joan said softly but firmly. She raised her brow when Vera didn't stir. She smiled as she leaned down and kissed her neck and throat, soft kisses on her skin. She kept doing this until Vera woke up, opening her eyes slowly.

“Hmm... good morning,” she said sleepily, squinting and rubbing her eyes.

“Good morning. Unfortunately, it's time to wake up. I tried to let you sleep as long as I could, but any longer and we'd be late.”

Vera nodded and slowly sat up, yawning. “Yes... I understand. I'm up.”

Joan noticed that Vera looked a little more pale, and there were dark shadows under eyes as if she hadn't rested. Joan frowned slightly at this. Vera got up and slowly walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Joan laid out Vera's uniform for her and went downstairs. She warmed up toast and poached an egg and put that on the toast with the avocado and tomatoes, setting it down on the plate with the orange slices. She smiled when Vera made her way down in her uniform. Her hair already pulled back into a tight bun. She still looked a little pale but better.

Vera walked over to her and she leaned down a little so Vera could kiss her lips. “Ready to go, Governor?” Vera asked, winking at her.

“Not yet, Ms. Bennett. We still have time. I made you some breakfast,” Joan said and gestured towards the kitchen table.

Vera shook her head. “I'm not that hungry. I can always eat something light at work, maybe a snack and coffee.”

Joan bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her irritation under control. She spoke very carefully. “Vera, you haven't been eating as much. I made something light for you because of this. You will not eat a snack, and if you want coffee I can always make you some.”

Vera narrowed her eyes at her and shrugged. “Coffee would be good,” she grumbled. Joan tried not to smile as she made a pot, putting cream and sugar in a cup as she handed it to her. She saw that Vera had only taken a few bites of her food and she sighed. 

“Vera, do you not like what I made? If so, I can make you something else.”

Vera averted her eyes. “No, it tastes very good. I just—I just don't feel as hungry,” she said quietly.

Joan pursed her lips and inhaled. “Well... please eat as much as you can. I worry about you.”

Vera looked into her eyes and ate a little more, then put an orange slice into her mouth. “You don't need to worry about me. Sometimes I don't eat a big breakfast,” she said and smiled, although it seemed a little forced.

Joan knew that since the riot Vera hadn't always been taking care of herself, but lately she had been better, eating more and she gained a little more weight. But then recently she seemed to have slowly reverted back to that behavior. Joan watched her eating habits like a hawk. She knew that stress could add to loss of appetite, and due to everything that happened she wasn't exactly surprised. She cursed herself again for not being there for Vera when she needed her in the beginning. 

Luckily Vera was able to eat what she made her, leaving one orange slice untouched. Joan took her plate and ate the orange slice, making sure nothing was wasted. When she turned back she saw Vera finishing the rest of her coffee and standing up.

“Now I believe we're ready to go. After you, Ms. Bennett,” Joan said smiling. She grabbed her black coat, and as they left they both took separate cars to avoid suspicion. Sometimes they drove in together but they couldn't do it too often. It seemed no one else thought much of it. Still, it was something Joan was not ready for others to know about. The last thing she needed was for others to accuse her of favoritism in any way. She slipped on her sunglasses and turned on the radio, listening to the news of current events on a morning public radio program. 

She smiled as Vera followed behind her and when they pulled into the parking lot of the prison, they parked a few spaces away from each other. Joan saw that Vera was waiting for her at the front gate. She walked over and smiled at her as they walked inside. They parted ways and Joan made her way to her office. She sat at her desk and checked the CCTV while finishing up some paperwork. She smiled a few hours later at Bea Smith in the yard who was clearly under the influence. She'd made sure to undermine and discredit Smith. Who was going to believe that Nils Jesper was the one who attacked her? 

Joan's irritation rose at dealing with Bridget Westfall who still somehow believed that there was no history of drug use with Smith. This much was true, that she didn't have a history of drug use. But how was she to prove it? She smiled to herself when Vera later informed her that she was pretty sure that Westfall and Doyle were having a relationship. She clicked on her computer screen and saw a counseling session that they had scheduled for today. She smiled slowly. She'd have to find a way to record this session to see if she could find out any useful information. 

Joan decided to make a little visit to Smith. She looked into the window of the door, barely smirking as she watched her. Bea stared at her warily and suspiciously. She needed to make sure Bea was not available for Jodie Spiteri's hearing. She unlocked the door and slowly walked inside, staring at her for a few seconds. Bea watched her, a little puzzled.

“How are you feeling?” Joan asked, adding a tone of concern to her voice.

“Why are you doing this?”

She knows, she thought. Bea was definitely smart, too smart for her own good. She walked a little closer to the bed that Bea was on. 

“Ms. Westfall tells me that you're sticking with this story about an intruder in the prison. Something about someone trying to keep you from Jodie Spiteri's hearing?” Bea stared at her, narrowing her eyes and Joan furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head slowly, sighing. “I'd hate to see you leave us, Smith, but if you continue I will have no choice but to ask Dr. Lynch to commit you to a psychiatric facility. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life surrounded by the criminally insane, I would advise you to stick with the truth,” Joan said pointedly. 

Bea stared at her with a hateful look and she knew her message was starting to sink in. She continued. “There was no attack. It did not happen,” she said softly and gave a small grin as Bea looked at her knowingly and with some fear. She turned around and opened the door, closing it and staring at Bea through it, a small smug grin on her face as she locked the door. She turned and walked away. Everything was going according to plan. She saw Vera come around a corner and she kept her face neutral as she greeted her. She looked tired but that could be from a long day. A lot had happened and Vera always worked hard. She was so pleased with Vera telling her about Westfall and Doyle. 

“How are things going with what happened to Smith? Anymore leads?” Vera asked as they began walking down the hall.

“Things are as I suspected. Drug induced hallucinations. There was no attack. Bea has already requested to see Ms. Westfall to confirm this. I'll be there to observe since I care about her progress. An episode like this can have serious consequences on the emotional well being of a prisoner like Smith.”

Vera nodded. “Good to know. I also... will continue to look into what we discussed earlier, Governor. I believe they aren't just rumors but more than likely true.”

Joan smiled. “Keep me posted, Ms. Bennett. I will take care of it.” 

As they started to walk in separate directions she heard a thud, and a few gasps and she turned around and saw a couple guards, one of them being Will Jackson looking over at Vera who had collapsed onto the floor. Worried, Joan quickly walked over and knelt down next to her, pushing Will a little out of the way. She placed her hand around Vera's shoulder and snapped her fingers in front of her face. 

“Vera? Vera, wake up. Vera!” She raised her voice slightly and Vera slowly opened her eyes. She breathed a sigh of relief. Vera started to sit up, but she gently held her down. “Don't get up yet. Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” Joan asked urgently.

Vera looked around her and then into Joan's eyes. “My head hurts a little, and I feel a little cold, very tired,” she said softly.

Joan slowly helped her up, gentle with her as she took her arm. “I'm taking you to Medical. Mr. Jackson, cover the rest of Ms. Bennett's shift.”

“Yes, Governor,” he said. He also held onto Vera's arm.

Joan turned towards him, a little irritated that he was still here. "I have her, Mr. Jackson. Go." He nodded at her, a concerned look on his face as he turned around and left. She glared a bit at him before she turned back to Vera.

“You don't have to take me to Medical... I'm fine,” Vera said and Joan could feel irritation coming from her. Joan was beginning to lose her patience.

“No, you're not fine. I've thought something was going on. You just fainted. We are going into Medical and that's final,” Joan said firmly, a trace of anger creeping into her voice.

Vera stayed quiet the entire time and leaned her weight onto Joan slightly as they made their way into Medical.

“Nurse Atkins, Ms. Bennett fainted out in the hall and she's had loss of appetite and extreme fatigue. Run a blood test.”

The nurse looked at her, a little irritated. “A blood test? Well, there could be other factors here that need to be ruled out.”

Joan bit her cheek, speaking slowly and deliberately, biting off each word. “Run. A. Blood. Test.”

The nurse shrunk back a little. “Yes, Governor.” Joan watched as she prepared a blood test and she closed her eyes at the smell of Vera's blood as she pricked her skin with the syringe. After some time, the nurse came back and began asking Vera some questions about her symptoms. When the blood test results came back she looked at Vera as Atkins began to explain what was going on.

“It would appear you have a mild iron deficiency. I recommend you take a good amount of iron supplements once or twice a day, and it wouldn't hurt to take vitamin B and vitamin C with that. Vitamin B will help you stay energized, and vitamin C can help absorb the iron in your system. I wouldn't take more than 45mg of iron though as these can cause some side effects. These can be found over the counter. Make sure you're also eating foods that contain enough iron as well. If you don't do this, you run the risk of developing anemia,” Nurse Atkins said firmly. She wrote a note for Vera. “Take this just in case you need to see your doctor about it, or take further tests for it, which I'd still recommend doing if you continue to have these symptoms.”

Vera took the note and averted her eyes. Joan smiled a little at Atkins. “Leave us. I want to speak to Ms. Bennett alone.”

“Yes, Governor,” Nurse Atkins said, turning around and leaving the room. 

Joan looked at Vera who was refusing to meet her eyes. Joan felt irritated and concerned. She had let this go on too long. She should have known Vera was experiencing these symptoms, but she thought it was just from work. It wasn't until she collapsed that she knew something was definitely wrong.

“Vera, Vera, Vera,” Joan said softly and sat down next to her.

Vera sniffled and Joan saw that her lip was trembling a little. “Please don't be angry Joan,” she said and looked down at her hands.

Joan's lips twitched and she didn't say anything for a few minutes. She sighed. “The iron supplements I gave you... you haven't been taking them, have you?”

Vera nodded. “I-I forgot, and then I didn't think I needed them as long as I kept eating enough foods with iron. But then... I haven't been hungry.”

Joan watched her still looking down at her hands. “Vera, you must take these iron supplements and the vitamins. Listen to what Nurse Atkins has told you. I don't want you to become sick. Not having enough iron lowers your immune system. You've complained about feeling too cold, and this isn't a good sign. Luckily the lack of iron is mild, but I don't want it to become more serious.”

“I understand... I should have kept taking them,” Vera said quietly.

“Yes, you should have,” Joan said and felt more irritated as she stood up. She took a few slow and deep breaths. “Vera, we're going to have to take a break from my... feeding... until you feel better.”

“No, Joan you don't have to do that,” Vera said, looking up at her with widened eyes.

“Yes, I do. I will not continue to make you sick. It doesn't mean we can't ever, but the amount needs to be lessened until you start taking these supplements and vitamins on a regular basis. It's dangerous and concerning knowing that you haven't been taking them. What was it you told me before? That we should always communicate how we're feeling? That I should always tell you what's going on with me? You need to do the same, Vera. I need to know how you're feeling. I should have been more aware of this, but I was so busy with work that I didn't—I didn't think that...” She trailed off softly.

Vera shook her head. “No, Joan. You can't be responsible for me at all times. I should have been better taking care of myself. I was careless to not take those iron supplements and the vitamins. I should have known something was wrong with how tired I was. I should have gone to the doctor especially when I started developing more symptoms."

Joan looked at her a little sadly. “But I need to know these things before you tell me. I'm always aware of my surroundings, always observant. It's my fault for not taking care of you,” she said softly.

“No, Joan it's not your fault. It's not. You're not a mind reader... even though we can feel each other's feelings, you can't know these things all the time unless I tell you. Don't blame yourself,” Vera said gently.

Joan started grinding her teeth as Vera was saying this. She knew this was true, but it bothered her that she missed this. It shouldn't have led to her fainting at work. 

“Well, we still need to take a break from feeding for a few days at least. I will be fine. You need to rest and regain your energy back. I want you to take a couple days off work.”

“Joan, I don't need to take a couple days off work!'' Vera said, a little exasperated.

Joan narrowed her eyes at her. “I don't think you've shown very good judgment on what you need right now. You will go home after this and rest for a couple days. Mr. Jackson or Ms. Miles will take over the rest of your duties,” Joan said firmly.

“But Joan I should be--”

“No, I will not argue with you about this Vera. You're overly tired and you fainted. I will not have you run yourself into the ground and make things worse,” she spat out. She sighed as Vera looked startled at her reaction. She straightened her uniform. “You have my key. Stay at my house so I can take care of you,” Joan said softly, almost pleadingly. “Or if you don't want to, I can--”

“I'll stay with you, Joan. I love staying with you,” Vera said and smiled. It broke some of the tension between them and Joan smiled shyly back. “I'll see you when I get off work,” Joan said.

She left Medical and made her way to where Westfall and Smith would be meeting. As she walked she thought about Vera. She wanted to ask her to move in with her, but she was worried it was too soon. She knew Vera enjoyed the new additions to her home, and she could hear pride in her voice when she spoke about anything she had bought recently to add to it. Joan understood those personal touches were important to Vera finding more of who she was. Joan was also not easy to live with. She was orderly and organized, and she knew her need to be neat and clean bordered on obsession. She always found herself picking up after Vera at her house, and Vera one day snapped at her for picking up the clutter. Vera hadn't been able to find certain items because Joan had put them away in a more efficient spot. When Joan informed her of this, Vera had let out a frustrated sigh. Despite this, when the timing was right she wanted to ask Vera to live with her. 

A couple hours later she was making her way out of the prison, and decided to pick up some things from the store. She needed to buy more food for Vera that would help her iron levels, as well as make soup that would be easy on her stomach. She knew Vera would still be having trouble eating but she wanted her to at least eat something. Some homemade miso and chicken noodle soup couldn't hurt. 

When she arrived home she set the groceries onto the kitchen table and began putting them away and cooking the chicken with the broth and noodles, keeping it on a low simmer. She could hear the TV on in the living room and saw that Vera was stretched out on her couch fast asleep. She seemed restless and a little agitated as she coughed a few times. Joan frowned and knelt down and placed the back of her hand against Vera's forehead and cheeks gently. She felt a little warm. Joan sighed. She knew something like this would happen. Vera not eating regularly, and not getting enough sleep, working too hard, and that in combination with now having a mild iron deficiency had lowered her immune system. 

Joan stroked her hair and got up to finish cooking the soup. When it was done she came back into the living room and set it down on the coffee table with a glass of water. She gently woke Vera who coughed a few times, clearing her throat. 

“When did you get home?” Vera asked a little a weakly.

Joan smiled softly. “Not too long ago. I stopped at the store and bought you some things. Do you feel well enough to eat some soup?”

Vera looked over at the soup on the table. “I think so,” she said and slowly sat up. Vera covered her mouth and coughed a few times. “I think I'm getting sick,” she said, her voice a little hoarse now.

“I think you are too. All of this has lowered your immunity so it's not a surprise that you are. You felt a little warm when I checked on you,” Joan said gently.  


Vera blushed a little and nodded. Joan could feel that she was a little anxious and embarrassed. Joan handed her the soup on a tray in her lap. 

“Don't feel embarrassed. It's okay,” Joan said.

“But... you always use hand sanitizer and wipes. I should just go home so you don't have to deal with me,” she said quietly.

“No, you will stay here so I can take care of you. I can't get sick... and even though I still do those... things that you mentioned, let me deal with that. That's my issue, not yours,” Joan said firmly.

“But I feel so gross. I'll just sleep down here,” Vera mumbled a little pitifully. 

Joan tried not to laugh at Vera staring down at her soup, almost pouting. Joan leaned forward and kissed her forehead, the skin still feeling warm. “Nonsense. I won't have you sleeping down here on the couch. My bed is much more comfortable. Eat your soup. You'll feel a little better when you do, and then maybe we can watch some TV.”

Joan watched as Vera took sips of her soup. It was the most she ate without complaint in a while and Joan was very pleased with this.

“This is very good, Joan," Vera said and smiled gently. 

“Thank you... I'm glad you like it.” Joan took the bowl away from her and put it into the sink, washing it. When she came back she sat down next to Vera on the couch and wrapped her arm around her. Vera rested her head on her chest, curling into her more. Joan smiled softly and kissed her head. “What do you want to watch?”

Vera nuzzled her chest and lifted her hand, interlacing their fingers together. “I don't know... oh!” Vera lifted her head and looked up at Joan. “Can we watch _Will & Grace_? Please?”

Joan's eyes softened at Vera's little pout as she looked up at her. “Yes... we can watch that. However, I don't understand the appeal.”

Vera smiled. “It's funny... and I'm pretty sure I heard a chuckle or two from you when I've watched it before. I think you have more of a sense of humor than you'd like others to believe.”

“Ha. Perhaps...”

After a couple episodes, Vera fell asleep in her arms. Joan stroked her hair and slowly took her into her lap and picked her up. She walked up the stairs and gently laid Vera onto her bed. Vera was exhausted as she coughed and barely moved when Joan took off her clothes. Joan washed her hands and brushed her hair before bed. She slid under the covers next to Vera. Joan caressed her sides with her hand on her hip and Vera turned towards her and sighed.

“Joan... how did I...?”

“Shh... go to sleep. You need to rest.” 

“What is it with you and resting?” Vera mumbled grumpily and turned away from her.

Joan's lips twitched in amusement. She wrapped her arm around Vera's waist lightly and closed her eyes.  


Vera sighed again a little dramatically. “I don't want to go into work tomorrow.”

Joan opened her eyes and kissed her hair. “But you're not going into work tomorrow...”

“I'm not?”

“No... you're not.”

“Why? I was on the schedule tomorrow,” Vera said and yawned sleepily.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. Vera was only half awake so she knew it wouldn't take much to convince her. “Why? Because I'm the Governor.”

“Hmm... okay. If you say so.”

“That's because I'm always right. You're sick. Sleep now,” Joan said softly.

“Not always...” Vera's voice slurred a little.

“What?”

“Not always right...” 

Joan narrowed her eyes at this, half amused. What other things did Vera think in this state? She ignored it and squeezed her arm around Vera's waist, caressing her stomach as she relaxed and fell asleep. Joan watched her sleep, her coughs becoming more frequent. She'd have to buy her some medicine tomorrow morning. She resisted the urge to grab hand sanitizer near her bed. Oh, the things she did for love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay just to clarify just in case people might get confused, Vera doesn't have Hep C as the riot happened differently, but still just in case, I want to clear that up. No Hep C, but she is ironically sick with Hep C during this episode in the show. So I wanted to kind of parallel her not feeling well here due to the amount of blood Joan has been drinking. 
> 
> I did a little research, and I hope the symptoms of having an iron deficiency are authentic enough in this chapter. I know that too many iron supplements can be bad for some people, and some different types of supplements are better than others. For the case of my fic, I'm going to somewhat ignore this, other than commenting she shouldn't take beyond a certain amount. Considering how often Joan does feed from Vera, I think it's normal that she keep up with the supplements or any other food that would help her iron levels. I also know that it takes 24 hours or longer for blood test results to come back, but due to wanting this to only be in one chapter for one day, I just decided to ignore that aspect too lol. 
> 
> Anyway, the chapter might have been a little boring but Vera not always taking care of herself is somewhat of a common theme I've created for my fic. She is often pushing forward a lot in the show, even when I think she could use a little break, so I wanted to show that a little bit in my story. Hope some of you guys enjoyed it though as I tried to add a little levity to it too. :)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated pretty close together, so please make sure you read chapter 27 before this. Please note that this chapter takes place a day after the previous one.

Vera was curled up on Joan's couch with a blanket. Joan had insisted she stay down here so she could rest and watch TV or read while Joan changed and washed the sheets of her bed. She could hear Joan fluttering about in the kitchen and she'd watch her walk out into her backyard a few times. It was interesting watching this domestic side of Joan when she stayed with her. She had been cleaning most of the morning and she was rather meticulous. Sometimes when Joan brought her something to eat she could smell the faint scent of hand sanitizer and it annoyed and amused her at the same time. 

Vera didn't know why Joan was such a germaphobe, especially when she couldn't get sick now, but she accepted that Joan did this. She had read that it was a sign of OCD, but she didn't think Joan had this. Joan was definitely obsessive about cleaning and Vera always observed her keeping her shoes perfectly aligned, her bobby pins were always set together in a straight line, and she'd watch Joan do this with her fingers. Every item in Joan's house had a place it went to. If Vera moved anything around, Joan tended to get very frustrated. She learned that in order for Joan to not completely have a mini meltdown, she had to learn how Joan kept her things organized. It was actually rather easy once she observed Joan do all of this, but she didn't think she could ever be as organized as Joan.

Vera got up and walked into the kitchen and looked at the goldfish that Joan had. One little goldfish in a small fish bowl. It kind of reminded Vera a little bit of Joan herself. The bowl was a little scarce except for a few shiny stones. This made Vera a little bit sad as she thought about how alone Joan must have felt for a number of years. She walked over and fed the goldfish. She touched the bowl and turned around as Joan opened the door, coming in from the backyard. Joan smiled at her as she stepped into the kitchen. 

Joan was washing her hands and then started cleaning some dishes. She turned and looked at Vera. “Are you feeling better?”

“A little bit. Thank you for taking care of me... even though you didn't have to,” Vera said and smiled softly.

Joan dried her hands and walked over to Vera. She wrapped her arms around her from behind. “You're welcome. I'll always take care of you.” Joan bent her head and whispered into Vera's ear, “And I know I don't have to, but I _want_ to.” Joan kissed her cheek and Vera could feel Joan's lips turn into a smile. “Were you feeding my goldfish?”

Vera smiled and nodded. “Yes, I was feeding Bob.”  


"Bob?” Joan asked in a confused tone.

“You don't have a name for him, do you?”

“No... I didn't see the point. He can't exactly hear or understand me,” Joan said and looked down at her with her eyebrow raised. “However... I have to ask, out of all the names in the world, why Bob?”

Vera rolled her eyes a little and looked back at the goldfish. “Well, he needs a name. Bob seemed fitting and it's cute.” Vera touched the glass of the fish bowl again. “Aren't you cute, Bob? Do you think we could get him a friend?”

Joan chuckled and moved away from her, sitting at the kitchen table. “He doesn't need a friend, Vera. Plus that would require me finding a bigger fish bowl, or possibly a tank and at that point we might as well get more than two fish," she said a little sarcastically.

“Well, why don't we get a tank and buy more fish? We can even get some that are different types, different colors.”

Joan's eyes widened and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a few seconds before her face went back to a more neutral expression. “I-I don't know if I'd have room for that...”

“Of course you have room. We could make room,” Vera said, watching Joan curiously.

Joan looked at the fish bowl then back at Vera. “I'd be willing to get another goldfish with a slightly bigger bowl, but not more than that,” she said softly, but there was a tightness around her eyes.

“We don't have to if you don't want to Joan...” 

Joan looked at her and sucked in a breath. “It's a nice suggestion. I'm just—I'm just used to doing things my own way.”

“I know you are. Don't feel you should do it just because of me, Joan. I was just thinking that he seemed lonely. Everyone needs a friend,” Vera said quietly, taking her hand and squeezing it. 

Joan looked at their joined hands and smiled softly. “Then we'll get Bob a friend,” she said and lifted their hands and kissed Vera's knuckles, her soft lips brushing across the skin tenderly. Vera smiled at her and then moved away and coughed a few times. Joan brought her a throat lozenge and a little cup that was filled with cough syrup.

“Oh, I don't need more. I'm fine,” Vera said and kept coughing.

“Vera, it says you need to take this as symptoms persist, and it's been 6 hours already since the last one. Here.” Joan also handed her a glass of water. “You need to drink enough fluids, and this will help a little with the taste after.”

Vera sighed and gagged a little at the liquid on her tongue and swallowed it. Joan took the little plastic cup and washed it, and put the medicine away. Vera finished drinking her glass of water and felt a stiffness in her neck. She rubbed at it. Vera had been having muscle aches off and on, but with this cold it was even worse. She began to walk into the living room, still rubbing her neck when she felt Joan's larger hands softly touching her shoulders and rubbing the area gently. 

“You're very tense here,” Joan said softly. Vera closed her eyes as Joan gently kneaded her tight muscles, massaging a little. 

“I've had stiffness lately and soreness in parts of my body, not just my neck and shoulders.” Vera felt Joan take her hand and gently pull her out of the living room and up the stairs, and she brought Vera into her bathroom.

“Why don't you relax in the bath? The warm water will help those sore and aching muscles. And I can wash your hair if you'd like.”

Vera stared at the large tub and nodded slowly. “I'd like that...”

Joan smiled at her gently, her eyes soft as she ran the bath for her, and took out some bubble bath. Vera could smell the scent of lavender and watched as bubbles filled the tub. Joan seemed to be checking the water's temperature and then she turned to Vera.

“I believe the temperature is warm enough, but not too hot. Let's get those clothes off,” Joan said, smiling.

Joan lifted her top off and then her flannel pajama pants and knickers, now standing naked in front of her. She caressed her body gently, her soft hands soothing on Vera's skin as she touched her back and hips. Joan took her hand and helped her into the tub. 

Vera put one foot into it, testing the temperature and found that Joan made it perfect. She wobbled a bit and Joan held her hand and her arm firmly and gently so she wouldn't fall as she helped lower her into the tub. 

Vera sighed softly as she sat back with the water up to her collarbones, the bubbles covering her hands and arms. This tub was so much larger than hers. It was the type she always wanted. She could already feel the warm water relaxing her body as she looked at Joan grabbing a couple towels and setting them nearby. 

“This feels wonderful,” Vera said quietly and smiled at Joan who turned and looked at her and knelt down next to the tub, moving onto her knees.

“I'm glad. Now... you just relax and I'll wash your hair." She took a large enough cup and poured water into it, and gently poured it over Vera's head. Vera smiled as she remembered the last time Joan did this after her mother died. She closed her eyes as Joan started to gently and thoroughly scrub the shampoo into her hair, her fingernails gently moving. Joan rinsed her hair again and then gently spread the conditioner, massaging and squeezing her hair. Her touch was relaxing and soothing as she ran her fingers through her hair. Joan rinsed her hair again a couple times. She opened her eyes and felt concern coming from Joan. She felt Joan's fingertips brushing her cheeks, and realized that she had tears.

“Why are you crying, darling?” Joan asked gently. 

Vera didn't look into her eyes and took a shuddering breath. “I was just remembering when you did this for me when my mum died. You're so good to me, Joan. Sometimes I don't think I deserve it,” Vera said crying softly. Joan cupped her cheek and turned her face towards hers, making Vera look into her eyes.

“Oh, Vera. You deserve so much. You deserve to be treated with kindness, to be taken care of, to be loved. Don't ever think you don't.” Joan was caressing her cheek and staring at her with such love in her eyes that it almost took Vera's breath away.

“Mum never made me feel like I deserved anything. She always—she always treated me like I was a burden, that no one liked or cared about. Sometimes it's hard for me to accept that anyone could really love or care about me,” Vera said and her lips were trembling with the effort to hold back a sob. She could feel strong emotions of love, anger, and sadness coming from Joan. 

Joan gently cupped her face and kissed her lips softly and lovingly, stroking Vera's wet hair. “I love you so much, Vera. I'm sorry your mother made you feel this way. She sounded bitter, jealous, and miserable. She just said those things to hurt you. Like most abusive parents, she was very sick. She can't hurt you anymore,” Joan said gently and kissed the corner of Vera's mouth. 

Vera nodded and took Joan's hands, kissing her palms. “Will you stay? Please take a bath with me.”

Joan's eyes softened and she nodded, standing up and slowly taking off her own clothes and folding them neatly. Vera moved forward as Joan's long leg stepped into the water, followed by her other leg as she slowly and gracefully lowered herself in the water behind Vera. She wrapped her arms tightly around her and kissed her cheek and neck, breathing in deeply.

Vera sat between Joan's legs, and felt her soft breasts and nipples against her back. Joan held an arm around her stomach, with the other arm taking Vera's and sliding her hand gently across hers, interlacing their fingers together. 

Vera didn't realize how tense she was until Joan kept stroking her hands and stomach, the gentle touches relaxing her again. Joan's lips touched her hair, kissing her head.

“This feels very nice,” Vera said softly and smiled when Joan squeezed her hand. 

“It does feel nice. We've never actually taken a bath before,” Joan said and rested her chin on her shoulder, kissing the skin. 

Vera closed her eyes. “You know, I think you missed your true calling. You have such a good bedside manner. I'm surprised you never became a doctor or a nurse.”

Joan was silent for a minute and Vera wondered if she said something wrong. Joan lifted her hand and gently traced her palm with her fingertips, the touch almost tickling but also feeling good, and she felt her fingertips and nails gently stroke the inside of her arm, shivering a little as Joan touched the soft and sensitive skin. 

“It's interesting that you say that, because my mother was a nurse. Sometimes she'd sing to me when I was sick, or when I had trouble sleeping. She was very good at that,” Joan said softly. Vera could feel a sense of sadness coming from Joan and she lifted her hand and kissed it. 

“She died when you were very young?”

Joan rested her cheek against Vera's head and nodded. “Yes... a car accident when I was five years old. My father... he was never the same after that. We were never the same,” Joan said sadly. 

Vera furrowed her eyebrows and thought back to just a few minutes ago when Joan had mentioned something about abusive parents being sick. Had her father been abusive? She hated to think that Joan would have gone through something like that. Although it made sense with some of her anger directed at Vera's mum. She remembered Joan's facial expression when she first told her about her mother having a difficult personality, as if Joan knew all too well about that.

“I'm sorry... that must have been very hard,” Vera said gently. She felt Joan press her lips against her hair and then those lips traveled to her ear, kissing softly and gently across her jaw. Vera closed her eyes and sighed softly.

Joan kissed her cheek. “It was hard... I sometimes felt like he took her death out on me, and I never knew why. He was so harsh, so... ruthless,” Joan finished quietly, her breath catching slightly. Joan wrapped one arm across her chest gently, hugging Vera to her. Vera reached up and touched her arm, kissing her wrist.

“Your mother... she was a nurse? You said she used to sing to you? What else was she like? If you'd like to share...” Vera said gently. She was curious but didn't want to push Joan to talk about anything she wasn't ready for.

Joan kissed her head and squeezed her breast gently. “Yes, she would sing to me. She would sing in both Russian and English. I don't have too many memories of her... but I remember how affectionate she was and that she had a soft and beautiful voice. She was tall like me with dark hair. I think I got most of my physical features from her. I only have a couple of pictures of her, but they're locked away somewhere. I haven't had a reason to bring them out. She was out of my life so quickly. It's hard for me to feel attached to someone I barely knew.”

Vera nodded. “My father left my mother when I was young and I don't feel very close to him for that reason, so I can kind of understand that feeling. I remember him being nice.”

Joan nodded. “An absent parent is difficult to deal with, however I often don't know what I've been missing. I lived so long with just one parent. Sometimes though...” Joan stopped abruptly and didn't continue, and Vera felt a slight tension in her body.

“Sometimes what, Joan?” Vera asked gently. Joan didn't answer at first, and then suddenly she felt Joan's tension melt away. 

“Sometimes I wish he had died instead of her,” Joan whispered roughly, her voice tight, and Vera knew she was trying to keep herself from crying. Vera turned around and faced Joan who already had tears on her cheeks. 

“If he had died instead, I may have become an entirely different person... a better person. I wouldn't be a freak,” she said and her expression was so sad, looking down as more tears slid down her cheeks. “My mother... I don't remember her very well, but I know she loved me and I loved her... I've tried to forget that... it's too painful to remember. And my father forced me to stuff everything down, including how I felt about her. He would always tell me that 'emotions lead to mistakes.' So I became ruthless, cold, unemotional... like a machine.” 

Vera listened and felt her heart breaking at hearing this. She caressed Joan's cheek. Joan looked into her eyes and they held such a vulnerability there, almost fearful as she continued. 

“But... I wasn't entirely unemotional. I was always failing in that, and still do. I sometimes wish I could turn off so many of my feelings. I don't always know why I even feel something and that confuses and... scares me. And yet... I love you and I wouldn't change that. I can't fight it anyway. It consumes me, this love that is often times overwhelming in its intensity. Before I would have run away from it, and I tried to after the riot, but now I can't and I won't. You've ruined me, Vera... and in such a way I can't ever come back from, and I don't want to,” Joan said, her voice shaking slightly. She reached up and stroked Vera's cheek, speaking softly. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”

Vera felt like she was going to die from the amount of feeling coming from Joan, and her own feelings of love for this woman. She felt her breath catch as she heard her last words, and they sounded vaguely familiar, like she'd read them somewhere. “Is that a quote?” She asked softly.

Joan smiled a little. “Yes... it was said by Helen Keller. She was right... they can only be felt with the heart.”

Vera nodded and smiled. “It's a beautiful quote...” She kissed Joan's lips and wrapped her arms around her. “I love you... and sometimes I also feel overwhelmed by it too. But I'm so happy I met you Joan. And... I still don't know how I feel about being a vampire or not...”

Joan lifted her finger gently against her lips. “There is no rush... and I will be fine with whatever you want to do... come on, let's get out of the tub. My fingers are starting to look a little pruney.”

Vera giggled and held Joan's hand as they stood up and Joan drained the water. She wrapped a towel around Vera and dried her off, moving it up over her head and gently moving it back and forth, almost playfully. Vera giggled again as Joan smiled and grabbed a robe of Vera's and helped her into it. Since Vera had been staying here more often she had decided she needed her own robe. She couldn't keep wearing any of Joan's. Joan dried off and grabbed her own robe and tied the belt in a knot and grabbed her hand. They both sat on Joan's bed and Joan took a brush and brushed Vera's hair, slowly smoothing it out and then kissing her shoulder. 

They both got into bed. It was later in the afternoon and Vera knew it wouldn't take her long to fall asleep. The medicine and the bath having relaxed her. She curled up next to Joan who grabbed a book. Vera had asked Joan to read to her from _Sherlock Holmes_. She had wanted to hear more of _The Hound of the Baskervilles_ so Joan had happily indulged her. Vera smiled as Joan would read with the right inflections in her voice for the characters and story. She began to read from where they last left off. 

“'Well, Mr. Holmes, what do you think of this story?' Asked Dr. Mortimer.  
'I do not think it is a true story,' said Sherlock Holmes. 'Why do you you show me this story? Do you believe it?'  
'Before Sir Charles Baskerville's death, I did not believe the story,' Dr. Mortimer answered. 'But Sir Charles believed the story. It worried him...'” 

Vera closed her eyes and listened to Joan's soft voice as she continued to read, and Vera felt her eyelids growing heavy. She wanted to stay awake but she was struggling. Joan's voice was too soft, too soothing, and Vera knew she was half awake and half asleep. Before she completely drifted off, she felt soft lips kiss her forehead, and felt a warm body wrap itself around her. Her last thoughts before she fell asleep were of Joan, and she smiled softly, feeling safe and protected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope people liked that chapter. I had wanted to add a little more emotional development for the two of them, especially with them talking about their parents. Both Joan and Vera came from such abusive backgrounds on the show and we've only seen bits and pieces of that, so I wanted to add a little more to that. :)


	29. Chapter 29

Joan came through the door of her home early in the morning after ending a long night shift. She took out the pins in her hair and the hair tie, shaking her hair softly out and running her fingers through it. She smiled as she did this, thinking of how often Vera would run her fingers through her hair, telling her how thick and beautiful it was. It wasn't long after her father died that she had started to have some grey, the silver strands becoming a little more prominent sometime after Jianna died. She didn't notice this more until after she became a vampire. She had been in such a daze that she didn't pay attention to the stress and grief she felt at that time. Aaron had told her that sometimes stress and traumatic events had been known to cause some of this over time. The death of her father definitely added to that, and Jianna had sent her over the edge. 

Vera, however, always told her that she loved her hair, with the silver streaks and the black. Vera always told her she looked beautiful and sexy. Joan didn't think this was true, and told Vera that she was biased, but she knew she couldn't argue with her on the topic.  


She gently took off her heels and placed them neatly down by the floor. She stepped into her kitchen and starting making some coffee. She knew Vera would want some when she woke up. She glanced at the table. It needed something more. She walked outside and clipped some flowers, smiling as she put them into a vase onto the kitchen table. Vera's eyes always lit up when she saw them, as if she was surprised that someone would be that thoughtful. 

Joan had to resist the urge to make breakfast. Lately Vera had asked her if she'd let Vera choose, or let Vera cook for herself. It was something she didn't quite understand. She thought she cooked well and made nice and efficient meals for her. Vera said she wanted the choice to make what she wanted and it took some compromise that she relented to letting Vera do this sometimes, but only if she actually cooked enough to eat. That was one thing Joan was not willing to budge on, that Vera have enough food to eat. Joan would gladly cook for Vera anytime but she understood this was a need for independence. 

Joan still cooked for her the most, but every so often Vera would insist she cook so she gave in a little. She remembered one morning that Vera had made pancakes and drenched almost all of it in syrup. Joan had been a little shocked at first but had tried not to cringe as Vera took a bite of it. She was happy that she was enjoying it, even if Joan wanted to gag a little over the excessive amount of sugar. Joan smiled and shook her head. 

She walked upstairs slowly, trying to be quiet as she opened her door slowly. She blinked as she saw Vera standing in the middle of her bedroom. She was dressed in dark blue lacy lingerie. The dark blue color set off her eyes, making them look like sapphires. Her skin was almost glowing and her hair was in soft waves around her shoulders. Joan felt her mouth go dry. She had never seen Vera dressed in something like this. 

“Vera...” She breathed. Vera looked up at her and smiled. She exuded confidence and a sexuality that Joan wasn't used to, but it was nice to see. She could feel her nipples harden under her officer's shirt, the uniform's jacket suddenly feeling very hot. Her body was so attuned now to Vera's that she didn't need much to feel aroused, just the sight and smell of Vera was enough.

She slowly stepped forward and stood in front of Vera, their breasts barely touching. Her eyes slowly roamed over her body, and she knew that this slow gaze would make Vera a little nervous, and she almost smiled as she already felt that feeling from her. But it was both arousal and nervous energy coming from Vera. Joan finally looked into her eyes. Vera blushed. Ah, there was the shy woman she knew...

Joan gave a little half smile. “What's this? It's not my birthday.”

“Do you like it?” Vera asked, and Joan could almost hear Vera's heart pounding. 

Joan's hands reached up and caressed Vera's sides, moving them down to rest on her hips. “I _love_ it... you're so beautiful.”  


Vera smiled and Joan feels her heart about to burst because of the deep need and love she has for this woman. Her eyes widen a little as Vera grabs Joan's tie and pulls her down, their faces close and lips almost touching. 

“Kiss me,” Vera whispers.

Joan feels Vera's soft breath against her lips as she speaks. She wraps her arms around Vera's waist, pulling her flush against her. Joan kissed her deeply, sucking on her bottom lip. She caressed Vera's back as she felt her tongue roll over hers. Vera's tongue explored her mouth, her kiss more demanding. She felt a familiar ache in her groin and moaned into Vera's mouth as she felt her hand cup her between her legs, rubbing slowly but firmly. 

Joan broke their kiss and guided Vera to the bed, pushing her onto it. Joan took off her jacket and started to take off her tie when she felt Vera's hands stop her.

“Let me do it,” she said quietly. They both sat on their knees in the middle of the bed, and Vera took off her tie and tossed it to the floor. She reached up and slowly undid each button of her white shirt, it opening to reveal her breasts. She bit her lip when Vera pushed a bra cup down to reveal her breast and nipple, her lips licking and kissing it. Joan closed her eyes. 

Vera slowly took off her shirt, but then made it where Joan's arms were slightly restricted, not able to move much. She knew she could easily get out of this, but she let Vera take the lead. She felt Vera's arousal and happiness knowing that Joan was allowing this. Vera's hands unzipped her trousers, and they slipped under her knickers. Vera's fingers caressed her lips and slit, moving up to slowly circle her clit. Joan closed her eyes and shivered. 

“I need to touch you,” Joan gasped as Vera teased her, sliding her finger up and down, spreading the wetness. Vera bit her nipple a little hard and she hissed, then felt her tongue gently licking it. She felt a little uncomfortable with one breast out of the cup, and Vera took pity on her and helped her out of her shirt, taking off her bra after. She took off the rest of Joan's clothes. Joan then slowly had the pleasure of taking off the lovely lingerie Vera wore. She kissed her skin softly and tenderly, caressing Vera's body, her soft skin. 

Vera kissed her breasts again, moving back and forth between them and squeezing. Joan held her head to her breast, closing her eyes as she felt her lips and tongue around her nipple, sucking hard. She was already starting to rock and grind against Vera's hand and she blushed, not able to control her body's reactions. 

She shivered as Vera's thumb circled and rubbed her clit, her lips still sucking and biting gently between both breasts. Her nipples were now extremely sensitive, almost bordering on pain, but it felt good at the same time. She could feel Vera's love, her desire and excitement.

Vera pushed her onto her back, and spread her legs wide, bending her knees. She looked up at Vera and reached up to cup her breasts, squeezing. She smiled as Vera's nipples rubbed against her palms. She moved up and kissed her soft breasts, biting gently as she licked and sucked them. She knew Vera could come like this if she focused all of her attention there, and she was tempted to do so this morning, but she knew Vera wanted to make love to her. 

Vera moaned softy and arched her back and Joan stopped and looked up at her. Vera straddled her hips and leaned down and kissed her breasts again, sucking on the swell of her breast, and she knew that she'd have a faint bruise there. It would heal quickly but for a few hours she'd have the marks of Vera's lips and teeth on her. Vera continued to kiss her breasts, slowly dragging her lips over her shoulders and collarbones, her throat. Vera licked and bit gently at the hollow of her throat, sucking the skin. 

Joan lifted her hips under her, feeling Vera's lips and teeth, her tongue as it licked her neck. Vera bit her neck and Joan moaned as she then sucked her neck.

“Bite harder,” Joan pants, pulling Vera's body tighter against hers, needing to feel her warm body. Vera's wet center rubbed against her stomach and she moaned again at feeling how wet she was with her lips at her neck. Vera bit down a little harder, licking the skin.

“Harder...” Joan rasped.

“I don't want to hurt you...” 

“You won't hurt me... bite me harder.”

She hissed as she felt Vera bite harder into her skin, a new flood of wetness now between her legs, along her inner thighs. Vera moved onto her side, looking down at Joan and slid two fingers inside her, then a third finger as she curled them up inside. Joan was so wet that she didn't feel much resistance as Vera rubbed inside her. She reached her thumb up to rub Joan's clit, circling it slowly. Joan's inner walls squeezed and she started to circle and rock her hips against Vera's hand. She watched Vera's hand slowly moving, wiggling her fingers inside her and then she looked into Vera's eyes that were watching her intently.

Joan's mouth parted with soft pants as she struggled to keep her eyes open, and Vera kissed her deeply, passionately as she rubbed her fingers harder, pressing them against that sensitive spot inside her, her thumb rubbing a little faster against her clit. Joan jerked her hips and felt her body tensing.

Vera began making a come-hither motion with her finger and rubbed harder, stroking it back and forth and Joan felt overwhelmed as she did this while stroking her clit faster. 

“Vera,” she gasped, her breath catching.

“Yes... I know. You're shaking... let go.” Vera kissed her and she felt sweat gather onto her brow, her stomach tensing. Vera's tongue brushed over hers and sucked her bottom lip. 

Vera starting moving her fingers harder and faster inside her and Joan gasped into her mouth.

Vera broke their kiss. “Joan... let go... it's all right. Come for me.” 

Joan's fangs came out and Vera shook her head. Joan furrowed her eyebrows and retracted them back.

“I want you to come without doing that... I want to hear you, see you,” Vera whispered, and she stroked Joan's clit a few times more, her orgasm suddenly overwhelming her as she moaned, her eyes closing. She shook and squeezed Vera's fingers tightly. Vera kissed her face gently and she swallowed against a dry mouth, her heart pounding. She felt Vera's intense desire, her wonder and elation. Vera kissed her lips finally and she felt her breathing come back under control. 

She looked into Vera's eyes that were soft and tender, kissing her sweetly. Joan moved very fast, faster than what Vera was used to and moved her onto her back. She spread her legs open firmly and Vera gasped. Joan nipped and sucked Vera's skin, her breasts and nipples, looking down at the nipples that were even more red, and she stopped afraid she might go too far, not wanting to hurt Vera there. She kissed down her stomach and navel, across her hip. She licked her tongue across Vera's narrow hips, kissing and nibbling. She kissed her inner thighs and then pressed her tongue between her legs, licking slowly and firmly, sucking on her lips. Vera was so incredibly wet and Joan moaned softly at how good she tasted. She could feel Vera's pleasure physically and mentally. She wrapped her arms around her hips and lifted her to her mouth, holding her tightly. Joan pressed her tongue inside her and began thrusting her tongue in and out.

“Joan... yes,” Vera whimpered. She undulated her hips and arched her back. Joan squeezed her butt rhythmically and sucked her lips, kissing her. Joan look a long and slow swipe of her tongue up to her clit and licked it slowly, circling it as she watched Vera. Joan closed her eyes briefly when she felt Vera's hands touch her hair, her fingers softly running through it. She saw Vera's eyes closed, her mouth parted as she panted. She could feel the tension in her body. Her hips were now rocking strongly against her and she licked her clit faster then sucked on it, her tongue brushing against it. Vera arched her back and gasped, closing her legs around her head as she came. Joan closed her eyes at the feeling of Vera's intense pleasure and desire through her orgasm. She shivered and licked her gently before turning to her thigh and sinking her teeth into it, sucking hard as she drank her blood.

Vera gasped as she did this and she reached down and Joan grabbed her hand. Vera squeezed her hand hard as she continued to suck, closing her eyes as she tasted her blood. She moved her other hand and slid two fingers between Vera's legs, stroking them faster inside her. 

Vera gasped and whimpered. Joan could feel her squeezing her fingers tightly and she reached up and stroked her clit with her thumb. Vera lifted her hips and Joan stayed with her as she continued to suck her blood, and closed her eyes in pleasure as Vera came again. She shivered and lifted her head, kissing her thigh gently and lovingly. She bit into her finger and healed the wounds, kissing them again. She crawled up and took Vera into her arms, kissing her face and lips. 

Vera kissed her back and Joan felt a love so strong that she knew it was between the both of them. Vera wrapped her arms around her and kissed her lips. Joan felt so complete in this moment, like nothing she had ever felt before. She felt Vera touch her breast over her heart, and she knew it was a silent communication of understanding how she felt. She reached out, touching Vera's heart with her palm, feeling it beating strongly and steadily. They stared at each other silently for a few minutes. Joan thought that no woman had ever looked more beautiful than Vera did right now in post orgasmic glow. 

Joan kissed her softly and moved onto her back, her head resting against the headboard. Vera wrapped an arm around her waist, her head on her breast, kissing it. 

Joan caressed her arm and back, sighing softly. She kissed Vera's head. “Vera... do you know how much you mean to me?” She lifted Vera's chin to look into her eyes. “Do you know how much I love you?”

Vera's eyes were vulnerable as she took Joan's hand and kissed it. “I love you too... it's hard to express in words sometimes.”

“And... you're happy?” Joan asked a little cautiously.

“Yes, I'm very happy,” Vera said and smiled at her. 

“Vera... I know that you--that you have decorated your house and you're very proud of it, and I'm so proud of how you turned that place into your own. I'm so pleased that you've found a little bit of yourself in that old house...” Joan paused and she moved onto her side, her hand under her cheek as she faced Vera, looking into her eyes. Vera stared back with an open expression, patiently waiting for her to continue. Joan caressed her breasts and arm, the side of her body to the shape of her hip, smiling softly as she felt goosebumps on Vera's skin.

“I know that I'm not easy to live with...” Vera looked at her, lifting her eyebrow and smirked. Joan made a little face at her and continued again. “ _Anyway_... if you'd be agreeable, I'd like--” She paused again and started over. “If you can part with your mother's house, I'd love for you to live with me.”

Vera stared at her a little blankly, and then her eyes started to tear up a bit.

“Oh, Vera... I'm sorry. We don't have to. Is it too fast? I didn't mean to make you cry...” Joan said, in a stricken tone. But then she felt a sudden excitement and happiness from Vera before she lunged at her and wrapped her arms around her, kissing her face and lips repeatedly. Joan was a bit taken aback by her reaction, kissing her back and smiling. 

“Can I take that as a yes?”

“Yes! Of course I'll move in with you. I've wanted to for a long time, but I wasn't sure if you wanted that.”

Joan smiled at her. “That makes two of us. It's settled then. We'll hire movers to help you move out and you can move in just a few days... well... that is, unless you feel you need more time?” Joan suddenly felt a little anxious at assuming that Vera would want to do this right away.

“Let's do it by this weekend. We can work on selling the house later,” Vera said excitedly and kissed her again. Joan blushed, not used to this excitement from her, at least not this much at once.

Joan smiled and hugged her tightly, kissing her neck. Suddenly she pulled back and looked at Vera in horror. 

“What? What is it Joan? I can feel how anxious you are. Are you having second thoughts?” Vera asked in a smaller voice.

Joan shook her head. “No... not second thoughts. I made you coffee and I totally forgot about it. It's cold now!” She covered her mouth and shook her head, not able to believe she actually did that. 

She heard Vera burst out laughing, and Joan looked over at her, narrowing her eyes. “It's not funny. Coffee isn't the same after you microwave it.”

Vera laughed harder and fell onto her side. “Only you,” she laughed and tried to catch her breath, “only you would panic about coffee being cold!” Vera kept giggling and Joan couldn't help but smile at her.

“Well, if someone hadn't looked so... desirable this wouldn't have happened.” Joan reached over and began tickling Vera, smiling as Vera screeched and laughed, turning away from her. She grinned wickedly as Vera pressed her hands and feet against her trying to shield herself. Joan finally stopped when Vera claimed she couldn't breathe from laughing too hard. Joan smiled and looked down at her, kissing her softly. Vera smiled and kissed her back, still giggling a little.

Joan pulled Vera up and out of bed, patting her butt as she held her against her. “You know... there will be more of this when you move and you're just going to have to take it,” Joan said and winked at her.

“More tickling?” Vera said, smiling.

“Tickling... among other things,” she said and smiled slyly. 

“Like you making me my coffee?” Vera deadpanned.

Joan's lips twitched in amusement and she spanked Vera's butt. “Ha. On second thought, you know you have been so _adamant_ about making your breakfast lately, perhaps you should make your own coffee as well?” 

“But no one makes it as good as you!” Vera pouted, and her eyes almost looked bigger as she stared up at Joan... like a damn puppy.

Joan sighed dramatically. “You are so lucky I love you. Besides, I think you'd be too short to reach for where I keep the coffee grounds and tea,” Joan said, smirking.

“What?! Is that what I have to look forward to? More short jokes?” She said in what Joan knew was mock outrage.

Joan smiled and kissed her lips. “Yes, definitely."

Joan pulled on a robe and handed one to Vera, taking Vera's hand. “Come along, cupcake. I'll be making fresh coffee once again so you better drink it, and this time _I'll_ make breakfast.”

Vera snorted. “Yes, Governor.”

Joan chuckled as they left her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. I actually planned for it to be a little longer with some other things going on, but I felt that was a nice point to end that chapter. So those other ideas will have to be in the next chapter. But a little fluff is always fun to write... as well as lovemaking/smut mixed in with it. ;)
> 
> Also on a more serious note, I'd like to add that I know there are a lot of Wentworth fans in the U.K. At least the ones I talk to on Twitter and Tumblr are, and I just want to say that my thoughts are with you guys with the recent attack in Manchester. I hope you all stay safe, and if reading fanfiction or anything else helps keep your mind off of things, then I hope reading this chapter helped in some small way. <3


	30. Chapter 30

Vera had the day off and was washing dishes in Joan's house... their house, she thought and smiled. It was getting warmer and she had the AC on with a long t-shirt and just her knickers. She giggled as she did this in their home. Joan wouldn't be home for a few more hours and sometimes she worked overtime if they were worked different shifts. It wasn't often they didn't work at the same time, but some days it couldn't be avoided with the different rotations. Vera missed Joan but she also enjoyed the time to herself. They had been living together for a few weeks now and it had been an adjustment. 

Even though Vera had spent a lot of time at Joan's, she was still getting used to her habits and routine. They had gotten into a few little arguments over cleaning and neatness. She could tell that Joan was trying to be patient and not be too frustrated. But she still picked up whenever there was clutter that Vera left behind. They brought a chair of Vera's to place in the living room, and even though she knew Joan didn't want to do this to mesh with her own furniture, she was doing this for Vera, so Vera could have some part that was hers. Joan even suggested that they hang up some of the paintings she had bought. She knew Joan was very particular about art, but she said that there were some she liked of Vera's that she wanted her to have here. Joan said in this way it would be more their home. Vera smiled as she thought of this. It was their home.

Vera also had to get used to how controlling Joan was even at home as well as work. She still had to tell Joan that she could cook for herself sometimes. Joan was accepting of this as long as Vera ate a regular breakfast and ate more than just a piece of toast. If she skipped breakfast or had very little to eat, she usually got a stern lecture about it when they got home. Vera didn't want to continue to worry Joan so she made sure she took better care of herself. It finally all came to a head when she thought back to an argument from just a week ago.

_“You're just being controlling!”_

_“All right... I'll admit that I have a need to control events and others around me, but this is not about that, Vera. Taking care of yourself has nothing to do with control.”_

_“I do take care of myself. Just because I may skip a meal in the morning or not eat much during lunch doesn't mean I don't. Sometimes I'm just not hungry. This is a stressful job Joan and you know that. But perhaps you don't quite understand what that's like since you don't even eat normal food anymore!”_

_“That's not fair. Even I can't go for too long without feeding, and now from experience I know I was arrogant and careless to do so.”_

_“Are you calling me arrogant and careless?”_

_“Not arrogant, but careless... yes, you're being careless.”_

_“Well, why don't you tell me how you really feel, Joan? What's next? That I can't do my job right as your Deputy? That I'm completely incompetent too?”_

_“Where is this coming from? You eating enough has nothing to do with being Deputy, although it can affect you if you're not eating as often. Do you want to faint again at work?”_

_“That was under different circumstances Joan. I had been losing too much blood. You'd know that since you always feed off of me.”_

_“They weren't such different circumstances. This is a pattern you have of not taking care of yourself and I will not watch you do this to yourself. And losing too much blood? You know that you can always tell me no or have taken more of those iron supplements. Or are you now blaming me for what happened?”_

_“No... no, I'm not. I'm sorry. I don't blame you for what happened... that was my fault. I'm sorry I said that.”_

_“Vera... I just want you to take care of yourself. If you don't want to do it for yourself, can you please do it for me? I love you.”_

_“You don't play fair... but I will try to take better care of myself. I'll make sure to always have a big enough breakfast. Three meals a day, I promise.”_

_“I never play fair, Vera. And thank you... that's all I want.”_

Vera frowned as she thought of this and finished cleaning the dishes. She hated to admit that Joan had been right. She had been careless and she wasn't taking care of herself like she should. It was something she was trying hard to break the habit of. Vera had started a routine of preparing her meals for the week. Joan sometimes helped her and even offered to do it for her when she was too tired. Joan especially did this when she knew Vera was pulling an extra shift. This made her feel even more guilty that she hadn't been eating as much. Stress always got to her in this way. She was not the type to overeat. Every so often she would indulge in ice cream when stressed, but that was not something she did. 

It wasn't that she was unhappy, but the prison was very demanding and things between Joan and Bea had been escalating a lot. It worried her. Bea was a strong influence with the women and Joan was a very strong and dominant personality. It had been even harder lately dealing with everything with Jodie Spiteri and Bridget Westfall. Bridget had tried talking to Vera about Joan but she usually dismissed her. She didn't have time to indulge in the psychologist's opinions and thinly veiled accusations. Bridget didn't know Joan like she did. She was tough but professional, and if the woman couldn't see that then it was a waste of her time. 

She cleaned a bit more around the kitchen. It's not that the kitchen was dirty but she didn't want Joan to feel a need to clean when she got home. Vera wanted her to relax. 

Sometimes Joan still went out and hunted and Vera had been surprised that she wanted to do this. Joan had been a little cautious in telling her that she still needed to. Vera wanted to know why, and Joan told her that it was still an instinct within that didn't exactly go away. Vera didn't want to think about Joan hurting or killing someone. Joan was so sweet with her, and it was hard for her to imagine her as some sort of advanced predator. But she had seen her react violently before... when they were first attacked on the beach and during the riot. She knew Joan was dangerous if she chose to be. 

If she were to become a vampire... would she have to kill others too in order to survive? She wasn't sure she could do something like that and it bothered her. Yet... knowing she may die someday and Joan still be alive... that thought was also not appealing. She couldn't imagine the thought of forever... of living hundreds or thousands of years. Joan wasn't an old vampire by any means... but she would be someday, just like Aaron was. She needed to discuss more of this with her. She knew Joan was trying to be patient. They rarely talked about it as Joan would usually tell her to not worry, but she needed to know everything it would mean... if she did decide to become one. 

She looked at the time. It would still be a few hours before Joan came home and she made something to eat, making sure to keep her promise that she would get into the habit and routine of this. She made a simple sandwich and had some fruit with it. She smiled as she bit into a strawberry. Joan may have to survive on blood only, but she sure did like to eat strawberries sometimes. Mint chocolate was still something Joan indulged in periodically, and Vera thought maybe she should bake some mint chocolate brownies for her. She loved to bake and she hadn't done that yet. Maybe she'd do that today or tomorrow. 

She saw a reflection of herself in the fridge as she put away her plate and washed her hands. Her hair was a bit of a mess after she cleaned the kitchen. She went into the living room and turned on some music through her iPhone, plugging it into the speakers. Joan wasn't home and it was her day off so she decided to play a variety of music, most of it consisting of 70's and 80's rock. She danced a little as she went searching for her hair brush. Livin' On a Prayer by Bon Jovi started playing. She still couldn't find her hair brush and now she could see why Joan kept things orderly, every item in its own special place. Vera seemed to always be putting things down and forgetting where they were. 

Vera gave up and danced around the house, listening to the songs shuffle through Journey, Foreigner, and Billy Idol. She smiled as Back In Black by AC/DC started playing and it sort of reminded her of Joan. When she finally found her hair brush, she brushed her hair a bit. She then heard another song play and she knew she had to do this while Joan was gone. She quickly put on some sunglasses and slid across the floor, holding the hair brush like a microphone. Vera mouthed the lyrics and danced around the house as the song continued. She smiled when she moved her hips and sang to the song.

_“Still like that old time rock 'n' roll_  
_That kind of music just soothes the soul ooh_  
_I reminisce about the days of old_  
_With that old time rock 'n' roll_  
_Won't go to hear them play a tango_  
_I'd rather hear some blues or funky old soul_  
_There's only one sure way to get me to go_  
_Start playing old time rock 'n' roll”_

She thought of this scene with Tom Cruise in _Risky Business_ and couldn't help but do it as soon as she heard the song. She laid on the couch and kicked her legs then got up and danced again. She turned around and dropped the hair brush and gasped, her heart pounding as she saw Joan watching her in front of the living room. 

“Jesus Christ! Joan, why do you always have to do that?! You scared the shit out of me! I thought you weren't going to be home yet!” Vera placed her hand over her chest and took off her sunglasses. She turned off the music and blushed, staring at Joan in her uniform and neatly placed bun. Vera's hair was once again a little messy and wild from the dancing she did. She ran her fingers through her hair and Joan smirked at her and slowly stepped inside.

“I had a meeting with the board, and things were fairly slow today so I decided to come home early. Is this what you do all day? Dance in your underwear?” Joan asked playfully.

Vera blushed even more and she could feel amusement coming from Joan. “Well, I didn't think you'd be home this soon, and I was cleaning... and I was just—I was just playing around...” She continued to run her fingers through her hair a little nervously.

“I can see that.” Joan gave a small smile and took the sunglasses out of Vera's hand and placed them back over Vera's eyes. “This was how you looked when I came home... while listening to, what was it I heard? 'Still like that old time rock 'n' roll'?” Joan moved closer to Vera and slid her arms around her waist, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Why are you blushing, Vera?”

Vera shivered a little as she felt Joan's warm breath tickle her ear, Joan's lips barely touching. Vera's vision was darkened by the sunglasses in the room and she felt a little more confidence this way since Joan couldn't quite see into her eyes... at least it would appear this way. She felt Joan's hands caress her back, her hands moving under her shirt. Vera smiled and grabbed Joan's butt squeezing. 

“Your arse looks very good in uniform,” Vera said and she could hear Joan chuckle softly.

“Is that what you've been focusing on at the prison? How my arse looks?” Vera closed her eyes as Joan began kissing her ear, nibbling and sucking on her earlobe. 

“Hmm... and your long legs... your long fingered hands as you write in your notepad... so many things. How you strut down the corridors,” Vera said and moved her hand up Joan's back, keeping the other hand on Joan's butt. 

“Oh... I think someone has developed a little strut of their own. I can't help but watch the way you walk in that skirt. Do you know how often I've thought about fucking you on my desk?” Joan whispered and caressed her hand across Vera's butt and lower back, her other hand moving down to caress her hips.

Vera bit her lip and held Joan closely. Images of Joan bending her over the desk came to mind and she felt a familiar ache and heat between her legs. “How often?”

Joan reached up and grabbed Vera's hair and pulled her head back gently, taking off her sunglasses as she looked into Vera's eyes. “Oh... I'd say almost every other day. Shall I do that sometime?” Vera sighed softly as Joan reached down and cupped her between her legs. "Shall I call you in to deliver some reports? And push you back against my desk... would you want that?” Joan said in a low and soft voice.

Vera swallowed, looking into Joan's dark eyes. “Well, I would... but I w-wouldn't want us to be seen.”

Joan smiled and turned Vera around, pressing her back against her and wrapping her arms around her. She kissed her neck, sucking on it. “Oh, not to worry, Vera. I would not openly do that at work... but just for the sake of fantasy... would you want that?”

Vera felt her breathing quicken at the soft and slow caressing Joan was doing, her fingertips and nails tracing her skin. She could feel desire coming from Joan and she wasn't used to Joan talking like this. “I'd want it... and with your leather gloves.”

Joan licked her neck. “The leather gloves, hmm? That can be arranged...” 

Joan let go of her and grabbed her hand, walking into the kitchen. She kissed Vera's neck and then her breasts, sucking on her nipples. Vera moaned softly and stroked Joan's hair. Joan stopped and held Vera's arm and turned her around quickly, pressing Vera's chest against the kitchen table. Vera felt the material of Joan's uniform pressing up against her, the hard surface of the table cool against her breasts. She closed her eyes as she felt Joan slide her knickers down slowly, her fingers gently probing along her lips and slit.

“You're already wet for me...” Vera felt Joan wrap her arm under her and then slowly took her shirt off, helping Vera keep her balance as she gently but firmly pressed her chest against the kitchen table.

“Imagine this is my desk...” Joan said as she leaned down against Vera's naked back, kissing her neck and shoulder and Vera moaned softly. She could hear the sound of leather and knew that Joan was sliding them onto her hands. She closed her eyes as she felt the soft leather fingertips caress and stroke the skin of her back, her sides and her butt, finally reaching down to caress her wet center. She could feel Joan's finger slowly stroking up and down, barely touching her clit.

“Spread your legs,” Joan said softly.

Vera spread them a bit wider and blushed again as Joan rubbed and stroked her, not used to the leather gloves as Joan teased her. She felt Joan caressing her butt at the same time, then her hands moving along her back slowly. 

“Your skin is so soft and beautiful, and you are so responsive to me, so wet,” Joan said and kept kissing her neck and back, across her shoulders. She felt Joan's lips against her ear again, kissing there and her jaw, and she felt Joan's hair fall softly across her skin. She must have taken it out of the bun, she thought, as the soft and thick tresses caressed her back and shoulders. She kept kissing Vera's neck as she stroked her, her fingers slowly moving up and down, and circling her clit. 

“Joan please...” Vera moaned.

“Please what?” 

“Fuck me...”

Joan inhaled sharply and swept more of Vera's hair to the side, exposing her neck. Joan was breathing a little faster and she felt her hands leave her, disappointed at the loss of touch. Then she felt Joan's palms touching her hips, and she knew she had taken her gloves off. Joan caressed her and then rubbed her again between her legs. Vera gasped as Joan thrust two long fingers inside her a little hard, and started to curl them, stroking deeply. 

Joan smiled against her neck and started to thrust her fingers a little faster. Joan's other hand raked her nails slowly down Vera's back as she did this. Vera could feel the warmth of her hips and legs against her through Joan's uniform and shivered. 

“Does that feel good?” Joan asked.

Vera moaned. “Y-yes... it feels so good.”

Joan whispered in her ear softly. “This is what I think about... you in my office, fucking you so hard that you squeeze my fingers and scream as you come. And I want you to think about this every time I see you in my office. Every time you come in, I want you to think about my fingers inside you, fucking you. I want you to remember that you're mine, and that only I can make you come like this.” 

Vera moaned as she squeezed Joan's fingers and began moving her hips back into her hand. Joan kissed her neck, lingering as she dragged her lips slowly. She felt Joan smile, then she heard the click of her fangs, the sharp teeth gently skimming her neck. She felt Joan's desire and pleasure and was overwhelmed by it. Joan's other hand wrapped around her and stroked her clit, feeling her finger slowly circling it as her other fingers were inside her. Joan's breasts pressed against her through the uniform. 

“I love touching you, and feeling how you squeeze my fingers and rub and rock against me. I love how you taste... how your legs tremble when I have my tongue inside you. I love how you're shaking and shivering right now. I love how your blood tastes... it does more than sustain me. I can come just from sucking your blood. Do you know how wet I am right now? It's starting to soak through my uniform...”

Vera whimpered and arched her back. Joan was usually vocal during sex, but sometimes her words affected her more than usual. She felt herself becoming more wet as Joan's fingers stroked and rubbed inside her, and her clit was becoming so sensitive as Joan kept circling it slowly. 

“Joan... fuck me... make me come... bite me.”

Joan moaned her name softly and began pumping her fingers inside her faster and harder, rubbing her clit faster. Vera gasped as she felt Joan's fangs sink into her neck. She never understood how some pain could feel so good until she was with Joan. Even Joan being as gentle as possible when she bit her, it still hurt, but she was getting used to it. At times she craved it... needed Joan to bite her. The pleasure she felt from it as well as Joan's at the same time from doing this was something she wanted and needed. It was so intimate and she began to almost associate it with the timing of her orgasms. 

Joan's fingers rubbed and circled her clit faster, sucking harder and she heard Joan's soft voice say in her mind, “Come for me.” Vera squeezed her fingers tightly, shaking under Joan as she came hard and she could feel Joan's pleasure, feeling Joan shiver against her and she knew Joan had just come with her. Joan's lips were still at her neck, sucking her blood and she moaned softly. Joan stopped and gently kissed her neck. She bit into her finger and slid it across her skin, healing the area. Her body felt limp and relaxed as Joan slowly lifted her and wrapped her arms around her, and she felt her face brought against Joan's neck as she held her. Soft lips were kissing her hair and forehead, kissing her cheeks and mouth.

Vera kissed her back deeply and wrapped her arms around her. She could feel the rough part of the material of Joan's uniform scratching her skin slightly but she didn't care. All that mattered right now was feeling safe and secure in Joan's arms. She felt Joan's love enveloping her as she kept kissing her. They were deep and slow tender kisses. She ran her fingers through Joan's soft hair and felt her body being cradled against Joan's chest, her arms under her legs.  


Vera broke their kiss and looked into Joan's eyes that were soft and gentle. It was a look that only she got to see and she would always be grateful for the vulnerability Joan showed her. Joan started to move them out of the kitchen, carrying her in her arms.

“Joan, I can walk on my own you know...”

“I know... but I can still feel you trembling slightly, and your body feels very relaxed. I want you to lie down and sleep for a bit,” Joan said softly as she walked upstairs and into their bedroom. Joan gently put her into bed.

“Are you tucking me in for a nap?” Vera asked and smiled as Joan began doing just that.

“Just for a short nap. Then maybe we can go out for dinner later? I know you've been wanting to have sushi.”

Vera smiled at her and nodded her head. “I'd love that... would you eat sushi with me?”

Joan pretended to think about it, furrowing her eyebrows a bit. “Hmm... let's see... perhaps if you feed it to me,” she said mischievously.

Vera giggled. “I already think I feed you enough,” she said slyly and lifted her eyebrow. 

Joan smiled slowly and winked. “Hmm... perhaps you're right. Okay, I'll eat a little bit.” Joan leaned down and kissed her lips then slowly started to get up from the bed. Vera grabbed her hand and Joan looked down at her.

“Joan, please lie down with me,” Vera said softly, squeezing Joan's hand. 

Joan squeezed back and gently let go of her hand. “Let me change out of my uniform and into some normal clothes.”

Vera smiled. She loved feeling Joan's arms around her. It helped her sleep knowing Joan was there to protect her, listening to her heartbeat. She watched as Joan went into the bathroom and was brushing through her hair. She walked back out and went through her dresser, putting on a v-neck top and some cropped jeans that hugged her figure. Vera thought she looked very sexy in something this simple and casual, especially jeans. 

Vera felt a little shy being the only one naked. Joan had been in her uniform earlier and she blushed thinking of what they just did in the kitchen. Joan was right. She'd never be able to go into her office without thinking of that. She turned over and grabbed Joan's pillow, and she could smell the lingering scent of her. Her shampoo mixed with a light sandalwood and vanilla. She felt the bed dip as Joan stretched out on her side, wrapping her arms around Vera. She kissed Joan's lips softly and felt Joan gently stroking her hair. Joan caressed her arm, smiling as she rested her hand on her hip.

“How was work today?” Vera asked softly.

Joan lifted her eyebrows and sighed. “Oh, the same as it usually is. Channing still trying to undermine my position. Ms. Westfall still thinking I had anything to do with Spiteri's mental decline. Smith still causing problems. I still believe Mr. Jackson and Smith might be having a relationship. I just need proof.”

Vera didn't understand this. Will would never have a relationship with a prisoner. She was unsure why Joan still thought this was going on. She trusted Joan's judgment but she felt like this particular time the woman was wrong.

“Vera... I know you're confused by this, but I do firmly believe there is more going on. Whether that be revenge for Bea over her ex husband Harry Smith or something else. I'm not sure. Either way, it will be found out. Sometimes... you have to stir up the waters to catch a fish.”

Joan continued to stroke her hair and kissed her forehead. “You let me take care of everything. I'm the Governor and things will be sorted out one way or another. Let's not worry about it right now, hmm?”

Vera nodded and kissed Joan's lips, wrapping her arm around her. She pressed her ear against Joan's heart, listening to it. It was soothing to her. It was odd to her still... she had heard for so many years that vampires were considered undead. But Joan was very much alive. She sighed softly as she nuzzled her breasts. 

She felt Joan's hands gently caressing her back and stroking her hair. Joan felt warm... and sometimes she also felt cold. Joan had the weirdest body temperatures. She supposed some things could not be explained. 

She picked up Joan's hand and slowly traced her fingers, gently stroking her palm and Joan sighed softly in pleasure as she caressed her hand, bringing it up to her mouth and kissing it. Joan was so affectionate, at times gentle. She had a hard time comparing this woman with the Governor of Wentworth who was calm, cold, and professional. Joan was sometimes controlling at home, similar to the way she was at the prison. Then there was Joan as a vampire who was sensual and seductive but also sweet, emotional, and fiercely protective of Vera... to the point that she'd kill someone if she needed to. It bothered Vera in a way that Joan did kill others to feed. Especially when she didn't have to do so. Wasn't Vera enough? And Joan could always drink from the blood bags. What if Joan wanted to kill people? What if it wasn't by instinct like she said? Or perhaps the actual instinct itself was that she wanted to kill others... just to feed. If Vera became a vampire, would she want to do the same? This thought troubled her more than anything else. 

“Vera, what are you thinking about? I can almost hear the wheels turning in your head. Your body is tensing and I can feel anxiety coming from you,” Joan said gently.

Vera blushed a bit. She didn't think she was that transparent... but then again she could tell when she was feeling anxious, and Joan could too if emotions are running high. “Joan... if I became a vampire, would I have to kill anyone?”

Joan's hands stopped stroking her hair and she moved her hand under her cheek and looked at Vera. Her eyes were dark and serious. She kept one hand on Vera's hip as she spoke in a low voice.

“It's not exactly that simple. In the beginning, it may seem hard not to, or at least it may seem hard to not have the urge to attack, to hunt. It's not that you can't go into a room without doing so, but if you're needing to feed, it can be harder to control. You may not be able to have a choice as it feels very instinctive. It's the way we are as vampires. So you may morally not want to hurt or kill someone, but you may have the urge to do so anyway. Does that make sense?”

Vera looked down and took Joan's hand, interlacing their fingers. “It does... I don't know how I'd feel about that,” she said quietly. She didn't know either. To not even think about it if she was hungry... hungry or thirsty for human blood. She didn't want to hurt an innocent person. She felt Joan's hand cup her cheek and Vera slowly raised her eyes to hers. 

“Aaron and I only went after ones who were criminals, or people who were morally corrupt. It's not that I haven't hurt or killed someone that was innocent... especially in the beginning. I was also dealing with the death of... Jianna, and that left me in a very different mental state. I believe it will be very different for you if you decide you want this.”

Vera considered this. Maybe she could be a different type of vampire... maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she learned to control it, and if she did what Aaron and Joan did while hunting. But a life was a life, wasn't it? Perhaps it wouldn't matter if she was turned... but then there was another aspect she wanted to talk about. She caressed Joan's face, watching as Joan closed her eyes at the gentle exploration. Vera's fingertips stroked the skin of her cheeks, her nose, and her forehead, then down to her lips. She reached up and stroked Joan's hair, running her fingers through the black and silver strands. Joan almost purred as she did this and she smiled. 

“Joan... you're so beautiful, and I have to bring up... you're supposed to be 52... yet you look like you're 40. You were in your mid 30s when turned?”

Joan opened her eyes and nodded. “Yes, I was. Before I was turned I looked a little bit older than what I was, but I started going grey after my father died, and it seemed to get worse overtime. Now that I'm a vampire... I will not age, and my hair will stay like this.”

“I love your hair. You wouldn't be you without it. If I won't age physically... how long would I live?”

“You'll live as long as you can, as long as _we_ can... unless one of us is killed, and it's not impossible to kill a vampire. That will _not_ happen as long as you're with me. So yes... we can live forever. Aaron isn't even the oldest vampire. There are a few who are over 1,000 years old.”

Vera's eyes widened. “I can't even imagine that. That is such a long time... but if I had to spend it with anyone, I would with you.” Vera smiled.  


Joan blushed and kissed her softly. “It's hard for me to imagine as well, but it's something I've already come to terms with. Vera... it's not always easy, but if you became a vampire... well, as your Maker I would always be with you. I would guide you, help you. You would never have to deal with it alone. And as your partner... I would always make sure you were taken care of. You'd be different than you are now, physically and also somewhat different emotionally. You might feel things stronger than you do now, but we'd get through it.” Joan caressed her cheek and Vera smiled gently. 

“And if you're worried about hurting someone else, I can't guarantee you wouldn't, but there are places we can go for this. There are places where humans know of our existence and freely offer themselves for feeding. We do not kill them since they do this and it's a nice alternative. However, attachments can easily be formed and that is one of the reasons why I stopped going to them. But if you did become a vampire, we could go to some of these places.”

Vera thought this was very interesting and was surprised at the alternatives. “These places... could we go to one? Maybe tonight?”

Joan's smile faltered and she sat up against the bed with her back against the headboard. Vera sat up with her and Joan's face had a closed off and cautious expression to it. She could feel nervousness and worry coming from her. 

“No. There is no reason to go there. It's too dangerous,” she said sternly. 

“Joan, I'm just curious about such a place. If we went tonight after dinner, it would give us something to do and I just—I just need to know. It would help me in learning more about vampires. These are places I want to observe if I were to ever decide to be one...”

Joan's jaw worked and she wouldn't meet her eyes. She looked down at the bedding and Vera could tell she was thinking hard about this.

“If we go, I'd feel more comfortable if Aaron came with us. If he is available tonight, then we'll go.” 

“Why Aaron? Not that I don't mind seeing Aaron...” Vera could feel Joan's anxiety about this and it made her a little anxious herself, but she needed to do this. If she became a vampire, and could somehow avoid hurting someone, at least avoid doing it a lot, then she needed to see the types of places Joan mentioned.

Joan looked into her eyes. “Aaron is one of the oldest vampires I know, at least in this area. Some are older, and vampires who are older are faster and stronger. I may have been a vampire for almost 20 years, and there are some younger than me, but I'm still young in vampire years. If anything were to happen... I'd just feel better knowing Aaron is with us.”

Vera felt a little worried thinking about this, but she knew Joan and Aaron would protect her. “How can we get a hold of him?”

Joan grabbed her phone. “I'll text him. If he can't go tonight, we will go another time. We will not go without him,” she said firmly.

“I understand... I hope he can though.” Vera could feel Joan's irritation as she began sending him a text. Joan shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“What? What is it? Is he not able to make it?” Vera could see Joan's lips twitching but she could also feel both irritation and amusement from her.

“He can go tonight, and he's actually excited about it... I don't know why he encourages this...” Joan grumbled.

Vera smiled a little. “Does that mean he wants me to become a vampire?” 

Joan's eyes widened and looked at her. “What Aaron thinks is irrelevant... I don't want you to feel pressured... but yes, he fully supports this.”

“I thought you did too,” Vera said softly, feeling a little confused by Joan's reaction.

Joan's eyes softened and she leaned over and kissed her tenderly. “I do... but this is your decision and even if I want this, I can't decide for you. I don't want that for you. I want you to be as you are, human or vampire, but I want you to come to that decision yourself, without influence or pressure. Do you understand?” Joan asked gently.

Vera kissed her back and cupped her cheek. “I do... and thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“I love you... and I would never want you to resent me...” Joan said quietly.

“I don't think I could Joan... with whatever I end up doing. I love you too. This is why I'm wanting to do this... it's important to me. You're important to me.”  


Joan smiled and kissed her again. She turned back to her phone and shook her head. “Why must he always text in emojis?” 

Vera giggled and Joan glared at her a little before she gave a small smile.

Joan reached over and spanked her butt. “You never slept... rest for a bit. Then we'll get ready and have some sushi... then we'll meet Aaron later.”

Vera gasped and kept giggling as Joan started to kiss her cheeks and lips. “Yes, Governor... whatever you say.”

Joan smiled at her and winked, hugging her and kissing her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was actually supposed to be longer... but what I want to do with the next part is also going to be a lot, so I decided it was best to stop there and continue this for the next chapter. The sex was not planned... it just happened lol. ;)
> 
> I hope people have seen the scene of the movie Risky Business that Tom Cruise dances to that I had Vera do. It was a silly thing I wanted her to do because I always think of this scene when anyone is home alone by themselves and playing around. Especially if you imagine Vera doing this lol. I mean... I've never done this at all lol. *coughs* If you haven't seen the clip, it's a fun little thing to see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2UVsyVLLcE
> 
> The other music I have Vera listen also listen to is Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDK9QqIzhwk
> 
> Ask the Lonely by Journey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TElhOhRPXhs
> 
> Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wln6NX0V4AQ
> 
> Rebel Yell by Billy Idol: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPwZaQfoIbU
> 
> And then of course, the song that reminds me a little of Joan which is Back In Black by AC/DC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4EFddbHkRo
> 
> Anyway, fun tracks to listen to if you're not familiar with them. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be updated sooner but I had some sad news come up that made me distracted, sorry about that. Please note that this chapter takes place within the same day/night as chapter 30.

Joan sat across from Vera in the sushi restaurant. They had decided to sit in a booth instead of the sushi bar. It was more private and Joan preferred to sit across from Vera. It was easier to observe Vera this way. It was something she always enjoyed doing. Vera looked at the menu, her mouth moving to the side as she contemplated what she wanted to order. Joan's lips twitched in amusement as she watched her. Vera's eyes were roaming over the menu and she'd look like she knew what she wanted and then would change her mind, speaking to herself quietly over which rolls she wanted.

“Talking to yourself again Vera? That's the sign of madness they say,” Joan said in a semi serious tone.

Vera looked over at her with a slightly irritated expression. She made a face and mouthed in a mocking way what Joan said to her. Joan chuckled and Vera smiled and looked back at her menu.

Joan studied her, noticing Vera's sleeveless arms with the light blue top she wore, so toned. Her hair was around her shoulders and straightened, which was something Vera didn't do often. Joan preferred the wave and curl to Vera's hair. It added a level of innocence in some ways that she found very appealing. But she had to admit that she did like the straightened look as well.

Joan listened to Vera choose what she wanted to order, asking Joan if such selections were okay with her and Joan smiled slightly and nodded. Vera ordered for them and Joan saw how Vera ordered with confidence and a friendliness that Joan didn't always possess. Joan was polite but reserved, never showing much beyond that. She was still somewhat like this with Vera at home, but even that was fading a bit. Vera always managed to somehow get under her skin. She was not sure when this started to happen. It had seemed for a while that only Joan could do this, but now the petite woman could easily do the same to Joan. Not in the way one would expect though. Vera just had a way of bringing down Joan's defenses. She guessed this was because she was in love with Vera.

She smiled as she listened to Vera speak to her about Wentworth and the women, but her mind was elsewhere. She remembered earlier how she had found Vera dancing around in their home listening to music. She had seen Vera sing and dance before, but not in her shirt and underwear and certainly not to music that loud. She almost wished she had recorded it on her phone. It was as funny as the time she caught Vera playing around with her epee.

Vera had looked so enticing with a long shirt just past her butt. Something about the casual aspect of it, the shirt loose around her and no bra and only her underwear was oddly arousing. Vera's legs were shapely and toned and she couldn't help but notice them as she danced around before Vera turned around and saw her. Her hair was tousled and Joan thought she looked rather alluring in that moment, and she had wanted to tease her a little bit. It wasn't until Vera mentioned she wanted Joan to use her leather gloves that Joan knew she had to take her right then.

While Joan loved feeling Vera's skin pressed against hers, there was something very sensual and powerful about her still being in her uniform and Vera completely naked. She had never taken Vera from that position, at least definitely not against the kitchen table. The time Vera had done that with her in the kitchen was a little different, and her back had been against the table then. There was a level of trust and vulnerability with the way Vera had allowed herself to be naked and exposed as Joan fucked her from behind. The trust that Vera gave her was something Joan truly cherished. This was even more so when Vera always let Joan bite and feed from her.

If Vera became a vampire, she would miss doing that with her. In some ways she wished Vera would remain human just for that. Her blood was different. She wasn't sure if it was just because it was Vera, or because she was her partner, or because they were soul mates or kindred spirits. Joan never thought so much to the soul or a spiritual aspect of life, but there had to be something that brought them together and bonded them in this way. It was not easily explained and was confusing, but it felt right.

“And then Doyle grabbed my arse and said, 'How about you and I have a little fun eh, Vinegar Tits?' So I decided maybe I would because Franky is really hard to resist with all those tattoos.”

Joan widened her eyes and dropped the sushi from her chopsticks, staring at Vera. “I'm sorry, what? She did what?!”

Vera gave a little smirk. “I was kidding. Just trying to see if you were still listening to me. You seem a little distracted. Happy, but distracted,” she said softly.

Joan furrowed her eyebrows and sighed. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem as if I wasn't listening. I just was thinking about you... about us. Vera... are you sure you would want to be like me?”

“Joan, you've been my mentor at Wentworth since you arrived here... and of course I've learned so much from you. Why wouldn't I want to emulate that?” Vera asked a little confused.

Joan lifted her eyebrows. “Well, I'm glad you feel that way. I've always enjoyed working with you... even when you sometimes question my decisions,” Joan replied, smiling a little playfully.

Vera opened her mouth in mild shock. “What?! I don't ever question your decisions, _Governor_. I merely... look to clarify certain things,” Vera said and Joan could see that she was trying to keep a straight face, but her lips were twitching and just barely starting to smile.

“Ah... I see, _Ms. Bennett_. Well, maybe sometime later I can help correct that... at home... if that's what you need,” Joan said in a low voice.

Vera blushed. “I look forward to it,” she said softly and began eating more of her sushi.

Joan smiled a little as she picked up a roll with her chopsticks. The sushi still tasted appealing in a certain way, but not to what she remembered before she was a vampire. She loved to watch Vera eat though. The woman showed great etiquette in how she ate sushi, knowing how to use the opposite ends to pick up the roll, and the ginger on the side to cleanse the palate.

Joan set down her chopsticks. She took a sip of her green tea and then folded her hands in front of her. “I'm flattered that you'd like to emulate me at work. I knew I saw potential in you from the beginning and you're the best Deputy Governor I've had. I'm so pleased in how you've progressed. However, when I asked if you wanted to be like me, that wasn't what I meant. I wanted to know if you're sure you want to be... what I am,” Joan said seriously, looking into Vera's eyes.

She was both nervous about this answer and curious. She knew that Vera was thinking about it... but thinking about it and actually changing one's life in such a drastic way were two different things. Even though they talked about it, she worried about Vera being too impulsive. She didn't want her love to become overwhelmed... or worse--hate her for making her into something she later regretted.

Vera was silent for a minute and she took a sip of her tea. “I... have thought about it... I'm still unsure, but in order for me to make a decision, I want to know everything.”

Joan bit her lip. “Are you sure this is what you want to do tonight? You can always ask me questions or even Aaron would be happy to talk to you as well. We don't have to go there tonight.”

Vera frowned a little. “You seem apprehensive. Are you that worried something could happen?”

Joan shook her head and sighed. “Normally vampires are respectful towards humans who are there, even more so if accompanied by another vampire, and especially one of Aaron's age. I suppose I'm worrying about nothing. Maybe I'm just being overprotective. I just have a... bad feeling,” Joan said quietly.

Vera reached over and touched her hand. “We don't have to go there tonight Joan... or ever if you don't want me to. I don't want to make you worried,” Vera said gently.

Joan looked down at their hands and smiled a little. “We should go... this is important and my fear shouldn't get in the way of it. You deserve the right to see and explore what it would be like, or even to talk to other vampires. I just—I'm just a little antisocial I suppose. Other than you and Aaron, I don't enjoy spending time in these places. I did for a while in the beginning because that had a certain purpose, but now that's faded. I needed to focus on my career as well.”

Joan also had been planning her long sought out revenge against Will Jackson, but Vera didn't need to know that. Her single minded focus on getting revenge and wanting to destroy Jackson had driven Aaron away. They had had a semi falling out over it and didn't speak for a few years. She told him she needed to follow her own life and path. He said he couldn't continue to be apart of it if she went after Jackson. Although he knew she was still wanting revenge, he told her recently that this new relationship with Vera caused him to forget about the past, or at least accept the choices she wanted to make even if he disagreed.

Vera nodded. “I would like to go, but again if you're uncomfortable with--”

“Vera, we will go. We've already made plans with Aaron. I'm just being paranoid. I'm protective of you but that shouldn't get in the way of something you want to explore,” she said softly.

“Thank you... I'm protective of you too,” Vera said and smiled gently.

Joan's eyes widened a little. “Protective of me? You need protection... you're human and compared to what I've seen in my world... I don't need protection, darling.”

“Joan you may not physically need protection from me... but your heart does. I feel very protective of that. I hold your heart in my hands, just like mine is in yours,” she said tenderly.

Joan could feel the love and tenderness coming from Vera, and she felt a little guilty because this made her think how she had not always protected Vera's heart... had broken it a couple times, especially after the riot.

“Joan... don't feel guilty. Please... what happened before is over. I don't want you to always beat yourself up over it. I've forgiven you... please forgive yourself too.”

Joan smiled sadly. “It means a lot that you do forgive me. It will just take me a little longer to forgive myself... I'm so sorry for not protecting your heart.” Joan blinked back some tears. She didn't want to become emotional and she held her breath as Vera moved over to sit next to her and kissed her softly. She held Joan's hand and looked into her eyes. They were soft and tender and looked very blue.

“Baby, listen to me... neither one of us is perfect, and we're both going to hurt each other in life. It's inevitable. I promise you that I'll try not to hurt you, and I know you're the same way. As long as we always keep talking to each other, we'll be all right even if we do,” Vera said softly.

Joan smiled and squeezed her hand. “I promise to do the same... we'll never stop communicating even if we do. I will always try to protect your heart. And that's the second time you've called me 'baby'.”

Vera opened her mouth looking a little embarrassed. “If you don't like that, I can stop... I didn't even think about it.”

Joan wrapped her arm around Vera's shoulders and kissed her forehead. “I'm not used to someone calling me by a term of endearment... but if anyone is to call me 'baby' it should be you, so I don't mind at all.” Joan smiled at her and rubbed her shoulder. “Now, why don't we pay for our dinner and go and meet Aaron, hmm?” Joan grabbed her card and as she was starting to place it down, Vera quickly put down her card as well.

“Vera, what are you doing? I'm paying for dinner,” Joan said a little irritated.

“You always pay for dinner... let me do it.”

“Vera... I always pay because that's what I should do. You shouldn't have to... especially since I don't really need to eat this. Now, remove your card and I will take care of it,” Joan said softly but firmly. She could feel extreme irritation coming from Vera but she would not remove her card. She would pay for this. Vera offered so much to her in so many other ways. Money was never an issue. She tried not to smile as Vera lifted her card from the table, grumbling about Joan being a control freak. While it bothered Joan that the other women had nicknamed her “The Freak,” she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at how indignant Vera was acting.

The waiter took their card and Joan turned to Vera who was facing forward and pouting. She kissed her cheek and the woman was still irritated. Vera glared at her from the corner of her eye. Joan lifted her brow and kissed her cheek and then her ear. She could start to feel Vera smiling so she turned her face and pecked her on the lips.

“You don't play fair... I wanted to be mad at you and now I'm can't because you're being cute,” Vera said a little amused and exasperated.

Joan smirked. “I told you recently, I never play fair. And cute? I wouldn't ever describe myself as that.”

Vera narrowed her eyes a little and smiled. “Well, for an intimidating Governor, you are cute.” Vera kissed her lips again and started to move out of the seat, taking Joan's hand. Joan smiled warmly when Vera walked slightly ahead of her as they walked through the restaurant.

When they got outside it was a little warm out and Joan opened her car door for Vera, getting in and driving away. As she drove she put on some music. She wanted to relax so she played Evolutionistically Yours by Józef Gatysik. It had been a classical piece she heard playing on a classical music station she listened to on her phone. She once heard it start playing as she was reading a book in her room. She was immediately drawn to the soothing song, and although the title itself was a mouthful, she was moved by the music. It was a little more modern and she was starting to collect a variety of classical. She thought this one would be something Vera would enjoy too.

“Joan?”

“Yes, Vera?”

“Do you know any of the vampires at the place we're going to?”

Joan thought for a few minutes, remembering some of the faces she recognized from the last time she was there. “There are a few I know, but not very well. They are merely acquaintances, but there is some level of mutual respect I have with them. Others I don't know. Whether that be because I avoided them or because they're new. I don't go to these places anymore... although I did once when we were... apart. There was a human woman I fed on... she might be there,” Joan said a little nervously.

“You fed on someone else? You didn't hunt? And you fed on another woman?” Vera asked incredulously.

Joan could feel hurt, anger, and jealousy coming from her. “I did... I-I wasn't in the mood to hunt, but I didn't want to drink from the blood bags I had... so I went there and did that.” She suddenly felt a lot of jealousy and anger coming from Vera.

“Did you fuck her?” Vera asked sharply.

Joan's eyes widened and she pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the car. “Vera, I know you're feeling angry right now, but I can't believe you'd think I'd sleep with someone else...”

“Did you?” Vera glared at her. Joan knew Vera was feeling hurt and angry and that seemed to override some of the jealous feelings.

Joan turned more to face her and took her hand. “Vera... look at me. I swear to you, I did not sleep with or even think about anyone else but you while we were apart. I-I couldn't even finish feeding from this woman because all I did was think about you. I left quickly after that. It was the same night I came over to your house and we talked...” She said softly.

Vera looked a little troubled still, her eyebrows furrowed and she sighed. “How come you didn't tell me about this?” Joan frowned a little as she could detect a slightly suspicious tone in Vera's question.

“I didn't think it was important at the time, and we had so much to talk about and everything with the prison... I just forgot about it. It meant so little to me that it went out of my mind until now. She didn't mean anything Vera. She was a tool, nothing more.” Vera was avoiding eye contact with her. She reached up and gently held Vera's chin, raising her face to hers and looked into her eyes.

“I'm sorry this hurt you. That was never my intention. I just... needed to feed, and this is why these places exist.” Joan caressed her cheek and Vera closed her eyes and leaned into her touch.

“I know you didn't... I shouldn't have overreacted or accused you of sleeping with another woman. I'm sorry,” Vera said quietly. She slipped off her seat belt and wrapped her arms around Joan's shoulders.

Joan reached up and hugged her, caressing her back. She kissed the side of Vera's face and nuzzled her neck.

“It's all right. No need to feel sorry.” Joan kissed her temple and moved out of their embrace. “Let's head over there before it gets any later. Aaron will be happy to see you too.”

Vera smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Seeing him would be nice. I like him.”

“Yes... he's not so bad,” Joan said dryly and Vera giggled. Joan smiled as she began driving.

When they arrived she parked and they both got out of the car. They stood in front of it before going in. She wrapped her arm around Vera's waist with her hand resting on her hip. “We're going to wait for Aaron.”

Vera watched the front of the establishment in curiosity and she looked up at Joan. “Okay. Will he be here soon?”

“He should be...” Joan looked at her watch. She was a little irritated. Would it kill him to be on time for once? She and Vera stayed close to the car and it started to get a little darker. About 15 minutes passed and Joan let out a frustrated sigh and took out her phone. “I'm going to text him. This is ridiculous.”

**_Where are you?_ **

**_Hey I'm sorry! I got caught up with something._ :-/**

**_Caught up with something? I told you I wanted you here with us._ **

**_I know, I know. Don't wait up for me. I'll be there soon._ :-)**

**_Aaron, you are trying my patience._ **

**_Joan would you calm down? Lol_ :-p _Go ahead and go inside. It'll be fine. I know some of the people there. I will be there soon. I promise._ <3**

Joan shook her head and inhaled sharply. “Vera... why don't we go inside? Aaron will meet us soon.”

“Oh... okay. Is everything all right?”

“Yes. He's just a little preoccupied at the moment. Not to worry.” Joan put her hands on Vera's shoulders. “While we're in there you will not leave my side, do you understand? You are not to be alone.”

Vera's eyes widened. “I understand... I'll stay with you at all times.”

Joan sighed in relief. “Good. And always be aware of your surroundings. One can never be too careful...”

They walked up to the door and saw a tall blonde man who nodded at Joan and looked curiously at Vera.

“Is she new?” He asked.

Joan looked at him and shook her head. “She's with me. She is not here for that.”

He nodded again. “Understood. Welcome.”

Joan saw Vera smile nervously at him. He stared back at her with a rather blank expression. Joan took her hand as they walked inside. There were vampires sitting and talking, and others that were feeding on humans. She saw some of them laughing and she thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe this could be a more positive experience for Vera.

“Who was that?” She whispered to Joan.

“His name is Vincent and he was guarding the door. He's a very serious man, but respectful. He is not one you ever want to mess around with.”

Vera nodded and Joan watched as she looked around the place. Joan took her to a table that was more in a corner and sat next to each other closely. “This is more secluded... and it's easier to watch others in here. The people over there? Those are humans that willingly let us feed from them. And from the looks of it, they're not just used for feeding. I believe some of them are in relationships. A vampire and a human dating is not exactly common but it's not rare either. So there are others in similar relationships.”

“People who are soul mates?” Vera asked and looked around. Joan could feel her strong curiosity and nervous energy.

“Hmm... perhaps some of them are. It's hard to tell. I would only be able to speculate. Some are also just very attached to each other. They can still be in committed relationships even if they're not bonded like we are. However, being bonded--soul mates like you said, does make those feelings stronger between a human and a vampire... and it's the same for two vampires that are bonded in such a way.”

“It seems nice... they all seem very friendly with each other. There's a lot of chatting and laughing. Why were you so worried?”

“Well, I haven't been to these in a long time, with the exception of that time after the... riot. I just don't trust many people, and that includes vampires. Some are respectful like Aaron and Vincent... and others not as much...”

Joan scanned the room and saw the woman she fed on over a month ago. The woman made eye contact with her and Joan glared at her. The woman quickly looked away. Joan tried not to smirk.

“You look amused. What is it?” Vera asked.

“Oh, I'm just taking in the environment. How are you doing?” Joan asked, looking at her.

Vera breathed in deeply. “It doesn't seem any different than being in a regular bar with humans. I see other vampires feeding off of some humans... but that's not very different than seeing two people kiss... well, at least a little similar to that I guess.”

Joan gave a little lopsided smile. “Ah... I see where your mind is going...”

“No, no. I just—I'm just making an observation!”

“Hmm... well, I suppose you're right about how it does look in here.” Joan winked at her. Vera was blushing a little and she took her hand and kissed it.

“You know... I may ask why you blush all the time, but you do look adorable when you do. Your skin turns a beautiful rosy hue,” Joan said in a soft low voice.

Vera blushed even more and Joan smiled. “You see? Just like that. It even reaches your ears.” Joan reached up and touched the shell of her ear and it felt very warm.

“Joan, you seem to do this on purpose...”

“I do... you should know me better by now. I enjoy watching your reactions to the things I do and say... especially when you blush.” Joan kissed her ear and jaw and she felt Vera shiver.

She watched as Vera closed her eyes and she continued to kiss her neck. She could feel Vera's pleasure from this and she smiled.

“Are you going to bite me here?” She whispered.

“I could... that would definitely make you fit in so to speak. Unless you don't want me to, which I won't if you'd rather we do this privately,” Joan said softly, and tenderly kissed her neck and throat.

Vera reached up and stroked Joan's hair, tilting her head to the side and exposing more of her throat. “Do it...” She said softly.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. She was surprised. She didn't think Vera would want to do this here... she wasn't sure what to think of that. It was a very intimate act between them, yet at the same time, there was a part of her that was exhilarated by the idea of doing this here. Vera's voice giving her permission had such a sensual tone to it that she found it hard to tell her no. She opened her mouth and her fangs came out. She cupped Vera's neck and gently and slowly pressed her teeth against her skin, dragging her fangs against it.

“Don't tease me Joan...” Vera whispered.

Joan smiled and licked her neck. “What do you feel when I do this to you?”

“I feel—I feel love, passion, desire... need.”

“Need... do you need me to do this?”

“Yes... I need you... in so many ways. I didn't think I'd want or need to feel this, but I do. It makes me feel like I'm yours, as if you claim me every time you do it,” Vera said.

Joan could smell Vera's light perfume mixed with her own human scent, and the faint smell of blood from her veins. She kissed Vera's neck, her fangs touching her throat again gently.

“I do claim you... because you're mine. You'll always be mine. I mark you every time I sink my teeth into your skin... just like how I've marked your body with light bruises when we make love.”

Vera snickered. “You mean hickeys?”

“Yes... you have quite a few of those... hickeys.” Joan stroked her neck with her hand and kissed her throat.

“I've given you a few too... but yours always heal so quickly,” Vera said a little annoyed.

Joan made a sound of amusement. “Hmm... one of the advantages of being a vampire my dear Vera.” She closed her eyes and sunk her teeth into Vera's neck deeply. She heard Vera gasp and Joan caressed her neck as she did this. She sucked deeply and moaned softly. She could never get enough of this. Vampires never became intoxicated on blood like one would alcohol, but this was almost like this for her with Vera's blood.

She felt Vera's pleasure mixed with hers and thought of how she'd miss this if Vera became a vampire. It would be a small sacrifice to pay though if Vera decided to stay with her for as long as possible, if it meant Vera wouldn't die. She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. She couldn't let them bother her. She concentrated on how Vera felt and tasted. “I love you,” she thought in her mind, knowing that Vera heard it as she sighed softly. She heard Vera's soft sweet voice say, “Love you too” through their mental connection. Joan felt a happiness that she didn't know existed, that she didn't think she'd ever feel.

She gently caressed Vera's neck with her fingertips as she sucked her blood. She knew she needed to stop soon. There were times when she had a hard time doing so, but her own will and self control was stronger, especially when she fed on a regular basis. If Vera became a vampire... she'd help her with this as best as she could.

“You're back... I haven't seen you in a while. And you brought her... I see she didn't leave you after all.” Joan recognized that voice and she moved her face back and stood up quickly.

“What are you doing here?” She growled.

Jacob looked at her and smiled a little. “I'm able to come here whenever I want. I just thought I'd say hello... although considering the last time... maybe that wasn't such a good idea since you did attack me.”

Joan couldn't believe how stupid she was. She once again became distracted while with Vera. This was not Vera's fault, but Joan had to be more careful. This was the second time this happened. And where the fuck was Aaron? This is what she was afraid of happening... running into someone like Jacob who seemed to have no respect.

“Get out,” she said in a low voice, and there was a dangerous edge to it.

“You want _me_ to get out? I don't think so. You see Joan... it is Joan, right? Not that it matters. Anyway... I don't have to get out. Maybe it's you who should leave.” He stared at her and she could sense the type of person he was. Dangerous, impulsive, and arrogant. She hated men like him.

She stood in front of Vera and bared her fangs. “We shouldn't have to leave just because you seem to have some problem with respect and authority. You're young... and yet you keep trying to antagonize me. Is this some kind of pissing contest, Jacob? Are you feeling disappointed that you couldn't get what you wanted? You must be so incredibly worthless... pointless. How does your Maker even manage you? Or tolerate you?” She smirked at him as his smile faded and looked even more angry. She knew she was provoking him. All she had to do was get him to try and attack her.

“You know... people like you must really like the humans that come in here... and I don't get it. They're nothing but cattle for us... especially that little whore of yours,” he sneered.

Joan growled and reached out and grabbed him by the throat and threw him across the table, watching him land a few tables over. She ran over and backhanded him across the face, lifting him up and squeezing his throat.

“Don't you ever say that about her again! You have no respect you pathetic little underling. I told you if you ever came near me or her again that I'd kill you.” She could feel Vera's fear and anxiety but she was so enraged she couldn't concentrate. The nerve of this man. She threw him against the wall. She was going to rip his heart out. There would be no more chances with him. He didn't deserve to live.

She ran forward and then felt a strong hand around her neck, squeezing hard and she rasped and fought against it but it was too strong. She was lifted up into the air. She looked down and recognized the beautiful blonde woman, Jacob's Maker... Renee. She had her fangs out and was glaring at her.

Renee growled, “What the fuck are you doing to my progeny?! I'm going to kill you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yes I did a cliffhanger. Sorry not sorry lol.
> 
> The music that Joan plays in the car is a very pretty song I heard on Spotify. I wanted to use it. If you'd like to listen to it, here is a link for that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRY-qlby9Tw
> 
> Also please note that Renee, the vampire that grabbed Joan at the end, who is the Maker of Jacob that saved Joan on the beach in chapter 9, is inspired by the looks of Cate Blanchett. I'm a huge Cate Blanchett fan and I just couldn't help myself but make a vampire look like her lol. If people don't know who she is, here is a picture of how I imagine her looking as Renee: https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelcinematicuniverse/images/1/1b/Cate_Blanchett.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160201010348
> 
> Also updated with notes, I thought I should give inspiration on what Jacob looks like, and he's inspired by Christian Bale: http://healthyceleb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Christian-Bale.jpg
> 
> The blonde man at the door named Vincent is inspired by Ryan Gosling: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/59/cf/e2/59cfe2ac7a4da37034dc8d70ca0c344d.jpg


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I updated within a couple days after my last chapter. Please make sure to read chapter 31 before you read this chapter. Enjoy. :)

Joan could feel the woman's nails and fingertips digging into her skin and she couldn't breathe. She could see the angry blue eyes of Renee, the pupils widening to where her irises almost looked black. The woman was very strong and she couldn't break the grip of her hand around her throat. She felt a temporary reprieve as she was thrown across the room and hit her side as she landed against a table. She shook her head and stood up.

Renee raced towards her and slammed her head against a table. She felt blood in her mouth and hissed as Renee gripped her hair hard and brought her down to her knees. The woman hit her hard across the face. She dazedly heard Vera screaming her name. 

Renee lifted her head and made her look into her eyes. “My progeny is my family... how dare you try and kill him! I will make you suffer,” she whispered into her ear, then she felt pain as Renee's fangs ripped into her neck, and she could feel Renee's hand pushing hard against her throat, suffocating her.

“Vera...” She thought and hoped that she would hear her, that she could communicate how she felt. If she were to die, she wanted Vera to know that her thoughts were of her in these final moments. She felt Renee's hand pushing hard against her chest. The woman would probably reach into her chest and rip her heart out. It was a fast and easy kill but this woman was making her feel pain before she did it, the pressure on her chest becoming too painful. She was close to passing out the more the woman pressed against her throat, cutting off her oxygen. 

“Joan...” She heard Vera's voice say in her mind and she felt intense fear and despair coming from Vera. She felt helpless knowing she was witnessing this. She tried to concentrate hard to communicate one last message to Vera. “I love you... don't forget that...” She thought and then she felt the sudden pressure and weight lifted from her. 

“Renee, that is my progeny. If you kill her, I will not be able to control my actions! You do not want me as your enemy,” Aaron growled as he lifted Renee and threw her across the room. Joan looked up and saw Aaron's eyes were wild, almost completely black and his fangs were bared in a way that she knew he was about ready to lose his temper. 

She coughed and stood up. She looked over to see that Jacob was near Vera and she panicked as she realized what he was about to do. Vincent ran over and stood in front of Vera. 

“Step away,” Vincent said in a low voice.

“What is it to you? This is none of your business!” Jacob snarled.

“It is my business now since you stepped in here. I've been watching you for a long time, and I don't like what I see. Do not touch her. She belongs to someone else. Leave now.”

Jacob grit his teeth and glared at him. Vincent lifted his eyebrow and crossed his arms. 

"Don't make me lose my patience. Run along now," Vincent said in an irritated tone. 

Jacob glared and lifted his hand fast, starting to swing it towards him. 

Vincent quickly grabbed Jacob's fist and twisted his arm behind his back. "Oh, no. No, no, no. You don't want to fuck with me arsehole. You better drop it, or you won't believe what happens next, even while its happening." 

Jacob hissed and Vincent twisted his arm harder. "Do you understand me?" Vincent asked loudly. 

Jacob nodded and Vincent let him go. Jacob turned and walked away.

Joan quickly moved over and took Vera into her arms, the woman shaking against her. She saw that there was blood on her top, dripping down her neck. Joan sighed as she realized that she hadn't healed her before all of this happened. She bit her thumb and pressed it against her neck, watching as the wounds healed and disappeared.

“Are you all right?” She asked anxiously.

Vera squeezed her and looked up at her. “I'm okay. Are you all right? You're bleeding and I can see bruises starting to form.” Vera reached up and touched her face gently.

Joan stroked her hair. “Yes... I'm fine. I'll heal soon enough.”

Joan heard a loud crash. She turned her head towards the noise and saw Aaron pick up Renee and throw her outside. She hadn't seen Aaron this angry in a while. He was not going to kill Renee, she knew that much. She didn't understand why he refused to kill other vampires. 

Joan turned to Vincent. “I appreciate what you did... thank you. Will you look after her for a moment?”

Vincent nodded. “Of course.”

“Joan what are you doing?” Vera asked and Joan could feel her worry. She kissed Vera's forehead.

“I need to make sure Aaron is okay... please stay here. I trust Vincent. He will protect you.” 

Joan slowly stepped outside and watched as Renee and Aaron fought. She looked over to see Jacob watching her from the wall and she grabbed him and held him by the collar of his shirt. “You will _not_ move. I'm sick of your attitude. Our Makers shouldn't have had to get involved because of your disrespectful, insulting, and idiotic behavior.”

They both turned as they heard Aaron and Renee start yelling as they punched each other, and she knew suddenly that this was very personal between them. Renee and Aaron stopped and stared at each other, and she watched as Aaron spit blood, wiping his mouth. Another woman with dark hair ran forward and grabbed Renee's arm.

“What are you doing?” Renee hissed.

“What am I doing? What are YOU doing? Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” The dark haired woman was young and attractive and Joan narrowed her eyes at what the younger woman said next.

“Jacob isn't worth this! I know he's your progeny, but I am too... and this isn't worth it. I've been with you for 200 years... let him go. I've told you about him... he's dangerous, reckless, and sadistic. You should release him.”

Jacob pushed against Joan and she held him tighter. "Fuck off Rose!" 

Renee glared at him. “Language Jacob! Do not speak to her that way!" She turned towards Rose again. "I have a responsibility to him as his Maker. Stay out of this Rose,” she said firmly.

Joan watched as the younger woman named Rose took a few steps back. 

Aaron lifted both eyebrows. “Are we done? I think we are done,” he said in a calm and aggravated tone.

Renee walked closer to him and she could see the tension in Aaron's body.

“She was trying to kill my progeny!” Renee yelled.

“She had a right to do it! He hurt her mate!” Aaron said, raising his voice.

“Since when does a human life mean more to you, Aaron?” Renee asked vehemently.

Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. “I didn't know you were so prejudiced...”

Renee smiled without mirth. “You've gone soft... what happened to you? Even if she is her mate, when should that take importance over our kind? Kill her or make her into a vampire.”

Aaron shook his head. “You know there are vampire and human relationships. I'm surprised you'd say this.”

“The ones here are used for their blood, what they provide for us. A human lover might be nice for a short time, but eventually they become boring, old, and weak.”

Aaron stared at her, his lips set in a straight line. “The human man I was once in love with was never boring to me, far from it. I wouldn't ever change who he was, no matter how old he grew. He was not weak to me. You've become prejudiced... and even if she is human, they're bonded.”

“They're bonded?” Renee asked and sucked in a breath.

“Yes... they're bonded. So, she is more than just a mate, more than just a lover or a partner. You know what this means. They are destined for each other.”

Renee turned and looked at Jacob. “You attacked a bonded couple?”

Joan let go of him and he walked towards Renee. “So what if they're bonded?”

Renee slapped him across the face. “There are rules about this among our kind. You are never to harm two people that are bonded. That is punishable by death, do you understand that? Do you understand that she had every right to kill you? I didn't know enough information, and now I do. I have a right to kill you for this! Rose and I are bonded. If someone hurt her, I would kill them too.”

“I didn't know you two were bonded...” Jacob said quietly.

Renee's eyes were cautious, troubled. “I see that I've failed you... if you didn't know the importance of this. Before you were in the wrong attacking them on the beach, and I see you're in the wrong again. I believed at first that she was just angry that you were here... because you gave me your word that you would not attack them again. You've disobeyed and deceived me. Go home.”

“Renee... I didn't--”

“As your Maker I command you to go home! I will not deal with you right now... I will deal with you later,” she said as she raised her voice.  


Jacob's jaw was working and he ran off. Joan walked over to Aaron and he sighed. Renee looked over at them.

“I apologize for what has transpired here tonight. I reacted... and I didn't have all of the facts.”

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “I would have reacted the same way in your position.”

Renee smiled slowly. “I believe you already did when you attacked Jacob.” Renee beckoned the young dark haired woman to her and grabbed her hand as she walked closer. 

Joan felt a small hand wrap itself around hers and she looked down to see Vera standing next to her. She saw Vincent standing near the door and he nodded at her. Joan wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly. 

Renee watched them closely and Joan was a little unnerved by this. “What is it?” Joan asked.

Renee sighed. “I should have seen that you were both bonded... I should have been able to tell being a bonded vampire myself... but I was too angry to think straight.”

Rose smiled at her. “You're just protective, Renee. Don't blame yourself... blame Jacob. He caused all of this. You should release him.”

Joan watched this with curiosity as the two women gave each other a knowing look. Joan turned towards Aaron who lifted an eyebrow at her.

“I may have to release him... I've never done this before. I feel I've failed as his Maker,” Renee said sadly.

“Sometimes... a progeny needs more patience... others never learn and they will forever be self destructive. Releasing a progeny is a possibility when this happens,” Aaron said softly. 

Renee nodded, her eyes clouded. Rose kissed her cheek. “We should go. You need to relax,” Rose said softly.

Renee nodded and sighed. She turned towards Vera. “I'm sorry for Jacob's actions and mine. I take full responsibility for him. I hope this has not damaged your view of us.” She reached out her hand towards Vera.

Joan watched as Vera slowly held out her hand and shook it. Renee smiled slowly. “One who forgives quickly is one to keep,” Renee said softly.

Joan lifted an eyebrow. She could feel that Vera's body was tense. Vera's worry, fear, apprehension, and curiosity filtered through to Joan. After all of this, Vera still felt curiosity. Joan thought Vera was definitely in shock in some way. She somehow maintained her control even with how she was feeling. Joan gave a small smile. This is one of the reasons why Vera makes a fine Deputy Governor. Vera's panic attacks had lessened and she could look past everything going on and still function. 

Renee smiled wider and wrapped her arm around Rose's shoulder. Rose smiled a little shyly. “Aaron, we should catch up soon. I'd like to get to know your friends more. Especially now that I see Joan is your progeny. Vampires should always stick together... even the most nomadic or reclusive.” She looked at Vera again. “Bonded couples take higher priority in our world. You're one of us now, whether you become a vampire or not. For the record, I hope you do become one... it's a nice life, and you'd make a cute little vampire.” Renee winked as she and Rose turned and walked away.

A cute little vampire? Joan's lips twitched in irritation and Aaron gave a low chuckle. Joan turned towards him. “You find this amusing?”

Aaron smiled at her. “Only because she's right. Joan you have to admit Vera would make a cute vampire.” He looked down at Vera and smiled playfully.

Joan felt irritation and amusement coming from Vera. “Would you both stop talking about me as if I'm not here? And you think I'd make a cute vampire? Thank you, that's sweet.”

Joan rolled her eyes. “Vera... do not let what they say influence you. They shouldn't pressure you, even if it's a correct assessment. I'm ready to go. Are you?”

Vera looked up at her and reached up and kissed her lips softly. “I'm ready... I'm exhausted.” 

Joan nodded and the three of them walked back to the car. She opened the door for Vera as she got in. She leaned down towards her. “Vera, I'm going to have a word with Aaron and then we'll go home, okay?” 

“Okay...” Vera said quietly. 

Joan smiled gently and kissed her softly. The window was up so she tried to make sure Vera didn't hear them. She stepped off to the side and turned towards Aaron. “Aaron, as appreciative as I am that you came to my aid, where were you tonight? This could have easily been avoided if you were here with us.”

Aaron put up both his hands. “All right, all right. I know you're mad. I'm sorry that I was late, very sorry actually. I should have been on time. You're right.”  


Joan glared at him. “Are you trying to placate me?”

“Yes... is it working?”

“Somewhat. Where were you tonight? You knew how important this was. You knew I was nervous about this. I trusted that you would be here.”

Aaron ran his hand through his hair. “I... um... was walking for a while, and I was playing a game on my phone.”

Joan blinked and then spoke slowly, as if she was talking to a child. “You were playing a game on your phone?”

Aaron cleared his throat. “It's rather distracting... I didn't think I'd get into it. But it's this game where you walk around to different locations and try to catch these animals... you have to collect them.”

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “That's why you were late? Because you were playing a damn video game?”

Aaron smiled nervously. “I lost track of time. I didn't think anything would happen tonight. Man I was wrong. So wrong. But everything turned out okay in the end, right?”

Joan closed her eyes and took some deep breaths. She opened her eyes and smacked the back of his head. “I can't believe you were late and risked our lives for your damn video game!” She growled. Joan was so irritated she wanted to punch him. She grabbed his phone. 

“I should break this. I really should. I should throw it down against the sidewalk and watch the screen shatter. It would also give me great satisfaction to run it over with my car.” She smirked as Aaron's eyes widened.

“Joan let's not get too carried away, all right? I made a mistake and I'm very sorry. Don't break my phone,” he pleaded.

Joan lifted her eyebrows and pretended to throw the phone and he lunged forward and grabbed her wrist.

“You need to control your temper!” Aaron yelled.

“Don't be ridiculous. I wasn't going to break it. I should break it but I won't. You deserved that,” Joan said, smirking.

Aaron grabbed his phone from her hand and put it into his pocket. “I guess I did. Next time... I promise I will be on time. I don't want anything to happen to you or Vera,” he said sincerely.

Joan stared at him and walked over to the driver's side of her car. “Thank you for showing up when you did. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't. I'd probably be dead,” she said quietly.

“I'll always be here to show up when you need me Joan... and for Vera too.”

Joan's eyes softened. “I know... and Aaron?” 

“Yes?”

“Would you have ever released me?”

Aaron stared at her and gave a small smile. “No, I'd never do that to you Joanie, unless you asked me to. We're family and we stick together through the good times and the bad.”

Joan smiled gently and nodded. She opened her car door and slid into the driver's seat, glancing at Vera who was staring at her a little wide eyed. Aaron knocked gently on Vera's window and Joan hit the button to roll it down.

“I'm sorry Vera... not all vampires are like that. And Renee is... well, she's very protective of ones she considers family but she's no one to be worried about. None of the vampires in there are anyone who would hurt you. Renee and Rose are good ones. I'm sorry you had to witness a vampire like Jacob.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate hearing that, and thank you for saving Joan,” she said and her breath hitched at the end. Joan could still feel some fear and anxiety from her, and she vowed to take care of her tonight.

Aaron smiled gently. “Next time we go out it'll be more fun, okay?”

Vera nodded and smiled gently. “Okay... sounds like a plan.” 

“Bye ladies. Take it easy tonight.” He waved at them and walked down the street.

Joan watched him in her rear view mirror then started the car. They drove in silence and Joan reached over to gently take Vera's hand.

“Are you all right?” Joan asked softly.

“Yes... I'm just processing everything,” Vera said quietly.

Joan frowned slightly. Vera was so quiet as she drove. Joan played some music on a low volume. She picked Claire De Lune by Debussy.

Vera caressed her hand with her thumb. “This is the music that you played when we first danced that night in your living room.”

Joan smiled. “Yes, it's the same one. That's when I believe I started falling in love with you,” she said softly.

Vera kept stroking her hand. “But that was so early on. You knew then? I remember feeling smitten with you, but not even I knew if it was love then.”

Joan pulled in front of her house and turned towards Vera, the last few notes of the song playing in the background. “I don't think I was quite aware of it at the time, or at least I didn't want to acknowledge it then. Do you remember the rose I gave you?”

Vera smiled. “Of course... it was the first flower you ever gave me. It was beautiful. I don't always see roses that color often.”

Joan turned off the car after the song ended and got out and opened the door for Vera. As soon as they walked inside their home, Joan sighed and took off her shoes and top, leaving her bra on. “Some of our clothes are ruined with blood. I'm sorry Vera.”

Vera quickly grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cool water. “Sit down Joan. I want to clean your face.”

“Vera, you don't have to. My wounds will heal in a few more hours,” Joan said. She was feeling a little worn down after the night. It had taken more out of her than what she was used to. 

“Joan, please just sit down and let me do this,” Vera pleaded softly.

Joan nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. She watched as Vera gently touched her face with the washcloth. She washed her face of the dried blood with some mild soap. She closed her eyes as Vera touched her brow and eyes gently. 

“You were saying about the flower?” Vera asked quietly. 

Joan kept her eyes closed as Vera touched and washed her face gently. “Yes... the rose I gave you, the colors were yellow with red tips.”

“You said you liked the color.”

Joan paused as Vera gently washed blood off of her lips, then felt the cool cloth against her neck as she wiped her skin gently. She opened her eyes again and felt Vera stroking her hair, the touch relaxing her more. “I do like the color, and that was one of the reasons why I gave it to you.”

“What's the other reason?” Vera asked curiously.

“That color of the rose symbolizes friendship and falling in love. At the time I thought it was only friendship and that I was infatuated. I was wrong... I could have just chosen a yellow rose for that, if I was only your friend. Instead I went with yellow and red tips... falling in love,” Joan said and looked into her eyes.  


Vera kissed her lips gently. Joan reached up to cup her cheek, kissing her back. Vera stopped and looked at her. “So you've been a romantic at heart from the very beginning,” Vera said and smiled at her.

Joan's eyes widened a fraction. “Hmm... I suppose so. I wanted to do things right. I'm not sure that would make me romantic though.”

Vera smiled wider and stood up taking her hand. “It makes you who you are. Let's go to bed. I'm tired.”

Joan let Vera gently lead her upstairs. Joan sat on the bed and winced. She was sore in some areas. It would go away soon but she hadn't felt this way in a long time.

Vera took off her clothes. “I'm going to jump into the shower. I'll be out soon.”

Joan felt a little disappointed that Vera didn't ask her to join. She also needed to take a shower, but she decided to let Vera have some space. She was a bit concerned as she felt almost a mental block coming from Vera. Joan sighed softly and ran her fingers through her hair.

After a few minutes she could feel something was wrong. Vera felt sad and upset. She went over and knocked on the bathroom door and could hear what sounded like crying. She opened the door and stepped inside. Vera didn't seem to notice she was there and Joan took off her bra and pants quickly. She slowly opened the shower door and stepped inside. She could hear more of Vera's crying as she saw her huddled on the floor, hugging her knees. Joan's heart broke at seeing this. Vera didn't seem to notice she was there. Joan could feel the water soaking her hair as she knelt down and gently touched Vera's shoulder.

Vera jumped a little and looked up at her. Water streamed down her hair and face but Joan could see the tears in her eyes. 

“Vera,” she said softly. 

Vera's face crumpled and she quickly hugged Joan. She held her tight and Joan wrapped her arms around her. The smaller woman's body shaking with her sobs. Joan held her as tight as she could, cupping the back of her head and kissing her face and forehead.

“Shh... Vera it's okay,” she whispered against her hair. Vera continued to cry and Joan felt helpless. She could feel sadness and fear from Vera and she slowly moved behind her, cradling her between her legs. She wrapped her arms around Vera's breasts and stomach, her legs close to Vera's as she held her protectively. 

“It's all right...” She murmured as she kissed her hair, slowly rocking Vera.

“I thought she was going to kill you. If Aaron hadn't showed up... you'd be dead. I would have watched you die!” Vera cried.

Joan closed her eyes and rested her cheek against her head. “I didn't die... I'm alive. I'm okay.”

“But you could have! I had to watch that... I had to feel how you felt, listen to you telling me you loved me. You were giving me your last words,” Vera cried. She turned towards Joan and looked into her eyes. “That's what you were doing.”

Joan stared at her and cupped her cheeks gently. “Yes... I did do that. I wanted you to know I love you. I know it was very frightening. But I'm okay now. You're okay. We're okay,” Joan said gently.

“If I become a vampire, would I become like Jacob? Would I be so hateful... looking at humans like... like they're cattle?” Vera asked, and her lips were trembling.

“Oh, Vera... you would never become like Jacob. I suspect he was like that in his previous life. You might view humans differently but your heart,” Joan touched Vera's breast, feeling her heartbeat, “is filled with such love and compassion. You could never become like that, even if you attacked others. It's why I fear you'll regret it if you did become one. I don't want to destroy your innocence,” Joan said and kissed Vera's lips gently.

Vera kissed her back and wrapped her arms around her. Joan caressed her body slowly, and felt Vera relax in her arms, her crying not as hard as before. She took a few shuddering breaths and squeezed Joan tighter. Joan could feel her love and that she was afraid. She stroked Vera's hair.

“You don't have to become a vampire. Remember that Vera,” Joan whispered.

Vera sniffled and looked into her eyes, her hair draping over part of her eye. Joan stroked the hair back and her hand stroked her cheek. 

“Renee said eventually humans become boring and old... weak. Aaron said he fell in love with a man, a human. He said this man was never boring to him. It sounded like he loved him even as he grew to be an old man. He said it past tense so this man he loved died. He looked so sad as he said this. I don't want you to feel that if I don't become a vampire. I don't want to grow old and know that you'll live beyond me... I wouldn't want you to mourn me,” Vera said sadly.

Joan was afraid of that... of losing Vera, even to a natural death. However, she would not force the woman to be what she wanted. She continued to stroke her cheek. “Vera, my darling, you must not let how I feel or could feel affect your decision. Especially not on such an emotional night.”

Vera stared at her and nodded. Joan kissed her face gently. She slowly helped her stand up. They gently washed each other in the shower, their touches slow and tender. Nothing was sexual about these touches, only love and caring.

They helped each other dry off and Joan slid into bed with Vera and held her. The woman had calmed down a bit and was breathing softly. Her head rested on the pillow next to Joan's. “I love you. No matter what you decide to do, I will always be here,” Joan said tenderly. She stroked Vera's hair and the smaller woman closed her eyes. She cuddled closer to Joan and rested her head against her breasts.

Joan kept caressing her back and arms, feeling the woman relax against her. “I love you too, Joan,” she whispered and kissed her breasts. 

“I promise I'll think more about it. I won't take this decision lightly,” Vera said softly, nuzzling her.

“It's a big decision. There's no need to rush or be impulsive about it,” Joan said gently. She kissed her hair and ran her fingers through Vera's hair gently. Vera's breathing evened out and was slow and deep. Joan smiled as she realized she fell asleep in her arms. 

“Always with you, Vera,” she said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I hope that wasn't too crazy for some people. It was fun to write for me since I love vampires. But this chapter is the craziest it'll get for the rest of this fic as far as vampires go. Hope you guys liked the chapter though.
> 
> So with Aaron, if you caught my references to his video game, he was pretty much playing Pokemon Go lol. I know Pokemon Go wasn't out at the time of S3, but this is a little AU and I wanted him to play something silly and stupid so I went with that. It seemed like a very Aaron thing to do. :P
> 
> Also I don't know if I've ever explained what it means to release a vampire. In True Blood a Maker can release his/her progeny which ends their dominion over their progeny. Their blood ties are renounced and they can't order to them to do things for them. 
> 
> So Renee's girlfriend Rose, the one who is basically her soul mate since they're bonded, is inspired by Rooney Mara: http://www.celebritybeliefs.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/rooney-mara-religion-hobbies-political-views.jpg
> 
> So if people have seen the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, you'll know why I did this lol. Now I didn't want to name them Carol and Therese in this fic... because they're not those characters, but they're inspired by the chemistry of Cate and Rooney in the movie Carol. Also I really really love the movie and as soon as I decided Renee would look like Cate, I knew she had to be gay and that she had to have a girlfriend that looked like Rooney. So yes Renee and Rose are my weird way of putting Carol and Therese from Carol together forever as vampires lol. Sorry... I could not help myself with that because I'm a total fangirl.
> 
> Claire De Lune by Debussy is still one of my favorite pieces of music. I wanted them to listen to it again to go back to that date where they first danced in Joan's living room just so Joan could tell her what the rose truly meant. :) If you'd like to listen to that again, the song is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG-vmVrHOGE


	33. Chapter 33

Vera woke up and looked around. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room. She glanced over to see Joan's sleeping face next to her. Her hair was fanned out against the pillow and she was breathing softly and deeply; her closed eyes moving and Vera knew she was deep in REM sleep. She felt Joan's arm across her stomach and she reached down and gently caressed it. The woman had managed to comfort and calm her down last night in the shower. Vera wasn't sure what happened. She remembered feeling relieved the night was over and sad and anxious. It terrified her what had happened with Joan and Renee. She remembered seeing Jacob lift up a chain of silver in a gloved hand watching the two women. Joan had said that using silver against a vampire was very painful. Vera remembered the burn marks Joan had around her neck that night on the beach when Jacob attacked her with it. She didn't know what she would have done if Aaron hadn't shown up. Vera shivered and tried not to think about it. She moved closer to Joan and felt the woman tighten her hold on Vera, sighing in her sleep.

Vera lifted her hand and gently stroked Joan's cheek, being careful to not wake her up. Joan's skin felt soft and her face and mouth were relaxed. She looked so beautiful like this, even with the healing cuts and bruises. Vera didn't often watch Joan sleep, only a few times. The woman always looked relaxed and peaceful and Vera often thought these are the only times where she'd see Joan completely unguarded. At least in a different way. When she saw Joan orgasm it was an unguarded look as well, but it was a happy, pleasurable look on her face. Joan didn't show her own vulnerability too often. She let herself sometimes be vulnerable with Vera but even then Joan was still a little careful with her. She knew this was a form of self protection for Joan and she didn't think it would completely go away.

Vera also knew that she herself had problems with being vulnerable. Sometimes she would rather cry alone and not let anyone know how upset she was. Such was the case in the shower last night even though she was glad that Joan comforted her. This was hard to now keep those feelings from Joan. She had tried to hide how she was feeling, but she couldn't. She wasn't as good at doing that as Joan was. It was always a work in progress for them. For every two steps forward, there was always one step back.

Vera couldn't sleep so she kissed Joan's forehead gently, slowly lifting her arm and resting it against the the bed. Maybe she needed to just go and have some tea. It would be better than lying awake. She grabbed her robe and slowly walked out of their bedroom, closing the door quietly. She made her way downstairs in the dark, careful to not run into anything. 

Vera turned on the kitchen light and started making some green tea to hopefully help her relax. When it was finished she blew on it and took a few sips. She smiled softly and closed her eyes at the taste. She turned her head and saw the fish bowl. She walked over and smiled at Bob and his new friend Goldie. Joan had given her a look when she suggested this name for the second goldfish, saying it wasn't very original. Vera decided that Goldie fit with Bob and had laughed at the expression on Joan's face after she said this. If it was up to Joan they would be Goldfish #1 and Goldfish #2. So how was that for originality? 

Vera looked out the window of the backyard and decided she needed some fresh air. She set down her tea cup and stepped out, looking up at the dark sky. It was filled with stars; the moon a half crescent. It wasn't overly warm outside but it wasn't cold either. She was glad they were almost starting summer. She looked forward to going to the beach more, even if it meant it was by herself or only a few hours because of Joan's reaction to the sun.

It was quiet outside and she heard the soft chirping of crickets. She was still looking up at the sky and stars and she suddenly felt very small in comparison. The world was such a big place and the universe was so vast and mysterious. Her life was already confusing. Out of all the people to fall in love with, she fell in love with Joan Ferguson, and not just any person, but a vampire at that. She remembered her crush on Fletch and she chuckled softly. It was nothing in comparison to this deep and all consuming love she felt for Joan. She wasn't sure if that was Joan herself or because they happened to be soul mates. The shared feelings they had made it even more powerful. 

Vera didn't believe in the traditional view of a god. She wasn't even sure if there was a higher power, or if it was the universe itself that made these things happen. She watched as a shooting star zoomed by. There had to be something there that pulled them together, even if it was just the power of the universe.  


Vera walked back near the door and sat on a porch swing. It was something she asked if they could buy so they could sit outside. She wanted to relax in it and she gently and slowly swung back a forth, the slight rocking motion comforting her a little.

Vera didn't know how long she sat out there until she felt a weight on the swing and Joan sat next to her. Joan wrapped her arm around her shoulder and her other hand wrapped itself around hers. Joan's lips kissed her head gently.

“I woke up and you weren't there so I went to check on you. I didn't think I'd find you out here. Is everything all right?” Joan asked softly.

Vera felt Joan's thumb caressing the top of her hand and the touch was loving and soothing.

“I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to disturb you so I had some tea. I came out here for some fresh air and to think,” Vera said quietly.

Joan's hand caressed her shoulder too and she smiled at the soft touching and caressing. Joan was always so affectionate. It surprised her sometimes.

“What were you thinking about?”

Vera looked at Joan. The silver light from the stars and moon touching her face. The silver in her hair looked even more beautiful this way. Joan's eyes were soft and she interlaced their fingers together.

“I was just thinking about how life works... and about us. Do you... believe in God? Or anything like a higher power?” Vera asked softly.

Joan looked a little surprised and she breathed in deeply, not saying anything for a few minutes. She also looked up at the sky. 

“I've never believed in anything like that. However, there are some things in life that can't be explained. For example, I never knew vampires existed until I met Aaron.” They both watched another shooting star go past. Joan squeezed her hand.

“The universe is full of many things that are beyond human comprehension. Or in my case, beyond a vampire's comprehension. Why do some people do the things they do? Why are some vampires and humans destined to be together? Why are some vampires also destined to be together? Why are we emotionally connected on such a deep level? I don't know any of the answers to these questions... they just are.” 

Joan turned towards her and looked deeply into her eyes. She lifted Vera's hand and placed it over her heart. She could feel Joan's heart beating steadily under the soft swell of her breast. 

“The only thing I know for certain is how I feel about you. That's what I believe in. Whatever this is that has brought us together, that's what I trust,” she said tenderly, a slight tremor to her voice.

Vera's heart swelled at these words, and everything that she and Joan felt together. She felt the beginnings of tears. She couldn't hold them back as a single tear slid down her cheek. Joan lifted her hand and stroked her cheek, wiping the tear away. 

Vera reached up and wrapped her arms around her, burying her face in her soft neck, kissing her skin. She sightly softly as Joan's arm wrapped around her, the other hand reaching up to cup the back of Vera's head, stroking her hair gently. Vera loved her so much and she felt Joan's love so strongly during this moment. She didn't know why she was crying. She was embarrassed at this and kept her face hidden at Joan's neck.

Joan seemed to understand and kept stroking her hair and back. Joan's lips kissed her temple and they held each other for a few minutes. Joan slowly moved back to look at her and kissed her lips softly and tenderly.

“It's late. Why don't we go back to bed?”

Vera nodded and both of them stood up, holding hands as they walked back inside and up the stairs. They each took off their robes and Joan touched her shoulders.

“You're still rather tense. Why don't you lie down on your stomach and I'll give you a massage, hmm?” Joan asked softly.

Vera smiled and moved onto the bed, lying down on her stomach. She could hear Joan softly and quietly walking around their bedroom, a drawer being opened and closed. She felt the bed dip as Joan moved onto it and she sighed as she felt Joan straddle her hips, her sex resting against her butt. There was something erotic and comforting at the same time about Joan doing this.

She felt warm oiled hands touch her back and begin to massage her muscles. She closed her eyes and moaned softly. Joan's hands pushed against her lower back and slowly and firmly slid up her back. Joan pressed and massaged along her back and hips. She brushed Vera's hair to the side and kissed the back of her neck before she began to massage her neck and shoulders, kneading the tense and taut muscles. Vera groaned.

“Does that hurt?” Joan asked a little concerned.

“Mmm... no it feels good,” Vera said softly.

Joan's hands slowly massaged along her back and Vera felt relaxed and also oddly aroused. She blushed at this and Joan gently raked her nails across her skin, leaving goosebumps. She felt the slow stroking and slight tickle as she stroked her back with her fingernails. Joan lifted off of her slightly and pressed her leg in between her thighs, parting them slightly, and Vera bent her knee.

“Vera... I know you're aroused. Let me make love to you,” Joan whispered tenderly.

“Joan... please... ” She whispered. Joan kissed across her shoulders and neck. She covered Vera's petite frame with her warm body, and Vera could feel Joan's wetness against her butt.

Her breath hitched as Joan slid her arm underneath her, lifting her hips a little. Her palm caressed her stomach and Vera shivered at the slow and tender touch. She sighed softly as Joan made open mouth kisses against her neck. She licked her throat and kissed and sucked. Vera's nipples were sensitive and erect from all the teasing and touching. She felt Joan's nipples slide against her back, the oil making it even warmer and more slippery. Joan rubbed her lower abdomen gently and then her hand slid down to caress her. Joan rubbed her swollen lips with her fingers, slowly moving them up and down her slit. 

Joan kissed her ear and whispered, “You feel so good. You're so wet for me.” Joan touched her clit and slowly began circling it.

Vera shivered and moaned softly. She was becoming more wet as Joan kept slowly circling her clit, teasing her as she lightly touched her. She started to undulate against her fingers, her hips slowly moving as Joan stroked and rubbed her clit.

“Yes, Vera...” Joan breathed against her neck. Vera closed her eyes and concentrated on Joan's touch, her body against hers. Joan's soft breasts and hard nipples pressed against her back, her warm wetness against her butt. She was surprised Joan wasn't moving against her, some self control she had as she focused entirely on Vera. She could feel Joan's pleasure and desire. Joan kept her touches light and slow, and she needed more as she kept rubbing herself against Joan's fingers. 

Joan smiled against her neck and she started to rub and circle Vera's clit a little faster. Vera felt Joan's other hand reach over and interlaced their fingers together.  


Vera whimpered as she rocked and rubbed against Joan's fingers faster, setting up a counter motion to Joan circling her clit. She panted, her heart beating faster. She felt a pressure building inside of her, her body getting hotter. She felt Joan's feelings of love and desire so strong that it overwhelmed her. Joan kept circling and rubbing until Vera couldn't hold back anymore. 

“Let go. Come for me,” Joan whispered against her ear. Vera rocked her hips faster against Joan's fingers and her entire body was filled with tension before she cried out and came, shuddering underneath her.

Vera was out of breath and she dazedly felt Joan's body completely cover hers, her soft kisses against her neck and shoulders. Vera trembled slightly and Joan squeezed her hand. Vera started to move and Joan lifted up. She turned around to see Joan looking down at her with the most loving expression on her face. Her eyes soft with a gentle smile. She kissed Vera deeply. Vera felt Joan's fingers gently tracing her palm, the skin sensitive as she drew soft and gentle circles.

Vera reached down and cupped Joan between her legs and Joan sighed softly, slowly pulling her hand away. “No, this was meant to relax you. Sleep my darling,” Joan said gently.

“But you're wet... let me make you feel good,” Vera said.

Joan smiled and kissed her lips, stroking her hair. “I feel very good. I love making love to you. I could do that forever. We'll have plenty of time together later so I'll hold you to it,” Joan said and winked at her.

Vera suddenly felt very tired. “Hmm... you can count on that,” she mumbled sleepily. Joan wrapped her arms around her and kept running her fingers through her hair. 

“How come you always manage to do that so well? You're always able to put me to sleep,” Vera said quietly.

Joan continued slowly stroking her hair. “It's one of my many talents,” she whispered. 

Vera smiled against her breasts. The gentle hair stroking relaxing her enough to fall asleep.

When Vera woke again it was bright and she squinted her eyes at the sunlight. She reached for her watch and widened her eyes at the time. It was 10am! She's never slept in this late before. Why didn't Joan wake her up?

Vera stretched and got out of bed. She walked into the bathroom and took a shower. When she got out she brushed through her wet hair and then brushed her teeth. Vera put on a simple t-shirt and shorts. She walked downstairs and could hear music playing.

It was a soft and positive sounding piece. She could hear violins playing in the background of the song. There was something very beautiful and sweet about it. She didn't see Joan downstairs and she glanced outside to see the woman kneeling in front of her garden. Since Vera moved in, Joan had decided to work on a vegetable garden. Vera saw her phone on the table and grabbed it. She quietly opened the door and tip toed outside.

She stood behind Joan and moved a little to the side of her. Joan had her hair in a ponytail and was wearing cropped pants and a t-shirt. Her knees rested on a mat to protect them as she moved her fingers through the soil of the garden. The cuts and bruises had completely healed for her and the woman was in deep concentration. Vera lifted her phone. 

“I see you've decided to join the land of the living,” Joan said dryly. She looked up at Vera and smiled and Vera quickly took a picture. Joan opened her mouth realizing what she did.

“Did you just sneak taking a picture of me on your phone?”

Vera giggled. “Yes and it'll be my background now for when you call me. I don't have many of you... or any of us together.”

Vera was still giggling and then she saw Joan take out her phone quickly, smirking to herself. Vera lifted her eyebrow. “Did you just take one of me?  


Joan had a smug smile on her face. “Two can play at this game.” She grabbed Vera and pulled her against her and began tickling her a little. Vera couldn't stop laughing.

“Joan! Stop! It's not fair,” Vera said laughing.

“Oh, but life isn't always fair. You're just going to have to take it,” Joan said and started to laugh when Vera tried to cover her body where Joan was tickling her. 

“I'm too short for this! You have an advantage being taller than me!” Vera laughed and couldn't catch her breath.

“You're too short for a lot of things. That's why you're a cupcake. Look up Vera.”

Vera was smiling and she looked up and saw Joan holding up her phone as she took a picture of them. “Now we have a picture of us,” Joan said and smiled. She stopped tickling Vera and kissed her softly on the lips. Vera smiled at her and then looked down as her stomach growled.

“Ah... someone is hungry. Come on, let's get some food in you,” Joan said and grabbed her hand.

Vera sat at the kitchen table as Joan made her some bacon, eggs, and toast. Joan handed her a cup of coffee and Vera smiled at her. While Joan was cooking, Vera sipped her coffee and stared at the violin on the stand behind the table. She had noticed it before she moved in but had never asked Joan about it. The violin stayed in its place and Joan never spoke about it.

“Joan?” 

“Yes?”

“Do you play the violin?” Vera asked curiously.

Joan brought over her breakfast and sat near her. She smiled as Vera began to eat and then looked at the violin, her expression thoughtful.

“I used to play. It was something my father wanted me to do while growing up. Other than fencing, classical music was very important to him. My mother also used to play,” Joan said quietly.

Vera touched her hand and felt Joan's fingers open and curl around hers. “When was the last time you played?”

Joan's eyes were distant as she remembered. “The last time I played was for Aaron... but that was 10 years ago. So it's been a long time,” Joan said softly.

“Do you miss it?” 

“Sometimes... but that was another part of my life. I played more often when I was human. Since Jianna died, I didn't always want to. I'm not sure why. I never played for her. She didn't even know that I played the violin.”

“And your mother used to play?” Vera asked gently.

Joan's eyes were a little sad. “Yes, she did. Music was always something she enjoyed. She sang and played very beautifully. That was one thing she and my father had in common, their love of music. It was the one thing he couldn't bring himself to forget about her. It was the one aspect that reminded me of her, but also reminds me of him. It's a complicated feeling,” Joan said quietly.

“If you don't mind... would you play for me? You don't have to though if you don't want to. I'll completely understand,” Vera said.

Joan looked at her with a slightly vulnerable expression and then she smiled softly. “I'll play anything for you.”

Vera smiled and Joan walked over and grabbed the violin, picking up the bow for it. Vera watched as she pushed back the chair a little from the table. Joan placed the violin under her chin and lifted the bow. 

“I haven't played in so long so forgive me if it doesn't sound--”

“It'll be lovely,” Vera said and smiled.

Joan gave a small smile. “Do you have anything you'd like me to play?”

“I can't think of anything in particular... you choose. What's something you like?”

Joan thought for a couple minutes and then closed her eyes. She didn't touch the violin with the bow yet and then she slowly started to play. 

Vera listened to a beautiful and slightly melancholy tune. It was an emotional sounding piece and Joan's face had a soft and vulnerable expression. Her eyelashes cast shadows across her cheeks. Vera couldn't say she was surprised at how beautifully Joan played. She could feel Joan's happiness mixed with a tinge of sadness and she could suddenly see how music could bring out the emotions in others. 

By the end of it, she had some tears in her eyes and she wiped at them quickly. Joan opened her eyes and cupped her face, kissing Vera tenderly. 

“That's how I feel about you... my love for you. It aches and is so beautiful at the same time. And when I feel your emotions too, I understand now why Aaron called this a gift,” Joan said lovingly. She stroked Vera's cheek.

“You're right... it is a gift. 'A heart is not judged by how much you love...'” Vera said softly.

“'But by how much you are loved by others,'” Joan said finishing the rest. 

“You have that memorized from _The Wizard of Oz_?” Vera asked.

“Of course. I used to love to watch that film over and over when I was a child... somewhere over the rainbow,” Joan said softly.

They smiled at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to write some fluff... at least I hope that was fluff enough. Some of it may be more emotional I guess. :p Desperately need some fluff before the S5 finale of Wentworth. Hope you all enjoyed that chapter. :)
> 
> The music that is playing when Vera walks downstairs into the kitchen is Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 3 in G major, K216 Adagio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zNipDHSOeI
> 
> And the song that Joan plays for Vera on her violin is Song From A Secret Garden by Secret Garden (not related at all to the movie.) The violin part of the song starts at 0:35, but it's still a beautiful opening before that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3n_ftBR4bQ
> 
> Also The Wizard of Oz is one of my all time favorites and I've always loved that quote from the movie. I searched for a few quotes about love but kept coming back to that one. It's also homage to Pamela Rabe playing the Wicked Witch of the West in the Australian theater production of The Wizard of Oz, as well as her aubiobook narration of the story. :)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the fluffiest and silliest chapter I've written but after that S5 finale I think it's very much needed. Also this chapter is pretty much the length of two chapters combined. Hope you enjoy.

Vera woke up and her arm reached out for Joan, only to find the side of her bed empty, the sheets feeling cool. A note was left on the pillow for her that read:

_I'll be home later tonight. Do NOT forget to eat breakfast. Do not eat breakfast and then skip lunch. Yes, I know you've done this. There are leftovers from the night before in the refrigerator. Don't waste them. Relax and enjoy your day off. I'll miss you._

_Love,_  
_Joan_

Vera rolled her eyes at the demands that she eat throughout the day and then felt her heart melt at how Joan wrote that she'd miss her. This week had been exhausting at the prison. She didn't know how much stress she could take sometimes, but she enjoyed the job for the most part. Working with the Governor made it much easier. She liked being her Deputy. She knew Joan said she was training her for her own governorship later, but she now had a hard time thinking of not working with the woman. Vera wasn't sure if she could even handle being the Governor, even if she was at another prison. While she learned a lot from Joan, she didn't know if she could be as cool and detached as she was. The woman exuded calm, power, and authority. She rarely raised her voice; her soft and low tone was enough to get her point across. Vera wasn't sure if she could ever be like that. And if Vera was completely honest with herself, there was a small part of her that loved Joan telling her what to do, that craved Joan being in control.

Vera smiled as she thought about Joan, rolling over to hug Joan's pillow and inhaling her scent. She did this every time Joan wasn't in bed when she woke up. Some nights when Joan was working a night shift and Vera was at home, she put on one of Joan's t-shirts and slept in it. The faint scent of the woman was calming and comforting to her, especially if Vera had trouble sleeping without Joan. That was something she started noticing too. She didn't always sleep well without Joan. She had grown accustomed to listening to her heartbeat as she fell asleep, the soft caressing and stroking of her hair and skin.

She blushed as thought of the times she'd woken up in the middle of the night and Joan would still be awake. This often led to them kissing and caressing each other, which also led to them making love. It didn't take much for Vera to become aroused around Joan. The woman knew all the right places to kiss and touch. Joan always knew the right pressure of when to be more hard and firm, or light and gentle.

Sometimes Vera felt embarrassed at how quickly it took for Joan to make her wet, almost as if there was such a thing as being overly enthusiastic. Joan had chuckled a couple times when she told her this, reassuring her that it was a very good thing that Vera responded that way to her and that Joan felt the same way being with Vera. The last time they discussed this, Vera finally confided more in Joan about Fletch. That not only was Vera not very experienced, but he was her first. She had never had sex before until him. She could feel Joan's anger rising pretty quickly at that. She knew Joan hated Fletch and this seemed to make her hate him even more, and Joan said she still didn't understand how Vera could be so kind to him after all of that. Joan had told her she was too forgiving, then proceeded to kiss Vera passionately and made love to her in an almost frenzied way, not stopping until after Vera had three orgasms. Joan had smiled smugly at her and held her tightly. Vera knew Joan took pleasure in the fact that Vera had only ever had orgasms when she was with her and no one else.

Vera rubbed her eyes and realized she'd been daydreaming for half an hour. It was 8:00am and she got up and took a quick shower. She slipped on a sleeveless top and shorts, and put her hair in a loose ponytail. She walked downstairs into the kitchen and made some coffee. She smiled as she took a few sips, feeling better when she finally had some in her system. She decided she should eat something. Maybe she'd have some cereal and toast. She walked over to the refrigerator and saw a note. She sighed.

_Eat something more than just toast and cereal._

“Oh, my God. I can't believe she had to write me two notes!” Vera said a bit irritated. She grabbed her phone and sent Joan a text.

_Okay I get that you left me a note today reminding me to eat regularly, but two notes?! Really?_

She set her phone down and opened the refrigerator and grabbed milk and a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. “Tells me I can't eat cereal...” She grumbled. She then warmed up a piece of toast, spread a thin layer of Vegemite on it and set them down on the counter. She took a picture of it and snickered to herself as she sent the picture to Joan.

She brought the cereal over to the kitchen table with her toast and grabbed her phone. She started eating and then after a few minutes she received a text from Joan. She grinned at what she read.

_Vera, I hope you are not just doing this to antagonize me._

_Antagonize is such a strong word. I'm just showing you that I can still eat whatever I want._

_I never said you couldn't eat what you wanted. I just want you to eat more than that. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And do I see Vegemite on that toast?_

_Okay fine I'll cook some bacon. Yes, it's Vegemite._

_You can eat whatever you want but Vegemite is disgusting._

_You think it's disgusting? You drink blood and you think Vegemite is disgusting? Lol_ :-p

_You'd be surprised at how good you taste when I drink yours... I wouldn't want to give that up. I've never liked Vegemite. It tastes like I'm eating soy sauce on my bread which isn't very appealing at all. To each their own I suppose. As much as I'd love to text you all day, I have to get back to work._

Vera blushed a little at what Joan said to her. Did her blood really taste that good to her? As opposed to others?

_Don't intimidate the officers too much. I'll see you later tonight._

_Ha. Me? Intimidating? Don't be ridiculous Vera._ ;-)

Vera smiled at the last text and shook her head a little. Joan never used emoji's. Well, there was a first time for everything.

Vera decided to keep her word to Joan and cooked some bacon. Munching on the strips actually helped as she ate the cereal and toast. She took a sip of her coffee again as she began making a list of things she needed to do today. She had a few errands to run and even though it was her day off, she needed to do them.

She suddenly heard the doorbell ring and she wondered who that could be this early. Vera walked over and opened the door.

Aaron stood outside and was dressed in a t-shirt and swim trunks and was wearing flip flops. He had sunglasses on and his light brown hair looked a little lighter, almost like a dark blonde. He smiled at her.

“Good morning Vera!”

“Um, good morning. I'm sorry but Joan isn't here...”

“Oh, I'm not here for Joan,” he said, smiling.

Vera furrowed her eyebrows. “You're not?”

“No! I'm here for you! Let's go to the promenade at the beach today,” he said enthusiastically.

“Oh, no I-I couldn't. I have so much to do today and then I work tomorrow so I only have--”

“You and Joanie are such bloody workaholics! Have a little fun. Consider it my treat. My day out with you to make up for the mess since the last time. I promise I'm not bad luck and that good things do come with me being around. Come on! I won't take no for an answer. Get your swim suit on and we'll be on our way,” he said and he walked into her house. He walked to the fridge and grabbed a few water bottles.

“Oh, Joanie has some blood in the fridge. Do you suppose she'll mind if I have one of hers?”

“Uh, I don't know...” Vera said a little unsure.

“I'll deal with it. After all she does have you to feed on,” he said and winked.

Vera blushed a little and he smiled.

“Well, go on now and get ready," he said.

“Aaron, are you sure you can handle being out in the sun for so long? Joan can only last a few hours...” She said a little worried.

“Don't worry about me. I'm much older than her so I can handle being out in the sun for a long time. Especially if I have some blood.”

She watched as his fangs clicked out and he bit into the blood bag, drinking from it. It was a little odd watching him do this. He did it so casually in front of her.

She walked upstairs and found her green one piece swim suit. She took off her clothes and put it on, then wore a new shirt with the jean shorts. She slipped on her flip flops and grabbed her sunglasses and some sunscreen. She put some on her face and legs and feet, her arms. She'd put on more when she went swimming.

Vera walked back downstairs and met Aaron who was checking out their paintings in the living room. He smiled at her and clapped his hands.

“Ready to go?”

“Yes, I think I am,” she said, smiling a little.

They walked out into the sun and she was glad she remembered to bring her sunglasses. She couldn't imagine what it was like for Joan and Aaron who both had sensitive eyes.

Her eyes widened as she saw a bright red convertible in front of their house. She vaguely remembered Aaron's car when they were at the cinema, but didn't realize it was a convertible. It was a good thing she had her hair in a ponytail because it would be flying around in the wind.

He jogged over and hopped into the drivers seat as she sat next to him. As they buckled their seat belts, he turned to her.

“What kind of music do you like? Any requests?”

“Hmm... I like most music, mainly rock from the 70's and 80's, some folk, and motown. I know you happen to like disco,” she replied and smiled.

He snickered. “Yes, I do. But we don't have to listen to that. You said you like 70's and 80's rock. Do you like most music from the 80's?” He asked, lifting his brow.

“Most of it, yes. I grew up with it.”

He smiled and brought out his phone and searched for something to listen to. “I'll put this on shuffle but I think we need to listen to music from the 80's. It's one of my favorite decades. Big hair and all.”

Vera heard the song that started playing and started laughing and he smiled widely at her as he started the car. She kept laughing as he sang at the top of his lungs.

 _“I'll drive a million miles_  
_To be with you tonight_  
_So if you're feeling low_  
_Turn up your radio_  
_The words we use are strong_  
_They make reality_  
_But now the music's on_  
_Oh baby dance with me yeah”_

He started driving faster and she smiled as he thumped his hand against the steering wheel to the music. She felt the wind hit her hair, her ponytail flying with little wisps of her hair coming out. It was warm but the convertible top being down made her feel a little cooler. When the song got to the chorus they both sang to it and he turned to her and laughed as they did.

 _“Everybody have fun tonight_  
_Everybody have fun tonight_  
_Everybody Wang Chung tonight_  
_Everybody have fun tonight_  
_Everybody Wang Chung tonight_  
_Everybody have fun”_

They both listened to a variety of 80's music that consisted of new wave, some rock, and pop. They got closer to the city where the beach would be and Aaron bobbed his head a little to the music they were listening to. She giggled as he did this and he sang a song from a very well known film.

 _“Don't you forget about me_  
_Don't don't don't don't_  
_Don't you forget about me_  
_Will you stand above me?_  
_Look my way, never love me_  
_Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling_  
_Down, down, down”_

“You like _The Breakfast Club?_ ” She yelled over the music.

He sang to the rest of the song. “I love that film! I wish I could have gone to a high school like that! But I grew up during much different times,” he yelled back.

Vera smiled as they drove, finally getting closer to the beach. The music changed to one she knew very well.

“Oh, my God! I can't believe you have this song,” she said, laughing.

“Ah ha! It's the 90's! 'What is love? Baby don't hurt me no more!' Did you like the 90's?” He asked, laughing as he began bobbing his head to the side.

“Of course. Different time compared to now. It's before we got so sucked into technology like today. Now I don't even know what I'd do without my cell phone,” she said.

“Oh, well, you do have a point there,” he said.

Vera couldn't help but smile as Aaron would always sing and dance a little in the car, making specific hand gestures as he sang, especially when it was to Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

They stopped at a stop light. Vogue by Madonna started playing and Aaron looked at her and smiled mischievously, pointing at the car next to him.

She lifted her brow feeling a little puzzled. “What is it?”

“You know that famous line that people like to do for Vogue,” he said and waggled his eyebrows.

She giggled and nodded. As soon as Madonna said, “Strike a pose,” they both turned and made their hands frame their face.

They giggled and then Vera recognized the person in the car; the same man who guarded the door that night and then later protected Vera from Jacob. He lifted his eyebrow at them, his mouth dropping open a little.

Aaron laughed and then covered his mouth, looking at Vera. “Oh, my God,” he mouthed to her. He turned back and waved. “Hi Vincent!”

“Hello. I see you two are having some... fun,” Vincent said, and there was a subtle turn of his lips that seemed to indicate amusement. Vera was suddenly reminded a little of Joan and she smiled softly.

“We are! I bet I can beat you with this car,” Aaron said and he revved his engine, staring at Vincent.

Vincent smirked and lifted both eyebrows. “Are you trying to challenge me? May I remind you of what happened the last time?”

Aaron scoffed. “I had a completely different car back then!” He kept revving his engine and then Vincent started doing the same.

“Suit yourself. You may run faster than me because of your age, but you will never beat me at racing cars,” Vincent said, chuckling a little.

“That's where you're wrong!” Aaron yelled and the light turned green. Vera held on for dear life as he stepped on the gas pedal, the tires screeching. She could hear Aaron laughing and cheering as they drove faster than Vincent. She gripped the side of the door.

“Aaron! This is too fast!” She said a little worried.

“Don't worry! We're only racing a short distance! I'm beating him anyway!” Aaron yelled.

Vera looked and realized that would be short lived as Vincent started to pass them. He smiled and waved at Aaron.

“See ya!” Vincent yelled.

Aaron gasped and hit the steering wheel. “Damn it!”

Vera breathed again as soon as they stopped at another stop light, watching as Vincent drove past them going to wherever he was headed.

“I don't know how he does it. I'll beat him someday,” Aaron said and shook his fist a little.

Vera giggled even though she was glad that little race was over. She was not comfortable being the passenger while he drove that fast. She sighed in relief.

Aaron turned and smiled at her. “Vincent is cute though.”

She raised her eyebrows as they turned into the parking lot of the beach. She looked around at the promenade and saw that there was one roller coaster there. The only ride that was available at the promenade of the beach.

“You find him attractive?”

“Of course! I'd have to be blind not to. But he is really hard to read. I can't even tell if he's attracted to men,” he said a little confused.

They got out and they both grabbed the beach towels and blankets. Aaron held a large umbrella to shield against the sun and they set out to find a nice spot on the beach. They laid out the blanket and placed the umbrella in the sand.

“How is this?” He asked.

“It's very nice! I love it. I haven't been to the beach since I was with Joan. And we had to cut that short because she couldn't last too long in the sun.”

“Oh, yes that is because she is younger in vampire years, a baby vampire. When you get older you can go for a lot longer in the sun without getting tired, or at least it becomes much easier to tolerate.”

“A baby vampire?” Vera asked and smiled.

“Yes, she's a baby vampire. She's not even quite been a vampire for 20 years. Still older than Renee's progeny Jacob, and Joan has lived long enough to get used to controlling her thirst and knowing her own strength, but she's still like a child in that way.”

“I find it hard to think of her like that, almost like a novice. She's so confident and self assured at work, the exact opposite,” Vera said.

“Oh, I'm sure as the Governor of the prison she is very much at the top of her game, but as a vampire Joan is rather young, but not young enough to not know what it's like for us. Also not too young to become a Maker herself,” he said and smiled knowingly at Vera.

She blushed. “Well, we haven't decided on that...”

“I know. When—I should say if that happens, you'll be in good hands. She'll help you,” he said. Vera was startled as he grabbed her hand and started jogging back towards the promenade.

“Where are we going?”

“Let's ride the roller coaster! It's the perfect time to do so. It's still early enough and it's not super busy yet,” he said excitedly.

“Does it go upside down? I don't want to go on one that does that,” she said a little nervous.

“No, this one doesn't. It's just a regular roller coaster. It's more old fashioned even though they've recently remodeled it. It'll be fun! Come on!”

He ran with her and they stopped to buy tickets for it. They waited in a small line and then both sat in the car of the ride. They each buckled their seat belts and a large bar came down over their legs. Vera felt excited and apprehensive at the same time. She hadn't been on a roller coaster in so long. She felt adrenaline coursing through her as they started going up the tall incline of the ride, hearing the loud clicking of the track.

Aaron put up his arms with his hands in the air and laughed. They were at the top and he grabbed her arm and lifted it.

“No! I want to hold on!" She yelled.

“Raise your hands! Live a little!” He yelled back, and he smiled really big as she rolled her eyes and lifted both her hands in the air.

“Here we go!” He screamed as they went down the steep track, and Vera felt her heart drop. She screamed a little here and there. She could hear Aaron whooping and laughing. She started to laugh with him as she got more used to the ride. It was fun to ride these, and even more fun with someone like Aaron who clearly loved it.

The ride ended before they knew it and they got out. They started walking around the promenade, watching the various people walk by. Some had dogs on leashes and there were some families that passed by them. She glanced at Aaron as he smiled watching a baby while they stood in line to buy some food. He was playing peek-a-boo with the child and she smiled as he did this, making faces at the baby and the baby would giggle. He noticed Vera watching him and he blushed a little.

“The baby reminds me of my younger brother and sister when they were alive. They were adorable,” he said and smiled.

“So you were the big brother?” She asked.

“Yes, I was. I miss them, especially when I see young children. Joan is the closest thing to family that I have. You're also part of that now,” he said softly.

Vera smiled. “Joan is all I have now too... I'm happy you consider me like family Aaron.”

He smiled a little shyly and nodded. Vera bought a sandwich and ate it as they sat down on a bench. Aaron was watching the people walk by and he'd comment here and there to her about what kind of people they might be, and they made up some stories about some of them.

They started walking again and Vera listened as Aaron talked excitedly about how it was fun to be doing these things with someone and not by himself.

“Joan doesn't like it?”

“Joan is rather introverted at times. It's hard to get her to go out and around too many people in public,” he said.

“I've noticed this. She prefers quieter scenes, but every so often she will indulge me and go to a place that has larger groups of people.”

Vera talked to Aaron about working with Joan and he listened intently, seeming very interested in what she had to say about their working relationship. They stopped to get some ice cream. She ordered chocolate and he had strawberry. When she turned around she looked into a familiar face. The sharp and intense blue eyes of Renee who stood next to Rose.

“Well, well, look who it is. I didn't expect to see you so soon. Or you Aaron,” Renee said in a low and rich voice. She smiled at them. Rose also smiled shyly and her dimples showed as she did.

“Renee, fancy coming out to the beach today? I didn't think I'd see you either. How are you and Rose doing?”

“We just decided to get out for a bit. It was nice outside and it's not as busy at this time as it normally is on the weekend. Renee insisted on it,” Rose said and smiled at her.

“Sweetheart, you know that you secretly wanted to go. Don't act like you didn't,” Renee said teasingly.

Vera watched as Renee kissed Rose lightly on the lips and Rose blushed a little, smiling. She thought they seemed very sweet and in love, just in how they looked at each other.

“And where is your girlfriend?” Renee asked and smiled. Vera thought the smile was almost flirtatious.

“She's at work. Aaron kind of forced me to go out today.”

“You know it was the best thing for you. We're having fun. What else would you have done?”

“Laundry and grocery shopping,” Vera said.

“Boring! This is much better,” he said and smiled.

The four of them walked to a more secluded area on the promenade and stood chatting. Vera smiled as the three vampires shared stories of the few times they ran into each other since becoming a vampire.

“Then you decided to travel everywhere and I haven't seen you much since then,” Renee said to Aaron.

“I'm a bit of a loner sometimes. What can I say?”

“It would seem you and your progeny have that in common then,” Renee said.

“Yes... it would seem so. Speaking of progeny's, how is Jacob?” Aaron asked seriously.

Renee furrowed her eyebrows. “I haven't had the heart to release him. I don't know if I can. He looks so much like my brother,” she said sadly.

“But he's not your brother, Renee,” Rose said softly.

“I know sweetheart... I know he's not. It still doesn't make it easy to let him go. They have an uncanny resemblance, and I feel almost like I have part of my family again, even if I know he's nothing like him in personality,” Renee said quietly.

“I understand,” Aaron said gently.

An awkward silence passed for a few seconds before Renee turned to Vera and her eyes were full of amusement, her lips curling up. “Any more thought on becoming a vampire?”

Vera was a bit taken aback by the question. “I-I don't know yet. I don't know what I'd be like. I don't know if I'd want that. Joan is worried I'll change and hate her for it. And I know she'd also miss that she, um...”

“That she drinks your blood?” Renee asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Yes,” Vera said and blushed.

Renee looked at Rose and they smiled at each other. Vera felt a little confused and out of the loop. Rose turned to her.

“Vera, I was still human for a few years when I met Renee. We fell in love and of course we are bonded together; we're soul mates. I felt the vibration from her right away. Eventually I did become a vampire, but I was sick and dying and she turned me to save my life. I didn't really have a choice, but I'm glad she did so we could be together forever. In my desperation to feed after she turned me, I bit her and sucked her blood.”

She paused and looked at Renee who smiled. “We've learned from word of mouth that bonded vampires can still feed from their partners, their soul mates. They can sustain themselves this way. That's not to say you should never drink human blood. Human blood is rather delicious. It's especially needed in the beginning of first becoming a vampire. But it's not needed to keep yourself well nourished. And... speaking from experience, it tastes even better when you're both vampires,” Renee said and winked at Vera.

Vera didn't know what to think of this. She was glad to hear it, but she was surprised Joan didn't know. “How come Joan didn't know this?”

Aaron smiled. “She's still young, and not even I quite knew that because I've never been in a relationship like yours or theirs. I've never found my soul mate.”

Renee smiled. “You will soon, or even if you don't, it doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship. Are you afraid of commitment?”

Aaron scoffed. “Me? No way. I'm just a free spirit. Someday it'll happen when I'm least expecting it. I'm not in a rush,” he said.

Renee chuckled and wrapped her arm around Rose's shoulders. “Well, I hope you find someone like Rose. We have to be going. It was nice seeing the both of you. Vera, tell Joan I say hello and don't forget to let her know about that little _special_ piece of information,” she said and winked as they both walked away.

Aaron and Vera looked at each other and shrugged as they started walking back towards the beach. “Was it just me or was she flirting a little bit?” Vera asked.

“Oh, I'm sure she was flirting a little bit. Renee has always been a flirtatious woman, but she doesn't mean anything by it. Especially when she's with Rose. Those two are very committed to each other. She'd never leave her. She just likes a little flirting here and there. Let's go swimming!”

He ran over to where they were set up and took off his shirt. He was lean and muscular and she felt a little silly next to him as she took off her shirt and shorts, standing in her one piece suit.

“You look beautiful Vera! Don't blush. Look at those legs of yours and your figure. Many men and women would envy me right now,” he said, smiling.

Vera laughed. “Oh, I don't know about that.”

“It's true. If I wasn't gay, I'd find you very appealing,” he said and winked, smiling playfully.

She blushed even more and they ran out to the ocean. They swam around and splashed each other as they played around. They both tread water and laughed and yelled as a wave hit them. She came back up under water and didn't see Aaron. She looked around and then felt something grab her foot. She kicked and swam away, then felt it again.

“Duuuuun duuuuun, duuuuun duuuuuun, dun dun dun dun,” Aaron yelled as he grabbed Vera from behind. She screamed a little.

“You're worse than Joan! Don't joke about _Jaws_. There really could be sharks out here!” She yelled and giggled a little and splashed him.

“I would sense the shark coming. You have nothing to fear because Aaron is here. I would protect you. I'd bitch slap a shark before they hurt you. Have a little faith,” he said and smiled.

They continued to swim and soon they got out of the water, both walking back to sit on the blanket and watched the ocean waves.

“Thank you for taking me here today,” Vera said.

“It was my pleasure. Thank you for coming out with me,” Aaron said and smiled as he watched some of the children run out towards the water.

They spent the next couple of hours relaxing and walking around the beach, picking up sea shells and showing them to each other. When someone walked by with their dog, they both walked over to pet it. Vera discovered that Aaron used baby talk with dogs just like she did and they both giggled at this.

They decided to pack up and leave when it was mid afternoon and took the drive back. Aaron played Queen the entire ride home and she couldn't stop laughing at the way he sang Bohemian Rhapsody so dramatically. The song switched to Don't Stop Me Now and they both sang it.

 _“Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time_  
_I'm having a ball_  
_Don't stop me now_  
_If you wanna have a good time just give me a call_  
_Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)_  
_Don't stop me now (Yes I'm havin' a good time)_  
_I don't want to stop at all”_

He also sang this rather dramatically and enthusiastically. Her cheeks started to hurt from smiling and laughing so much. They soon pulled into Joan's place and she wasn't home yet. They both walked inside and Vera changed back into regular clothes. Aaron was still dressed in his shirt and swim trunks but they were almost dry.

“Vera! It's still nice outside. Let's go out into the backyard!”

“Aren't you tired?” She asked.

“Me? No! Are you?”

“A little bit but I'm okay.”

They walked outside and he picked up his phone and began scrolling through it. He started playing what sounded like big band and swing music.

“Have you ever done swing dancing?”

“No, I barely know ballroom. Joan had to teach me the basics for that,” she said a little nervously.

“Excellent! I taught her what she knows. Swing is different but not hard to learn.”

He held out his hand towards her and he showed her how to do a rock step and a few different dance moves for swing. They kicked out their legs a little to the song and he swung her around and pulled her back in quickly, taking her in his arms again as they danced. The song was fast and fun and he smiled at her as he swung her out again. She laughed when he dipped her as the song ended.

“Now I know where Joan got the idea to dip me when we danced,” she said and smiled.

“You would be correct. I did learn from him. Aaron, just what are you doing with her?” Joan asked as she walked outside. She was still dressed in her uniform but her hair was down.

“Joanie! I'm so glad you're here! I was teaching Vera how to swing dance. I think with enough practice she'll be a natural and then I can take her to the swing clubs. Wait until you see me in a zoot suit Vera. I look pretty dapper if I do say so myself,” he said, smiling.

Vera could feel amusement and irritation from Joan who stared at Aaron and shook her head. “Well, at least she'd be more willing to go with you than myself.”

“Yes, I know you don't like swing too much, but sometimes I felt you had some fun with it. Every now and then I could feel it. But not as much fun as ballroom,” he said.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “Ballroom is much more structured in choreography. Swing seems so... random,” she said.

“If that's the case, then dance with me. Just like we used to,” he said.

Vera tried not to laugh at the panic Joan suddenly had and then she got up and started to walk into the house. “On second thought, I'm actually rather tired. I've had a long day...”

“Bullshit Joanie! You're a vampire! You don't get tired that easily. Dance with me! I miss those days. I know you do too.”

“Don't assume I do. I was somewhat forced to dance because someone said I was too afraid to do so,” she said, looking back at him as she stood in the door.

Aaron played a song by Frank Sinatra. Vera smiled as she listened to the lyrics. He began to mouth them as it played.

 _“They call you lady luck_  
_But there is room for doubt_  
_At times you have a very un-lady-like way_  
_Of running out”_

“Come on Joan. Remember this song? Please dance with me. For old times' sake,” he said and he lifted his hand and crooked his finger towards her. It was the same gesture Joan made to Vera when she first wanted her to dance at the restaurant.

Joan sighed and walked slowly towards him. They were at the same height now with her heels. Aaron smiled as they began to dance around to the song when the beat of it picked up faster. Vera watched with curiosity at the way Joan let Aaron lead her around the backyard and she felt that Joan was happy as they danced together. She could see her smiling and there was a special way in which they danced, as if they were almost in their own little world. He spun her around a couple times, and then she smiled and laughed in a way that Vera hadn't seen her do before as he dipped her at the end of the song.

“That's what I like to see! You need to laugh more,” he said and smiled back at Joan.

Joan and Aaron stood up straighter and Joan rolled her eyes a little but she was smiling. Joan hugged Vera and kissed her on the lips.

“I take it you went out with him and had a nice time today?” Joan asked.

“I did. We had a lot of fun. I wish you were there though.”

Joan smiled softly. “I wish I was too, but it's important that you do things for fun sometimes without me. I'm happy you had such a nice time with Aaron. I hope he didn't drive you too crazy.”

“He's definitely something,” Vera said and giggled.

“Hey I can hear you two!” Aaron yelled.

Joan smiled and looked at Aaron and then Vera felt her concern. Joan let go of Vera and walked towards him. He was lying down on the grass.

“Aaron, I think you've had a long day out in the sun. I don't want you to fall asleep out here,” Joan said as she knelt down next to him.

“It's hot out. I'll be perfectly fine to sleep out here. Don't worry about me. I'll sleep right here,” he said and turned over on his side and curled up. Joan looked up at her and made a face. Vera tried not to giggle.

“Aaron, let's get you up. You'll sleep on the couch tonight.” Joan got Aaron up from the grass and she put her arm around his waist and his other arm around her shoulders. He looked suddenly very tired and his feet dragged. He turned towards Joan as they walked into the house. He tapped her on the shoulder.

“You are my favorite progeny, you know that?” He said in a little bit of a slurred voice.

“Yes... you've told me this before,” Joan said and she gently pushed him down onto the couch.

“I mean it!” Aaron yelled and Vera covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Joan walked over into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of blood. She gave it to him and watched him drink.

“Thank you. I feel a little bit better,” Aaron said softly and smiled.

“You're welcome. I'm going to get you a light blanket,” Joan said, going over to a closet to find one.

Vera watched as Aaron's eyes fluttered closed and his breathing evened out. Joan slowly and gently covered him with a blanket.

“Will he be okay?” Vera whispered.

“I think he pushed himself a little too much today, but yes he'll be fine,” Joan whispered back.

They walked into the kitchen and Joan warmed up some leftovers for Vera to eat. “Well, at least this can be eaten now.”

Vera smiled and ate as they talked quietly. “We ran into Renee and Rose today.”

Joan lifted an eyebrow. “And?”

“It was nice. They're very cute and sweet. Aaron seems to have known Renee for a long time. And Renee says hello,” Vera said.

“I see... well, I'm glad she was so friendly with you. I'd rather have them as allies than enemies. What else did they talk to you about?”

Vera thought about what Renee and Rose told her about bonded vampires still being able to feed off of each other, and she hesitated a little.

“Not much. They had to leave soon after and then me and Aaron just played around at the beach.”

“It does sound like a fun day,” Joan said and smiled at her.

Vera smiled back, but she wasn't sure why she didn't tell Joan about the information she learned. She decided she would tell her only if needed. However, there was a part of Vera that wanted to tell Joan desperately, but she was still unsure if she'd become a vampire. The last thing she wanted to do was get Joan's hopes up.

Vera stood up and Joan wrapped her arms around her. “Let's go upstairs,” Joan said softly.

“I've been wanting to cuddle with you all day so this sounds like a good idea,” Vera said.

“I've been thinking about you too, except cuddling wasn't the only thing I had in mind,” Joan said and winked at Vera.

Vera blushed and smiled, taking Joan's hand as they walked upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was harder for me to write after that S5 finale, but I really need fluff. I started it before the finale because I wanted to have some fluff after the intensity of what happened after Joan and Vera were attacked by Jacob and Renee. But then I also wanted to write fluff just in case the S5 finale was a rough one, and I'm glad I did write fluff for this reason.
> 
> I know there wasn't much Joan in it, but I tried to have her a little bit in the beginning and the ending of the chapter where Joan dances with Aaron is something I've been wanting to do for a while. 
> 
> Also there is some vampire lore, although not too much of it, where vampires can also feed off of each other. They did this in the movie Underworld. Because it's my fic and AU I decided to do this for them. 
> 
> This chapter paid tribute to some of my favorite music from the 80's and some fun and cheesy music from the 90's.
> 
> So other than the music listed in the chapter, I imagine Aaron played a few more by bands/singers like Wang Chung, Tears For Fears, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Eddie Money, Duran Duran, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, and TLC. 
> 
> Here is a list of music that was from this chapter in order: 
> 
> Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoXu6QmxpJE
> 
> Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSpFpOYVQrY
> 
> The song What Is Love? by Haddaway is a very silly well known song from the 90's that inspired a Saturday Night Live skit that was turned into a movie called A Night At the Roxbury. The head bobbing that Aaron does that I describe for the song is inspired by that Saturday Night Live Skit lol. Here's a link for the skit with the song just to get the idea if you've never seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtVOTmpB7pE
> 
> Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE
> 
> Vogue by Madonna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJQSAiODqI
> 
> Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ
> 
> Don't Stop Me Now by Queen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
> 
> The swing/big band music that Vera and Aaron dance to is Sing Sing Sing by Benny Goodman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhyhP_5VfKM
> 
> And the song that Joan and Aaron dance to is Luck Be A Lady by Frank Sinatra: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJpGHR6ofus


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I updated very quickly between chapter 34 and 35, so please make sure you read chapter 34 before this one. Enjoy!

Vera walked down the halls of Wentworth. She was due for a much needed lunch break. It had been a long day and she had been awake since 5am. This past week wasn't too bad, but some days felt longer than others. When she woke up this morning, Joan had been getting ready but still had a few hours before she had to be at the prison. She was scheduled for a meeting with the board.

Vera smiled when she remembered Joan sitting at the kitchen table reading a newspaper as Vera ate breakfast. Joan had packed a lunch for her with a thermos of coffee. Joan insisted that she eat more, telling her that her smaller portions weren't enough for her smaller frame. Vera had resisted a bit at first, telling Joan that the portions were fine and how else would she keep her figure. Joan had scoffed at her and said she was perfect the way she was, and that sometimes she was too thin. The taller woman kissed her lips softly and handed her the lunch she made with the thermos. Joan might as well have pushed Vera out the door as she kept telling her to have a good day and smiled as she closed the door to their house. Vera knew then that she had lost that battle, if that's what it was. She remembered the look of smug satisfaction on Joan's face and she had rolled her eyes as she drove to work.

Vera stepped into the officer's break room, grabbing her lunch from the fridge. She opened the container to find a sandwich with a side of potato salad, and a small chocolate cupcake. Vera was fine with just a sandwich but clearly this wasn't enough for Joan. She looked around, checking to see if anyone was there and then lifted the cupcake to eat it first. She was about to take a bite of it when she saw a small folded piece of paper under it. She picked it up and unfolded it, recognizing Joan's elegant handwriting.

**_A cupcake for the cupcake._ ;-)**

**_Love,_ **  
**_J_**

Vera giggled and then covered her mouth when she saw Will walk in. He glanced at her and took some things out of his locker as he walked over to the fridge. He took out his lunch and warmed it up in the microwave. He moved to sit down at the table next to her, picking up a slice of pizza from his plate.

“You seem to be in a good mood Vera,” he said, taking a bite of his pizza.

Vera smiled and placed the cupcake down. It would be better to eat the sandwich and potato salad first but if Will hadn't come in she would have eaten the cupcake.

“Is it that obvious?”

Will smiled a little. “Yes, you're smiling, which I don't see you do too often around here. I've also never seen you have any sweets for lunch. Something's different about you.”

Vera blushed a little. “I'm just very happy with my life right now.”

“Well, you're having a better day than I am. Sometimes I question why I'm still here. Have you ever thought about what you'd be doing if you weren't working here? If you weren't in corrections?”

Vera smiled. “Hmm... it's hard for me to imagine that. I wanted to make a difference with these women. I also like being in a position of authority. I don't know. I suppose I might like teaching. Actually... wait... no, no I don't think I'd want to go back to a school again. What about you Will?”

Will looked thoughtfully at her. “It's interesting that you mention you wouldn't want to teach. This place sometimes is like a school, so it wouldn't be that much different. I think you'd be good at that Vera, if you ever decided to do that. As for myself, well, sometimes I think I should have just stayed in social work,” he said and frowned a little.

She lifted her eyebrows. “After all this time we've been working together and you never told me you were a social worker?” She was surprised. She thought they had a closer working relationship than that. Vera even considered him a friend.

He turned his mouth to the side and shrugged. “We didn't talk much about personal things until the last year. But yes I used to be a social worker with Protective Services. It was rewarding for a while, but was also very hard work,” he said, looking down at his pizza.

Vera thought he sounded a bit solemn when he said this. “I can imagine it would have been very hard. What made you decide to go into corrections?”

Will paused and his eyes appeared a bit clouded. “I had a bad experience. I was at a prison where I was called in to check on the living conditions of a young woman and her child. The Governor of that prison thought it was best to take the child away. I investigated and I agreed it wasn't a suitable place to raise a baby under the circumstances. I had to separate them. Things are different now than they were back then.”

Vera thought about this and suddenly she had a bad feeling, but it could just be coincidence, right?

“How long ago was this? And what happened to the woman and her child?” She asked quietly.

“It was almost 20 years ago. Tragic story really. I had to put the baby into foster care. And the woman... well, originally I thought she hanged herself. This is what I heard not too long after I removed the baby from her care. But then some time later, I checked into the case again and found out that she was actually lynched by the other prisoners,” he said sadly.

“Lynched? Why was she lynched?” She asked anxiously.

Will sighed. “I guess she was having a relationship with an officer there and the inmates found out about it... so they lynched her. You know how they feel about us.”

Vera swallowed, feeling like she couldn't breathe. It couldn't be the same story...

“Will... what prison did this happen at?”

“It was at Blackmoore,” he said.

Vera took a few shallow breaths. “I'm sorry... that sounds horrible.”

“It was... are you okay?” He asked, a little concerned.

Vera nodded and stood up. “Yes, I need to go now. I'm suddenly not feeling very well and I have some work I need to finish.” She quickly left and tried to ignore the confused and concerned look on his face as she walked out the door.

As she was walking she ran into Jess Warner who was frantic and worried about Doreen, telling her that she was by herself in the shower. Warner was worried something would happen to her so Vera went with her since she knew Anderson's baby was due any time now.

When she and Warner reached the women's bathroom, she saw what looked like several figures. Lucy Gambaro and what she called her “boys.” She saw that Doreen was screaming in pain on the floor. Vera felt angry and concerned.

“What is going on in here?” She asked.

Gambaro looked confused. “She slipped on the wet floor, Ms. Bennett.”

Vera looked down and watched as Doreen clutched at her stomach. Oh no... please don't let something happen to the baby. Jess rushed forward and knelt down next to Doreen.

“She could sue you for that,” Gambaro said.

“Get out, Gambaro! All of you, get out now! Go!” Vera yelled.

She watched as they left and knelt down next to Doreen and asked if she could get up. They were slowly able to help her to Medical, being easy and gentle with her. She tried to comfort Doreen who was crying and kept clutching at her stomach, murmuring about the baby.

When they arrived at Medical, Vera watched as Nurse Atkins helped her onto a medical bed, making her comfortable and checking Doreen's vitals. Vera hoped nothing was wrong with the baby. She watched intently as Atkins took out a stethoscope and placed it over her stomach, listening for a minute before she placed it around her neck.

“Heartbeat's normal. Strong. Everything's looking fine, Doreen,” Atkins said in a calm voice.

“Are you sure?” Doreen asked.

“Absolutely, yes.”

“If I got jabbed by a needle with Hep C, could the baby catch it?”

Atkins looked worried. “Did you get jabbed?”

“No,” Doreen replied.

Vera wondered why she would ask this and thought of how Gambaro and her boys were in there with Doreen in the first place. Why would they be in there with her? She couldn't have just slipped on the floor. There had to be more to it.

“Did somebody threaten you, Anderson?” Vera asked pointedly. She felt her suspicions were confirmed with the way Doreen looked at her. Out of all the women to threaten Doreen... it would only make sense to be one particular woman, the same one that was just in the bathroom with her.

“Was it Lucy Gambaro?” She asked.

“No, Ms. Bennett, I was just wondering, you know,” Doreen said softly.

“What happened?” Asked Joan as she walked in.

Vera stepped aside for Joan who stood next to her. Vera could feel anxiety and concern from her. Joan was worried about Doreen.

Jess started to speak. “Well, it was--”

“I just slipped in the shower,” Doreen said.

Vera watched as Joan stepped forward, and she was very worried and almost a little frantic as she waved her hand back and forth above Doreen's stomach.

“Is all this all right?” Joan asked.

“Yes, she's fine,” Atkins said.

“I'm putting you into Protection,” Joan said firmly.

“What?” Doreen asked.

“Just until the birth of the baby.”

“Oh no, Ms. Ferguson, please don't--”

“It's done,” Joan said. Vera knew she had made up her mind. She was feeling protective of Doreen and Vera found it a little endearing.

“Ms. Bennett, will you make the necessary arrangements?”

“Yes, Governor.” Vera walked out as Joan followed her.

Joan stopped her in the corridor. “Are you feeling all right, Vera? You seem tense.”

Vera looked up at her, deciding that she needed a good excuse right now. “Oh, I'm just feeling a little off. I think maybe the potato salad disagreed with me.”

She could feel Joan's concern. “I knew I should have just given you some vegetables instead. Maybe it was too much for your stomach. Why don't you go home and rest? Make sure to drink enough water,” Joan said quietly.

Despite the tension and anxiety Vera was feeling, she still couldn't help but smile softly at Joan. She was always looking out for her.

“Thank you, I will. I'll see you later tonight,” Vera said softly.

She left Joan and made sure to start the arrangements for Doreen to be placed into Protection. She quickly walked out and drove home. She took off her shoes, setting them down neatly by the floor. She had learned if she didn't do this, Joan would become irritated. Sometimes it was hard dealing with that but she learned ways to avoid it by trying to make it a habit.

She changed into a shirt and shorts, loosening her hair from its bun and her hair fell to her shoulders. She felt a little more relaxed as she sat on the couch, but that was short lived as she thought of what she just learned today.

Will Jackson was the social worker who Joan blamed for Jianna's death. It was the same prison... everything fit. She suddenly remembered the times that Joan had been claiming that Will was having a relationship with Bea. She thought to how that never made sense to her, and suddenly she realized that there was no inappropriate relationship between Will and Bea at all.

She remembered the night a few months ago when Joan talked to her about her collection of books. She had asked about _The Count of Monte Cristo_ since that was Joan's favorite book. She had told her it was about revenge.

_“Yes, essentially a good portion of it is about revenge. However, there is so much more to it than that. There always is a... reason for the actions of such a person. The main character, Edmond Dantes, spent years planning his revenge against those who betrayed him.”_

Vera stood up and pulled the book from the shelf. She flipped through the pages and re-read some of the highlighted quotes; the notes that were written on sticky notes left on the pages. She found one that caught her eye and she remembered reading it last time.

_“Make no mistake: I should fight a duel for a trifle, an insult, a contradiction, a slap—and all the more merrily for knowing that, thanks to the skill I have acquired in all physical exercises and long experience of danger, I should be more or less certain of killing my opponent. Oh, yes, indeed, I should fight a duel for any of these things; but in return for a slow, deep, infinite, eternal pain, I should return as nearly as possible a pain equivalent to the one inflicted on me. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth..."_

Vera read the quote again and closed the book. She set it back on the shelf and covered her mouth with her hand. She suddenly knew that the accusations of Will having a relationship with Bea were false. They had to be false. They didn't make sense. Will would never have an inappropriate relationship with a prisoner. Joan was trying to accuse him to ruin his career. She remembered how Will got into a car accident a while back. Someone had driven him off the road. They thought it was Bea's ex husband, Harry Smith. Could that be coincidence too? Will thought it was because Harry Smith thought he was having a relationship with Bea. If there hadn't been rumors about Will and Bea, then that wouldn't have happened. She knew Will was a good man and he didn't deserve all of this... even if Joan was angry at him. Jianna's death wasn't his fault. It was no one's fault except the inmates who murdered her. Shayne being taken away was sad and unfortunate, but Will was only doing his job.

Vera felt angry that Joan had kept this from her. She wanted revenge against him. How could she do this? Of course... Joan was under the misconception that Jianna had committed suicide because he took the baby away. She was conflicted about this. She understood Joan's pain and anger, but to this level it was pretty strong. Joan had been holding onto these feelings of grief, pain, anger, and hate for almost 20 years.

Joan also worked hard to go against Franky and Bea. She successfully managed to take down Franky, but was still in the process of taking down Bea, or trying to that is. Vera thought of how Joan seemed to do this because she knew how the prison needed to be run, that these women needed her structure and guidance, but there were the times Joan reacted almost maliciously towards the women. It was very subtle but there was something there beneath the surface that Vera saw and at times felt, which was anger and disgust whenever Joan was around the prisoners. It was hard not to feel disgusted by some, but it was rare that Joan felt anything beyond that when she was around them. Other times Vera could feel amusement coming from Joan when she talked to them, but it was a different type of amusement. The expression on Joan's face during those times always looked like she was planning something... almost like Joan was playing some kind of game... almost like chess.

Vera was fairly disturbed by this. Joan's actions were mixed with anger and vengeful behavior. Except Vera knew that Joan wanted to run the prison in the most efficient way possible. She had worked hard to remove drugs from the prison. This was why she was known as “The Fixer.” Vera thought back to when Fletch told her that Joan had intimidated an inmate into silence, that she had tortured other prisoners at her time at Blackmoore. She remembered when Joan hadn't exactly denied Fletch's accusations, claiming that everything she did was for the greater good. Could this have been because of Jianna's death?

Vera felt a little sick. She was so anxious thinking about all of this that she couldn't eat anything. She made some tea and sat down at the kitchen table. How was she going to bring this up to Joan? She couldn't sweep it under the rug and pretend that she didn't know.

Hours passed and it became dark. Vera turned on the light in the kitchen and rubbed her face and eyes. Today has been such a long day. She started a bit when she heard the front door unlocking, listening to Joan's heels softly clacking against the floor. She could hear Joan's light footsteps as she walked in, and Vera smiled a little when she saw the slippers on the taller woman's feet. Joan's hair had soft waves from taking it out of the confines of the bun. She leaned down to kiss Vera on the cheek.

“Vera, why aren't you lying down? Are you feeling better?”

Vera paused before she answered. “I'm feeling a little bit better.”

Joan lifted an eyebrow as she poured a couple glasses of water for them. “Hmm... have you eaten again? I know you weren't feeling well but I hope you're not running on an empty stomach.”

Vera shook her head. “I haven't eaten anything... I didn't feel well enough to.”

Joan handed her a glass of water and sat at the chair adjacent to her. “Do you want me to make you something to eat? Maybe some soup? That might be easier on your stomach.”

Vera didn't know how she was going to do this. Joan was being so sweet. She was always looking out for Vera and taking care of her, to the point of being a bit over protective. Sometimes Vera got annoyed by this but she also found it rather endearing.

“That would be good Joan, thank you,” Vera said softly.

Joan nodded and began taking the time to cook chicken noodle soup. Vera watched as she concentrated on preparing the ingredients, her movements fast as she moved around the kitchen.

“By the way, Anderson had her baby today,” Joan said and looked at Vera as she was watching the soup on the stove. The corner of Joan's lips had a small curl and Vera knew she was starting to smile, her eyes and facial expression soft.

Vera couldn't help but smile at this. “Did she? Is she and the baby okay? It was scary when I found her today.”

Joan nodded and smiled a little more. “They're fine. She had a baby boy. His name is Joshua. I was—I was there during the delivery.”

Vera furrowed her eyebrows. “Really? How did that happen?”

Joan brought back Vera's soup and sat down near her again. “I was checking on her in her cell, and her water broke then... and she had no one there except the nurse. I decided to stay with her. It's not the... first time I've been there for a child's birth,” she said softly.

Vera ate her soup slowly and looked up to see Joan watching her. Vera knew Joan was concerned.

“Vera, you seem bothered by something. And I don't think it's just because you're not feeling well. Are you okay?”

Vera pushed the bowl of her soup out and looked down at the table. “You're right. I'm not okay. We need to talk about something,” she said quietly.

Vera could feel Joan's concern and worry and she looked into her eyes. The woman was worried about Vera and she had to be strong and do this or it would forever bother her and hang over them.

“Okay... what's going on?” Joan asked softly.

Vera looked at Joan and didn't say anything for a couple minutes. Joan waited for her patiently and Vera finally decided to spit it out. “Joan, why didn't you tell me that Will Jackson was the social worker at Blackmoore?”

Joan closed her eyes and stood up, walking towards the kitchen counter, her back facing Vera. “You must be mistaken Vera...”

Vera stood up and slowly moved behind Joan, touching her back. She felt Joan stiffen under her touch. “I'm not mistaken. Why didn't you tell me?” She repeated.

Joan turned around and backed away from her, crossing her arms. This was closed off and self protective body language and Vera could already feel the walls going up. Joan was worried, anxious, and also something else was there, but Vera couldn't tell what it was because the woman was beginning to shut her out. Vera still didn't know how she did this. It became almost like a mental barrier.

“It was none of your concern. It does not involve you,” Joan said quietly, looking into her eyes.

“But it does involve me Joan. Will is my colleague... he's my friend! And I know that everything you've done involving him has been to ruin him and his career,” Vera said, feeling exasperated.

She watched Joan lift her eyebrow and she knew she was dealing with Joan as the Governor right now. The woman's face remained impassive except for the slight twitch to her lips.

“He is having a relationship with Bea Smith. I will do as I see fit to stop that, to make sure he doesn't continue his inappropriate behavior. It doesn't matter if he was the social worker at Blackmoore. It's irrelevant to the current situation at Wentworth.”

Vera was angry and shook her head. “No... Will would never do that. He cares about the women too much to do that. His relationship with Smith is professional and purely platonic. And you know this Joan. I know that you do. You're doing this because of what happened to Jianna and Shayne.”

Joan inhaled sharply and her nostrils flared. Vera felt Joan's anger and it seemed to be slowly rising. “You seem to be quite sure of yourself with this. How would you know if Mr. Jackson was having a purely platonic relationship with Smith? You wouldn't know. And I don't appreciate you insinuating that I'm doing this out of revenge,” she said in a calm and cold voice.

Vera felt very angry suddenly and started to raise her voice as she spoke. “You _are_ doing this out of revenge! You're doing this because Will was the social worker that took Shayne away. You're doing this because Jianna died. You're doing this because you blame Will for what happened to them!”

Joan stepped forward and leaned down a little, her face close to Vera's. “So what if I am? You have no right to tell me how to deal with it. This is none of your business,” she hissed.

“It is my business! I love you and Will is my friend. He's a good man. He was only doing his job. He didn't mean for any of that to happen! Jianna was--”

“No, no... you don't get to say that. You don't know. You weren't there. He's not a good man. A good man would have worked harder against a system that separated a mother and her child. A good man wouldn't have been so easily manipulated by the Governor there. A good man would have seen that Shayne meant everything to Jianna,” Joan said tightly. Vera could feel anger and a deep sadness from Joan, and it broke her heart but the woman had to listen to her.

“Joan, he was just doing what he thought was best for the baby. Times were different back then...” Vera said softly.

Joan's eyes were dark but there was a brightness to the whites of her eyes, and she could feel she was trying to keep her emotions in check. Vera could see her lips just start to tremble.

“Jianna was the one best for Shayne! He was ripped away from her. She was never the same after that. I was never the same! He took away everything. He took away Shayne from her and me. He took away Jianna. She hanged herself because of him!” Joan said, raising her voice which was something she didn't do often.

Vera felt tears start in her eyes as she felt Joan's rage and grief. “Joan, I know how angry you are... I know how much grief you feel. But he was not the cause of that. If you want to blame anyone, blame the actual system in charge, the Governor of the prison, but not Will. Joan... you have to let this go. Please let this go... for me,” Vera said, feeling desperate.

“No! Do you know what it's like to watch all of that happen? And how helpless it made me feel? I watched him take Shayne away. Jianna's cries and screams still echo in my mind. I could do NOTHING to stop it! Do not ask me to let this go. You weren't there. You haven't felt what I've felt for so many years,” Joan said and her breath caught as she reached up and placed her hand over her heart. “This pain I feel... it's right here and it won't ever go away,” Joan said, tapping her heart as she looked into her eyes. “It's my fault that I did nothing, but it's his fault that any of this happened in the first place, and I hate him for it!” She said vehemently.

“Joan, you're so used to pushing all your feelings down. The pain won't feel as strong and so overwhelming if you allow yourself to grieve more... to allow yourself to feel. Let this go with Will. All of this hate and anger is not doing anything for you. It's not good for you. It just distracts you from the pain you really feel, but it won't bring her back. Joan... Jianna didn't kill herself. She was—she was killed by the other prisoners... she was lynched...”

“What?! No! She hanged herself!”

“No... Joan... the other women knew about your relationship and they killed her for it,” she said quietly, her voice gentle as she said this. She reached up and touched Joan's arm. She could feel anger and grief and Joan looked at her with a shocked expression.

“You're lying! You don't know what you're talking about! How would you even know this?”

“Joan, I wouldn't lie to you, not about this. It was no one's fault... it just happened. You did everything you could for them, and the only ones to blame are the system and the prisoners themselves. Not you or Will.”

Joan's body was full of tension and she moved her arm away from Vera's hand and she grabbed her keys, putting on her shoes. Vera was worried about her and she walked over to her, grabbing her arm.

“Joan, where are you going? Please... we need to continue talking about this.” She wrapped her arms around Joan from behind, her cheek resting against Joan's back.

She felt Joan pause, her breathing erratic. She lifted Vera's hands and arms off of her. She opened their front door and walked out. Vera felt panic at the mental state Joan was in. She kept feeling strong feelings from Joan of anger, sadness, confusion, and guilt. She ran after Joan, watching as she walked away from the house.

“Please don't go! Come back! We said we'd always talk to each other,” Vera cried.

Joan turned and looked at her, and Vera felt and saw a pain so intense in her eyes that it took her breath away. Joan then ran off faster than she's ever seen her, disappearing from view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was something I had planned for a while. I needed to address that Joan wants revenge against Will, and I wanted Vera to find this out and put two and two together. This is why I had Vera read the quotes from The Count of Monte Cristo in a much earlier chapter, because I wanted her to remember that and refer back to it to see the link with it.
> 
> Also a few things to keep in mind with this chapter is that when Joan is in Doreen's cell like on the show, I do not have her try to kiss Doreen in my fic. She almost did that in the show, but because she's with Vera and in love with her in my fic, this didn't happen. She feels a softness towards Doreen because of Jianna, but she doesn't have romantic or sexual feelings for Doreen in my fic.
> 
> Also please note, that Joan in my fic never overhead Doreen call her creepy because of this. In my fic she did go back to check on Doreen and the baby and Doreen was polite to her. I didn't want Joan to go through that in my fic so I changed that part.
> 
> Even though this ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, I hope you all enjoyed that chapter. :)


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I updated a lot of the weekend. Please make sure you read chapters 34 and 35 before you read this one. Enjoy :)

Joan ran through the neighborhood, through the dark parts of the city where she wasn't easily visible. She didn't even quite know where she was going yet. All she knew was that she couldn't stay in that house. She could feel Vera's hurt and pain, and she tried desperately to block it out, for it mixed in with her own pain and anger. This was overwhelming and she suddenly wished they didn't have this mental connection. It would be so much easier if she couldn't feel Vera's emotions. Hers were already hard to understand. 

She didn't block out her own feelings because she wanted Vera to feel them. She wanted Vera to feel how hurt and angry she was. How could Vera take Will's side? After everything they had shared, and she wanted her to let it go? She had spent so much of her life planning revenge. She wanted to avenge Jianna and Shayne. They deserved that much. 

But Vera told her that Jianna hadn't killed herself. How could this be? Jianna had been devastated after Shayne was taken away. Joan had naturally assumed that when she found Jianna's lifeless body, that the woman had committed suicide. They had been so careful so the other inmates didn't know about their relationship. Joan had made sure they were careful. 

What if Vera was right? What if the prisoners had killed Jianna all those years ago? Jianna had been hanging from the area where they used to meet privately in the prison. She hadn't done that in her cell. Wouldn't someone wish to do that in their cell? It made her despair knowing she could be the one at fault for this, even more so than she thought. It filled her with anguish and guilt knowing that just because she was considered a “screw,” that any of the women would have killed Jianna. Jianna was innocent. She did nothing wrong. 

Will still took Shayne away, she thought angrily. Jianna spent the majority of the time taking care of Shayne anyway. Perhaps if he hadn't been taken away then she wouldn't have been lynched by the other prisoners. Who would lynch a woman while her baby was there? She knew the prisoners were animals but she doubted even they would do that. It sickened her to think about it. Joan should have kept a closer eye on her. She should have tried harder to convince the Governor that Shayne should stay. She should have contacted Protective Services. She should have tried to help Shayne. She could have taken him in until Jianna was released from prison.

It felt like a futile effort. It was hard to keep track of him after he was taken away. She didn't find him until after she became a vampire. By then it was too late and she couldn't have raised him. She wouldn't have been a good parent anyway. Her own upbringing wasn't the ideal childhood. Joan didn't know how to take care of a child in the way a child should be taken care of. She had no example beyond her father. The memories of her mother weren't enough to give him a healthy and happy home. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She would have messed him up in the same way her father did with her. It was best that Shayne didn't have anything to do with her. 

She didn't know where she was running. She suddenly felt a need to hunt, but it wasn't so she could feed. She just wanted someone to feel the pain she was feeling. She was so angry. Angry with Will, angry with Vera, angry with herself.

Aaron taught her to never do this unless she needed to feed. He said it was unnecessary to kill just for the sake of killing. What was the difference? She still killed most of her prey anyway. 

Joan stopped running and then found herself standing in front of the fencing studio. How did she get here? She wasn't even thinking about coming here. It was too late for anyone to be fencing. Coming here still represented a form of solitude for her. A place that was still comforting in its own way.

Joan walked towards the studio and opened the door, stepping inside. It was quiet and dimly lit. No one was here. She could practice fencing here even without her sword. There was a gracefulness in the steps and positioning with fencing. Similar to when she learned martial arts for self defense. 

She walked over and looked out the window. Why was she here? 

“You're here because you know you've become weak.”

Joan closed her eyes and grit her teeth. She turned around and saw her father. She hadn't seen him in a while. It was a temporary relief. She should have known he'd turn up again at some point.

“Only you would continue to call me weak,” she spat.

“It's because it's true. You always have been. Even as a child. When will you learn that emotions lead to mistakes? I've tried to teach you this. Instead you've allowed Vera and Aaron to influence and corrupt you. And now you're angry. Instead of feeling angry you need to take control of the situation. You must do what needs to be done. You're falling apart.”

She didn't want to see him again, and she felt Vera's feelings now, and it made it hard to concentrate. Vera was so hurt, upset, and scared. This made it even worse with what her father was saying to her. Why was he here? It was too much at once. She couldn't think. 

“Get out of my head!” She screamed.

“You're losing control.”

“I can't control how I feel. I've tried. It's impossible!”

“You've failed to see the bigger picture. Just like you always do. You're pathetic.”

Joan inhaled sharply. “I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you! All you've done is hector and bully me. You've treated me like one of your foot soldiers all of my life! All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. I just wanted to be good enough. Why could I never be good enough for you?!”  


She turned around and rubbed her neck, and she stopped breathing for a few seconds. Aaron was staring at her in the doorway looking very concerned. She didn't know what to say. She suddenly felt great shame and embarrassment.

He slowly walked into the studio. “Don't feel shame,” he said softly.

She let out a breath. “Get out of here.”

“I can't do that. This is not the first time I've seen you talk to your father, Joan. You just didn't know I was aware of it. Please don't be embarrassed. I've seen ghosts too...”

“Get out!” She screamed.

“I'm not leaving, Joan.”

She felt angry and anxious. She ran forward and grabbed him, starting to hit him across the face. He grabbed her fist and slammed her back onto the floor very fast. She looked up at him and she could see that he was very irritated.

“Why are you fighting me Joan? I'm your Maker. You will never be stronger than me. You know this. Why?” 

“This is your fault," she hissed. “I wouldn't ever feel any of this right now if I wasn't a vampire. I wouldn't feel this strongly if I wasn't. These emotions are intensified because I'm no longer human. I can't control them. I used to be able to control them. And I can't get him or Vera out of my head!” She hit his chest and he let her, silent as he looked down at her.

“He will leave when you realize you have to let go of all of your anger, but Vera will always be there. If I let you up will you promise not to try and fight me? You will always lose and I do not want to have to keep slamming you to the ground.”

She nodded and he slowly got up. She stood up and ran out the door, but then she felt his arms grabbing hers. 

“What are you doing? Let me go! If you won't leave, then I will. Let me leave!” She yelled.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and spoke loudly as she struggled against him. “I didn't want to have to do this, but you've given me no choice. As your Maker I command you to stay!”

He let go of her and she glared at him, her lips twitching. “It's that easy for you, is it? To force me to stay? You said you'd never push me. I hate you for this.”

He stared at her hard. “I know you don't really mean that, Joan. So I'll ignore that you just said that. I used to not push you, but I see that I need to right now. You're going to listen to me whether you want to or not. I never said you had to like it,” he said tersely.

She was so angry and she shook her head, looking away from him. 

“Why are you so angry? I can feel so much of it that it's taking over my mind, but I also feel grief from you... and guilt. What's going on? Did something happen with Vera?”

She paused and tensed her jaw, crossing her arms. “Vera found out about my vendetta against Will Jackson. She wants me to let it go. I can't do this. She also told me... that Jianna never committed suicide. She was lynched by the other prisoners,” she said tightly.

He stepped around her and ducked his head to meet her eyes. “I'm sorry to hear this. It's their fault. They murdered her,” he said.

“She was lynched because of me!” She yelled.

He closed his eyes. “Because you were an officer and she was a prisoner...”

“Yes...” She swallowed against the sudden lump she felt in her throat.

“Oh, Joan... I'm so sorry. But that's not your fault.”

“It is, and it's his fault too. He should have never taken Shayne away.”

Aaron sighed. “He was a social worker. I know how you felt about them but that didn't make her die.”

“No, but the whole chain of events... Shayne being taken away, Jianna being murdered. They wouldn't have killed her with a baby present. She would have been in her cell the majority of the time. I would have been able to protect her.”

“You don't know that, Joan. That's a hypothetical.”

“Perhaps... but it still doesn't change the fact that he took Shayne away! And what's worse is that Vera is on his side. She said he was just doing his job... that he was a good man. How can I let this go?”

Aaron stepped closer to her. “He did take Shayne away. That happened a lot back then. And it's not about picking sides Joan. Vera loves you. She feels everything you feel. I told you years ago that your quest for revenge would come back to bite you. You have a beautiful young woman in your life and I'd think this would make you happy, that it would be enough for you.”

“It is enough! But... he has to pay for what he did! You can't tell me what to do. Or are you going to try and command me to not seek revenge against him?” She asked sarcastically.

He glared at her. “I wouldn't do that. I actually want you to make your own choices. I just need you to listen. Getting revenge won't bring her back.”

“It's not about that! I will always feel grief over her and Shayne, but I will finally feel she is avenged if I destroy him. I'm not like you. I'm not a kind person. I don't have sympathy for the weak. Everything I do is for the greater good. This is for the greater good. I will take satisfaction in knowing that I've destroyed his life. I will feel vindicated.”

“You may feel vindicated for doing that, but you may lose Vera in the process,” he said quietly.

“So be it. If she wants to take his side then I will do as I've always done. I'll move on. She'll become nothing more than a distant memory.”

He shook his head. “You're deluding yourself in believing that. She won't ever become a distant memory. Are you willing to chance losing her?”

“Yes... my vendetta against Will has always been my goal, my top priority. You may love humans, but many of them are selfish and sick,” she said bitterly.

His mouth dropped open and she saw he was angry. He walked away from her and seemed to be taking a few deep breaths, then shook his head. 

“I didn't used to love humans Joan. You know I used to kill them. I was so full of anger and hate. I wanted to kill as many as I could. My Maker taught me this before she died. I vowed many years ago to never become like her.”

“But as a vampire, you'd want to kill some of them... some of that is instinctual. You've told me this,” she said, a little confused.

“It is instinctual, but that doesn't mean we should kill everyone we meet. Revenge isn't worth it.”

“Renee was right about you. You have gone soft...”

He narrowed his eyes at her and pointed in her face. “How dare you disrespect me like this!” He yelled.

She widened her eyes as she'd rarely seen him respond like this. She took a step back and he stepped towards her.

“I'm your Maker! I've helped you and cared for you and you throw that in my face?!”

She flinched a little when he got closer to her. He'd never been this angry with her before.

“You don't know everything about me Joan! You only know some things I've told you, that I only wished to share with you. After my family was killed by the Spanish Inquisition, I was devastated!”

“Yes... you've told me this...” 

“I've told you that they were all killed. I've told you I was very angry and ruthless and killed other humans for years to make myself feel better. But what I haven't told you is that in my grief and rage, I went after as many men a part of the Inquisition I could find at that time, and I stalked them. I had already become a vampire by then. I didn't kill them though. But I killed their families. I killed... their wives and their children,” he said and his breath caught.

She gasped. She couldn't imagine Aaron killing innocent women and especially children.

“I didn't know...” She said softly.

“Of course you didn't. It's not something I'm proud of. I'm very ashamed of it. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have to live with the horror on their faces, hear their screams. I killed their families because they killed mine. I wanted them to suffer. And I wanted all humans to suffer after. They disgusted me. They were so violent and hateful. Ruled by their prejudice of each other and their religious doctrines that they used for their own agendas. The ironic thing was I was being no different than some of them. But I didn't see that until hundreds of years later,” he said and a tear slipped down his cheek.

“What made you change?” She asked.

“The man I was in love with. He changed me. So did the events of WWII. All of that suffering done to my own people... I didn't want to be a part of it. I was in France during that time and joined the Resistance. I didn't want to be the one who caused suffering anymore. I needed to help,” he said as more tears slipped down his cheeks.

“But you suffered... and so did I,” she whispered.

“Yes... but it doesn't make you feel better. It doesn't. You have a woman who loves you. I lost the man I loved to cancer. I could have been so much happier in my life if I wasn't so driven by hate. It's not worth it Joan. None of it is worth it. I miss my family so much, but killing all those people didn't bring them back,” he cried, looking away from her.

“How can I let it go? I don't know how!”

He turned and looked at her. “You just do. I know it's not easy, but you have Vera. Let love be what drives you, not this hate for Will. It will only drive her away. Don't make her have to choose. I told you to embrace this connection with her. But I also meant embrace love. Don't do what I did. You're still young. Jianna is gone... but that doesn't mean she doesn't live on in your memory. Let her be alive in your heart. Honor her by being happy in your life. I think she would have wanted you to be happy.”  


He touched her cheek and she didn't realize she'd been crying. He stepped closer and she took a shuddering breath. He cupped both her cheeks.

“You've had a very hard life. You grew up in an environment that didn't allow you to feel anything. This wasn't healthy for a child. I'm so sorry that your father has hurt you. He was wrong. Emotions don't lead to mistakes. Look at these tears you have... you're feeling. And you're not falling apart.”

“But I feel that I will...” She swallowed against the lump in her throat, it becoming painful to hold in.

“You're crying... this shows you do feel, that you feel so many things. I could feel your emotions when I told you about my family. You felt sadness and empathy. Allow yourself to be happy Joan. Jianna would have wanted it. This is what I want for you,” he said softly.

She was trembling and she looked into his eyes that were wet from his tears. 

“I don't deserve it,” she said, starting to cry.

“Oh, my child, you do deserve it. Why do you think you don't?”

“My father... he never seemed happy with anything I did. I've always disappointed him. I'm worthless, I'm pointless, I'm nothing. He'd tell me these things. He told me that no one cared. I'm only good as one of the soldiers he wanted me to be. He wanted me to be like a machine, so this is what I've become. So how could I deserve any kind of happiness when I'm all of these things?”

He hugged her tightly and stroked her hair and she started to cry against his shoulder. 

“You're none of those things. He was abusive. I wish I had found you when you were younger. I would have taken care of you. I would have given you a better life as a child. You shouldn't have had to go through any of that,” he said softly as he kept stroking her hair.

“He never loved me. I was never meant to be born. I was a mistake,” she said in a small voice.

Aaron squeezed her and rubbed her back. He cupped the back of her head as she cried.

“You aren't a mistake. If I had a daughter, I would have wanted her to be like you. You are the closest thing to a daughter that I have. I love you, Joan.”

She sobbed at this and he held her and comforted her. She didn't know how long she cried. Eventually she pulled away from him and they both sat against the wall. He took her hand in his.

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “You're already choosing love. Isn't this a better feeling?”

“You want me to forgive him?” She asked quietly.

“Yes... but not for him. Forgive him for you, so you can let go of all this pain and rage you've held onto. So you can move on with your life. You and Vera both deserve that. We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him. “Did you just quote a line from Harry Potter?”

He blinked and then slowly smiled. “I did... it's a line from Dumbledore. I didn't think you were paying attention to the film when we watched it at my house.”

Joan cleared her throat. “I, um, may have been trying to act like I wasn't. And sometimes I didn't, but I remember that line,” she said quietly.

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light," he said. 

"Another Harry Potter quote?" She asked, trying not to smirk. 

"Yes, and you remember that one as well! I'll make a Harry Potter fan out of you yet,” he said.

“I wouldn't say that. Don't push your luck.”

He laughed lightly. “Joan, there is something we need to do. I want you to come with me.”

“Where are we going?” She asked, a little confused.

“You'll see. Come on.” He stood up and held out his hand. She hesitated and then took it as he pulled her up.

“What is it that you want us to do?”

“Something that we should have done years ago.” 

He pulled her by the hand and they walked outside. “Run with me. It'll feel better and release all of that tension you feel.”

“All right, but you still haven't told me where we're going,” she said a little irritated.

“It's not a big deal as to the location, but it will be secluded. It's what we'll do when we get there that is important.”

She raised her eyebrow. He smiled and then sped off, looking like a blur. 

“He always has to show off...” 

She ran until she caught up with him. He slowed down a little to meet her pace. 

“This better be important!” She said.

“It is! Trust me!”

“The last time I trusted you, you were playing some video game on your damn phone! We're not going to do that are we?”

He bust up laughing. “No, we're not. Try not to worry about it. It'll be good for you.”

She hoped he was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that was very emotional for me to write. I'm not sure how some readers feel about this with Joan forgiving Will, but I've always felt this is the only way for her to be truly happy is to let go of her need for revenge. 
> 
> Also because I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan, and because it's the 20th anniversary since the first book came out, I wanted Aaron to be a Harry Potter fan. :)
> 
> And if you noticed, I somewhat did the scene from 3x11 with Joan and her father. I changed the dialogue up a little, but still relatively the same. 
> 
> So my question to all of you is, if you'd like to answer: What do you think is so important to Aaron that he wants them to do?
> 
> Also in order to emotionally get into this chapter, I listened to a couple movie soundtracks. One of them was the soundtrack to The Village. Weird movie but beautiful soundtrack, and then I also listened to The Hours soundtrack. Great movie, also beautiful soundtrack.
> 
> Here are the tracks I listened to while writing:
> 
> From The Village soundtrack:
> 
> The Vote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwSW5ViXOdY
> 
> I Cannot See His Color: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CrkQWFHm-8
> 
> Will You Help Me?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF_fiaTVT_U
> 
> And from The Hours soundtrack:
> 
> Choosing Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v13TVBJSkV8
> 
> Something She Has to Do: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fs8t_Rjjjg
> 
> Vanessa and the Changelings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmqR3xtolhE


	37. Chapter 37

Joan felt a little more relaxed as she ran with Aaron. The wind whipped through her hair. She felt they had been running for a long time and she wasn't even quite yet aware of where they were going. What could be this far away? It didn't exactly matter because they both ran faster than the human eye could see. They were two blurred streaks in the darkness. While Aaron could run even faster, she was glad he slowed down to match her pace. He always did this in the earlier years after she was turned. It was exhilarating. It reminded her of the times they did this just for something to do. Of course they could take a car but they ran faster than a car could drive. 

She was lost in the act of running with him that it took her a moment to see that they were back in the area she used to live before coming to Wentworth. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Why are we here?” She asked curiously.

“Oh, it just reminds me of when I first found you. We both lived in this area for a while before you went to work at Wentworth. Even with the traveling we did, we always both came back here,” he said.

“I-I'm sorry we went our separate ways a few years before I left to be at Wentworth,” she said, feeling a little awkward.

“I'm sorry too. But we still found each other again. You had to find your own path even if I disagreed with the reasons behind it. And look what happened. You met Vera. It was meant to be,” he replied.

“Vera... she is so hurt and upset. I shouldn't even be here with you now. I should get back to her,” she said sadly.

He glanced at her as they ran. “You will get to see her later. She can still feel your feelings. She must know you're not as upset as before, and that you're a little calmer.”

“I blamed her for telling me about Jianna. I made her feel how I felt because I wanted her to hurt over it. I told you, I'm not a good person.”

“Joan, people do and say things when they're upset that they don't always mean. You will have time to make up with her. And who is really a good person? No one is completely good or bad. Of course there are some who lean a little more to one side or the other, but there is a lot of grey with humans and our fellow vampires.”

“Vera is a good person. Sometimes I don't know how she is able to be with me after everything I've done,” she said sadly.

“She is a good person, but it doesn't mean she's perfect. This doesn't mean you're not a good person. You've just been taught different things in life. It can take a long time to undo certain unhealthy behaviors, but it doesn't mean they can't be undone. It'll take time, but I believe you can be happy if you allow yourself to be. That's what it comes down to. Allow yourself to be happy,” he said softly.

They stopped near what looked like a park and she was confused why they were here. As they began walking closer she soon realized it wasn't a park at all.

“Aaron, why did you bring me here? You said the location wasn't a big deal,” she said, stopping abruptly on the sidewalk.

“Because you need to do this. The location isn't a big deal, but it only is if you're afraid of it. I used to try to take you here but you always refused. You denied yourself this so many years ago because you were in too much pain,” he said gently.

“No, please don't make me do this. I don't want to be here. I shouldn't have come with you,” she said and felt her heart start to pound with anxiety.

He reached out and held her hand. “I won't make you do it, but I'm going to ask that you do this for yourself. I will be here with you the entire time. I think you'll feel better once you do this. We don't have to come back here again, but I hope you do. If you do come back here and don't want to be alone, you can always ask me or Vera to accompany you.”

She felt like her heart was being squeezed in a vice like grip. She looked down at their joined hands and he squeezed hers gently. 

“You'll be with me?” She asked and her voice had a tremor to it.

“Yes, the whole time.”

“It feels too painful,” she said and her breath hitched.

“It is painful, but it can stop being such a strong feeling if you allow yourself some closure,” he said quietly.

She looked out and saw the gate. She took a deep breath and they both walked through it. It was ironic to be in such a place for vampires; such a cliché thing for them to do.

They slowly walked around the grassy area and Aaron held her hand the entire time. She felt like it was an anchor for her. They stopped in front of where they needed to be. 

It was an old tombstone and not too far away from the rest of the graves in the cemetery. Joan stared at it and took a shuddering breath. She turned and looked at Aaron and he nodded at her.

She let go of his hand and knelt down and gently touched the tombstone. She never attended Jianna's funeral. Jianna had never had a memorial service either. Prisoners were often forgotten and Jianna didn't have very much family. 

She traced her name on the tombstone, then the years listed of her birth and death.

“I don't even have any flowers for you,” she whispered.

She looked at the tombstone and then the sky. The stars looked oddly brighter to her than normal. But maybe she was imagining things.

“I never believed in the concept of an afterlife, but I'd like to believe that you're happy, even if it means you're not in this life.” She felt a large lump in her throat and she swallowed against it. 

“You were so smart and kind. You looked past my awkwardness and my unattractive qualities. I was nothing compared to you. You and Shayne were a part of the most happiest moments in my life. I'm so sorry he was taken from you and that I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry for everything. I tried to avenge you, and do this for Shayne too. But I realize now... you wouldn't have wanted that, would you?”

She traced Jianna's name again. “I loved you... I still do. I believe I always will, even if I wasn't sure you always felt the same way about me. I'm sorry I couldn't properly say goodbye to you. I wasn't ready. But you deserved more from me. I have someone in my life now. You would have liked her,” she said softly. She felt the new tension in her body begin to release as she started to cry. Her tears slipping down her cheeks. 

She felt Aaron's hand touch her shoulder, squeezing it gently. She cried for a few minutes before she looked up at him.

“Do you think she can hear me? Do you believe in life after death?” She asked raggedly.

He held out his hand, and she touched the tombstone one more time before she allowed him to slowly pull her up. They both stood in front of it and he squeezed her hand. He looked up and pointed at the sky.

“I don't always know what I believe. I don't believe in traditional views of an afterlife like with Christianity. But what I do know is that there are so many unexplained things. I think there is something out there. I don't know what, but I don't think our life ends here when we die. So yes, I think she can hear you. And even if she couldn't, what matters is that you got to say these things to her. My family never got a burial. I went back to Spain and went to the area we used to live in. I finally said goodbye to them hundreds of years later. Like you, I avoided it for a long time. But it's necessary for healing, Joan. You never got to say goodbye. You were never able to honor the life she lived. And you can bring her flowers should you choose to return,” he said gently.

She looked at him a little wearily, feeling the tears starting to dry on her cheeks. She didn't wipe them away. There was something oddly cathartic about feeling the coolness of them against her skin.

She inhaled sharply and felt her breath catch. “I think she'd like flowers,” she said quietly, her lip quivering. 

He nodded. “I think she would too. She meant a lot to you. I'm sure you meant a lot to her. You can always come back again when you're ready to do so.”

She closed her eyes and pictured Jianna's smiling face in her mind's eye. Joan allowed herself this moment, remembering Jianna when she was alive. She remembered the first kiss Jianna gave her. How happy that had made her feel despite how silly and awkward she felt. Jianna had been her first kiss. There were so many firsts with Jianna. She smiled softly as Jianna grabbed her hand to feel her stomach as Shayne kicked. And another memory of Jianna passing Shayne over to her. Jianna telling her how only Joan could get Shayne to sleep so quickly. She remembered Jianna taking her hand and telling her how much she meant to her and how she expressed in the letters how much she appreciated her being there in her life.

Joan opened her eyes slowly and knelt down in front her grave again. She touched the top of the tombstone. She smiled softly, feeling the corners of her eyes well up with tears again.

“I'll come back to see you. I'll bring you flowers every time I come here. You won't be forgotten,” she said quietly. She kissed her fingers and then placed them against the tombstone over Jianna's name.

“Goodbye Jianna,” she said softly. 

She stood up and turned to look at Aaron. He smiled gently and took her hand. She was startled as he pulled her in for a hug. She slowly lifted her arms and hugged him back. She took a few deep breaths, and she could feel herself starting to relax as they stayed like this. She didn't always like being touched, but she had once read that embracing someone for a long enough time lowered their anxiety and made them feel better. She could see why as she felt a sudden calmness spread throughout her.

Aaron pulled back and squeezed her arms gently. They both walked out of the cemetery and she looked back at it. 

"Someday I wish I can be more like you,” she said softly.

He smiled at her. “I appreciate the compliment. That's very nice of you to say, but I think you're fine the way you are. We are always changing and evolving. You'll probably change a little as you get older, but you'll always be you and I don't want you to change who you are. You were reborn as a vampire. You have many years left to live. This is only the beginning.”

She nodded. “Thank you for saying that. I know I need to change in some way. I have to let go of this vendetta against Will Jackson. It suddenly doesn't seem as important compared to everything else. And despite what I said in the fencing studio, a part of me would die if Vera left me. Just thinking of it is more than I can bear,” she said quietly.

“I know. You were just angry,” he said.

She sighed and looked at the time. “It's so late. I have to get back to Vera.”

“Let's go then,” he said. 

They ran back to the area she lived in and they went their separate ways. She walked up to her house, noticing that Vera's car was still outside. At least she didn't leave. She opened the door and took off her jacket and shoes. She ran her hand through her hair which was wavy from the wind. She walked upstairs, feeling tired all of a sudden. It was early in the morning now. She took off the rest of her uniform in her bedroom. 

She tried to be quiet since Vera was asleep. When she pulled the covers back she realized Vera wasn't in the bed. The sheets were cool when she touched them. She looked into the bathroom and didn't see her. She slipped on her robe and walked downstairs. Joan walked into the living room and her eyes softened at seeing Vera curled up with a blanket on the couch.

Joan stepped forward and knelt down next to her. Vera was asleep and she could see that she'd been crying. Joan stroked her hair and sighed softly. She really hurt Vera with this. She shouldn't have projected so many of her emotions onto her. She was wrong to hurt her in that way. She was wrong to leave. But she had been so upset... and tonight's events were something she never expected to happen. She was afraid of going to Jianna's grave, but now she was glad she did. She had more time to process it when she and Aaron ran home, and it gave her a sense of peace she hadn't felt in a long time. She caressed Vera's cheek and the woman slowly opened her eyes. 

“Joan?” She asked, her voice a little hoarse from sleep.

Joan nodded and smiled gently. Vera sat up and wrapped her arms around her. Joan cupped the back of her head and stroked her hair.

“Joan, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have told you about Jianna. I shouldn't have tried to force you to let things go with Will. You were right. I wasn't there. I can't imagine going through what you did. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me again. Please don't ask me to leave,” she said, crying against Joan's neck.

Joan could feel sadness, guilt, and worry from Vera. She slowly and gently pulled Vera to the floor and held her tightly in her arms. She lifted the smaller woman's legs onto her own as she held her in her lap. 

“I wouldn't ask you to leave. Why would you think that?”

“B-b-because you've left before. You left tonight. You were so angry and hurt. You were angry with me. I was afraid I pushed you too far. I thought you'd come back and ask me to leave,” she said, her tears wetting Joan's neck. 

“Oh, Vera, I haven't been the best partner for you. I'm so sorry that you felt that I'd leave you. I could never leave you. This is our home. You belong here with me,” Joan said gently and stroked Vera's hair as she cried.

“But I shouldn't have told you to let go of revenge against Will,” Vera said, sniffling.

“You were right to do that. But I was blind in my own stubborn rage. I wouldn't want to drive you away.”

“You wouldn't have driven me away,” Vera said firmly.

Joan cupped Vera's cheeks, kissing her deeply. She felt Vera's feelings of love that were still mixed with sadness and guilt. She gently broke their kiss and caressed Vera's cheeks.

“I'm forgiving Will. Not for him, but for me... for us. You're my life now Vera, and you will _always_ come first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I felt this needed to happen. I would imagine that Joan in the show probably never went to a funeral for Jianna either. And who knows if women got a proper memorial service or not at a prison like that. I believe having closure with someone's death and being able to say goodbye is crucial to the healing process with grief. I wanted Joan to be able to have that closure. 
> 
> I hope it seemed authentic in her feelings about Jianna. We see so little of her memories of her on the show, and I had to try and imagine how she would have felt about her and saying goodbye to her. I also think it's important that she visit Jianna's grave again in the near future. 
> 
> I know these last few chapters were sad, but I felt they were necessary for the Joan in my fic to be able to move forward. It's letting go of her inner demons in a lot of ways. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed that, despite the heaviness of the last few chapters.


	38. Chapter 38

Vera opened her eyes against the sun starting to filter in through the windows. She turned her head and Joan wasn't there. Vera smiled and rolled into the center of the bed and grabbed Joan's pillow, hugging it. The bed still felt a little warm so she knew Joan must have gotten up not too long ago. 

She was a little tired since she had trouble sleeping last night. She had been so worried about Joan and even drove around trying to look for her. But she had no idea where she was. She could feel all of her feelings and it was very upsetting. Joan had been gone for a long time and it worried her. Her emotions were all over the place and Vera was overwhelmed by it. She waited up for her as long as she could hoping she'd come back. 

Her biggest fear was that Joan was so upset and angry that she'd ask her to leave. She couldn't always process both their feelings at once, and it gave her a headache at the intensity of it. Eventually she had fallen asleep. 

When Joan was there in front of her, she was glad to see her but afraid. How could she ask Joan to do such a thing about Will? She didn't want Joan to be angry with her too. Joan had left her before because she was hurt, and Vera had been terrified she'd do so again. Even though she could feel Joan's love when she was in her arms last night in the living room, she still felt unsure. She was reassured when Joan comforted her and told her that she'd always come first. She'd never been first in anyone's life. It was a strange feeling, but it was nice because Joan was the first in her life as well. She didn't know how to tell the woman that. 

She sighed and breathed in Joan's scent on the pillow. She'd do anything for Joan, but the one thing she knew Joan wanted was for her to become a vampire. Vera still wasn't sure if she could do that. It was hard to process. She'd wouldn't age, wouldn't need to sleep long at all, she wouldn't have the same taste for food, and she'd drink blood. She'd also be like a super human in some ways. But then she wouldn't be human anymore. Yet the ironic thing was that Joan and Aaron were so very human in their reactions and feelings to things. If Vera did this, would she be the same way?

If she did become a vampire, Joan would be her Maker. If she wanted to ever do this, she'd only want Joan to be her Maker. She'd never be able to do that for anyone else, even if she knew vampires existed. There was also the little part about her possibly hurting or killing others. That still worried her, especially with a vampire like Jacob. However, if she had vampires in her life like Joan and Aaron, it wouldn't be that bad, would it? Renee and Rose also were very kind to her at the beach.

Joan was so sweet not to pressure her, but she always got the feeling that Joan was a little sad whenever they discussed it. Joan often told her not to worry about it and that she'd be fine living as a human. But she knew there was a part of Joan that was afraid of losing her. Vera didn't want Joan to be alone. She knew she had Aaron, but whenever she died in her lifetime, she didn't want Joan to experience that.

But even so was this the best thing for Vera? Even though she wanted to give everything to Joan, was it best for her to stay human or become a vampire? Could she handle all of those changes she'd have to go through? Joan was afraid that Vera would come to resent her if she became a vampire, but Vera couldn't imagine ever resenting Joan for that, even if it might be difficult for her.

She didn't think she'd be able to work at the prison for a while if she did become a vampire. It would be too hard in the beginning, at least that's what she understood whenever Joan talked about it. Vera would have to take a temporary leave of absence, or possibly quit altogether. She wasn't sure if she was ready to give that up. Joan did come first, but she also knew Joan wanted her to do this for her, not just for Joan. 

Vera shook her head. The more she thought about it the more confused and unsure she felt. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and put on a robe. She slowly made her way downstairs. Joan had the same day off she did and she didn't see or hear her downstairs. She checked outside the front door and saw her car was there. She furrowed her eyebrows and walked into the kitchen. She turned her head towards the window and saw Joan was outside in the backyard. She was sitting on the porch swing.

Vera quietly opened the door and stepped outside. Joan was also in her robe. Vera studied her profile with the slope of her elegant nose and strong jawline. Her dark hair was in soft waves around her shoulders. She appeared peaceful and relaxed. Joan turned to look at her and smiled warmly, her eyes soft as her hand reached for hers. Vera took Joan's hand and the taller woman pulled her closer, kissing her on the lips.

“Good morning, Vera. I'm surprised you're up. We had a late night.”

Joan patted the swing for Vera to sit next to her. Vera sat down and Joan wrapped her arm around her shoulders. Vera held her other hand in her lap and smiled as Joan's thumb caressed her skin.

“Good morning to you too. I don't know why I got up. You weren't there and I missed you. I wanted to see where you were,” she said softly.  


Joan squeezed her shoulder and kissed her forehead. “I haven't been out here for too long. I wanted to watch you sleep longer because you're so beautiful when you do, but I needed to get up. You know... sometimes you say my name in your sleep.”

“I do?” Vera asked, blushing. She didn't even remember having any dreams recently of her.

Joan looked down at her and smiled. “Yes, you do. It's very cute.”

Vera blushed even more and Joan chuckled. They sat outside there for a little while in peaceful silence, with just the caressing of Joan's hand on her shoulder and her soft kisses against her forehead every so often. Vera felt herself relax even more when Joan kept caressing her hand. She closed her eyes and rested her head against Joan's shoulder. Her eyelids started to grow heavy and she jerked a little as she woke up. She must have nodded off a little.

“I fell asleep, didn't I?”

Joan looked down at her and kissed her lips. “Yes, you did. You're tired. You can sleep on me anytime you want,” Joan said and winked. The corners of her lips were quirking up in amusement and Vera could feel her happiness and peaceful energy. The taller woman was so relaxed. She wasn't always used to this side of Joan. The woman always had a slightly intense energy about her.

“Joan, last night you told me that you couldn't forgive Will, and then when you came back you told me you were going to. What changed your mind?” Vera asked curiously.

Joan took her hand and entwined their fingers together. “I wasn't ready to before I left. I didn't plan on ever forgiving him. I still feel angry with him, and I think that will come and go as time passes, but I talked with Aaron and he reminded me of what's important. It's going to take some getting used to with that not being what drives and motivates me, but we are together. This is what matters now. You and I are connected together and that is something I would never change. It may be difficult feeling each other's emotions sometimes, but it's also such a beautiful gift that we share. That overrides everything else. Perhaps I wasn't meant to come to Wentworth to fix the prison, or get revenge against Will. I was meant to come to Wentworth so I could find you,” Joan said softly.

Vera smiled, feeling like she was going to cry and tried to push that feeling down. Joan caressed her cheek and kissed her deeply, holding her tightly against her. Vera felt Joan's soft and warm tongue caress hers and she moaned softly into her mouth. Joan picked her up and she wrapped her legs around her waist. Joan smiled and took her upstairs, kissing her as she walked into the bedroom. Vera held on tightly and Joan stripped off their robes, leaving them both naked.

Vera felt Joan's desire as she kept kissing her, hard passionate kisses as she sat on the bed, pulling Vera closer to her. Joan made Vera straddle her lap, opening her legs to make Vera's legs spread wider. Joan kissed and sucked her neck as she ran her fingernails across her back. Vera wrapped her arms around her as Joan kissed her breasts, licking the nipples and sucking on them. She bit down a little hard on one nipple and Vera gasped. She shivered as Joan reached down and squeezed her butt, her other hand cupping her between her legs. Joan lifted her head and kissed Vera again, thrusting her fingers inside her hard. 

Vera moaned, so wet now that the swift movement of her fingers didn't hurt that much. Joan began a slow and hard stroking of her fingers inside her. Vera breathed against her shoulder, and Joan pulled her closer as she squeezed her butt. Vera whimpered and started rocking and rolling her hips faster. Joan moaned against her neck. 

Vera shivered when Joan curled her fingers deeply inside, her thumb reaching up to rub her clit, circling it. Her legs started to shake as she dug her nails into Joan's back. Joan kissed her shoulder and picked her up. Vera was startled and then Joan pushed her onto her back. She climbed over the bed and smiled at Vera. She leaned down and started sucking her nipples harder, tugging on them as her lips and tongue caressed them, biting gently. She kept doing this as she thrust her fingers inside Vera harder, stroking her clit slowly. She pushed her hips against Joan's hand as the woman kept circling her clit. Joan slid a third finger inside her and she gasped, feeling tight around them, and Joan stilled her hand and kept kissing her breasts. 

“You're going to give me hickeys there... my nipples are already super sensitive right now,” Vera panted.

Joan nodded her head. "I will mark you everywhere. You're mine," she whispered as she bit her nipple. Vera hissed and moaned.

Joan moved to the other breast, licking and sucking. Vera began to rock her hips against Joan's hand again and Joan started stroking and rubbing her fingers inside her. Vera arched her back, and ran her fingers through Joan's hair. She started to contract around Joan's fingers as she rocked her hips faster. Joan stroked her clit faster and Vera felt cool air on her nipples when Joan blew on them. She opened her eyes and Joan was above her, looking down at her. Her eyes were filled with desire, just like how she felt, but there was love in them too. Joan watched her intently and Vera couldn't keep her eyes open, her body tensing. 

“Vera, look at me. I want to see your pleasure when you come,” Joan said huskily. 

Vera opened her eyes, keeping them half lidded as she watched Joan. The woman pumped her fingers inside faster and harder and Vera squeezed her fingers tightly as she stared into Joan's eyes. Joan kissed her deeply and kept doing this as she stroked her clit. Vera moaned into her mouth as she came, digging and scratching her nails down Joan's back.

She trembled under Joan, breathless as Joan broke their kiss, nuzzling her neck. She gasped as she felt Joan's fangs sink into her neck, sucking her blood. She caressed her hair as she did this and Joan moaned against her neck. She could feel Joan's pleasure intensely and she whimpered when Joan slowly and gently moved her fingers inside her, and she panted when she started moving her hips against her hand again. Joan slowly and deeply thrust her fingers inside her, her thumb stroking over her clit. Vera jumped because she was too sensitive. Joan sucked strongly at her throat and she shivered, arching her back when she came again. 

Joan licked and kissed her neck, and she felt Joan's fingers against her neck, knowing she was healing her. Vera breathed, trying to catch her breath. She looked into Joan's eyes that were dark and full of desire. Her fangs were still out and Vera reached her hand up.

“May I touch them?” Vera asked.

Joan furrowed her eyebrows a little. “You may... but why?”

“I just want to see how sharp they are... how they work. Do they hurt when you have them come out?”

Joan shook her head. “No, it doesn't hurt, but be careful when you touch them.”

“I'll be very careful,” Vera whispered.

She reached up and gently touched her fangs as Joan widened her mouth a little, letting her gently trace and touch them. It was a strange feeling. She'd felt Joan's fangs in her neck, and when she kissed her before, but it was different feeling them on their own. They felt strong and very sharp. She thought Joan looked very sexy with them.

“Can you retract them?”

Joan smiled a little and retracted them. 

“Can you make them come out again?”

“Make up your mind Vera,” Joan chuckled softly and then they clicked out.

“And you said this doesn't hurt?” Vera asked curiously.

“No, not at all. They just come out when I want them to. It's hard to explain... it just happens. Just like breathing,” she said softly.

Vera nodded and her index finger moved around and under the tip of the fang and she hissed a little when it pricked her finger. She brought her hand back.

“Ah... I told you that you need to be careful,” Joan said and then she gently took Vera's hand and kissed it before she slowly slid Vera's finger into her mouth, sucking on it.

Vera watched her, thinking how erotic this looked as Joan sucked on her finger, her tongue soft and warm as it moved against her finger. She did it sensually and Vera swallowed. Joan took her finger out and licked the tip of it. 

“I think your finger will probably need a band-aid, but at least the bleeding has stopped for now,” Joan said and smiled slyly.

“Yes... thank you for taking care of that,” Vera said and winked. She felt Joan caressing her body and Vera pushed her onto the bed, telling her to move onto her stomach.

“Oh, Vera what are you doing?” Joan asked playfully.

“You're very wet, and I can feel your desire. Sometimes you don't always let me make love to you after, but this time I'm going to and I want you to let me do that.”

Joan turned her head to the side and smiled as Vera started kissing her back and shoulders. “I'll let you do whatever you want... I need you to touch me,” she moaned.

Vera kissed her shoulders, nibbling a little before she kissed down her spine, licking down her back. She kissed and sucked at her lower back and Joan shivered. 

“Your back is very sensitive,” Vera said softly.

“Yes... it is. It feels very good though.”

She dragged her lips across Joan's hips and butt, then moved her hand under her body, lifting her a little onto her knees, spreading her legs wider.

“Vera...” Joan said softly.

“Yes...” Vera said and stroked Joan between her legs. Her fingers slowly slid up and down along her lips, not yet touching her clit, but she circled around it.

“You haven't done this from this position before,” Joan said, moaning softly.

“No... I haven't, but you're so beautiful like this Joan. Does this make you feel vulnerable?”

Joan gasped when Vera's tongue touched her, licking slowly up and down her lips, sucking on them.

“It makes me feel a little vulnerable.”

Vera tried to project as much love and desire as she could for Joan to feel as she caressed her butt and thighs, licking and sucking her lips. She slid her tongue inside her and felt Joan's inner walls squeeze it. She wiggled her tongue and Joan panted a little as she started moving her tongue in and out. Vera reached down and grabbed Joan's hand, moving it over her clit.

“Touch yourself,” Vera whispered.

Joan moaned and hesitated at first, and Vera could feel some embarrassment from her. She licked Joan's lips and sucked on them. 

“Don't be embarrassed,” she said softly, remembering those same words said to her a few months ago.

Joan started to rub and stroke her clit. Vera smiled as she licked and pulled on her lips, sucking them into her mouth. Joan started panting softly and slowly rocking her hips back into her. Vera felt Joan arch her back and she moved up and pressed against Joan's back, making her chest lay flat against the bed. She removed Joan's hand away and Joan groaned in frustration. Vera smiled and caressed her butt, kissing and biting it gently. She licked her clit and Joan moaned loudly.

“Vera,” Joan said breathlessly.

Vera felt Joan shiver and she continued to caress her thighs and hips, licking and circling her clit, sucking it into her mouth. She squeezed her butt, her nails raking the skin, loving the light red marks that it left with her fingernails.

She flattened her tongue against her and slowly and firmly licked up and down her slit, all the way up to her clit, flicking it back and forth. She did this a few times, then circled her clit with the tip of her tongue. Joan's legs started trembling a little and she lifted her hips and torso. Joan moved up on her elbows and Vera spread her legs wider, moving her face under Joan. 

“Sit up,” she whispered.  


Joan slowly moved back into a sitting position and lightly kept her legs resting between Vera's face. She shivered and looked down at Vera. She reached down and stroked her hair.

“Vera, I might be too tall for you to be under me like this... too much weight.”

“You're not. You feel fine. Just relax,” Vera said and licked Joan, wrapping her arms around her hips.

Joan nodded and moaned softly as Vera continued to lick and tease her, her tongue going inside her. She sucked her lips and licked firmly, moaning as Joan began to rock her hips above her.

She knew Joan was careful not to put too much weight on her and she reached up and squeezed Joan's breast with her other hand, her fingers circling her nipple and then pinching it.

Joan closed her eyes and her head tilted back as she slowly moved against Vera's lips and tongue. Vera watched her and saw and felt Joan's pleasure. She was experiencing this in a different way with her. She'd never seen Joan tilt her head like that before with her hair falling back. Joan was becoming more wet and she licked her, her tongue moving inside and between her lips up to her clit.

Joan was shivering at this, and Vera could see her stomach starting to tense and contract and she knew that she was close to climaxing. Joan started to rock and roll her hips faster. Vera kissed and sucked her clit, sucking harder as she licked her faster. Joan's face was so open in her pleasure. It was beautiful to see. So often she thought this before Joan came, but this time was a little different. She allowed Vera to do this in a position where she felt less control over her body. Vera wanted to see her lose control. Vera licked her faster, circling her clit. She stroked Joan's quivering stomach and she heard her whimper. She moaned around her clit, and the vibration of that made Joan gasp and squeeze her legs against her head. She leaned forward and cried out, saying Vera's name. Joan trembled and grasped the headboard of the bed.

Vera continued to slowly lick her gently, kissing her lips. She kept doing this slowly and gently until Joan jerked her hips and lifted up.

“Too sensitive,” Joan said and Vera could see her legs shaking a little as she collapsed onto the bed next to her, lying down on her back.

Vera leaned over a little and kissed her deeply. Joan kissed her back, moaning as they kissed. Joan caressed her cheek and Vera squeaked a little when Joan grabbed her and pulled her on top of her. Vera's legs spread on other side of her hips and she blushed since she knew she was wet. She smiled when she felt their breasts touching. Joan continued to caress her cheek. She moved both her hands over Vera's back and sides, all the way down to her butt, cupping it and squeezing. She kissed her slowly and deeply, and Vera sucked her tongue into her mouth. 

Joan spanked her as she did that. “Are you trying to make me come again?”

“Maybe... is that bad?” Vera asked, and she pressed back into Joan's hand.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “Did you like it just now that I spanked you?”

Vera blushed and nodded. “Yes, is that weird?”

Joan smiled. “No, it's not weird. Don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed of your sexual desires.”

Vera smiled back and kissed her. Joan held her with one arm around Vera's back, and the other possessively cupping her butt. She felt Joan's nipples rubbing hers as she breathed under her and the woman continued to caress her body.

“I love you, Joan,” Vera said, looking her into eyes.

Joan's eyes softened and she kissed her lips tenderly, her hand reaching up to stroke Vera's hair. She looked back into Vera's eyes.

“And I love you,” Joan said softly.

“If I—if I don't become a vampire... are you sure you'll be happy?”

Joan looked at her seriously and ran her fingers through her hair. Joan kissed her cheeks and the corner of her mouth, speaking as she did this, kissing the rest of her face.

“As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy. It doesn't matter if you become a vampire or not."

“But... I want to know how you feel about this. Please tell me what you want.”

Joan didn't say anything for a minute and she turned them over onto their sides, wrapping her arms around Vera. 

“I want to be with you forever my darling. I want that more than anything, but I know that what I want may not be what you want or need, and I will make it my life's mission to make sure you are happy. And if being human makes you happy, then that's what we'll do. You being happy makes me happy,” Joan said lovingly, and kissed Vera's lips and the corner of her mouth.

Vera smiled as Joan kissed her. “If I become a vampire, would you still love me even if I change a little?”

“Oh, you'd still be the same woman I fell in love with deep down, but I don't think you'll change. Maybe some little changes, but you'll still be Vera Bennett. I think you're worrying about it too much.”

“And if I stayed human... what happens when I get old?” Vera asked in a small voice.

“Vera, if you stayed human, I'd stay with you for your entire life. I'd take care of you when you are too old to do so yourself. I'd be with you until your last breath. Whatever you decide, I will always love you and take care of you. I will always be with you. Always,” Joan said softly and kissed Vera's lips, caressing her cheek. She caressed her stomach and then Vera's stomach growled a little. She blushed and giggled.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “That's right, you didn't have breakfast.”

“Actually I did have breakfast... but I think I'm ready for a second breakfast,” Vera said and smiled.

Joan furrowed her eyebrows and Vera could feel she was confused. “You already ate? I don't remember smelling any food in the kitchen.”

Vera smiled and leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “That's because I had my breakfast in bed, and she tasted _very_ good,” Vera said. She smiled when she felt Joan's ear become hot and she knew she was blushing. It was so cute when Joan did that. Joan kissed her and then pulled her out of bed. 

“Well, someone has a dirty mind,” Joan said and winked.

Vera looked down at her stomach when it growled again. She looked up at Joan who had an odd expression on her face.

Joan's lips twitched and then she started to laugh as Vera's stomach growled again. Vera pouted.

“Oh, cupcake, sometimes I think if vampires had any other weaknesses, it would be with adorable little women who pout like a puppy. Come on, let's feed you.”

Vera giggled and followed her downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope that was way more fun and sexy to read, and also a little romantic for some. I was already planning on having them have a little sexy time because of the heaviness of the last few chapters. I needed a break from all of that to write a more fluffy and sexy chapter, and the characters definitely needed that too. Hope you all enjoyed that. ;)


	39. Chapter 39

Joan sat at her desk at the prison and scanned the CCTV. She watched the women and the officers through the cameras. She smiled as she saw Vera walking through the prison. The woman had started wearing pants instead of her skirt and Joan liked this new look. It made Vera look taller and more confident. It also meant that Vera was still trying to emulate her and she found it a little adorable. Although Joan would miss the skirts that Vera wore that showed off her nice figure and her toned legs. It was a change for Vera that was nice to see. She was always evolving and Joan was very proud of her. 

It had been a few weeks since Doreen had her baby and Joan had made sure to keep an eye on Jess Warner. The woman had become oddly obsessed with Doreen and her child. Joan's enhanced hearing was able to pick up where Warner had taken the baby when he went missing. She found her right before she was going to kill an officer. She wanted to kill the woman for taking baby Joshua but she was in a public area. She had gently taken Joshua from Warner's arms and returned him to Doreen. Later she had Warner put into a psychiatric facility. That is really where Warner belonged. 

Doreen seemed surprised by her actions, although she wasn't sure why. She had been there during the delivery and she would never allow any harm to come to Doreen and her child. Joan knew that she had hurt Doreen before, but that was a different time. Doreen had thanked her and for the first time she felt a small connection forming between them. It wasn't romantic of any kind, but it was something special to her. She was reminded a little of Jianna, but she was starting to see Doreen as her own person. Doreen appeared happy to see her on some days when she checked on her and the baby. She smiled to herself knowing that Joshua was all right and safe with his mother. 

Christmas was in two days and she noticed many of the women planning for that, especially Doreen for the baby. She wasn't sure what Vera did for Christmas. Joan had spent a few Christmases with Aaron. He was Jewish but he didn't celebrate Hanukkah anymore. Every now and then he'd talk about it but he said he now preferred celebrating Christmas. She wondered why that was and he told her that he'd always had a fondness for the holiday and it was different than what he and his family did when he was still human. For that reason he wanted a holiday that he associated less with his family. Joan didn't like Christmas that much. It was nice to spend time with Aaron but her father stopped celebrating Christmas with her a few years after her mother died. Her mother had loved Christmas from what she could remember. She had some fond and vague memories of baking cookies with her, and running into their living room to check for the gifts under the tree. Joan closed her eyes remembering her mother's smile and soft laughter.

She smiled softly and opened her eyes again and saw Vera standing in front of her desk. She blinked in surprise. She must have been lost in her memories for longer than she thought to not hear Vera come in. She was happy to see her and smiled at her.

“Vera, what can I do for you?”

Vera blushed and smiled at her. “I just have some reports for you.”

Joan lifted her eyebrow at the blush and she could feel that Vera was happy and embarrassed at the same time. She wondered why that was.

“Why are you feeling embarrassed?” She asked curiously.

Vera blushed harder. “Sometimes I wish you couldn't feel that... I was just thinking of that, um, that time at home not too long ago...”

Joan furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and then smiled smugly. So Vera really did think about that every time she came into her office. She looked at Vera's breasts and then the rest of her body slowly, and she tried not to laugh as Vera blushed even more. If only she wasn't a professional... she would take Vera right now against her desk. But perhaps she could get away with something, even if not what she really wanted. She beckoned Vera closer to her and the woman walked around her desk in front of her chair.

She took Vera's hand and caressed it, pulling her close to her chair to stand directly in front of her. 

“I'm so glad you think of that. I think of that often too. Especially here,” Joan said softly. 

She lifted her hand and cupped Vera between her legs, feeling how warm she was there.

“Not here,” Vera whispered. She pressed against Joan's hand though and she smiled at the reaction the smaller woman was having as she felt slight dampness under her palm. 

“The blinds are closed. It's all right,” Joan whispered back. She slowly stroked Vera through her pants, feeling the area become more warm and damp. 

“Joan, please...” Vera said softly and whimpered a little as Joan's fingers slowly teased along the crotch of her pants.

“Oh, but Vera you are so naughty thinking of this here and right now. You have no idea what that does to me. Don't worry, we won't do anything we shouldn't. But I want you to feel me and know that if I could, I would fuck you right now,” Joan whispered.

Vera shivered and reached down to try to pull her hand away, but instead it felt like she was pressing Joan's hand harder against her. Joan smiled at this and slowly teased her with her fingers. Joan felt her own arousal at this but tried to keep it under control as she stroked Vera over her pants. 

“If only you were still wearing your skirt... it would have given me even more opportunity,” Joan said in a low voice.

“And what would happen then?” Vera asked a little breathlessly.

“Well, you wouldn't be wearing any underwear. I would have taken them off by now. I would have caressed your thighs and your... pussy,” Joan said and smiled as she felt a little more wetness through Vera's pants.

“This shouldn't be done here,” Vera said and bit her lip.

Joan smiled as she continued to tease her. “It shouldn't be, but your body is telling me a different story. You're wet. You like what I'm doing. You know all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will.”

Vera breathed and started to grind against her hand. “We shouldn't be doing this,” she panted softly.

“We shouldn't, but you still haven't told me to stop,” Joan said.

“That's because it's hard to tell you to stop,” Vera said a little frustrated.

Joan smiled as she felt her desire and her frustration. “I know. You'll always remember this. You'll think about me fucking you against the table, imagining it's my desk, and now you'll remember this. You'll remember how I made you feel and that you wanted it so badly. It makes me feel so good to know this, that you're responding to me in this way.”

Vera sighed and lifted her hand gently and moved it away. Joan smiled and stood up. Vera looked up at her with desire in her eyes and her breath was a little uneven. Joan pulled her into the bathroom and kissed her deeply. She reached down squeezed Vera's butt, pulling her tightly against her. Vera moaned softly into her mouth. Joan broke their kiss and stared into Vera's blue eyes. She smiled softly and caressed her cheek.

Vera grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. “You're so bad sometimes,” she said playfully.

“I know... but someone helps bring it out in me,” Joan said and winked.

“I thought you were going to start fucking me in here,” Vera said a little breathless, sounding disappointed.

Joan caressed her back. “That is very tempting but I will not put both our jobs and reputations at risk if we were caught.”

“And just what was it you were doing before?” Vera said as she started to laugh.

Joan smiled slowly. “I was just playing with you, and I must say it was very fun.”

“You have me wanting you so bad right now. That's not fair,” Vera said a little irritated.

“That's the point. You'll have to think about it all day until we get home,” Joan said as she whispered in her ear and then kissed her softly.

Vera kissed her back and sighed. “One of these days, I'm going to do the same to you,” she grumbled.

Joan chuckled. “I'll look forward to it then. Oh, that's right. There is something I wanted to ask you.”

They walked back into her office and Vera managed to have a more calm and collected facial expression. Joan tried not to smirk considering what happened just a few minutes ago.

“What is it, Governor?”

Joan hesitated at first. “I was wondering how you felt about Christmas. It would be the first time we spent it together.”

Vera furrowed her eyebrows. “I haven't celebrated Christmas in a while, and especially not since Mum died. Are you wanting to do something together?”

Joan nodded. “It's customary to give each other gifts during this time, and I want to give you something.”

“You don't have to do that,” Vera said and shook her head. Joan could feel a certain level of sadness and anxiety from Vera and she didn't know why.

“But I want to Vera. You don't have to get me anything,” Joan said softly.

“I did get you something... but as for getting a gift for me, I'd rather you didn't,” Vera said adamantly.

“Vera, what's wrong?” Joan asked, feeling concerned.

“We shouldn't talk about this here,” Vera said quietly. 

“Can we talk about this later tonight?”

Vera stared at her and nodded slowly. “Yes, we can. I have to go now. I'll see you later at home.”

Joan watched a little worried as Vera walked out. Vera seemed a little upset and she didn't want to upset her. Joan frowned and continued to work on the paperwork but she kept thinking of Vera.

Hours passed and she returned home to Vera who was watching something on TV in her pajamas. Joan smiled at her and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt. She put her hair in a ponytail and sat down next to Vera on the couch. 

Vera moved closer to her and wrapped her arms around her. Joan smiled as they cuddled on the couch. She recognized the film Vera was watching. It was _The Sound of Music_. Joan remembered watching this when she was young and smiled softly as Julie Andrews sang My Favorite Things. It was interesting that this film played during the holidays when it had nothing to do with Christmas. Out of all the films for Vera to watch, and she wanted to watch this one. 

__As they watched it, Vera squeezed her hand when Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer danced together. She looked down at their hands and she lifted them to kiss Vera's. When the film was over, she took Vera into her arms and held her close._ _

__“Vera, tell me why you don't want me to get you a gift,” Joan said softly._ _

__She felt Vera turn around and look into her eyes. She had a vulnerable expression on her face and Joan could feel her sadness. She stroked her hair._ _

__“My mother used to make me feel like I was a bad child, and that no one liked me. This is what she once told me during my birthday when I was a child. She told me no one came to my birthday party because no one liked me. She would later sometimes tell me during Christmas that I was a bad child if I didn't receive any presents. Some years she would give me some, and others she was deliberately cruel. She'd tell me that Santa didn't want to give presents to bad children,” she said softly and Joan could see her eyes watering. She reached up and gently stroked the tears away. She kissed Vera's forehead._ _

__“You didn't deserve that as a child. My father didn't always like celebrating the holiday but he never told me such things. I'm so sorry your mother was so hurtful. You deserve to be given everything and to be happy. Let's make it different this year since we're together. My mother loved Christmas and for once, I'd like to honor her in that way. I'd also like to give you something you deserve. Let me give you a gift and we can spend time together. It doesn't have to be anything big, but let me give you some new memories. Let me give you some nice memories to replace the bad ones,” Joan said softly and kissed her face and lips. She could feel Vera's tears and she stroked her hair. Vera moved up and hugged her tightly. She cried softly against her and Joan held her and caressed her back._ _

__“Will you let me do that?” Joan asked as she kissed her hair. She felt Vera nod and she smiled gently._ _

__Vera sniffled and looked at her and Joan could feel love and sadness from her and she wished she could take these sad memories away._ _

__Vera kissed her again. “Thank you. That means a lot to me to know you want to do that. I don't know what you'd get me though,” Vera said a little playfully._ _

__“Oh, I have an idea of what I'd like to do. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I'd like to invite Aaron for dinner. He's usually alone around this time and I'd like him here if that's okay.”_ _

__Vera nodded. “Of course. I don't want him to be alone either. I'd love to have him come over,” Vera said, smiling._ _

__Joan smiled back and stood up as she grabbed Vera's hand. They walked upstairs and laid in bed. Joan kissed her deeply and moaned softly as Vera kissed her back. They moved against each other and Joan felt Vera's hands roaming over her back. She lifted Vera's thigh and slid down to kiss and lick her between her legs. Vera spread her legs wider and Joan smiled as she sucked her lips and clit into her mouth. She watched her as she moved her hips against her mouth and tongue. She felt Vera tense and shiver and she licked and circled her clit. Vera stroked her hair and she closed her eyes as she licked her firmly. Vera arched her back and came in her mouth and she moaned at this._ _

__She moved up and kissed Vera deeply, then moved to her neck and her fangs clicked out as she bit her. She drank her blood and felt Vera shudder under her. She grabbed Vera's hand and moved it between her legs and moaned as she kept drinking her blood as Vera rubbed her and stroked her clit. She started to grind against her hand, moaning softly as Vera circled her clit. She rocked her hips faster as Vera firmly rubbed and stroked her. She didn't want to stop drinking Vera's blood. It was intoxicating at the same time as Vera touching her and she didn't want it to end. She came as she rocked against Vera's hand, her body shaking. She heard Vera whimper and she knew she needed to stop. Vera stroked her hair as she did this and Joan let go and bit her finger, pressing it against the wounds on her neck. She retracted her fangs and kissed her throat. She stroked Vera's cheek and kissed her lips. Vera looked into her eyes and Joan smiled at her._ _

__Vera smiled back and wrapped her arms around her, bringing Joan's head against her breasts. Joan closed her eyes and kissed them. She usually didn't have Vera hold her like this but it felt nice. She loved her breasts and she listened to her heartbeat as she wrapped her arm around her waist. Vera stroked her hair this time and Joan stroked her stomach. She smiled because Vera was a little ticklish as she did this but she tried to keep it light and gentle._ _

__Joan nuzzled her breasts as Vera continued to stroke her hair and she felt herself relaxing. Soon she felt Vera's hands still in her hair and her breathing even out. She knew Vera had fallen asleep and she moved up slowly and kissed her forehead. She cradled Vera against her and felt like her heart was going to burst with all of the love she felt for her. She kissed her hair and fell asleep holding Vera in her arms._ _

__When she woke up, she and Vera had breakfast together and Vera said she wanted to run a few errands before tonight. She kissed Vera on the lips as she left and Joan set about to clean the entire house, moving quickly as she then grabbed what she wanted to give to Vera as a gift. She wrapped it and put it near the living room. They didn't have a tree and she frowned a little. She text Aaron and asked for his help, and he showed up only a few minutes later._ _

__“Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!” He bellowed as she opened her door._ _

__“Must you be so loud?” She asked a little irritated._ _

__He was wearing shorts, a shirt, and flip flops with a red Santa hat. She tried not to grin at how silly he looked when he walked into her house._ _

__“I'm happy to help but we need to get a tree first before any of them disappear. Let's go!”_ _

__They drove to a Christmas tree lot and were able to find a decent one. She rolled her eyes as he ran around and checked out other trees, frolicking around the lot in glee. He also grabbed a Christmas wreath and smiled widely at her._ _

__“You're having entirely too much fun with this,” she said._ _

__“I am. I haven't seen you this enthusiastic about Christmas before Joanie. So I _know_ that this is a big deal to you because of Vera. I want to help you make it special.”_ _

__She smiled a little as they left and put the tree on top of the car, tying it down. They found a store open that had Christmas decorations and lights. Joan argued a little with him over what to choose and they finally drove home._ _

__They set up the tree and put on the lights and ornaments, and then decorated the rest of the house. Joan lifted her eyebrow when Aaron hung mistletoe under the area between the kitchen and living room._ _

__“Really? Mistletoe?” She asked, shaking her head._ _

__“It's tradition! And what's wrong with a little kissing?” He asked playfully._ _

__She chuckled and then they both went outside and began decorating the front of the house with lights. Nothing too overly done, just enough to make a difference. When they were done, they both walked back inside and she placed Vera's gift down under the tree. She smiled at all that they had done. She wanted to make it special but not too overdone. She believed they accomplished this. Aaron left her and said he'd back later, saying he needed to pick up a few things._ _

__Joan smiled when Vera came through the door later and her eyes widened at the display of some of the decorations of garland and lights, then she walked into the living room and gasped when she saw the tree._ _

__“Joan! You did all of this?!” Vera asked, her voice full of surprise._ _

__Joan walked up and wrapped her arms around her and then pointed up at the mistletoe and Vera's eyes followed. She smiled at her as Joan leaned down to kiss her._ _

__Joan pulled back and led her outside as it started getting darker. She turned on the lights of the display and Vera smiled at the house covered in twinkling lights._ _

__“Yes, I did all of this with a little bit of help. Do you like it? I know you weren't looking forward to doing this...”_ _

__Vera grabbed her and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around her tightly and Joan was overwhelmed by how much Vera kept kissing her lips and face._ _

__“I love it. It's what I wished I had as a child. I'm so happy that I can share that with you now,” Vera said and there were tears starting to form in her eyes._ _

__Joan led her back inside and helped Vera prepare dinner. They set the table and when Aaron showed up, he smiled and hugged Vera._ _

__“Merry Christmas, Vera!”_ _

__“Merry Christmas, Aaron!”_ _

__Aaron walked up to Joan and hugged her. They sat and ate dinner together._ _

__“Thank you for inviting me ladies. I really appreciate it,” he said._ _

__“You're welcome. No one should be alone on Christmas,” Joan said softly. He said this to her many years ago, and she knew he'd recognize his own words to her._ _

__Aaron stared at her and nodded. “You're right. No one should be alone.”_ _

__Vera smiled at the both of them. “I want to thank you both for the hard work you put into all of those decorations. You didn't have to do that.”_ _

__Joan reached over and held her hand. “We didn't have to but we wanted to. I'm just glad you like it. All I want is for you to be happy,” Joan said softly and smiled._ _

__When they all finished dinner, Aaron dragged them out again to Joan's car._ _

__“Where are we going?” Joan asked as she and Vera got into the front seat and he in the back._ _

__“We should check out the Christmas lights! Let's drive through neighborhoods and do that!” Aaron said._ _

__Joan lifted her eyebrow and sighed. Vera looked at her and smiled and she smiled back. As they drove through, they'd slow down and watch the displays. Some had so many lights they were like a shining beacon in the darkness. Joan was glad she didn't go so overboard with her house, but she noticed and felt how excited Vera was to see these and she was so glad she decided to put those decorations up. It was like watching what Vera was like as a child, and she felt a warmth in her heart as she watched Aaron and Vera point and exclaim excitedly about the lights. She had to admit some houses looked very beautiful._ _

__Aaron leaned over and switched the radio station and she looked back him a little irritated. “Why are you changing the station?”_ _

__“Why not? It's Christmas! We need to listen to Christmas carols and I picked a station that plays the classics so don't worry,” he said and smiled._ _

__Joan heard various songs played and tried not to laugh as Aaron began singing It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year._ _

__“You have to sing along with the songs? You can't just listen to them?” She asked._ _

__He smiled and continued singing. Vera giggled and Joan smiled._ _

__“Oh, now this song playing I know is your favorite Joanie. I think it's your other favorite song other than Carol of the Bells,” Aaron said._ _

__Joan recognized this version of the song playing and began to sing very softly to it._ _

_____“Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
_Let your heart be light_  
_From now on, all our troubles will be out of sight_  
_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
_Make the Yuletide gay_  
_Next year all our troubles will be miles away”_

__She was glad Aaron didn't say anything to this as she softly sang to it. Vera turned towards her and smiled, and Joan smiled back as she stopped and let the rest of the song be sung by Judy Garland. Vera reached for her hand and squeezed it and they all drove back home._ _

They grabbed cookies that Vera had baked earlier and ate them in the living room near the tree. The lights were dimmed with the lights twinkling on the tree. They all watched _A Christmas Carol_ and Aaron turned to Joan. 

__

__

__“See you're not really a Scrooge after all,” he said and winked._ _

__“No, I'm not Mr. Cratchit. You forget that this is one of my favorite stories by Charles Dickens,” she said._ _

__“I didn't forget. I'm just teasing you,” he said playfully._ _

__She smiled and turned to Vera who was looking a little sleepy. She kissed her forehead. “You don't have to stay up.”_ _

__“I know, but I wanted to spend time with both of you,” she said._ _

__Joan smiled and caressed her side. “Aaron, why don't we open gifts?”_ _

__“Yes! Let's do it!” He exclaimed._ _

__Joan knew she and Vera would exchange their gifts tomorrow morning but tonight they'd exchange some with Aaron. He smiled and handed Vera and Joan a gift._ _

__Vera smiled and thanked Aaron for him giving her an iTunes gift card and a box of chocolates with a nice bottle of Pinot Noir._ _

__“You're welcome. I know how much you love music and Joan told me how much you like Pinot so I thought you'd like that with some chocolate. Treat yourself with that,” he said and smiled._ _

__Joan handed him an envelope with a bow on it. “This is from both of us,” she said and smiled._ _

__He lifted his eyebrow and opened it, and then stared at the piece of paper in his hand, looking a little shocked. Vera smiled at this and he looked at both of them a little wide eyed._ _

__“Is this for real or is this a joke?”_ _

__“It's real. Why would you think we'd joke about that?”_ _

__“Because I don't know what to say! Do you realize what this is, Joanie?!” He grabbed her arms and she was startled at how excited he was. Vera started laughing as he grabbed her too. “Do you both realize what this is?!”_ _

__“Yes... I know what it is,” Joan said and smiled._ _

__“YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO GO TO THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER IN FLORIDA!” He yelled and clapped his hands, hugging them both. He kissed Joan's cheeks and Vera's and Joan was completely taken by surprise. He'd never acted this excited before. She rubbed her cheeks where he kissed them._ _

__“THERE'S MORE THAN ONE TICKET! THERE'S THREE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!” He yelled._ _

__“Would you keep your voice down? It means you can take two other people with you,” Joan said a little exasperated._ _

__Vera started to speak. “Yes, maybe you could take Vincent and--”_ _

__“WE'RE ALL GOING!” He yelled._ _

__Joan blinked. She was hoping he'd take a friend and possibly Vera. “You know I don't always like--”_ _

__“JOANIE, THE THREE OF US ARE GOING AND THAT'S THAT!”_ _

__Joan nodded. “Okay, we will. Just let me know when you want to go, but you NEED to give me time to plan a holiday for that,” she said firmly._ _

__He nodded and whooped and hugged them again. “This is perfect! Now open my gift!”_ _

__Joan lifted a very heavy box and shook it a little and he laughed. She started to unwrap it and lifted her eyebrow when there was more wrapping paper under it. She made a face at him._ _

__“How long did it take you to wrap this twice?” She asked._ _

__“Not long. Just open it!” He said excitedly._ _

__Joan slowly opened it, knowing he was getting impatient as she did this. She smiled when she opened the box and saw what looked a pile of books. She lifted one of them up and then stared at him._ _

__“You got me Harry Potter?” She asked, her mouth dropping open._ _

__“Yes! All seven books! Now we definitely have to all go together to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter! And Vera, you definitely have to read them too!”_ _

__“Oh, I've already read them,” she said and smiled._ _

__Aaron laughed and cheered as Joan turned and stared at her. “You didn't tell me you'd read these before,” she said a bit surprised._ _

__“It never came up in conversation,” Vera said and shrugged._ _

__Joan made a face and Vera giggled._ _

__“You're really trying to force me into this. You don't even know if I'll like them...” Joan said as she looked through all of the books, noticing how each volume was thicker as the series got longer._ _

__“No, I don't but something tells me you will,” he said and winked at her._ _

__Joan smiled slightly. “Well, since you went to all this trouble to buy me not one, but all seven books, and because it's a gift from you, I'll read them. But don't get your hopes up if I don't like them as much as you do,” she said quickly._ _

__Joan stood up and placed each book in order along her bookshelf and she turned back and saw Aaron had the silliest expression on his face as he talked with Vera about Harry Potter. She thought he was going to suffer from spontaneous combustion with how excited he looked._ _

__She could see Vera was getting tired though so she gently and politely told Aaron that they had a fun night and they both gave him a hug._ _

__He blew them a kiss and said, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!”_ _

__She smiled as she watched him walk away and drive off in his car. She turned to Vera and kissed her softly._ _

__“I know we said we wanted to exchange gifts tomorrow but there is one little gift I'd like to give you tonight,” she said and smiled._ _

__She could feel Vera was happy and she vowed to always give her happy memories. She reached into a bag and pulled out an ornament and handed it to Vera. It was a cupcake with a heart on it. Vera smiled at her and started laughing._ _

__“Did you really get me a cupcake ornament? It's so cute!” Vera said, smiling. “I'm sorry I don't have a special ornament for you,” she said as she kissed Joan's lips._ _

__Joan kissed her back and wrapped her arms around her. “There's always next year,” she said. She watched as Vera picked a place on the tree for the ornament and smiled as it added a personal touch to the tree._ _

__“Vera, why don't you go to bed and I'll finish cleaning up the kitchen,” Joan said._ _

__“Are you sure? I can help.”_ _

__“No, you made dinner Vera. You're tired and you deserve a break. I'll be up soon,” she said as she kissed her lightly on the lips._ _

__She watched as Vera walked upstairs. She cleaned the kitchen and put away some of the leftover food. She knew they could eat this tomorrow. Well, Vera could. Joan didn't have to. She and Aaron ate with Vera as it was customary to do so with people during the holidays. She put away everything and picked up the wrapping paper and threw it away. When she was done she walked upstairs and saw that Vera was in the bathroom. She could hear the shower running and she walked in and took off her clothes. She opened the shower and stepped inside._ _

__Vera looked at her and she was beautiful with the water dripping down her face and body, her hair wet and flat against her head. She smiled at Joan and took her hand and pulled her closer. They washed each other and Joan kissed her under the warm water. She smiled and lifted Vera and pressed her back against the wall. Vera wrapped her legs around her. She could feel Vera's wet center against her stomach and she smiled sensually._ _

__“Are you sure about this? I'm afraid we might slip and fall,” Vera said as she kissed her, holding onto Joan tightly._ _

__“We won't fall. I have good reflexes and I won't let you fall. Trust me,” Joan whispered as she kissed her deeply._ _

__Vera moaned into her mouth and Joan kissed her hard, kissing along her jaw and neck. She bit and nibbled on Vera's skin with her normal teeth. She moved one hand between them and slid two fingers inside her, and Vera tilted her head back against the wall. She watched her and pumped her fingers in and out. She pressed her thumb near her clit, teasing her as she circled around her clit, not touching the sensitive area. Vera's skin was wet from the water and she could feel how hot she was as she curled her fingers inside her. Joan held her firmly against the wall and rolled her hips with hers as Vera started rocking her hips against her hand. Vera held her tightly and Joan could hear her panting softly in her ear as she dug her nails into her back. Joan could feel how aroused she was, how much pleasure she was receiving from this and she shivered since she knew she was giving that to her._ _

__She pumped her fingers faster and Vera whimpered and bit her neck. She hissed as Vera sucked her neck and kissed it. She circled Vera's clit and she could feel Vera's thighs trembling around her, could hear her heart beating faster. She kissed Vera's shoulder as she kept circling her clit and she felt Vera's inner walls squeezing her fingers. She was close and Joan looked into her eyes._ _

__“Come for me,” Joan said in a low and sensual voice._ _

__She rubbed and stroked Vera's clit faster as she rubbed and stroked her fingers inside her. Vera moaned and Joan's fangs clicked out. She sank her fangs into Vera's neck, pumping her fingers harder as she did this. Vera gasped loudly and her fingernails scratched her back. She sucked hard and pressed on her clit harder, not slowing down. Vera whimpered as she continued to suck her blood. She moaned, knowing she couldn't take much as she drank from her. She didn't want Vera to lose too much blood._ _

__She moaned against her throat when she felt Vera tense, her body shaking as she called out her name and came around her fingers, squeezing them tight as she dug her fingernails harder into her back. She welcomed the slight pain against her skin. Joan stroked her clit as she rode out Vera's orgasm until her body went limp in her arms. She lifted her face and licked her neck, kissing her neck and throat. She slowly lowered Vera's feet to the floor and held her against her. She bit into her finger and smeared her blood across Vera's neck as she healed her._ _

__She leaned down and kissed Vera deeply, tenderly as she held her. She felt Vera's love through their connection, and picked her up as they walked out of the shower. She held her in her arms and lowered her feet to the floor, drying them off. Vera's legs were trembling slightly and she grabbed her hand and led her into their bed. They faced each other as they laid down. Vera kissed her and reached up to caress her cheek. Joan smiled as she stroked her hip and thighs._ _

__“Joan, sometimes I think you'll be the death of me,” Vera said and smiled a little._ _

__Joan kept stroking her skin which was so warm and soft. She loved feeling the soft curves as she ran her palm slowly along her body._ _

__“You'll have to keep up with me. I told you when you moved in that you'd just have to take everything I give you.”_ _

__“I thought you said that was for tickling,” Vera said and laughed as Joan gently tickled her stomach, squirming a little._ _

__“I did say that, but I also meant it for other things, such as making love to you whenever I want. You've been wanting to be taken like that since the day before, haven't you? When we were in my office.”_ _

__Vera blushed and nodded. “Yes... I have. I needed something... harder.”_ _

__Joan smiled slowly. “Whenever you want me to go harder, just say so and I'll be happy to oblige.”_ _

__Vera lifted both eyebrows and kissed her lips. “I'll do that,” she said softly._ _

__Joan smiled as Vera rested her head against her chest and she kissed her hair as she caressed her back. She felt very happy. Happier than she'd been in a long time and she knew Vera was happy too. Vera's breaths came slowly and evenly and she grew heavy against Joan. She squeezed her a little as she slept against her._ _

__She kissed her hair and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Vera.”_ _

__She watched Vera sleep for a while and smiled as Vera softly spoke her name a couple times. The younger woman nuzzled her breasts as she slept and Joan stroked her hair. She fell asleep soon after._ _

__When Joan woke again she saw that Vera had moved in the middle of the night and was resting her head on her stomach. Joan reached down and stroked her hair. She slowly and gently moved out from under her and she sighed softly when Joan handed Vera her pillow. Vera was still asleep and she hugged the pillow to her. Joan smiled softly and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. She slipped on her robe and put her hair in a ponytail as she made her way downstairs. It was 7am and she went out to her garden and clipped a few roses and wrapped them in a ribbon. She made it like a bouquet and placed them on the counter. She'd give them to Vera when she woke up. She made coffee for her and walked into her living room and started playing some Christmas carols on a low volume._ _

__She did this for Vera so the atmosphere was light and festive. She turned on the lights for the tree and smiled as she touched the cupcake ornament. She had a brief flash of decorating a Christmas tree with her mother, and she smiled as she remembered her mother holding her as she put an angel on the top of the tree. Her father smiled at them in this memory and it was one of the few times she remembered both of her parents being happy._ _

__Joan felt tears at the corners of her eyes as she thought of this, knowing that despite everything that had happened in her life that she had some good memories, even if they were from an earlier time. She tried to remember more memories of her mother but she had a hard time doing so. She sighed and then felt Vera wrap her arms around her from behind. She reached up and caressed her hands, turning around and hugging Vera. Joan kissed her lips. Vera was also dressed in her robe and her hair was a little tousled and Joan thought she looked so soft and beautiful, almost glowing._ _

__She heard a song start playing and smiled as she took Vera in her arms and began dancing with her. She turned her in her arms, and smiled as Vera giggled._ _

_____“Rockin' around the Christmas tree_  
_At the Christmas party hop_  
_Mistletoe hung where you can see_  
_Every couple tries to stop_  
_Rockin' around the Christmas tree_  
_Let the Christmas spirit ring_  
_Later we'll have some pumpkin pie_  
_And we'll do some caroling”_

__They danced around more and Joan moved under the area where mistletoe was hanging and she kissed Vera soundly on the lips. She grabbed Vera by the hand and pulled her into the kitchen. She reached over and handed the bouquet of roses to her._ _

__“Merry Christmas, Vera,” Joan said softly and smiled at her._ _

__Vera smiled back and took the roses and smelled them. “Thank you. Merry Christmas to you too.”_ _

__“What would you like for breakfast?” Joan asked her as Vera sat at the table._ _

__“Hmm... could you make French toast?”_ _

__“That's something I can do,” she said and smiled._ _

__She moved quickly and it took only a few minutes for it to be done. She placed it in front of Vera and smiled as she felt how happy Vera was in this moment. She brought Vera a cup of coffee and she walked into the living room and switched the music to softer and lighter classical holiday music. Vera joined her in the living room and they both sat on the couch. Joan drank hot chocolate and Vera looked at her. She smiled when she heard a piano version of Carol of the Bells._ _

__“You like hot chocolate?” Vera asked curiously._ _

__“Yes, I do. Is that strange to you?”_ _

__“No, I just think it's cute.” She leaned over and kissed Joan._ _

__Joan smiled and set the cup of hot chocolate on the table and she walked over and knelt down to grab Vera's gift. She handed it to Vera and sat next to her._ _

__“Open it,” she said softly._ _

__Vera smiled and began to unwrap it. Joan watched as she did this. Vera was smiling and then she brought out the three photo frames that Joan had put together. They were pictures of them that they'd taken together and she put one in a portrait sized frame. And there were two others that were smaller 5x7" frames of them that Vera could place anywhere she wanted, but she hoped she would put one of them on the nightstand next to their bed. Vera looked at each one and smiled at her._ _

__“These are so beautiful. I've wanted pictures of us in a frame for a long time. I love these pictures of us. Can we put the larger one in the living room?”_ _

__“Yes, wherever you want to have them is perfectly fine with me,” Joan said, smiling._ _

__Vera cupped her cheek and kissed her. “I'll have to put that one up later. These smaller ones are easy though. I want one on my nightstand and the other in here on this table next to the couch.”_ _

__Joan nodded and smiled. She watched as Vera got up and pulled out a thin rectangular shaped box that was wrapped very neatly. She handed it to her and Joan shook it gently which made Vera giggle. Joan suspected it was jewelry and she smiled as she opened the box._ _

__She stared down at a beautiful necklace that looked to be made out of rose gold. She smiled as Vera knew she couldn't wear silver. The rose gold color was a soft tone that would go well against her skin. She took in the design of the necklace and she held it in her hand._ _

__“The infinity symbol...” She said softly._ _

__“Yes, I wanted to give you that,” Vera said and Joan detected an odd tone in her voice._ _

__“Infinity means forever,” Joan said and looked into her eyes._ _

__Vera took the necklace and placed it around her neck. “Yes, because I want to be with you forever,” Vera said said softly and kissed her lips._ _

__Joan kissed her back. “Forever as in...?”_ _

__“Forever as in I want you to make me into a vampire,” Vera said seriously._ _

__Joan cupped both her cheeks. “Are you sure? This is a big decision.”_ _

__“I'm never been more sure of anything in my life,” Vera said and smiled at her._ _

__Joan felt her heart swell with happiness and she let the tears slip down her cheeks as she kissed Vera deeply and hugged her. She whispered in her ear._ _

__“I love you so much Vera. I'm so happy you're taking this chance with me. I'll always take care of you. And we don't have to do this right away. You tell me when you're ready and I'll gladly become your Maker,” Joan said and kissed her neck._ _

__Vera hugged her tightly and kissed Joan's face, and Joan took a shuddering breath knowing she was crying, but it was from tears of happiness._ _

__“I love you too and I'll let you know when I'm ready, but something tells me that I'll be ready very soon.”_ _

__She felt an overwhelmed feeling of love between the both of them and she took Vera's hand and kissed it. Vera pulled her down and kissed her deeply and Joan felt a calming feeling settle over them. Vera stroked the tears from her cheeks and she smiled softly at her._ _

__“Merry Christmas, Joan.”_ _

__Joan smiled and kissed her lips._ _

__“Merry Christmas, Vera.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a week and a half since I last updated this fic and I made it extra long for people. In fact since I did a word count, it's the longest chapter I've written, even longer than the one with the day at the beach with Vera and Aaron.
> 
> And Chrismtas in July! I know it's not Christmas yet but I wanted this to be the way that Vera told Joan she wanted to become a vampire. 
> 
> Also, I've never been to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter so while I said they'd do this in my fic, I'm not going to write a chapter about that, even though that would be fun, but since I haven't been I don't feel comfortable writing about it. I just wanted to let readers know they'd be doing that lol. ;)
> 
> If you'd like to see a picture of the infinity necklace I had in mind, here's a link here: https://www.swarovski.com/Web_US/en/5188401/product/Exist_Small_Pendant.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwtJzLBRC7ARIsAGMkOAlrN0j2H_uRxlE-sfVBL8b2bALrSZEE8BlUj-BlFw3kobwOl4i-CzEaAvEgEALw_wcB
> 
> Ever since that birthday episode for Vera from S5, I felt so sorry for how her mother treated her. I wanted them to have a gift exchange but not through birthdays so I thought the best way to do that would be to spend Christmas together. It's also weird for me to think about it being summer in Australia around that time so this is why I described Aaron wearing shorts and flip flops.
> 
> As for the music, I'll give a small list of some Christmas songs they listened to. I know it's July so yes it's weird to listen to these now, but if you're curious and know of the songs I'll list them with a link. I personally like listening to classic artists around Christmas time from the 40's-60's so I imagine that Joan and Aaron would also like this music if they had to choose.
> 
> Because they watched The Sound of Music, I figure I'll leave the link for My Favorite Things sung by Julie Andrews: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33o32C0ogVM
> 
> It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
> 
> It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGBie5pT9nw
> 
> The Christmas Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HC2PF9r9Nhs
> 
> Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxxTHzERTsk
> 
> Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3HJgCcSUqQ
> 
> Carol of the Bells: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JYrOMK1aDA
> 
> And because I think this should just come up in shuffle if they were listening to music because I love this musical score from the movie Home Alone. I also chose it because of the title which is what I try to still focus on with my fic which are past memories. The song is called Somewhere In My Memory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kHH6LJpEbQ


	40. Chapter 40

Vera returned home from work, tired after a long day. Joan hadn't worked today and Vera had missed her presence. Things had improved between Joan and Will. While Vera had never suspected any big issue had previously gone on between them, she knew Joan was trying to put in an effort. She often praised Will for his work lately and Vera smiled at this. Will had mentioned this to her and how he said he was finally feeling he and the Governor had built somewhat of a rapport. Vera knew this had to still be hard on Joan but she was grateful for Joan trying to do this, if not for Vera then for herself. It was almost New Year's Eve and she wasn't sure what she and Joan would do.

Vera smiled remembering the look on Joan's face when she had given her the infinity necklace. Vera had decided a few days prior to Christmas that she'd finally become a vampire. She had weighed the options and decided that being together forever with Joan would make up for any complications of becoming a vampire. She was still concerned but she knew that she and Joan would get through it together. Later that night they made love with a tender passion and intensity that always reminded her of how much they loved each other.

Joan wore the necklace every day since and it made Vera smile at the light that glinted against the jewelry which gave it a shine and sparkle. It suited Joan in its simplicity. She set her purse down and shrugged out of her uniform, wondering where Joan was. She changed upstairs and into some lounge wear and walked back downstairs and drank a bottle of water. She looked outside to see Joan was there and she walked closer to the window to see that Joan was concentrating with her eyes closed while playing the violin. She stood outside in the yard and gracefully moved around, almost like a dance as she played the violin. It was something she'd never seen Joan do. She had played once before but she'd never seen her do this outside.

She watched her before she quietly opened the door and walked outside into the heat. Joan was wearing shorts and a short sleeved v-neck and her hair was up in a ponytail. The backyard was slightly shaded so there wasn't much sun hitting them, but some of Joan's hair gleamed in the sunlight. She could hear faster notes that Joan played on the violin and she sat down on the porch swing and watched her. Joan was concentrating as she played but also had a serene look on her face, her lips slightly turned up into a gentle smile.

Vera wished she was talented enough to play a musical instrument. She was never given the opportunity as a child. Actually she wasn't given the opportunity for a lot of things because of her mother. She thought of how Joan's father told her that emotions lead to mistakes and that Joan learned to keep all her feelings inside. Joan's childhood was filled with a need to be perfect and to please her father, never feeling like she could do anything right. She was taught to win at any cost no matter what she was doing, whether it was with fencing, playing the violin, or doing well in school. This caused Joan to feel a lot of anxiety growing up. Joan wasn't given the opportunity for a lot of things either, she thought sadly.

Joan stopped playing and turned towards her. The infinity necklace caught the light and sparkled in the sun. Vera thought Joan looked so beautiful and peaceful. Joan smiled at her and walked over to her, pulling Vera up by the hands and kissing her on the lips.

“How was work?” Joan asked. She placed the violin on the swing and sat down, pulling Vera next to her. Vera wrapped her arm around her waist and rested her head on her shoulder.

“It was good. The women were not too bad today. I had help with Will and Fletch. I missed you though,” Vera said softly.

Joan smiled and stroked her arm. “I missed you too. But I was able to get some work done around the house.”

Vera smiled as Joan wrapped her arm around her shoulder. She felt relaxed and happy and she could feel that Joan was happy too. She had been in such a good mood since Christmas that even Will mentioned that he thought the Governor had been somehow taken by the Body Snatchers. Vera giggled as she thought of this.

“What's so funny?” Joan asked seriously but Vera could feel her amusement so she knew she wasn't irritated.

“Oh, I'm just remembering how you've been in the past week that even Will thought you were a Pod Person.”

Joan chuckled. “I haven't been that different, have I?”

“A little bit. You've had a different demeanor and I don't know what it is, but you seem more relaxed. Still strict and intimidating but something about you is different even at the prison.”

“Hmm... well, I'll have to work on my Pod Person scream,” Joan said playfully. She lifted her hand and pointed dramatically, making a little screech.

Vera couldn't believe she made that reference and started laughing hysterically.

“I can't believe you did that!” She laughed.

Joan smiled and laughed softly. “Well, I'm a bit of a fan of classic horror and suspense. _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_ with Donald Sutherland has always been a favorite.”

“Are you a fan of vampire novels and films?” Vera asked curiously. They hadn't talked much about how Joan feels about them.

“No, not particularly because much of that is fiction, but I did read _Dracula_ by Bram Stoker and I did like reading _Interview With the Vampire_ and _The Vampire Lestat_ by Anne Rice. Anne Rice's writing is gothic and dramatic but well written and enjoyable even though only a few things are correct.”

Vera smiled, thinking about that. “What things are correct?”

Joan was silent for a couple minutes. “Well, we can go out in the sunlight but we aren't entirely invulnerable to it, so that's a little different but close enough. We drink blood, of course. However, religious relics don't bother us and I'm not considered undead. I can still see myself in the mirror. I don't need to sleep in a coffin since I don't need very much sleep. We have strength and speed much greater than humans. More heightened senses. And the process to becoming a vampire is very close to what she talks about,” Joan said softly.

“How would you turn me into a vampire?” Vera asked, a little apprehensive about it.

Joan turned and looked into her eyes. “I don't want to frighten you but I need to be honest, and I hope it doesn't change your mind about how you feel. I would have to drain your blood to make you very close to death, and then you'd have to drink my blood. I'd have to give you enough of my blood in order to complete the process. You'd be barely conscious by the time you'd have to do this. I don't remember much of how I was turned, but I do have vague memories of the copper taste in my mouth. I woke up the next day and everything felt different,” Joan replied.

“Do people die if they don't drink a vampire's blood?” Vera asked quietly.

Joan hesitated and took her hand, caressing it. “People can and have died from that. This happens if the vampire accidentally drains too much blood or if the person just doesn't take it for whatever reason. But that's rare for it to happen. Vampires that accidentally drain too much blood are usually too young and need more practice,” Joan said and then she paused before she continued. “As for humans... sometimes for whatever reason they just don't drink it and they die. This will not happen with you though,” Joan said firmly and kissed her softly.

Vera felt a little nervous with this information and she felt Joan reach up to stroke her hair. She smiled a little at her and Joan hugged her tightly, kissing her head.

“Don't worry my darling. I'll take care of you. Nothing bad is going to happen while you're with me,” Joan said and rubbed her back. Vera relaxed into her touch and they stayed out there for a little while, watching the the sunset.

“I could stay with you like this forever,” Joan said softly.

Vera looked up at her and smiled. “I could too,” she whispered.

“Are you sure you won't miss spending longer time out in the sun?” Joan asked quietly.

Vera paused before she spoke. “I'm a little concerned about that. I think it'll take some adjusting.”

Joan nodded and ran her fingers slowly through her hair. “Many things will take some adjusting, but I'll help you through it. Aaron will too,” she said and smiled at Vera.

Vera touched Joan's hand and the woman interlaced their fingers together. She smiled at her hand in comparison to Joan's which was larger and had much longer fingers than hers. She could sense some kind of nervous energy from Joan and she wasn't sure why. She could feel some tension in her body. She leaned up and Joan looked like she was somewhere else. She kissed her cheek.

“What's wrong?”

Joan turned towards her. “I know you want to become a vampire, but I just want to make sure you have explored all avenues of what you'd be missing if I turned you.”

“I've thought long and hard about it. Are you second guessing this?” Vera asked quietly, feeling sad thinking that maybe Joan didn't really want this like she thought.

Joan caressed her cheek. “Oh, Vera, I'm not second guessing. I want you so much and the thought of you being with me for years makes my heart happy. Please don't feel sad. I just—I just wondered since you're still young and... have you ever wanted to have children? If you became a vampire, you'd lose that opportunity.”

Vera was surprised by this comment. They had never talked about this before. “I'm not that young, Joan. At least not when it comes to having a baby. I'm 40 years old. I know if I wanted to I could still have children, but that hasn't been something I've envisioned for myself, even though I like kids. I don't think I would have been a good mum and I'm too busy.”

Joan glanced at her and squeezed her hand. “I think you would have made a good mother if you did have children. I just hope I'm not taking that away from you,” she said quietly.

“Oh, Joan, you can't take something away that I never imagined for myself. Don't worry so much,” Vera said and kissed her hand. She wondered why Joan was bringing this up. Did she want children?

“Joan... have you ever wanted children?”

Joan's eyes widened. “No, no, I don't. I couldn't do that. I'm also too busy and I also wouldn't have made a good mother. I'm not like other women,” she said sadly, looking down.

Vera furrowed her eyebrows. “What about Shayne?”

Joan's head snapped up in surprise. “What about him?”

“You helped take care of him. I don't think just anyone could do that,” she said gently.

“That was different. I was in an environment where that required me to do so. Helping him and Jianna was the right thing to do.”

“I know it was more than that. You loved him. You've said this before. Were you thinking about him?”

Joan stared at her and Vera could feel her shutting down her emotions. It was as if Joan began putting up invisible walls in place. She'd done this a few times before and this time Vera was not going to ignore it.

“Stop doing that,” Vera said firmly.

“Stop doing what?” Joan asked a little startled.

“Stop turning off your emotions. You asked me about children and I answered, and now I'm asking how you feel about Shayne. We need to talk about this,” she said a little exasperated.

Joan's eyes looked sad and she swallowed, grinding her jaw. She bit her bottom lip before she spoke.

“I asked to make sure you knew what you wanted, and Shayne... that didn't have anything to do with that, but whenever I think of children... I do think of him,” she said softly.

“You said you couldn't be around him when you first became a vampire... what about now?”

“Now? I wouldn't know how to approach him now. He's 17 years old and I've done some research and I know he's in foster care. I couldn't be there for him like I should have been. He deserved more...” She said and her voice cracked a little.

Vera reached up to stroke her hair. “Joan, what's stopping you from trying to contact him?” She asked gently.

“I doubt he'd want anything to do with me...”

“You don't know that Joan. You knew him as a baby and his mum. You loved both of them and you won't know unless you try,” she said softly and Joan looked at her with a vulnerable expression. Her lips trembled a little.

“I do have a number... I've just never called it,” she said quietly.

“Just think about it Joan. I think you owe it to yourself and to him to call him.”

Joan nodded and smiled a little but Vera felt sadness and anxiety from Joan. She pulled her down and kissed her on the lips.

“I love you,” Joan said and took her by the hand and led her inside the house.

They ate dinner and watched a film together until Vera couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. When they got into bed, Joan wrapped herself around her and Vera could feel her heartbeat against her cheek. She caressed Vera's body and made gentle kisses across her forehead. Joan hummed quietly and stroked her hair. Vera relaxed and nuzzled her breasts, smiling as she hugged Joan tighter.

“I'm going to miss watching you sleep. Well, watching you sleep for the amount of hours you do. You relax and your face always looks so peaceful, almost childlike at times. You say my name sometimes in your sleep and it makes me smile. When you hold onto me and nuzzle me while you're asleep, like you know I'm here with you. I'll also miss watching you eat. You can still eat, but the enjoyment you get out of food won't exactly be the same,” Joan said quietly.

Joan turned her over onto her back and pressed her body sensually against hers. She kissed her and caressed Vera's breasts. Vera kissed her back, sucking Joan's tongue into her mouth and Joan moaned softly. Her hands slowly caressed and stroked Vera's skin, moving along her hips and stomach, across her thighs.

Joan kept doing this until Vera lifted her hips against her, feeling wet as Joan gently raked her nails across her skin. She kissed Vera's breasts and she moaned when Joan's tongue swirled around her sensitive nipples, her teeth biting her gently. Joan smiled around her nipple and kissed it.

She slowly turned Vera over onto her stomach and kissed her shoulders and back. Vera felt her tongue lick down her spine, and her lips kissed and sucked across her back and at the soft swell of her butt. Joan squeezed her cheeks and she moaned softly.

“Joan...”

“Vera, do you remember this position you did with me?” Joan asked and rubbed her firmly between her legs. Vera nodded and groaned as Joan's fingers slipped between her lips and then her palm rubbed in a slow circle against her wet lips.

“Oh, Joan... please...”

“What do you want?” Joan asked.

“I want... I want...”

“Do you want me to taste you? To lick your pussy?”

Vera moaned and spread her knees wider when Joan began to slowly circle her clit with her fingertip. Joan's other hand caressed her butt and thighs and she moaned again when she felt Joan's tongue slowly and firmly lick her lips. Vera shivered when she felt Joan pull on her lips and suck on them. She licked her firmly up and down, then circled her clit and sucked on it gently. She kept doing this until Vera was trembling. She then turned Vera onto her side and laid behind her, pressing her body against her. Her breasts touched her back and she could feel Joan's hardened nipples. Joan kissed and licked her neck, sucking on it.

She felt Joan grinding against her butt and she moaned when Joan lifted Vera's leg and moved it onto her thigh. Joan caressed her sides and thigh and then her stomach, her nails raking across her navel. She reached down and circled her clit and Vera whimpered when Joan teased her. Joan moved her hand further down and slid two fingers inside her deeply and curled them. Joan kissed her neck and shoulder and began to slowly move her fingers in and out, her thumb brushing her clit every so often. Vera panted and she could feel Joan's pleasure and desire as she did this, the woman rocking and grinding slightly against her butt. Joan kissed her jaw and neck, licking the skin.

“I'll miss the way your blood tastes,” she said in a low voice.

Vera heard the click of her fangs and shivered when Joan gently skimmed her neck with them, the sharp edges scratching slightly. Joan whispered against her ear.

“Do you want it?”

Vera moaned softly and rolled her hips a little against Joan's hand as she slowly thrust inside her. Joan's thumb rubbed her clit and Vera felt like she was on sensation overload. Joan slipped her fingers out and reached up to grab Vera's breast, squeezing and circling her nipple. She rolled it and pinched it, the pads of her fingertips slowly circling her nipple and making it harder and more sensitive. She did the same to the other breast and then raked her nail across the nipple.

Vera whimpered. “Fuck me,” she whispered.

“Hmm? I couldn't hear you,” Joan said softly and kissed her ear.

Vera groaned. “You can hear me perfectly.”

Joan chuckled. “That's true, but I want you to say it louder.”

Vera sighed and then she felt Joan turn her head and she retracted her fangs. Vera furrowed her eyebrows at this and then Joan kissed her deeply, her tongue dancing with hers and Vera moaned into her mouth. Joan sucked her bottom lip and nibbled on it. She stroked Vera's clit as she did this and Vera kissed her harder. Joan broke their kiss and inhaled sharply, her fangs clicking out again.

“Fuck me,” Vera said against her lips.

Joan smiled. “Do you want it hard, like this?” She thrust harder inside her and Vera gasped as Joan pressed on her clit. “Or do you want it slow, like this?” She asked and slowly thrust inside her, gently stroking her clit. Vera closed her eyes and felt Joan kiss her neck.

“Hard,” she whispered.

Joan smiled against her neck and sank her fangs into it. Vera shuddered as Joan did that and then thrust harder with her fingers, curling and stroking them inside. She could feel how pleasurable this was for Joan and she whimpered as Joan began fucking her faster, stroking her clit.

Vera rocked her hips and panted as Joan sucked harder as she drank her blood. Vera wondered in her pleasurable haze what this must feel like for Joan. She could feel how she felt, but she could only imagine what it was like for Joan as a vampire.

Joan moaned against her neck and Vera squeezed her fingers and panted when Joan stroked her clit faster. Vera felt like she might faint and she heard Joan say in her mind, “Come for me.”

Vera was breathless and her body tensed and she felt her legs shaking. She reached behind her and gently touched Joan's face, feeling her soft hair fall forward. Joan moaned softly and Vera jerked her hips as she came, rocking and squeezing her fingers tighter. She gasped for breath, her heart beating faster.

She felt Joan shaking and she lifted her face from her neck. She felt Joan's fingertips touching the wounds on her neck with her warm blood. She turned around and cupped Joan between her legs. Joan shook her head and started to pull her hand away. Vera touched her again and slid her fingers inside her, stroking her clit in a circle.

“Vera...” Joan rasped and shivered.

“Let me touch you. I know you're aroused. You're so wet and you feel so good,” Vera said softly and kissed Joan deeply, sucking on her tongue. She knew Joan loved this and she stroked her clit a little faster as she curled and stroked her fingers.

She could feel Joan's walls tightening and the older woman began to rock and grind against her hand. Vera broke their kiss and watched Joan with her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted. Vera lifted her other hand to squeeze Joan's breast, circling her nipple and teasing it. Joan moaned and opened her eyes. They were dark and full of desire and she held Vera tightly as she rocked her hips faster. Joan reached up and touched her cheek, a tender gesture as she looked into her eyes.

“Let go,” Vera whispered.

Vera pressed on her clit and Joan tensed and squeezed her fingers as she came, gasping. Vera continued to stroke her clit and she wrapped her arm tightly around Joan. Vera felt her body trembling, her pleasure and love through this and Joan's breathing slowed down. She looked into Vera's eyes and kissed her softly, taking her in her arms. Joan kissed her lips and jaw, her neck. Vera reached up to stroke her hair, and smiled as Joan slowly relaxed against her.

Joan smiled at her gently. “I love you,” she said tenderly.

“I love you too,” Vera said softly and kissed Joan again.

They caressed each other slowly and Vera felt an odd mix of happiness, love, and sadness coming from Joan.

“What's wrong?” Vera asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” Joan asked and caressed Vera's hip.

“You feel sad. Why?”

Joan's eyes softened and she pushed Vera's hair back behind her ear, stroking it.

“I look forward to turning you, but I'm a little sad because I'll miss you as you are now. How your blood will taste, how you sleep in my arms, how you eat, and I'll miss you at work when you take your leave of absence,” Joan said sadly.

She caressed Vera's back and arm slowly and Vera smiled and kissed her softly.

“When I sleep for a short time, I'll sleep with you so even though it might be for an hour like you sleep, you won't lose that. I'll still eat sometimes since I think it'll take some getting used to drinking only blood. With work... well, you'll have Will until I'm able to come back.” Vera chuckled at Joan's face when she mentioned Will.

“It won't be the same without you there,” Joan said quietly.

Vera now knew that this was what bothered Joan the most. That she wouldn't be at Wentworth until she fully adjusted to being a vampire.

“I know, but eventually I can go back,” she said softly.

Joan smiled gently and kissed her lips. “I know you can. I'll just miss you. You're the only Deputy Governor I need, but I suppose Mr. Jackson will suffice.”

Vera smiled and hugged her. “Joan, there's something I need to tell you...”

Joan kissed her head. “What is it?”

“Well, when I was out with Aaron that day at the beach, we ran into Renee and Rose...”

“Yes, I remember,” Joan said patiently.

“They told me that... bonded vampires, ones that are soul mates...”

“Yes?”

“They can feed off of each other. Only they can, but that if you'll miss doing that with me, well, we can still do that with each other,” Vera finished quietly.

Joan didn't say anything for a few minutes and she could feel irritation from Joan. She pulled back to look at Vera.

“So you're telling me that bonded vampires can feed off of each other? How come I didn't know this? And why didn't you tell me? That was a while ago!” Joan said tersely.

Vera could see and feel that Joan was a little upset. Joan looked away and her lips were twitching a little. Vera knew that Joan did this when she was irritated or angry. She made Joan look at her, and could see that Joan's expression was closed off and her eyes narrowed a little.

Vera took in a deep breath. “I don't know why you didn't know this, but Aaron told me that you're still young as a vampire and this might be why. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I wasn't sure what I'd decide and I was afraid telling you would make you think I'd decide to become a vampire. I didn't want to bring your hopes up,” she said softly and stroked cheek. Joan's irritation slipped away at this.

“I wish you told me sooner, but I understand why you didn't. I just hate being out of the loop with things like this, especially among my own kind.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't think about it that way,” Vera said softly and kissed Joan on the lips.

Joan held her and kissed her back. “No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. You felt it was right for you to keep that secret. If you decided to stay human then it would have been irrelevant,” Joan said gently.

Vera smiled and nuzzled Joan's neck. She was relaxed as Joan kept stroking her hair and Joan hummed quietly. Vera didn't know what she was humming but it was soothing to her and she fell asleep in her arms.

 

* * *

 

Vera sat in a cafe with Joan and could feel the nervous energy from her. Joan's anxiety was coming off of her in waves, even though on the outside she would appear calm. Joan kept looking around and at the door. Vera took a sip of her coffee and took Joan's hand and the woman looked at her.

“It'll be okay,” Vera said gently.

“I'm not so sure. What if he hates me?” Joan asked quietly, looking down at their hands.

“I find it hard to believe he'd hate you,” she said and stroked Joan's hand with her thumb.

In the last couple days they had managed to contact Shayne and he agreed to meet with them here. Joan had been excited but nervous and Vera tried to reassure her. Joan almost wanted to cancel the meeting altogether because of how anxious she was.

“A lot of people hate me... the women at the prison, Channing, Fletcher...” Joan said and sighed.

“I don't hate you. I love you. The women don't like the rules and structure you provide. Channing is a prick and Fletch... he just has a hard time with women in authority, but I think he'll come around. I noticed you didn't mention Will.”

Joan looked up at her. “Mr. Jackson and I seemed to have come to a mutual respect and understanding, despite how I feel about him at times. I have to admit, he is still one of my finest officers,” she said and grumbled a little.

Vera smiled and Joan smiled a little back at her. Joan looked at the door and suddenly stood up. Vera turned her head to see a thin young man with dark skin and short wavy hair. His hair fell over to the front of his eye and he was wearing a shirt with shorts and flip flops. He was holding his phone and there were earbuds in his ears. He looked like the stereotypical teenager. He walked up to Joan and he looked friendly but a little cautious.

Joan smiled politely and held out her hand. “I'm Joan Ferguson. And this is my partner Vera Bennett. It's nice to finally meet you Shayne,” she said warmly.

Vera saw how charming Joan was but knew she was anxious. Vera smiled at him and he smiled a little back. He took Joan's hand and shook it, then held out his hand to Vera's and shook her hand.

“It's nice to meet you too. Um, where should we sit?” He asked a little nervously.

Joan gestured over at the table they were at. “We were sitting there. Please join us. Would you like anything? Tea? Coffee? It's my treat,” she said.

He nodded. “A mocha would be nice, thank you.”

He sat across from Vera as Joan was ordering for him and he looked at her. Vera smiled at him.

“I've heard a lot about you,” she said softly.

“You have?” He asked, sounding a little confused.

“Yes... you mean a lot to Joan.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don't know how to feel about that. I don't even know her.”

“That's okay. We can take this one step at a time,” she said gently and he smiled at her.

Joan returned with his coffee and placed it down in front of him. He thanked her and took a few sips. Joan smiled as she watched him and he looked a little nervous.

“What?” He asked.

“Oh, you just look so much like your mother. I can't get over how much you do. It's nice,” she said softly.

He bit his lip and set the coffee onto the table. “How well did you know her?”

Joan took a sip of her own coffee before she answered.

“I knew her for a little over a year. She was very smart and wanted only what was best for you. She loved you very much,” Joan said quietly.

Shayne looked down at his coffee and nodded. “She killed herself?”

Joan took a deep breath. “Yes, she did. I'm very sorry.”

Vera noticed that Joan didn't divulge the information about Jianna being killed by the prisoners.

“Eh, I didn't know her. It sucks but it's whatever,” he said quietly.

“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you,” Joan said gently.

He looked up at Joan and appeared a little guarded. “Why weren't you?”

Joan sighed. “I-I fell a bit ill after she died and I had no grounds to take you in. But the main problem was I was too sick. By then you had been taken in by foster families so I decided I didn't want to disrupt your life,” she finished quietly.

“You could have...” He said.

“Could have what?” Joan asked curiously.

“Disrupted my life. It would have been better than what I was already dealing with. My life was shit,” he said a little irritated.

Vera held Joan's hand under the table. She could feel Joan's guilt and sadness and squeezed her hand.

“I'm sorry you've had a hard life. If I had been in better health...” She trailed off. Vera knew she wasn't ill and that she was referring to how she became a vampire. Her being ill was the best way to describe why she hadn't been in his life.

“It's okay. Shit happens,” he said and smiled a little. Joan seemed a little surprised at this change in his attitude.

“Tell me about you, Shayne,” Joan said.

Vera listened as he told Joan how he was finishing high school and wanted to go to university to become a social worker. Vera thought this was ironic as he explained that he wanted to help kids like himself. He also told her how he helped other children in foster homes, working somewhat like an advocate for them.

“That's wonderful. You sound very smart, but that isn't a surprise because your mother was too. She also wanted to make a difference with her life. You sound like you're on the right track,” Joan said and smiled.

He smiled back at her and Vera couldn't help but notice he seemed a little more comfortable when Joan asked him what he was listening to on his phone, and he showed her the music he was into and the podcasts he listened to about different subjects. Joan smiled and nodded, talking to him about his interests which he became more enthusiastic about as they talked.

“Oh, shit. I actually have to get going. I have somewhere I have to be later. I'm sorry,” he said and Vera thought he sounded genuine.

Vera could feel happiness and also some sadness from Joan and she could tell that she was sad that he'd be leaving so soon.

“It was nice to meet you, Shayne,” Vera said and smiled as she shook his hand. He smiled back and then he turned to Joan who held out her hand and then he moved in and gave her a hug and Joan appeared startled at this. She reached up to hug him back.

“Can we... um, can we do this again?” He asked and he looked nervous.

Joan smiled. “Of course, after all you are my godson. Sometime we'll have to have you over for dinner.”

He smiled. “I'd like that, Ms. Ferguson.”

“Please call me Joan,” she said and he smiled at her.

“Well, if I'm your godson, I don't think Joan is enough. It might be weird right now since we just met, but I feel a little closer to you already. I think I should call you Aunty... Aunty Joan. I'll catch you both later,” he said and smiled as he walked away and out the door.

Vera held Joan's hand and Joan smiled a little at her, and Vera saw that her eyes were shining. They walked back to the car and Joan didn't say anything for a few minutes. Vera saw a tear running down her cheek.

“He doesn't hate me,” she said and smiled at Vera.

Vera caressed her cheek. “No, he doesn't. I told you this. No one could hate the real you,” she said tenderly and kissed her lips.

“I'm an Aunty now,” Joan said in wonder.

Vera smiled. “You are... how does that feel?”

Joan smiled and looked at her in a way that she hadn't seen before. She could feel Joan's happiness and love and Vera was so happy that they did this.

Joan breathed deeply and held Vera's hand. “It feels good... it feels right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so sorry this update took longer than usual. Between life and working on some other fics, it can be hard to juggle. But it's finally out now. 
> 
> So the part where Joan plays the violin out in the yard, I heard this song and thought it was just a beautiful and epic sounding violin piece. Ignore the remix elements but that Joan would only play the violin strings for this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH-DbRhp4BQ (However the entire song with the remix is very pretty to listen to as well).
> 
> If no one has seen the 70's remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers with Donald Sutherland, here is a youtube link to the end of the movie with the reference I have Joan make about a Pod Person scream lol: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo
> 
> Also the process I have for becoming a vampire is a mix to how the vampires turned humans into vampires in novels by Anne Rice and also how they turn people into vampires on True Blood. Both are very similar.
> 
> There seemed to be a lot going on in this chapter in my mind, so I hope it wasn't too jarring at all with the direction I took it in. The stuff with Shayne was something I've been thinking about off and on for a while now, and I finally decided I'd take it in that direction with him. I don't know if he'll be big character at all, but I just wanted to introduce that I wanted him to be in her life, because that was in the show, but not done in the way I would have liked, and I think after everything Joan has gone through in the show, and also the Joan in my fic, that she deserves to rekindle that relationship with Shayne.
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoyed that. :)


	41. Chapter 41

Joan smiled as she sat across the dinner table with Shayne and Vera. They had talked for a few weeks and finally found a time for their schedules to have dinner together. After dinner Shayne asked if they could play cards. He had a preference for the card game Bullshit and she laughed when Vera couldn't lie very well about her cards and took almost the rest of them.

“You have a better poker face than I do!” Vera said and pouted.

“I do... but I'm not lying about my cards. It's only you who is getting caught,” Joan said and smiled slyly.

“I call bullshit on that,” Vera said and shook her head and laughed.

Joan lifted her eyebrow and showed her the cards she had. Vera groaned as she took more cards.

Shayne was laughing and Joan had to smile at his reaction to this. He was very good at the game and only got caught lying a few times.

“Aunty Joan, me and Vera are going to beat you at some point at this game. Maybe we should team up,” he said and winked at Vera.

“Sounds like a plan,” Vera said and smiled at Shayne before she glared a little mockingly at Joan.

Joan's lips twitched in amusement as she watched Shayne and Vera whispering conspiratorially about her.

“You know, I can hear everything you're saying,” she said and smirked.

“We know, that's the point,” Shayne whispered loudly.

“She thinks she's the Governor in this too,” Vera whispered back.

Joan smiled as they continued to play and then was a little disappointed the night was coming to an end. Shayne thanked them for dinner and as he was leaving, Joan followed him outside to his car.

“Shayne...” She said softly.

“What's up?”

“I wanted to let you know I've really enjoyed our visits and I loved hearing you talk about wanting to go to university. Well, when you graduate high school, I'd like—I'd like to help pay for your tuition.”

He blinked at her and his eyes widened. “Do you really mean that? You don't have to do that...”

Joan nodded and smiled gently. “I really mean it. I think you're very smart and you should be given the best education possible. If you let me, I'd love to help you.”

He smiled really big and hugged her. “Thank you! Thank you so much Aunty Joan!”

She hugged him back and patted him on the back. “Just don't slack off,” she said firmly.

“I won't! I promise!” He said and smiled as he got into his car.

“Oh, and Shayne?” She asked as she leaned down towards him and he looked up at her from the driver's seat.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I just want to let you know that you're welcome here at our house any time. Just let me know ahead of time if you want to come over, but you'll always have a home here,” she said softly.

He stared at her and smiled slowly. “Thank you... that means a lot Aunty... oh! I almost forgot. Here are tickets to my graduation for you and Vera. It would mean a lot to me for both of you to be there... well, I mean you don't have to if you're too busy,” he said quickly.

“Nonsense. We'll both be there,” Joan said and smiled as she watched him leave her house.

There was something there between them even though they hadn't known each other for very long. She wasn't sure what it was, but they could talk easily without it being too awkward. Shayne was friendly and charming and he brought out a side of Joan that she hadn't felt in a long time. The last time she felt this way was with Shayne as a baby. She wasn't sure if she'd call it maternal but she supposed it was as close as she'd get to that.

Joan walked back inside the house and found Vera curled up on the couch. She was watching some TV show and Joan sat next to her. She smiled when Vera wrapped her arms around her waist with her head resting on her chest. Joan reached up to stroke her hair.

“You really like him, don't you?” Vera asked.

“Do you mean Shayne? Yes, I do. He's a fine young man,” she said, smiling a little.

“You're already developing a bond with him. I can see it there with how he talks to you,” Vera said and lifted her head to kiss Joan's lips.

Joan felt Vera leaning heavily against her and knew she was starting to fall asleep. She shook Vera gently and guided her upstairs into bed. She wrapped her arms around her and pressed her skin against hers. Vera felt so soft. She slowly caressed her body with her hands. She kissed Vera deeply, and sucked her bottom lip. She felt Vera moving under her and they slowly rocked against each other.

Joan moaned softly when Vera kissed her jaw and neck, then her breasts and nipples. She held Vera's head to her breast and then moved her head back up to kiss her again. She delivered open mouth kisses all over Vera's body and sucked and nipped at her skin. She could feel Vera's feelings of love and desire and Joan felt intoxicated as she licked Vera's wet lips. She did this slowly and deliberately and felt Vera's legs shaking. Joan licked her clit in a circle and did this until she felt Vera come. She moaned softly, resting her head against Vera's thigh and kissed it. She didn't think she'd be able to get enough of her and she moved up, kissing her body.

She kissed Vera's throat and sank her fangs into it, drinking her blood and she closed her eyes and moaned at the taste. Vera shivered underneath her and Joan began to move against Vera's hand as she rubbed her clit. Vera caressed and circled her clit and it felt so good to her that Joan could keep doing this forever. She rocked her hips faster against Vera's hand and squeezed her fingers that thrust inside of her.

“Let go,” Joan heard Vera say softly in her mind. Joan moaned as she held Vera's throat to her mouth and sucked hard when she shook and came around her fingers, squeezing them tightly. She trembled and lifted her mouth from her neck and bit her thumb and pressed her blood against the puncture wounds on her neck. She kissed all along her neck and throat and then her lips, kissing her lovingly as she felt Vera stroking her hair.

Joan laid her head against Vera's breasts and kissed them as she closed her eyes. She wrapped an arm around Vera's waist and listened to the woman's heartbeat.

“I love you,” Joan whispered and squeezed Vera against her.

Vera's fingertips ran through her hair and she relaxed and felt herself becoming sleepy when she heard Vera whisper the words back to her.

“I love you too.”

Joan smiled and fell asleep in her arms.

 

* * *

 

The next day they decided to go to the beach. Vera wanted to spend as much time as she could here since her life was going to change drastically. It was late afternoon and the sun was starting to set. Joan and Vera walked along the beach and Joan dragged her into the water. She kissed Vera and they tread water near each other.

“Will I be able to handle the same amount of sun you can?”

“Yes, you'll be the same as me until you reach a certain age and then you can stay longer in the sun. I'm not exactly sure when that is, it just seems to happen gradually,” Joan said as she swam around her.

“Will my eyes be sensitive to the light?”

“Yes, unfortunately they will be, but you get used to it. Just wear sunglasses a lot when you're out.”

Joan answered a few more questions about how Vera would adjust to it and she finally grabbed Vera and hugged her tightly, kissing her face and lips.

“You'll have to wait and see when you're turned into one. There are some things you might react differently to. One never knows until they go through it. I'll be here to help you and guide you.”

“Mentor me?” Vera asked and smiled.

Joan smiled back. “Yes, I'll always be your mentor. I see you put in your 6 month temporary leave of absence, effective immediately.”

“Yes, you'll have Will as your Deputy Governor for a little while,” Vera said softly.

They got out of the water and Joan held her, wrapping her arms around her from behind as they watched the sunset on the water.

“I'll get used to it. He is... more capable than most,” Joan said quietly and kissed Vera's head.

Vera pressed her hands against her and giggled when Joan kept kissing her neck and cheek, inhaling her scent deeply and closing her eyes.

“You smell like citrus mixed with the sea. I think we need to go to the beach more often. You smell so good,” Joan whispered.

She felt Vera blushing against her cheek. “And you smell like sandalwood mixed with the sea... you smell very good too,” she replied.

Joan smiled and they sat on the blanket on the sand as it grew darker. There were bonfires going and she held Vera and kissed her. She lowered her against the blanket and kissed her lips and neck.

“Joan, having sex at the beach isn't as romantic as it sounds. Sand gets _everywhere_ ,” Vera said and Joan chuckled when she caressed her sides.

“Oh, we're not going to do that. It may be dark but we're out in public and I only want you to myself with no one around,” Joan whispered and kissed her again.

“I just love kissing you and feeling you against me like this with the cool ocean breeze,” Joan said and smiled when Vera reached up to caress her cheek and Joan kissed her palm.

Joan laid down next to her and they cuddled together on the blanket and watched the sky. The stars appeared brighter tonight and Joan smiled as she took Vera's hand and pointed at the sky.

“That one looks so bright tonight, don't you think?” Joan asked quietly.

Vera nodded and lowered their hands and interlaced their fingers. “It does... what do you think it means?”

“I wouldn't able to tell you that, my darling. Your guess is as good as mine,” Joan said softly.

Vera squeezed her hand. “Maybe it just means that there are good things that await us,” she said and as she lifted Joan's hand and kissed it.

“Will you miss being human?”

“I think sometimes I will... do you?”

Joan thought for a few minutes. “Sometimes I do miss being human, if only to make it easier with everyday living. I'm already different so sometimes I feel even more like a pariah,” she said quietly.

Vera kissed her hand again, her lips lingering against her palm. “Sometimes I feel like that too. We can both be pariahs together.”

Joan smiled and held Vera against her and they listened to the waves and crackling of the bonfires nearby. After some time she felt Vera shiver against her and she held her tightly.

“Let's go home,” Joan said and she slowly pulled Vera up as they gathered their things.

 

* * *

 

When they got home they both took a shower together and tenderly washed each other, kissing under the water. Joan took Vera into her arms as they laid in bed.

“Joan?”

“Yes, Vera?”

“Make me into a vampire tonight,” she said softly.

Joan's eyes widened and she rested her hand under her cheek as she stared down at Vera.

“Tonight? I thought you wanted to wait a few days. You don't have to rush...”

“I want enough time to adjust and go back to work so any minute counts. Please...”

Joan caressed her cheek and stroked her hair behind her ear.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes... I'm sure.”

“You know this process can't be reversed.”

“I know... please do it. This waiting makes me anxious.”

Joan stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

“This might be frightening for you. Do you trust me?”

Vera nodded and Joan felt anxiety and love mixed with her own feelings that were the same. She kissed Vera softly and lovingly and held her tightly. Vera nuzzled her and Joan pulled back and looked into her eyes.

“You're so very brave, do you know that? Not everyone would choose this life, but you have and I'm honored that you want this with me. I won't ever let you down and I'll always love, protect, and take care of you,” Joan said tenderly and kissed Vera's face.

“Will it hurt?” Vera asked in a small voice and Joan kissed her lips gently.

“No, it won't hurt. Well, you've felt me bite you before. It'll feel like that. You will feel very weak and light headed and that might be scary. I will try my best to keep you calm,” Joan said gently.

Vera nodded and traced the infinity symbol of her necklace with her fingers, and Joan smiled at her and kissed her again. She kissed her neck and reached up to grab Vera's hand and squeezed it, interlacing their fingers together. She whispered in her ear.

“I love you,” she said, and then she bit down into her neck.

Vera gasped and Joan held the back of her neck and caressed it as she sucked her blood. She held Vera's hand and traced gentle circles against her palm.

She drank deeply and closed her eyes as she gave into the feel and taste of Vera. She felt so much love and want and she could feel Vera's similar feelings.

Joan drank more than she ever did before and she didn't want to stop but she knew she would have to when the moment was right. She felt Vera's hand becoming a little limp and she felt some fear from her.

“Am I dying?” She heard Vera ask her in her mind.

Joan squeezed her hand as she drank and sucked harder. She stroked the back of her neck as she continued to drain Vera of her blood.

“Everything will be okay,” she said mentally.

She felt love, confusion, and some panic from Vera and Joan held her in her arms. She caressed her back and neck as she sucked and drank her blood. Vera's body relaxed and grew slack in her arms and she shivered knowing that Vera was where she needed her to be.

She lifted her face from her neck and noticed how pale Vera looked. She kissed her lips gently and then bit into her wrist. Blood trickled down her arm and she held her wrist to Vera's lips and waited.

Nothing happened and she furrowed her eyebrows. “Vera,” she said softly but she didn't stir and she couldn't hear her thoughts or feel her feelings. She felt her mouth go dry and panic set in as she pressed her fingertips against her neck. There was a pulse but so very faint.

“Vera, please drink...” Joan whispered as she held her wrist to her lips.

She kept holding her wrist to her lips and stroked her hair but the longer she waited without anything happening, the more fearful and panicked she became.

“Vera, don't do this to me. I promised you that everything would be okay,” Joan said and felt tears slide down her cheeks.

She held her wrist against her lips and leaned down and kissed Vera's neck, hugging her.

“Please drink... don't leave me,” she cried softly against her neck.

She didn't know what to do and she heard Aaron's voice say in her mind, “Joan, give it some time. Not every human drinks right away. It took you longer to do that.”

“You could have told me that,” she responded back mentally.

She stroked Vera's hair and kissed her cheek.

“Vera... you're the greatest thing to come into my life... I don't know what I'd do without you. Please don't leave me. We have so much to do and there is so much to show you, so you can't leave yet. I love you,” she whispered into her ear.

“Joan... love...” she heard Vera say faintly in her mind and she sighed in relief when she felt Vera's lips moving against her wrist, drinking and sucking.

Joan shivered as she moved back and watched Vera do that. Joan lifted her wrist again and this time she bit into her arm, and she brought her forearm to Vera's lips and she sighed softly when Vera held her arm to her mouth. She repeated this with her other arm and wrist, letting Vera drink as much as was necessary.

“Joan...” Vera whispered.

Joan held her tightly and stroked her hair, kissing her head.

“Yes?”

“Love you too...” She said before she passed out.

Joan felt tears sting her eyes and she held Vera so close to her, knowing it would be a long few hours for this transformation to take place. She kissed her forehead. If she could pray, she would have. She was so grateful that Vera was all right. She took Vera's hand in hers and kissed her palm. She covered them with a sheet and softly sang as she held her.

 _"The moment I wake up_  
_Before I put on my makeup_  
_I say a little pray for you_  
_While combing my hair now_  
_And wondering what dress to wear now_  
_I say a little prayer for you_

 _Forever and ever, you'll stay in my heart_  
_And I will love you_  
_Forever and ever, we never will part_  
_Oh, how I love you_  
_Together, forever, that's how it must be_  
_To live without you_  
_Would only mean heartbreak for me"_

She smiled when she remembered when Vera asked if she was a fan of Aretha Franklin. She stroked her hair and rested her chin on top of her head as she watched over her and waited until the sun came up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the process has finally begun! I hope people liked that chapter. :)
> 
> Many associate the song I Say A Little Prayer with being sung by Dionne Warwick, at least I think that's the case. I prefer the Aretha Franklin version though. 
> 
> If you'd like to listen, here is the link for that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtBbyglq37E


	42. Chapter 42

Vera opened her eyes. She didn't quite know where she was at first. She didn't have much memory of the last few hours. She remembered being on the beach with Joan and stargazing as they kissed, then she remembered lying in bed with Joan as she held her. What happened? She had the vague memory of Joan kissing her as she drank some kind of copper tasting substance. She concentrated hard until she remembered Joan's tearful voice speaking quietly to her.

_“You can't leave yet. I love you.”_

Vera quickly sat up and saw that the room was dark but she could see everything perfectly. Every little detail was sharp and magnified and she could hear cars driving by outside at a louder sound than she remembered normally. She could also hear classical music playing at a low volume, as well as soft breathing. She turned her head slowly to see Joan sitting in a chair near their bed. Joan stared at her with an unreadable expression.

“Joan?” She asked quietly.

Joan nodded. “You're finally awake. I'm happy to see you,” she said softly and smiled gently.

“Am I... am I still human?”

Joan's eyes locked with hers and it was strange how much she could see in the dark.

“I'm not anymore, am I?”

Joan shook her head and slowly stood up and sat next to her.

“No, you're not human anymore...”

Vera swallowed and there was a dryness to her throat she felt and she wasn't sure why. She touched her throat and cleared it, trying to get rid of that feeling. She looked up at Joan who held her gaze and there was a knowing look in her eyes as her hand lifted to stroke through Vera's hair.

“You're feeling a thirst. That's what that is... you'll need to feed soon,” Joan said softly.

Vera nodded and she slowly stood up and looked around the room. Joan watched her curiously and Vera could feel excitement and anxiety coming from Joan. She stared at her and tilted her head.

“Why do you also feel anxious?”

Joan folded her hands in her lap. “Because I don't know how you'll react to this, Vera. I'm simply observing you.”

Vera nodded and walked into their bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't look different. At least she didn't think so. Although she felt different. She could see and hear better. She opened her mouth and looked at her teeth, and then her fangs clicked out. She gasped. Vera leaned forward closer to the mirror and turned her head a little to the side, studying them. She lifted her hand and her finger touched the sharp tip, and then she gently glided her tongue over them and quickly retracted them.

She walked back into their bedroom and Joan held out her hand and Vera slowly walked over and took it. Joan pulled her into her lap, cradling her.

“I know it's going to feel and look strange to see yourself with your fangs. It's going to feel different now that you require blood,” Joan said and gently kissed her forehead as she stroked her hair.

Vera inhaled and she could smell Joan's soft skin and hair, but it was stronger than before and she thought of how wonderful Joan smelled. She remembered thinking she smelled good before but now it was overwhelming to her and she lifted her head to look into her eyes.

“You smell so good... it's intoxicating. Is this how I smell?”

Joan smiled. “Yes, it's very strong and I'm sure we smell different but intoxicating is an appropriate description.”

Vera could hear a heartbeat and she realized it was Joan's and she pressed her head against her breasts, listening to it. She held her tightly.

“How long have I been asleep?” She asked quietly.

Joan caressed her back and kissed her hair. “Almost the whole day.”

“Did I—did I almost die?”

Joan breathed deeply and squeezed her tightly. “There was a moment I was very worried but I knew you'd come back to me. You just needed time to drink my blood,” she said softly.

Vera nodded and nuzzled her breasts. “I don't remember much of it,” she whispered.

“I didn't think so. It's all right. You're here with me and that's all that matters,” Joan said and placed her fingertips under her chin to kiss her tenderly. The soft music that played in the background soothed and calmed her as they kissed.

Vera sighed softly as she felt Joan's soft lips moving against hers, wrapping her arms around Joan. After a couple minutes she broke their kiss and moved out of her arms. Joan held her hand as she stood up. She could feel love and some confusion coming from Joan and she felt a little confused herself.

“I need to eat,” Vera said suddenly and she ran downstairs in a speed she wasn't sure she could control. She stopped in front of the fridge and began taking out a lot of food. She hate leftover chicken they had from the night before and then bit into a roll of bread, eating it. It tasted good but not as strong as it did before. She quickly grabbed her pint of ice cream and took a spoon and ate the entire thing.

Joan watched her and smirked, lifting her eyebrow.

“I'm so hungry!” Vera said as she took a bite out of a doughnut.

“Hmm... you're hungry because you need to drink blood. Eating regular food won't satiate your thirst,” Joan said patiently.

Vera stared at her with wide eyes. “I kind of forgot about that...”

Joan furrowed her eyebrows. “You forgot you'll need to drink blood?”

“Well, yes and no... I just wasn't thinking about how I'll need to do that now. At least before it was more abstract in my mind.”

Joan took out a bag of blood and took out a plastic cup, ripping open the bag as she poured the blood into it.

“I prefer to bite into these... because naturally I need to. You will need to do the same, however, since you're new to this... I want you to drink from a cup.”

“You don't want me to hunt?” Vera asked, feeling a little confused.

“Oh, we will hunt but right now I want you to drink this just to alleviate your thirst a bit.”

Vera stared at it and closed her eyes at the smell. She was surprised at how good it smelled. She took a sip and then began drinking it more earnestly, finishing it.

“Good?” Joan asked and smiled a little.

“Yes... very good. I can't quite describe... it doesn't taste like copper. I can't explain it. It just tastes very good.” Vera stared at the cup, thinking of how odd she felt but also a little more energized after drinking it, but she still felt thirsty and hungry. She lifted her eyebrows as she looked at Joan.

“What about your blood?” Vera asked curiously.

“We'll discuss that later. You need to drink human blood first. I'm unsure how much my blood can sustain you in the beginning. You've only just now been reborn as a vampire.”

Vera nodded and felt a little disappointed. When Renee told her that they could feed off of each other as bonded vampires, she was hoping that was all she needed, but then she remembered when Renee told her that human blood was preferred especially in the beginning.

“Are we going to hunt soon?” Vera asked.

Joan took her hand and squeezed it. She led Vera outside.

“We'll go now,” Joan said quietly and smiled slightly.

Vera's eyes widened when she saw Joan run past her. She ran after her and caught up to her.

“I thought you said the older the vampire, the faster they are?” Vera asked as they ran along side each other.

“They are. I'm slowing down for you,” Joan said and chuckled softly.

Vera smiled as they ran through the shadows. The wind whipped through her hair and she felt exhilarated as they ran. She'd never experienced anything like it. She was faster than she could even begin to fathom.

She could feel Joan's happiness and excitement at this. “I'm surprised you don't do this every night!” Vera said.

Joan smiled. “I do it quite often when I hunt. It's much easier in the dark to avoid detection. This is something you must always be careful of, Vera. Make sure to avoid humans finding out of our existence as much as possible. Ones who we feed off of but don't kill are often too scared and confused to remember, but one wrong move could jeopardize things,” Joan said seriously.

Vera nodded as she thought of this. She knew Joan discussed there were rules, almost like laws in the vampire world. Not exactly a government of any kind but it was close to it. They had a vampire council of sorts to discuss these things is what Joan once told her. Joan preferred to not get involved in these matters but they existed nonetheless.

They slowed down to an area that Vera wasn't quite familiar with and she looked around. Joan lurked in the shadows and grabbed her hand.

“How does this work? Who are we going to... feed from?” Vera asked feeling anxious and unsure.

Joan's eyes scanned the area. “Aaron and I only go after criminals or those who are morally corrupt, as I said before.”

Vera could see the outlines of the trees and everything and her senses were sharp and focused. She saw a woman jogging and she didn't know what happened to her but she felt an uncontrollable urge to go after her. She dug her nails into her palms painfully.

“Vera, it's your choice to choose who you hunt, remember that... but I suggest not going after innocents if you can help it,” Joan said softly and stared down at her.

Vera lifted her eyebrow and stood up and ran after the woman. She couldn't control the urge and she tilted the screaming woman's neck to the side and bit into her neck, drinking deeply and she suddenly understood what Joan was talking about with hunting and tasting fresh human blood. She closed her eyes and felt the taste overwhelming her senses. She could feel the woman struggling and she suddenly felt extreme guilt and she couldn't stop, and it was a conflicted feeling of not wanting it to end, but also knowing she needed to. She didn't want to kill her!

“Vera, as your Maker I command you to stop,” Joan said firmly.

Vera trembled and stopped immediately, lifting her face away from the woman's neck. She shivered when she realized what she just did.

“I-I'm sorry,” Vera gasped as she stared at the woman who was wide eyed and afraid. The woman scrambled up and Joan grabbed her and bit into her finger and healed the wounds on her neck, whispering to her and Vera could hear what was being said.

“If you tell anyone about this, I will find you and kill you. You won't ever be safe again,” Joan whispered harshly. The woman nodded and ran away.

Vera breathed and her heart was beating faster. She felt Joan's hands cupping her cheeks and saw her kneeling in front of her, making Vera look into her eyes.

“Vera, it's all right,” Joan said softly and firmly.

“I-I almost killed her,” Vera said and she started to cry, feeling so upset and overwhelmed that she thought she was going to lose it.

“Vera, listen to me. You couldn't help your reaction. You're learning and this was instinctual. But this is why I'm here. I stopped you from doing something I know you didn't want to do,” Joan said, stroking her hair.

Vera started making short and fast breaths, feeling like she couldn't breathe as she began to hyperventilate. This didn't feel real to her. She felt like she was going to pass out. Joan placed her hand on her chest and her other hand was stroking her arm.

“Breathe... you're having a panic attack but it will pass. Breathe with me. Slowly... in... and out... in... and out...”

Vera breathed deeply and slowly, feeling her heart rate start to go back to normal. She felt the warmth of Joan's hand against her chest and she made eye contact with the taller woman. She felt Joan's worry and concern and her eyes were soft as she watched Vera. She lifted her hand to stroke Vera's cheek.

“There you go. Nice deep breaths. You feel calmer now. Everything will be okay,” Joan said softly.

Vera leaned into her hand and slowly stood up from the ground. Joan placed her hand on her shoulder and squeezed it.

“Do we have to keep hunting tonight?” Vera asked quietly.

“No, we don't have to. I think that's enough for tonight. Let's go back home.”

They ran back home and they didn't speak. Vera felt shocked and worried. She was scared by how she reacted tonight. She could feel that Joan was worried too and she didn't know what to think about that.

They walked inside their house and Vera took off her shoes and jacket. Joan did the same and Vera saw it was midnight now. She would need to sleep. Wait... she wouldn't even need to sleep, except maybe for an hour or so. What was she to do with all the hours during the day? She looked at Joan who watched her worriedly.

“I-I think I should take a shower,” she said softly.

Joan nodded. “I think that might be good too. I'll just be in the living room. I want to read for a bit.”

Vera walked slowly upstairs and took off her clothes before she got into the shower. She turned on the water and stepped under the warm spray. She felt better as the warm water beat down on her. She washed her hair and body and it felt cleansing in a way she hadn't felt before. She rinsed her hair and then thought of how the night went. How Joan had told her that she could choose anyone she wanted, but that she didn't want her to go after innocent people. That's what she had done. She attacked a woman at random. It was the first person that showed up and she didn't know how she could do that. She didn't have any control then and needed to feed.

Vera started to cry, feeling tears rolling down her cheeks. She rested her arm against the wall and cried against it. She had done what she was most afraid of. She attacked an innocent person. She almost killed her.

Vera heard knocking at the bathroom door and Joan's voice.

“Vera, what's wrong? May I come in?”

Vera shook her head and sniffled. “Not right now... please.”

She didn't hear anything for a few minutes and she felt Joan's fear and worry and she sighed, rubbing her eyes under the water, crying a little more. She took a few deep breaths and sniffled again, turning off the shower. She dried off and looked at herself in the mirror again. Her fangs clicked out and she felt odd because she was herself but she also wasn't. She didn't regret her decision, but she didn't know how to feel about what she did tonight. She slipped on a robe and walked out of the bathroom. Joan was in bed in her robe reading a book.

Joan looked at her and Vera slowly walked over and sat on the bed. She also grabbed a book to read. They did this a few times at night, but now there was some strange awkwardness between them. Joan seemed a little distant and she thought she knew why. She couldn't concentrate on her book and she swallowed at the lump in her throat. She took off her robe and laid down on her side. She didn't feel tired but she had a sudden need to lie down for some reason. She kept her back to Joan and after a couple hours, the woman turned off the light and got under the covers.

Vera started to cry again and bit her lip, lifting her fist to press against her mouth to stifle her cries. She closed her eyes when Joan didn't touch her and she felt in agony over this. She had done something horribly wrong tonight and Joan knew it. After a few minutes she felt strong arms wrap themselves around her and she held her breath. Joan nuzzled her neck and kissed it gently.

“Vera... you're very upset. Would you please tell me what's wrong?” Joan asked softly.

Vera sighed and turned to face her. Joan stroked her hair and Vera's lips were trembling.

“I know you're disappointed in me. I attacked an innocent woman. You told me I shouldn't do that, and that you and Aaron always hunt criminals. I almost killed her and I know that upsets you. I'm so sorry,” she cried and covered her face with her hands.

She could feel that Joan was upset and worried and she cried harder when Joan held her tightly. Vera's head was over her shoulder and she cried against her neck as Joan stroked her hair.

“Vera, I'm not disappointed in you. What would make you think that?”

“You've felt upset. You've been worried and afraid. This is because of what I did,” Vera sobbed, feeling ashamed of herself.

“Oh, no, Vera... I was upset and worried because I knew you were afraid tonight and that you were upset. I was worried you regretted me turning you. I was concerned about your emotional well being... still am concerned about it. I'm not upset with you or disappointed. Far from it.”

Joan kissed her cheek and Vera sniffled against her neck. Joan kept caressing her back as she held her.

“Darling, remember when I told you about it being instinctual? And that sometimes you may accidentally hurt someone when you don't really want to? Sometimes the need to hunt and feed is so strong that you can't help it. I could feel your feelings when you fed off her and I knew you were feeling upset and guilty. I commanded you to stop so you wouldn't do anything more that you'd later regret. She didn't die and she's fine. Scared but not dead. Don't be so hard on yourself,” Joan said gently and kissed her temple.

“Will it always be like this?” Vera asked and Joan looked into her eyes.

“No, not always. You'll adjust. I'll help you. Please don't shut me out.”

“You think I'm shutting you out?”

Joan nodded. “A little bit... I can feel your feelings but I don't always know why you feel a certain way. Please don't stop talking to me. I'm your Maker as well as your lover and partner, and I'm here for you and you don't have to go through this alone.”

Vera sighed. “I didn't mean to be... I'm sorry.”

Joan kissed her forehead. “It's okay.”

“I haven't let you down?” Vera asked in a small voice.

“No, you haven't,” Joan said gently and kissed her lips.

Joan slowly moved Vera over onto her stomach. Vera felt tears at the corners of her eyes when Joan began to caress and massage her back and hips. She closed her eyes and started to relax. Joan kissed the back of her neck.

“There... just relax,” Joan whispered as she massaged some kinks out of Vera's tense muscles.

Joan did this for a couple hours and Vera moaned softly at the feel of her hands on her body, kneading the muscles and rubbing. Joan was firm and tender and Vera smiled softly.

“This will be a change for the both of us, but we'll get through it together. I promise you,” Joan said softly and she leaned down and whispered in her ear, “you stick with me, and we'll achieve great things together.”

Vera smiled and giggled a little when she remembered this was what Joan said to her when they first met. Joan smiled against her cheek and kissed it.

Vera turned around onto her back and hugged Joan and kissed her lovingly. Joan turned them onto their sides and wrapped her arms around her, spooning her. Vera didn't know how long they had been awake but she started to feel a little tired. Joan was kissing her hair and stroking her arms. Joan started to sing softly into her ear and Vera's eyes widened at the song she began to sing.

 _“Looking out on the morning rain_  
_I used to feel so uninspired_  
_And when I knew I had to face another day_  
_Lord, it made me feel so tired_

 _Before the day I met you, life was so unkind_  
_But you're the key to my peace of mind_  
_'Cause you make me feel,_  
_You make me feel,_  
_You make me feel like_  
_A natural woman_

 _When my soul was in the lost and found_  
_You came along to claim it_  
_I didn't know just what was wrong with me_  
_'Til your kiss helped me name it_  
_Now I'm no longer doubtful, of what I'm living for_  
_And if I make you happy I don't need to do more”_

Vera turned her head to look up at Joan, lifting her eyebrow when Joan smiled at her.

“I thought you weren't a fan of Aretha Franklin?”

Joan's facial expression took on a bit of a mischievous look. “I lied.”

Vera made a face and flipped Joan over quickly with a speed and strength she wasn't used to possessing. Joan smiled at her as she did this and then she started to tickle Joan.

“Vera, don't do that!” She said and started to laugh.

Vera rarely tickled Joan since the woman was often firmly giving her the stink eye if she even so much as tried, but tonight Joan giggled and laughed. She tried to move away from her but Vera also knew if Joan wanted her to stop she could, but for some reason she allowed Vera to do this to her. Joan laughed in a way she'd never seen before. Vera felt Joan's happiness and she wondered if people tickled Joan very much when she was a child. The woman needed to play more. Vera smiled when Joan giggled and laughed and said she couldn't breathe so Vera stopped.

When Joan's breathing was back under control, she took Vera into her arms and Vera rested her head against her chest as she stroked her hair.

“So I make you feel like a natural woman?”

Joan chuckled. “You do... you make me feel so many things that I never thought I could until I met you. You make me so happy,” Joan said and kissed her head.

Vera smiled and nuzzled her. “You make me happy too.”

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, Vera started to get the hang of how much blood she could drink from someone without killing them. Joan often stopped her before she went too far or she just would drink the blood that Joan had left over at home. A few times they went to the vampire establishment and she fed off of some willing humans. It was an odd and slightly intimate experience, but she preferred doing that over attacking people. There were some kind people there to let her do that. They knew she was a new vampire and she got along with a few of the humans there that were regulars.

It was still hard for Vera to not think of herself as human anymore, but she already felt different. There were positives and negatives to this. She honestly missed the taste of food sometimes, and she still ate it even though she didn't always receive the same pleasure from it. She would eat sweets especially, and those actually seemed to have a stronger taste.

The other positives were that she didn't need to sleep much at all, and she and Joan spent long hours talking or reading, or they ran in the darkness. That was something else that was a positive. She could run extremely fast and had what she would have considered superhuman strength. She smiled knowing this term didn't exactly apply but it was the closest description she could think of.

She walked down the sidewalk with Joan and Aaron. They had just been out hunting and Aaron decided to target some criminals he saw out on the street. Vera wasn't sure how to feel about this but after they fed off of them and killed them, she felt some odd satisfaction at having done that. There was finally a part of her that understood what Joan talked about when it came to the greater good. Those criminals weren't in prison and they were committing violent acts and breaking laws.

It dawned on her that she was starting to see Joan and Aaron as vampire vigilantes, and now she was considered to be like that as well. She couldn't deny that she liked the idea of this. It made her feel like maybe they could do something good for society at the same time. However, Vera still didn't want to always kill those types of people. She wanted to scare many of them, but some she had no choice.

“You know, it's occurred to me that we're like vigilantes,” Vera said.

“What do you mean?” Joan asked curiously.

“Well, we kill or hurt those usually who are criminals or ones who we see harassing others. So that makes you like... Batman,” Vera said and smiled.

Aaron giggled. “If she's Batman, then that makes you her Robin,” he said and winked.

“Yes, I agree with this. I'm kind of like her sidekick at work so this makes sense,” Vera said and winked back at him.

Joan scoffed and shook her head. “You're both ridiculous.”

“So Joan is Batman and you're Robin... what does that make me?”

“Stupid,” Joan replied.

Aaron gasped. “Joan! What?! I'm insulted. Come on... I have to be some character. Maybe I'll be a villain. Maybe the Joker? Nah... he's too crazy sometimes, even if he's fun. Or... I could be someone not within the Batman universe, but still someone he's later interacted with in the DC Universe. I know! I could be Green Arrow! He's kind of like Batman but with archery.”

Vera smiled and listened as he talked excitedly about the comics and she glanced at Joan who made a face at them and rolled her eyes. She giggled and then covered her mouth. Joan lifted her eyebrow at her and Vera could feel she was irritated but also amused.

“Let's go to the cinema!” Aaron yelled and raised his fist.

Vera looked at Joan who furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head slightly.

“Hmm, I think we might call it a night,” Vera said.

Joan gave her a look of relief and Vera smiled gently. Aaron gave a little pout and then smiled.

“All right then. We'll definitely have to go next time though.”

“Yes, we should,” Vera said and smiled back.

They said their goodbyes to him and continued walking. Joan grabbed her hand and they ran through a shortcut back home. Vera would never get over how it felt to have the air hit her face when they ran. It was probably the part of being a vampire she enjoyed the most.

She and Joan walked into the house and she watched Joan walk into the kitchen. Vera sat on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels and looked up when Joan came in with a couple glasses of wine.

“I know we don't know need this but it's still nice for relaxation,” Joan said softly and handed her a glass. She was holding a book and Vera glanced at what looked like _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_. She smiled at this.

Joan sat down and took a sip of wine as she opened the book.

“Yes, I've been reading more of Harry Potter. I told you I'd read them because he gave them to me as a gift.”

“Do you like them?” Vera asked.

Joan paused as she took a sip of wine and turned a page of the book.

“They're... interesting.”

“Interesting as in?”

“All right, all right. I enjoy reading them. Especially the third. The fourth is looking to be very good so far.”

“I loved all of them. The fourth was very good, but I think my favorite was the third.”

Joan smiled at her and continued to read. They sat together comfortably as Joan read and she watched a film. After the film was over, she turned on some music while Joan read. It was a melodic and peaceful piece that played in the background and Joan looked up from her book and smiled her approval. Vera decided to check through many of her unread e-mails.

After a few minutes, she looked at Joan's long legs that were crossed with her hair that elegantly fell around her face. She was wearing leggings and a short sleeved shirt. The swell of her breasts were perfectly outlined against the v-neck and Vera felt a longing to reach out and touch them and take a nipple into her mouth, sucking on it as Joan moaned in pleasure.

They hadn't made love since she became a vampire. Joan had been supportive and helpful, often giving Vera the space she needed to adjust to everything. It was so much to take in with everything Joan told her and what she experienced. She often felt very overwhelmed by all of it. Joan had cuddled her but didn't push for anything more and Vera was grateful for this but she also missed it. She didn't know what changed for her. Perhaps it was because it would be the first time they made love as vampires. That felt different to her and despite how many times they made love, she felt a little apprehensive. She wondered if things would change between them. There was so much on her mind lately and Joan was so sweet and patient. She wondered if Joan could feel something missing too.

Joan closed her book and kissed her gently. “I think I'm going to take a shower. I'll see you upstairs soon.”

Vera watched her walk upstairs and sighed. Maybe she'd been neglecting her. She put away their wine glasses and washed them out in the sink. She made her way upstairs and took off her clothes. When she heard the water stop, she waited patiently for Joan to come out. Joan was wearing a towel around her body. She looked so beautiful, like a Siren and Vera felt her heart start beating faster.

Vera walked up to her and kissed her, running her fingers through her damp hair. Joan seemed a little startled then she wrapped her arms around Vera as they kissed. Vera grabbed Joan and quickly turned her around and pressed her against the wall. Joan turned her face to the side and her eyes were a little wide.

“Vera?”

“Shh... just take it,” Vera whispered.

Vera took off the towel and pressed her naked body against Joan's. Her nipples were hard and she wasn't normally this aggressive but she wanted Joan so much. She remembered that Joan told her that her emotions might feel stronger than normal, more heightened. She kissed Joan's back and shoulder blades, and she could smell the clean body wash she used, and her own natural scent. She pressed Joan's arms against the wall as she nibbled and kissed down her back. She caressed her body slowly and touched her back and sides, her butt. She scratched her nails down her back, watching the pale skin become slightly red and Joan moaned softly. Vera knelt down and kissed her butt and thighs, spreading her legs a little wider.

She slowly slid her hand up her calf and inner thigh, feeling how soft the strong legs were. Joan shivered when Vera cupped her between her legs. She rubbed and teased along her lips and clit, her fingers sliding back and forth. She squeezed Joan's butt and turned her around. Joan's eyes were dark and full of desire and she could feel it from her and the pleasure she felt when Vera touched her.

Vera leaned down and nuzzled her breasts, kissing them before she licked her nipples and sucked one into her mouth. She sucked and bit down on them a little hard and Joan moaned and held her head to her breast. Vera did this for a while until Joan whimpered and Vera reached down and touched her, feeling how wet she was. Joan was wet before but not like this. She started to grind against Vera's hand and Vera lifted her thigh against her hip.

When she was human, she had some trouble holding Joan like this for too long so normally she didn't try, but this time she had more than enough strength to balance. She raked her nails across her thigh and rubbed Joan firmly, sliding her palm back and forth.

Joan held onto her shoulders when Vera slid three fingers inside her deeply and started to pump her fingers in and out. She pressed her thumb against Joan's clit and slowly circled it. Joan began to rock her hips faster and Vera rested her head against her chest.

“Harder,” Joan panted.

Vera stroked and fucked her harder, curling her fingers as she rubbed inside her. She pressed on that sensitive rough patch inside her and Joan trembled against her, her nails digging harder into her shoulders. Vera knew she was close so she lowered her thigh. Joan was confused and Vera grabbed her and made her sit on the bed. Joan's lips were parted and she kissed her hard, sucking her bottom lip, then she kissed her stomach and spread her legs. Joan watched her as she sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her hair.

Vera caressed her inner thighs and raked her nails across them before she leaned forward and licked her firmly. Joan moaned softly. Vera wrapped her arms around her thighs and sucked her lips and licked all the way up to her clit, circling it before she thrust her tongue deep inside. Joan's thighs shook a little when Vera started to thrust her tongue in and out, and she could feel Joan squeezing her tongue each time she did this.

“Vera,” she gasped, her body shaking.

Vera continued to lick her clit, circling it and sucking on it. Joan laid back against the bed and Vera spread her legs wider. She sucked harder and she felt Joan's intense pleasure at this as she sucked on her clit, swirling her tongue around it. Joan's legs were shaking and Vera moaned when Joan cried out and came in her mouth. She licked and lapped up the wetness, moaning at the taste. It had been a little while and Joan tasted better than she remembered, if that were even possible.

Vera licked Joan again and began to kiss her clit. She slid two fingers inside her and Joan gasped. Vera waited. Joan was so extremely wet she knew she could come again even if she was sensitive after. She licked Joan's clit gently and slowly rubbed and stroked her fingers inside. She licked her clit and kissed it again as Joan squeezed her fingers when she curled them and rubbed against her g-spot. Joan shivered when she pressed and stroked firmly, and started to lick around her clit, circling it slowly and softly.

Joan panted and held her head against her. Vera started to move her fingers inside her faster and harder. Joan moaned and started to rock her hips faster. Vera caressed her thigh as she sucked and licked her clit, her fingers stroking deeply inside. Joan shook and arched her back, her body tensing as she closed her legs around Vera's head and came again.

Vera moaned at the pleasure and love Joan felt for her, and she felt herself becoming more wet at the feel and taste of Joan, as well as feeling all her emotions at once. It was intense but worth it. She gently kissed Joan's wet lips and then she kissed Joan's body as she moved up and held her. She kissed her mouth and Joan's lips moved under hers slowly. She was still out of breath, and Vera could feel and hear her heart pounding. She stroked Joan's hair and kissed her passionately, trying to project all her love and desire into their kiss.

Joan kissed her back and cupped her cheek. She broke their kiss and looked into Vera's eyes.

“I've missed you so much,” she said tenderly.

“I missed you too. I'm sorry if I ever neglected you,” Vera said gently and brushed back Joan's hair from her eyes.

“No, you didn't. You needed the time to yourself. You needed to figure out what this life is like. I'm so proud to be your Maker. I just... I've missed being with you so much. I wanted to respect your space,” she said softly.

Vera smiled and kissed her. Joan hugged her and Vera pressed her face against her neck. Joan smelled good and Vera lifted her face a little and her fangs clicked out. She breathed deeply and stared into Joan's eyes. Joan watched her and her eyes held love and desire for her. Vera retracted them quickly.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. You said you wanted to wait before I ever... fed off of you,” she said quietly and averted her eyes.

Joan reached up and stroked her lower lip with her thumb and Vera kissed it.

“Don't apologize,” Joan said, and she tilted her head to the side. “Drink from me,” she said huskily.

Vera moaned softly, thinking she'd never anything more intimate and erotic. She kissed Joan's neck and then her fangs clicked out. She licked Joan's neck, just like the many times Joan had done that to her and then sank her fangs into her throat.

Joan gasped and Vera closed her eyes as she drank Joan's blood for the first time. She moaned at the taste. It was nothing like the blood she tasted from other humans. Joan's blood was so good that she could see how this could become addicting. She never wanted to stop and she bit harder and Joan hissed and held her head to her neck, stroking her hair. Vera now understood how Joan could have an orgasm just from drinking her blood.

She could feel Joan's love and pleasure through this and Vera moaned when Joan reached down to rub her clit. She stroked Vera's wet lips and circled her clit as she sucked and drank. It was overwhelming to her and it was so different than when Joan bit her.

She began to rock and grind against Joan's hand and she cupped the back of Joan's neck and continued to suck harder. Joan shivered under her and Vera felt her hips moving faster against her hand as she rubbed her clit faster.

“Joan,” she thought as she drank.

“Yes, my darling. Drink from me and come,” Joan said out loud, her voice low and breathy.

Vera rolled her hips and shook against her as she whimpered when Joan circled her clit one more time and she lifted her face from her neck and cried out as she came. She was breathless and she then felt the sharp fangs of Joan bite her throat and she gasped. Joan slid her fingers inside her deeply and held her tightly, fucking her hard as she sucked her blood. Joan's pleasure was so overwhelming and intense from this that Vera thought she might pass out from all of it.

Joan stroked her fingers harder and rubbed her clit. Vera arched her back and dug her nails into Joan's shoulders when Joan bit her harder. She felt the pull of the blood as Joan sucked harder and she squeezed her fingers tightly and came hard. Joan moaned against her neck and continued to drink her blood for another minute before she raised her head and retracted her fangs. She held Vera tightly and caressed her body.

“Oh, Vera,” she breathed, “you are so beautiful. You give yourself to me so freely and I can't get over how lucky I am to have you.”

Vera nodded and and kissed her deeply. Joan held her against her and looked into her eyes. Vera felt so much love she almost wanted to cry because it was so strong. Joan stroked her cheek and she didn't realize she already had a single tear that was sliding down her cheek. Joan smiled and kissed her face. She wrapped her arms around Vera, stroking her hair as Vera rested her head against her breasts.

She breathed deeply and kissed her breast. “I love you so much. I know the last few weeks might have been a little confusing but I don't ever regret you making me into a vampire.”

Joan kissed her head and squeezed her tightly. “I'm glad. We've had a long day. You'll need to rest for a little bit.”

Vera nodded and closed her eyes. She squeezed her arm around Joan's waist and began to fall into a half asleep and half awake state where she dreamed of Joan dancing with her under the soft silver light of the twinkling stars at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers. So, I hope many of you enjoyed that chapter. I made it extra long because I felt it was necessary. As you can see at the top of the page for the chapter count, that the next chapter will be the last one. As much as I would have liked this story to go longer, I felt it was reaching its ultimate conclusion. I look forward to writing the last chapter even though I feel a little sad and bittersweet about it.
> 
> The song that plays in the background when Vera first wakes up is Gymnopédie No.1 by Erik Satie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-Xm7s9eGxU
> 
> The song that Joan sings to Vera is (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEWuAcMWDLY
> 
> And then there is a piece of music that Vera plays while she and Joan are in the living room and that one is called Opening by Philip Glass: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2vRbNehGB0
> 
> Philip Glass is one of my favorite composers so I wanted to put something more in there by him.


	43. Chapter 43

Joan opened her eyes and looked around at the darkness of her bedroom. She looked at the time and saw that it was still early morning, around 6am. She turned her head and saw Vera asleep next to her. She was curled up under the covers with her arm across Joan's hip. She smiled and leaned over to kiss Vera's forehead.

She saw goosebumps on Vera's arms and she lifted the covers more over her shoulders. Joan slowly slipped out of bed and quietly moved around the room and slipped on her robe. She closed the door quietly and walked downstairs. She put on her slippers and opened the door to the backyard.

Joan felt the chill in the air and wrapped the robe tighter around herself. It was still dark outside and she walked over to her rose garden. She had made sure to protect them during the fall and winter months. She picked a few roses and then pressed the soil around the base of the plants to protect them more against the cold. She smiled at her selection which were a dozen dark red roses.

She walked back inside and tied a ribbon around them to hold them in place. It had been 7 months since Vera put in her leave of absence to become a vampire. It was the middle of July and Vera's leave was originally 6 months but she decided she needed an extra month. Joan thought she was ready to return to work and she did well when she went back only a couple weeks ago. Vera was worried she would have issues and not be able to work with so many of the women, but Joan had faith in her. While it was a little bit of a struggle for Vera, she showed tremendous restraint for such a young vampire.

It had taken a lot of patience on Joan's part in the last few months because she and Vera argued quite a few times over things Joan was teaching her. She smiled when she remembered she did the same with Aaron. She finally understood his frustration with her during that time, and she was forever grateful for the love and patience he showed her.

Joan walked over to feed Bob and Goldie. Their two little goldfish seemed to thrive together and Joan couldn't help but be reminded of her and Vera. She knew they weren't truly like goldfish, but Bob didn't seem to thrive alone before... just like she didn't when she was alone. It wasn't until Vera came into her life that she finally started to live. She supposed Goldie was the same for Bob. She shook her head and chuckled.

“You're becoming awfully sentimental,” she murmured.

She walked upstairs and slowly opened their door. Vera was still sleeping in bed but Joan knew she'd probably be up soon. She placed the roses on the side of their nightstand and sat on their bed. She leaned down and smelled Vera's hair and closed her eyes. She caressed her sides and kissed Vera's neck softly. She made tender open mouth kisses that lingered as she kissed her throat and then her jaw and cheek. Vera stirred a little when she kissed her lips and wrapped her arms around Joan.

Joan smiled into the kiss and caressed her cheek. “Good morning, Vera.”

Vera opened her eyes and smiled lovingly. “Good morning. What time is it?”

“Hmm... it's about 6:30am.”

“Ugh... it's so early,” Vera grumbled.

Joan chuckled and she sat up a little and reached for the roses. She handed them to Vera and watched the woman's eyes light up. Vera gave a tender smile and her eyes teared up a little. She smelled the flowers and Joan could feel her happiness so she knew she wasn't upset.

“What are these for?”

Joan smiled gently. “No reason. I just wanted to give you some flowers for being you.”

“Thank you. You're so sweet,” Vera said and Joan blushed.

Vera reached up to cup her cheek and kiss her. Joan moaned softly into the kiss. The taste and feel of Vera was overwhelming her and she held her tightly. Vera wrapped her legs around her waist and Joan sucked her bottom lip as they kissed. She rolled her tongue over Vera's and touched her cheek, caressing it as they kissed deeply and passionately. Joan started rolling her hips with hers and felt Vera's smaller hands cupping and squeezing her breasts. She lifted her thigh and placed it between Vera's legs, feeling her wetness soak her thigh. Vera's thigh moved between hers and they both began to move and rock against each other, grinding slowly.

Joan rocked against her thigh and Vera firmly rubbed her thigh against her. She slid her clit against her smooth skin and moaned when Vera reached down to squeeze her butt and pull her harder against her. She shivered and grabbed Vera's hips and pulled her against her thigh. She smiled into their kiss when Vera whimpered into her mouth when Joan held onto her hips. Joan kissed along her jaw and throat and sank her fangs into her neck and began to drink her blood. She closed her eyes and moaned when Vera's nails raked along her butt and up her back to her shoulders, her nails digging in a little.

Joan moaned when Vera reached down and rubbed her clit and she started to rock her hips in a tight circle, shivering when Vera slowly circled her clit. She continued to drink her blood and rolled her hips. Vera rubbed her clit faster and Joan arched her back and came. She shivered when she felt Vera lifting her arm, biting Joan's forearm. The skin of her inner forearm was sensitive there, and she moaned as she continued to drink Vera's blood as they fed off each other at the same time.

Vera held her arm tightly to her mouth and moaned in pleasure as she sucked her blood. Joan had never experienced doing this at the same time and she rocked Vera's hips harder against her thigh and the woman whimpered and bit harder. Joan felt her pleasure and she lifted her face from her neck. Vera was still drinking her blood and she gently lowered her arm and raised her head to kiss Joan deeply. She rocked against Joan's thigh faster and harder. Joan broke their kiss.

“Come for me,” she said huskily.

Vera moaned and jerked against her and arched her back and came, her body shaking in Joan's arms. Her eyelashes fluttered and Joan kissed her. Vera's feelings of love and pleasure overwhelmed her. She kissed her lovingly and held her. They both were out of breath and Joan kissed her face gently.

“My little vampire cupcake,” Joan said sweetly.

Vera smiled and stroked her hair. Joan laid her head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. She loved doing this. She didn't often but right now all she wanted to do was disappear into Vera's body and stay here forever.

Vera wrapped her arms around her and they cuddled together in bed for a little while and Joan smiled and relaxed when Vera kept slowly stroking her hair. Joan looked up and caressed Vera's stomach, kissing her softly.

“I'd love to be in bed with you all day, but we have things to do today,” Joan said softly.

Vera smiled. “Yes, that's right. We have Shayne's graduation to go to later.”

Joan kept caressing her stomach and then her fingertips slowly traced across her hips and up to her breasts.

“Yes, he's very excited. I'm looking forward to it too,” Joan said and smiled.

She kissed Vera for a few minutes and they caressed and cuddled for a little bit longer before they both got out of bed and took a shower. They worked around the house and Joan smiled when Vera placed the roses in a vase on the kitchen table.

They had been so busy lately they forgot to buy Shayne a card for his graduation. They went out for a couple hours and shopped for various things until they found the right card. Joan smiled when Vera showed it to her.

“What do you think?” Vera asked.

“I think it's perfect. Good find.”

They returned home and Joan changed into a black suit and Vera wore black slacks and a long sleeved blouse. The blouse was opened a bit at the top and showed just a hint of cleavage. She thought Vera looked very beautiful and the slacks hugged her figure. She was putting on perfume and earrings. Joan smiled knowing she was wearing the diamond earrings that Joan had given her for her birthday. They were simple and in the shape of a teardrop. Vera's blouse was a light blue that contrasted well against the black slacks. Joan's dress shirt was also the same color blue and she buttoned it at the bottom. She looked at herself in the mirror with her hair down and Vera walked up and hugged her from behind.

“You look very nice and dapper, so very beautiful,” Vera said softly and smiled when Joan grabbed her and kissed her.

“You look very beautiful too. Let's get going.”

She grabbed Vera by the hand and they got in the car and drove to Shayne's high school. It was packed in the parking lot and they found a spot quickly and walked to the field. Joan realized they had to sit in the bleachers, and she made a face and took out some sanitizer wipes. She wiped the seats where she and Vera would sit and Vera snickered when she did this.

“We don't need to use those.”

“I know but I've never been able to break this habit,” Joan said a little irritated.

Vera snickered again and they sat down when the ceremony started. Joan felt Vera shiver next to her and she wrapped her arm around her shoulder. They were both wearing trench coats but it was still a bit chilly outside. Vera lifted her scarf a little higher over her neck. Joan was wearing her usual black and white scarf with her jacket and luckily it kept her warm enough. Vera huddled against her and she smiled and rubbed her arm.

They did their opening speeches and Joan smiled at some of the kids that laughed in the audience. They began going down the list of names and Shayne would come up soon. She stood up when she saw him moving closer in the line and Vera stood with her.

“Shayne Butler,” was announced through the speakers.

The students all cheered and Joan realized the young man must be popular. Vera cheered next to her and called out his name. Joan clapped and let Vera do the cheering for her. Joan was so happy to see him graduate. She never thought she'd have Shayne in her life. She had gotten to know him in the last few months and she grew to love him as the young man he is. She had been elated to hear he was interested in fencing and she started teaching him the basics. He was a quick learner and she was glad that he enjoyed it. He was very smart and kind and he reminded her of Jianna so much, especially when he smiled.

The ceremony was coming to an end and she smiled at the young students who lifted their caps in the air and cheered. She and Vera walked down to the field and waited as they searched for Shayne. When she found him he was talking to his friends and taking pictures with them. She saw his girlfriend, Julie, and Joan had met her a few times. She seemed sweet and also smart. She worried about him getting too involved in a relationship instead of focusing on his studies but she knew that was not her call to make.

He turned and looked in their direction and smiled.

“Aunty Joan and Aunty Vera!”

He walked over and hugged Vera and then Joan.

“You did it!” Vera said and smiled.

“Congratulations Shayne,” Joan said softly.

Shayne smiled back at the both of them.

“Thank you! Yeah! Finally done and moving onto bigger and better things! Thanks for coming today.”

“We wouldn't miss it,” Joan said and smiled.

He hugged her. “Let's take a picture Aunty.”

Vera held up her phone and Joan waited a few seconds and suddenly felt the beginnings of tears and she blinked them back. He smiled at her and then asked her to take a silly picture with him. She normally hated those types of pictures but she indulged him and stuck out her tongue.

Vera kept giggling and then she asked someone to take a picture of the three of them. Joan smiled at how the pictures turned out and she asked Vera to send them to her later.

She handed him her gift and told him to open it when he got home. She had given him a pretty expensive laptop so she didn't want anything to happen to it if he opened it here. She touched his arm and he looked at her.

“Shayne, I'm very proud of you. I'm so happy you've let me be a part of your life. You're so much like your mother and I know she'd be very proud of you too,” she said and her breath caught. She tried to hold back tears and then he hugged her tightly.

She felt tears start to roll down her cheeks. “I love you. I just want to let you know that. I may not have always been there for you, but I've never forgotten about you.”

He squeezed her more. “I love you too, Aunty Joan. You're here now and that's all that matters. You're my cool Aunty, and I'm happy that you and Aunty Vera are in my life too.”

He looked at her and smiled and she smiled back and reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes, chuckling a little and feeling embarrassed.

“You're still coming with me and Vera to dinner, aren't you?”

“Yes! I wanna see this place you've been talking about. I hear it's cool as. Julie is coming too, is that okay?”

“Of course. You'll have more fun with her there too.”

He hugged Joan and Vera again and left in his car. She grabbed Vera's hand and Vera pulled her down for a hug.

Joan hugged her back and kissed her neck. “He told me he loves me.”

Vera smiled and looked into her eyes. “I know. I could hear him say it. I could feel everything you felt too. That's such a nice thing to hear.”

Joan nodded and took her hand and squeezed it when they walked back to the car. They drove to the restaurant on the beach that Joan took Vera to in the very beginning. It was their first official date outside of the house when they first met and she smiled when she remembered dancing with Vera to Witchcraft by Frank Sinatra. It was also the night that Vera found out she was a vampire. She hadn't wanted Vera to find out that way but she was glad in some ways that she did, because she wasn't sure if they would have gotten anywhere if Joan was always trying to hide who she was.

They walked in and sat down at their reserved table and Shayne and Julie showed up. Shayne was wearing a dress shirt and tie and nice trousers. His girlfriend was wearing a dress that came up to mid thigh and Joan thought they made an attractive couple for their age. They were both energetic and bubbly as they talked to Joan and Vera about their last year of high school and all of their school activities, how they met, and the sports they were both involved in. Joan had heard some of these stories from Shayne but not all in the same amount of detail. They finished their dinner and Shayne got up to dance with his girlfriend to a slow song.

Joan glanced at Vera who smiled at her. “What is it?”

Vera smiled widely. “Oh, I just love seeing how you and Shayne interact. It's so cute. I can tell he seeks your approval. He wants to make you proud.”

“He does make me proud. He'll go so many places in life. I see so much potential in him,” she said softly.

Vera leaned closer to her. “Do you think you'll ever tell him about us being vampires?” She whispered.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “Maybe someday... but for right now I don't want to scare him away. He's been adjusting to having me in his life again, and in some ways for the first time because he doesn't remember me when he was a baby. I wouldn't want to put more on him by telling him what we are.”

Vera nodded and took her hand and held it. “I understand this. I think someday you should tell him... when you're ready. It might be hard to have to explain how we don't age,” Vera said seriously.

Joan stared at her and then started laughing. “Yes, that would be one thing to worry about,” she said and kept laughing. Vera stared at her incredulously.

“What? That's not funny. That's a serious issue,” she said and tried not to smile.

“Out of all the things to be worried about with our kind, it's how we don't age,” Joan said and tried to stifle her laughter. She didn't know why she found this so funny but she thought for the first time in a very long time that she might end up having a laughing fit.

Vera started giggling and Joan lifted her hand to kiss it. They watched Shayne and Julie dance and suddenly a particular song started playing. She smiled slowly at Vera and stood up.

“Dance with me,” Joan said.

Vera shook her head and giggled when Joan lifted her hand and crooked her finger, beckoning Vera to her. Vera rolled her eyes a little and stood up. Joan grabbed her hand and pulled her into her embrace as the lyrics of the song began to play. Joan smiled and led her around the dance floor.

 _“You're just too good to be true_  
_I can't take my eyes off you_  
_You'd be like heaven to touch_  
_I wanna hold you so much_  
_At long last love has arrived_  
_And I thank God I'm alive_  
_You're just too good to be true_  
_Can't take my eyes off you”_

Vera smiled and Joan could feel how happy she was, how much love she felt and it made her heart feel like it was going to burst from happiness. She spun Vera and kissed her lips when she brought her back in. Vera giggled when Joan sang quietly with the song as it sped up. She pulled Vera in closer and sang softly.

 _“I love you baby_  
_And if it's quite all right_  
_I need you baby_  
_To warm the lonely nights_  
_I love you baby_  
_Trust in me when I say_

 _Oh pretty baby_  
_Don't bring me down I pray_  
_Oh pretty baby_  
_Now that I've found you stay_  
_And let me love you, baby_  
_Let me love you”_

She dipped Vera and she smiled when she laughed and hugged her, kissing her softly on the lips. Joan pulled her outside where other couples were dancing. The cool air felt good and they moved a little closer to the beach. It was more private and it was just the two of them. They could still hear the music and it changed to a slower song. Joan held her hand and brought Vera in closer and rested her head against her temple. She sang softly into Vera's ear to the lyrics that played.

 _“Oh, my love_  
_My darling_  
_I've hungered for your touch_  
_A long, lonely time_

 _And time goes by so slowly_  
_And time can do so much_  
_Are you still mine?_

 _I need your love_  
_I need your love_  
_God speed your love to me”_

Vera looked up at her and she reached up to caress Joan's cheek. Joan thought her eyes looked so blue and beautiful. They pulled her in and she thought she could get lost in them forever.

“You have my love,” Vera said quietly.

Joan smiled and squeezed her. Vera rested her head against her chest as they slowly danced, and she kissed the top of her head. When the song ended she lifted Vera's chin and kissed her deeply.

“I love you,” she said tenderly.

Vera cupped her cheeks and kissed her again. “I love you too.”

Joan wrapped her arms around her when Vera rested her head against her chest again and they stood and watched the ocean, listening to the waves. Joan looked up at the stars and thought she hadn't felt so at peace in such a long time, if at all. Maybe she was finally at peace with her life... within herself. She kissed Vera's head.

“Vera, when I was first turning you, I was afraid you wouldn't make it... and I want to tell you that you're the love of my life, my soul mate. Emotions don't lead to mistakes. Emotions led me to life; they led me to you,” she said softly and kissed Vera lovingly.

Vera kissed her back and Joan lifted her hand to kiss her palm. Vera's lower lip trembled a little and Joan stroked her thumb across her lip and kissed the corner of her mouth.

“I'll always love you, Vera... forever,” she whispered.

“Oh, Joan, I love you too. I wish—I wish...”

“What do you wish?” Joan asked gently.

“I wish I could marry you... a real marriage, not just a domestic partnership.”

Joan's eyes widened and she smiled slowly. “Oh, my darling, you've always been my wife in my heart, but legally if you wish to do this, well, vampires have their own ceremonies and I'm pretty sure Aaron knows how to officiate,” she said and stroked Vera's cheek.

Vera smiled at her and Joan felt so much happiness and love between the both of them she thought her heart couldn't take much more of it. It was almost painful, but in a good way. She held Vera and kissed her.

She looked up at the sky as she held Vera and thought that whatever this life offered, it couldn't get better than the love she shared with the woman in her arms. She looked down at her and smiled, caressing her back.

“I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you,” Joan said.

Vera smiled back and ran her fingers through her hair. “Yes... the rest of our lives. Forever.”

 

_"When two hearts are meant to be together and when two people are connected in the heart, no matter how long it takes, no matter how far they are, no matter how tough it seems, love will bring them together to share a life forever." - Unknown_

_"As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow waits. As long as we have love, today is beautiful." - Unknown_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, 43 chapters and 163,144 words later and I created a novel of a fanfic. 
> 
> For the music I used for the last chapter I went with: 
> 
> Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJm1pOswfM
> 
> And also Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0
> 
> And that's the end of the story my dear readers. I don't want to get all sappy but I think I'm going to in the notes a little bit.
> 
> I want to thank TheSaxyOne who encouraged me to write this fic. I remember talking to her about how I couldn't find any vampire Joan fanfic and how I wished there was a story for it and she just said, "WRITE IT!" And here we are lol.
> 
> Also, I would like to thank each and everyone of you who has commented on my fic whether it's through ao3, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or Instagram, and all the friends I've made through writing it, and all the kudos that were left on this fic as well. I never thought it would reach above 100, let alone over 300 kudos, so thank you. 
> 
> I know quite a few wish I could continue this story to make it longer but I always planned it to end sometime after Vera became a vampire, and I hope that was a satisfying end for you. 
> 
> I don't think this will entirely be the end for Joan and Vera in this story. In the future I'd love to write a couple oneshots for them to return to this universe, but that wouldn't be for a while. So, for this story, I'm sad to end it but I'm also happy to finish it as well. Again, bittersweet.
> 
> I look forward to writing other material after this. Thanks for reading! <3


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